People really are smelly feckers.

Archeron

I work in a large open plan office in which sit about 60 people. Most of the people in this office are girls, who wear nice perfume and smell nice. Despite that though, the stench that the office gives out is absolutely incredibly awful.

You don't tend to notice it when you're in there, but when you walk in from outside it hits you like a bus. Some parts smell like feet, some like armpit, some even have a strong odour of fish or curry. The wafts also interchange and move around the building like ghosts. "So what pong do we have in the boardroom today....oooh, its arse".
One girl walked in earlier this week and actually fell backwards and shouted out "Jesus" when she sniffed it.

When you think about it, most places that you know where people congregate do seem to have their own unique and terrible smells. Buses, offices, pubs, train stations.
And of course, because most people are frozen freeda's, opening the windows to let in evil fresh air cannot be tolerated.

So are humans just a naturally awful smelling species or do a lot of people just need to change their socks more often and stop farting in enclosed areas?

4zn76tysfajdxp

Archeron wrote: »

I work in a large open plan office in which sit about 60 people. Most of the people in this office are girls, who wear nice perfume and smell nice. Despite that though, the stench that the office gives out is absolutely incredibly awful.

You don't tend to notice it when you're in there, but when you walk in from outside it hits you like a bus. Some parts smell like feet, some like armpit, some even have a strong odour of fish or curry. The wafts also interchange and move around the building like ghosts. "So what pong do we have in the boardroom today....oooh, its arse".
One girl walked in earlier this week and actually fell backwards and shouted out "Jesus" when she sniffed it.

When you think about it, most places that you know where people congregate do seem to have their own unique and terrible smells. Buses, offices, pubs, train stations.
And of course, because most people are frozen freeda's, opening the windows to let in evil fresh air cannot be tolerated.

So are humans just a naturally awful smelling species or do a lot of people just need to change their socks more often and stop farting in enclosed areas?

Open a fúcking window.

shenanigans1982

Victoria Early Coal wrote: »

Open a fúcking window.

Then change your socks and stop farting in public.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I'd check the air conditioning vents and floorboards if I were you. Especially if anyone's gone 'missing' lately.

Redpunto

Archeron wrote: »

most people are frozen freeda's, opening the windows to let in evil fresh air cannot be tolerated.

Im one of those frozen freedas, have the heating on in the car full blast and the kids do be sweating in the back:D

In regards the smell, it just sounds like your office is full of smelly people,, have you smelled yourself recently :D

rick_fantastic

my office smells like a nappy filled with sick and set on fire.....

but really i think it has been narrowed down to a pipe leaking in the walls which killed all the rats that were living in the walls.

nice....

ejmaztec

It sounds like a dirty protest, although I thought they'd demolished H Block. Is there someone in the car-park with placards saying "Free Somebody or other"?

antodeco

Send a mail out asking all the guys to wack one off at their desks. That should even out the smell, and lower the chances of breast cancer among the wimmins, through a healthy milkshake.

towel401

Archeron wrote: »

Most of the people in this office are girls, who wear nice perfume and smell nice.

Archeron wrote: »

some even have a strong odour of fish or curry

not enough perfume obviously

Archeron

ejmaztec wrote: »

It sounds like a dirty protest, although I thought they'd demolished H Block. Is there someone in the car-park with placards saying "Free Somebody or other"?

There's a sign in the canteen that says "free gym membership"; does that count? Does anyone know who Jim Membership is?

Like anyone in there needs to sweat more anyway.....

towel401

Archeron wrote: »

There's a sign in the canteen that says "free gym membership"; does that count? Does anyone know who Jim Membership is?

i knew him from secondary school. never thought he'd end up this way..

SuperHans

Maybe someone has fish odour syndrome?

my office smells perfect.. deff somethin wronf wit ur air con

ejmaztec

Archeron wrote: »

There's a sign in the canteen that says "free gym membership"; does that count? Does anyone know who Jim Membership is?

Yeh, poor bastard got set up by the pigs - and he's doing a long stretch. :eek:

dakaiser

Try opening your windows for a few hours.

The a/c will just keep recycling the same air over and over, mixing all types of BO and amplifying them.

Always happens this time of year when the a/c units start to run on heating mode.

Wurly

There's a sign in the canteen that says "free gym membership"; does that count? Does anyone know who Jim Membership is?

Yer man Hugh Jarse says he's a pr1ck anyway.

pablomakaveli

I remember i was on the bus and a guy got on and sat down next to me.

the smell off him was unreal. it was one of the worst stenches i ever smelt. i honestly can't think of words to describe the smell.

luckily i only had to sit next to him for about 5 minutes as we were nearly at my stop. it was a good thing too as i was on the verge of vomiting.

Wurly

pablomakaveli wrote: »

I remember i was on the bus and a guy got on and sat down next to me.

the smell off him was unreal. it was one of the worst stenches i ever smelt. i honestly can't think of words to describe the smell.

luckily i only had to sit next to him for about 5 minutes as we were nearly at my stop. it was a good thing too as i was on the verge of vomiting.

I hate that dirty smell that almost has a sweet tinge off it. It's the worst kind of smelly.

So glad I have my own office. Even if it is approximately the size of a small wardrobe.:)

brendansmith

My office smells like the smell off your sack when you havnt washed for 2 days and had a night out on the town in between.

KombuchaMshroom

there is this guy in my class and honest to god it seems like he can just fart on demand, honestly, he stayed at my house for a few nights last week and feck it the house hasnt smelt the same since. has to be the smelliest guy i no (possibly in the world)

NibNib

An ex-colleague of mine liked to have his No.2 at lunch time and the smell would gradually "float" into the office and linger on for god knows how long...

brendansmith

NibNib wrote: »

An ex-colleague of mine liked to have his No.2 at lunch time and the smell would gradually "float" into the office and linger on for god knows how long...

Never, never crap at lunch time, thats like stealing off yourself!!
Always crap on paid time!!


400 posts!! Where do I go to collect my pimp stick??

Latchy

Might seem extreme to some but having a small pocket sized air freshner (or if your a real tightwad a box of matches ) nearby is handy and screw any smelly fcuker who's offended .

Only think is the matches might break the ' ealth and safety ' issue .;)

FlutterinBantam

I find incense sticks great for dissipating the peg of sour bell butter and three day fanny batter, sandalwod and opium work good for me.

Latchy

Just as well we dont live in war time ,were everybody and every living thing reeks of **** and fleas .But it wont really matter coz people are to busy trying to stay alive anyway, so nobody really gives a ****

bealbocht

remember once it was just me and me Da at home for 2 weeks, and when my sister walked into the the house she went .. "uuuughh.. this places smells like men".. and went nuts running around the house with an air freshner.

Perhaps someone should do that in the OP's office.

Overheal

What was that really strange movie, that came out in the last 2 years about a guy that was obsessed with smelling things?

I was sitting their watching it with my mom when we decided to turn it off - right after he killed a woman accidentally and then decided to start smelling her corpse

best incense blend: nag champa. brilliant stuff.

biko

Overheal wrote: »

What was that really strange movie, that came out in the last 2 years about a guy that was obsessed with smelling things?

The Perfume

The book is brilliant, haven't seen the film.

OP, get one of them electric fragrance dispensers.

AnonoBoy

When you said 'office' did you actually mean 'commune'?

Gone Drinking

Location: Meemeemeemeeath

There's your problem there.. everyone in Meath smells like siht.

Roadend

AnonoBoy wrote: »

When you said 'office' did you actually mean 'commune'?

I would say he meant orifice

Varkov

I dragged poo into the office on my shoe today. cleaned the shoe, the carpet's still dirty.

Reeks.

ejmaztec

biko wrote: »

OP, get one of them electric fragrance dispensers.

Some feckers have those at eye-level on a cupboard, so you end up getting shot in the eye-ball after walking past at the wrong time. Trying to prevent your eye-ball dissolving in misty aerosol fragrance does take your mind of the office-stench, whilst you're writhing around on the floor - crying out of your good eye. :mad:

Zangetsu

"stop farting in public."

We all know what will happen if you do that...

Just walk into accounts and let them deal with it :pac:

DonkeyStyle \o/

Bring back smoking in the workplace.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Varkov wrote: »

I dragged poo into the office on my shoe today. cleaned the shoe, the carpet's still dirty.

Reeks.

Poo promptly punched you in the face. Cleaned your face, but the carpet's still bloody.

Spook_ie

Just as a thought while you're on smells, anyone realise how long it takes for a fart to dissipate from a taxi, please save your farts for when you've exited the taxi yer smelly bastids..:)

DonkeyStyle \o/

It's your tip.
Enjoy.

Lenin

Archeron wrote: »

So are humans just a naturally awful smelling species

I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.

:pac:

Run_to_da_hills

Varkov wrote: »

I dragged poo into the office on my shoe today. cleaned the shoe, the carpet's still dirty.

Reeks.

My mate had a large Dobermann as a guard dog. It did a huge waterley crap on a carpeted floor directly behind the main entrance to the building. When we opened the door inwards it spread the crap like butter across across an area of about two feet. :eek:

The smell made me churn my guts but also thought it was funny because i didn't have to clean it up.

javaboy

Lenin wrote: »

I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.

:pac:

I loved that speech. Best bit of the Matrix films by a mile.

Ross_Mahon

Archeron wrote: »

I work in a large open plan office in which sit about 60 people. Most of the people in this office are girls

Durty wimmins! The foul stench of a woman's feet after a night out dancing...:eek:

brendanuk

DonkeyStyle \o/ wrote: »

Bring back smoking in the workplace.

Just getting my sense of smell back after not smoking for 2 weeks, everywhere stinks! :eek: (except the smoking shed which is lovely)

DonkeyStyle \o/

brendanuk wrote: »

Just getting my sense of smell back after not smoking for 2 weeks, everywhere stinks! :eek: (except the smoking shed which is lovely)

I know! :eek:
I was off them for 2 weeks one time, and the streets of Dublin city mysteriously began stinking of old piss.

phasers

Girls in my school don't brush their teeth, it's vile.

Fulton Crown

I'ts not the smell that is the problem - the reduction in smoking has heightened the efficiency of the olifactory nerves in the nasal area - particularly in females.

Most of them now have what is known in some parts as a "Conk" i.e a nose that is super sensitive to smells.

Now that is a problem for guys like myself who like the odd gallon of Guinness and as a result develop the ability to seep farts of incredible intensity a flavour.

I had the misfortune to be standing by the desk of one such female when I (politely) eased open the ar.se cheeks and seeped out a (admittedly)vile porter an puddin flavoured spicey corker....

Well !! You would think I had committed murder..freekin smellin salts were almost produced.

I just cooly told her that these things are inevitable following a feed of porter and black puddin and left.

Jeez get a freekin grip...theres more important things....

emeraldstar

Ya but in fairness you could have had the decency to do it beside your own desk. At her desk was just truly uncalled for. Truly.

lostinnappies

buy a peg and put it on your nose.... wear a car air freshner around your neck lol:p

Rozabeez

Plug in air fresheners?

tony1kenobi

ejmaztec wrote: »

so you end up getting shot in the eye-ball after walking past at the wrong time...... whilst you're writhing around on the floor - crying out of your good eye. :mad:

What the **** kind of job do you have??

partyatmygaff

tony1kenobi wrote: »

Quote:
Originally Posted by ejmaztec
so you end up getting shot in the eye-ball after walking past at the wrong time...... whilst you're writhing around on the floor - crying out of your good eye.


What the **** kind of job do you have??

.... porn star:D :pac: