How much would you change to keep a man?

chickenhawk

I was listing to the radio yesterday and I heard about women getting breast implants for free on the medical card. All they had to do was call into a doctor and say that having small breasts was affecting their life in a negative way.

But one story was about this girl who got breast implants because her boyfriend was at her to get them. She said that he was always looking at other women with bigger breasts so she had to get them.

If a girl wanted me to change my body like that for her i'd tell her to get the car keys, hop in, start it up and drive to pi$$ off land. I wouldn't expect a girl to change anything about herself either.

So ladies would you get plastic surgery to keep a man?

John Mason

i wouldnt change anything to keep a man, what you see is what you get with me and if you dont like it, i dont need it

litup

chickenhawk wrote: »

I was listing to the radio yesterday and I heard about women getting breast implants for free on the medical card. All they had to do was call into a doctor and say that having small breasts was affecting their life in a negative way.

That is completely untrue. I had to jump through hoops and get reports from chiropractors etc before I was even referred to a specialist to get a breast reduction done on the public system.

I hate this attitude of 'low income people have the life of Reilly and we pick up the tab'.

So ladies would you get plastic surgery to keep a man?

No.

That is not to say I wouldn't change at all for the sake of my relationship. I would (and have) tried to grow as a person, try new things, see different perspectives and compromise in order to help my relationship.

Also, my boyfriend hates short hair so I keep mine long for his sake.

chickenhawk

litup wrote: »

That is completely untrue. I had to jump through hoops and get reports from chiropractors etc before I was even referred to a specialist to get a breast reduction done on the public system.

I hate this attitude of 'low income people have the life of Reilly and we pick up the tab'.

I was just saying what I heard on the radio. I didn't dumb it down or make it seem easier then how they portrayed it to be. Also the only reason the medical card came into it is because if a person has the money to do it themselves then their situation was not discussed on the radio, only people on medical cards.

Also a lot of people need breast reductions for medical reasons, like back pain. Not many need breast implants for medical reasons maybe only a few. One doctor was discussed yesterday for referring over 100 women in their 20's for breast enlargement in one year.

The Sweeper

I could do about a dollar fifty. That do it?

litup

chickenhawk wrote: »

I was just saying what I heard on the radio. I didn't dumb it down or make it seem easier then how they portrayed it to be. Also the only reason the medical card came into it is because if a person has the money to do it themselves then their situation was not discussed on the radio, only people on medical cards.

And if you heard on a radio chat show it must be true, right?

Also a lot of people need breast reductions for medical reasons, like back pain. Not many need breast implants for medical reasons maybe only a few. One doctor was discussed yesterday for referring over 100 women in their 20's for breast enlargement in one year.

My point was that something that can be seen as a purely cosmetic operation (such as a breast reduction or enlargement) requires a lot of proof that it is required for medical reasons before it will be considered under the public system.

Dragan

Generally speaking when two people end up together they will both change in some ways. It's the happy human dynamic. We are affected by the people we know and the world around us.

It should become an issue when one is trying to force change in the other, not when that change is happening naturally.

Clare Bear

The key is to get a man that you don't need to change for and that doesn't want you to.

robtri

relationships changes both parties in some way, constant interaction with a partner changes you.. like it or not that is true... but it usually is very subtle changes..
as to physical changes no way.... take me for what I am not for what I look like... other take that car to pi$$ off land...

the_syco

litup wrote: »

And if you heard on a radio chat show it must be true, right?

Ja. Von vadio vells vo lies!

=-=

Ye gotta love when someone tries to discuss something people hop down your throats :rolleyes:

I wouldnt want a girl to change for me. Generally if she was good enough for me at the start why would she need to change for me? I'd also expect the same in return.

Dragan

Clare Bear wrote: »

The key is to get a man that you don't need to change for and that doesn't want you to.

For me the key was to find a woman who would end up helping me make the changes i had always wanted to make! lol

Honey-ec

litup wrote: »

That is completely untrue. I had to jump through hoops and get reports from chiropractors etc before I was even referred to a specialist to get a breast reduction done on the public system.

I think you've entirely missed the OP's point...

p

Honey-ec wrote: »

I think you've entirely missed the OP's point...

That he listens to **** radio stations that don't fact check their stories?

Honey-ec

p wrote: »

That he listens to **** radio stations that don't fact check their stories?

No, that he was asking how far women are prepared to go to keep a man happy.

Clearly you missed it too.

helimachoptor

My girl changed.. I got her to stop smoking. She was only the 2nd girl I've ever kissed who's smoked. After a year I couldnt put up with kissing her anymore so told her to give them up or i'm gone. Thankfully she gave them up and she's thanked me for it since!

She makes me watch eastenders though :eek: Its obvious who made the bigger sacrifice!

Maple

Not a chance, no way would I get breast augmentation to keep a man. And if he made me feel so insecure about myself that i'd consider such a drastic move then i'd be showing him the door.

She Devil

There is no way i would change to keep a man, no way. I am me, take me as I am, or not at all. My flaws are apparently endearing hmmm
BUT i would do anything to get a breast enlargement, seriously, just a subtle change of a cup or two, my boyfriend has said he likes me as i am, and expressed a little bit of worry regards to why exactly i wanted it done. But if i had the dosh i would get it done as soon as.

Honey-ec

helimachoptor wrote: »

My girl changed.. I got her to stop smoking. She was only the 2nd girl I've ever kissed who's smoked. After a year I couldnt put up with kissing her anymore so told her to give them up or i'm gone. Thankfully she gave them up and she's thanked me for it since!

She makes me watch eastenders though :eek: Its obvious who made the bigger sacrifice!

Now, the fags I could just about live with, but Eastenders??? That's a dumpable offence...!

shellyboo

This is quite relevant to me, cos my fella has expressed the opinion that he'd fancy me more if I lost weight, however, it's not a dealbreaker for him. Yes, he's honest to the point of getting a slap for being an idiot. I was torn between telling him to go f*ck himself (since I wouldn't be anymore :P ) and actually, you know, maybe losing a bit of weight.

I settled somewhere in the middle - I told him to f*ck off, that I'm happy as I am (which is true) and that if he wants a skinny girlfriend, he'd best go get himself one. Which he hasn't. So far...

So, I guess I wouldn't change myself for a guy, not physically anyway. I moste definitely wouldn't get cosmetic surgery - but I am open to preferences about hair length and clothes and er, grooming in the down-there-hair area.

litup

Honey-ec wrote: »

I think you've entirely missed the OP's point...

I don't think I have. I answered the question of whether I would get cosmetic surgery to please a man, and I also explained the changes I would be willing to make for the sake of a relationship.

My other, admittedly off-topic, comment was because I hate to see the casual, unthinking perpetuation of unfair negative stereotypes of certain sections of society.

Anyway, back on topic. Helimachopter; my boyfriend also asked me to give up smoking. I knew he hated the way it looked, smelled etc. but I also knew that unless I was giving up for my own reasons I would end up back on them, or having sneaky fags and not telling him. In the end I realised that the main reason he hated my smoking was because he cared about me and knew how bad it was for me. That kind of gave me the extra push I needed to give up. So like Dragan said, he helped me make a change I always wanted to make!

Kya1976

chickenhawk wrote: »

So ladies would you get plastic surgery to keep a man?

nah i wouldn't do it, wouldn't be in a relationship with a man that thinks like that in the first place.

fonpokno

God I'd never get plastic surgery for a fella! Madness.

I am however at the minute attempting to become more organised. The OH doesn't quite understand my exceedingly laid back relaxed "ahhh i'll do whatever" type attitude.

citytillidie

I would never want a girl to change anything for me. Its not right, if your in love your in love for what she's got, so no need to change.

coco85

I would never have any plastic surgery to keep a man happy. He would obviously not be worth it!

Although..i do know one or two women who would prob do anything to keep their partners happy.... now that is what i call having a sad life!!!...

If they are worth it they wouldn't expect you to change!

SarahJ

I'm sitting here wondering what type of man would let his girlfriend/wife etc go through plastic surgery, knowing that the only reason she's doing it is to make him happy? And what kind of woman would do this??

Reku

If you love someone why would you want them to change anything, instead you love who you imagine they could be and so are just in love with an imaginary person.

One of my exes for example used to always wear her hair up, on the occasions I saw her with her hair down I thought she looked much cuter, made sure not to say it to her though as she clearly liked her hair up.

GirlInterrupted

I would assume that if someone is with me, its because they like me as I am. I enter into relationships with people because I like them, not because I think they have potential once they are moulded to my will.....!

I wouldn't change anything about myself physically, and I don't think its possible to change who I am as a person at any kind of meaningful level.

However, compromise is the essence of compatibility, and the ability to be flexible is key to sucess in all relationships.

Pyr0

litup wrote: »

And if you heard on a radio chat show it must be true, right?

So you're saying it NEVER happens unless you see it with your own eyes ? Or it happens to you/your friend ? Or do you have to hear it on RTE or Sky News for it to be true ? :rolleyes:

Piste

I have no problem changing myself for someone I love. Surgery though is a bit extreme, but weight loss or hair cut (i'd never go too short or dye my hair black though) would be ok by me. I think we all subtly change for people we love, even if we don't like to admit it cos y'know we're strong independent women who don't need to change fo' no man and all that crap. If your boyfriend finds your constant nattering about shoes annoying, chances are you'll talk less about shoes. When your natural will is to rabbit on and you force yourself not to then that's changing yourself, much as you mightn't like to admit it.

Dolbert

Sometimes change can be good, nobody's perfect and all that jazz. Considering surgery to please someone else is insane though.

Elle Victorine

Small changes are good I think where compromise is needed but plastic surgery?

Not a chance. If you love the person you're with you wouldn't be so shallow about them. If any guy suggested I get them because they prefer them I'd laugh in their face and promise to get them if they got a bigger d*ck and a personality. The cheek like.

Curlypinkie

Plastic surgery because he asks you to? No way!
But I've found that I usually make small changes in what I'm interested in, like I am under the influence of the partner then. I start reading books he's recommended/likes, I'd listen to music he would be into, that I woudn't know about... go to places I wouldn't have gone before we met. But that, I think is part of broadening ones horizons and not a change for your partner per se, IMO.

MJOR

Dragan wrote: »

Generally speaking when two people end up together they will both change in some ways. It's the happy human dynamic. We are affected by the people we know and the world around us.

It should become an issue when one is trying to force change in the other, not when that change is happening naturally.

how fab are you? Couldn't have put it better myself...

its two people joining together and some natural changes will happen. Plastic boobies?? Nah not for my man...

Faddymackshyte

I've had desperate luck with guys. I was too quiet and a walk over in my second serious relationship and that ended, so I thought for my third (and most recent) that it'd be best to be more open and had a different approach to the relationship. No such luck and I really changed sooooo much for him. I did it over a period of time and everyone noted how unhappy I seemed, but being in love and denial I thought I was fine.
I actually jumped through hoops, but to no avail and in hindsight I regret most things that I did, especially since it was all fruitless.

Ginny

farohar wrote: »

One of my exes for example used to always wear her hair up, on the occasions I saw her with her hair down I thought she looked much cuter, made sure not to say it to her though as she clearly liked her hair up.

I had an Ex who preferred my hair up and would point it out constantly, telling me I looked better with it up, to the point where even 5 years after we split up I do a double take when I catch my reflection in a mirror while wearing my hair down.
People change as they get older, this may or maynot be influenced by their partners, but demanding changes?
He'd be out the door so fast...

Dudess

It's not so much that I'd change something, more that I wouldn't let myself go. Sure, many of us fall into a happy, contented rut when we're in relationships (especially in the early stages) but there's only so far I'd allow that to go - I'd be the very same single though.
Weight, for instance, is something I'll always watch. Tbh if I were to put on a significant amount of weight, I wouldn't feel comfortable naked, thus compromising my enjoyment of sex.

Maple

Dudess wrote: »

It's not so much that I'd change something, more that I wouldn't let myself go. Sure, many of us fall into a happy, contented rut when we're in relationships (especially in the early stages) but there's only so far I'd allow that to go - I'd be the very same single though.
Weight, for instance, is something I'll always watch. Tbh if I were to put on a significant amount of weight, I wouldn't feel comfortable naked, thus compromising my enjoyment of sex.

Thats a really good point Dudess, I feel the same way myself. When in a relationship while I know that its lovely to be able to relax and slob around I still try to keep things fresh and maintain my usual standards. I don't feel comfortable in myself otherwise.

SpookyDoll

Dudess wrote: »

It's not so much that I'd change something, more that I wouldn't let myself go. Sure, many of us fall into a happy, contented rut when we're in relationships (especially in the early stages) but there's only so far I'd allow that to go - I'd be the very same single though.
Weight, for instance, is something I'll always watch. Tbh if I were to put on a significant amount of weight, I wouldn't feel comfortable naked, thus compromising my enjoyment of sex.

Well put, I agree with that, its a fine line! I think sometimes its more a case of "not changing" to please someone than "changing" like Dudess says here the weight thing, if you are slim when you meet someone and then suddenly morph into someone bigger its reasonable that your partner might not like this....more to the point you mightnt like it yourself!

Ive done things like darken my hair and worn it down more and now I even wear skirts (previously a total tomboy who never even owned a skirt) as my BF has encouraged me in a positive way that he likes these things. So I felt good doing them, and as a nice side effect the look he liked on me ended up suiting me better anyway!

But its give and take, he wears things I like that he previously didn't because I encouraged him to, nothing drastic mind! Just small changes!

But I would never go under the knife and alter my natural self simply to "please" a man, I would just feel stupid! Imagine they broke it off with you and there you are left with two plastic lumps in your chest you never wanted in the first place!

Madame Razz

I wouldn't!!!!

A man wants me to change; he gets shown the door. I like me, and I don't want to be fixed thank you very much!!!

Though my innate stubborness, unwillingness to compromise and insistence on doing things independantly and my way quite possibly explains my singleness!!

F*ck it; it doesn't have me crying into my pillow yet;)

Crumble Froo

well, i'd love to stand up and give a take me as i am, or leave me, attitude... but i moved halfway across the world for my man. and i miss ireland, and i miss my freinds, and i miss kildare and i miss dublin and i miss just about everything about my old life.

making a new one here... but a whole new life is a pretty big change for the sake of a guy, i guess.

Maple

Crumble Froo wrote: »

well, i'd love to stand up and give a take me as i am, or leave me, attitude... but i moved halfway across the world for my man. and i miss ireland, and i miss my freinds, and i miss kildare and i miss dublin and i miss just about everything about my old life.

making a new one here... but a whole new life is a pretty big change for the sake of a guy, i guess.

Personally I would think what you did was beyond brave and took a serious amount of guts and courage.

I don't think you changed yourself so much as your location. you're still the same you, you haven't gone under the knife or morphed your character to suit him. you just jumped on a plane. hats off to you lady.

Crumble Froo

meh, courage, stupidity... fine line...

i mightn't have morphed my character... i've sacrificed the things in life that meant most to me. friends who i owe my life to, an entire way of living, a job that made genuine differences to people's daily life.... a sport and language which i value dearly...

im a different person now to who i was. almost everything about me is changed.

Maple

Crumble Froo wrote: »

meh, courage, stupidity... fine line...

i mightn't have morphed my character... i've sacrificed the things in life that meant most to me. friends who i owe my life to, an entire way of living, a job that made genuine differences to people's daily life.... a sport and language which i value dearly...

im a different person now to who i was. almost everything about me is changed.

All those things are still going to be there should you decide to come home.

Crumble Froo

...and if i don't?

ie, if i decide to stay with my man?

then change. i change, my surroundings, comfort zones, etc etc change.

Maple

Crumble Froo wrote: »

...and if i don't?

ie, if i decide to stay with my man?

then change. i change, my surroundings, comfort zones, etc etc change.

yes but it was done for a greater cause, in that you and he get to be together. I appreciate that it was you who had to make the sacrifice, yet noone forced you to get on that plane. you made that decision.

your surroundings and comfort zones change, yet because you're half way around the world your inner self doesn't (and shouldn't) change. You're still yourself and if you decide that you don't want to be where you are, then you can come home but at least you know you had the guts to try.

Crumble Froo

argh.. afraid im coming across argumentative here... i agree with most of what you say... except the 'noone forced me to get on the plane'.... which is true... but the question was about how much you'd change for a guy, and by getting on that plane, i changed about everything.

yeah, im still me. but im a less generally happy me, in a way. as long as he wants me, ill not come home (for good), but that's just it.

Maple

Crumble Froo wrote: »

argh.. afraid im coming across argumentative here... i agree with most of what you say... except the 'noone forced me to get on the plane'.... which is true... but the question was about how much you'd change for a guy, and by getting on that plane, i changed about everything.

yeah, im still me. but im a less generally happy me, in a way. as long as he wants me, ill not come home (for good), but that's just it.

That part concerns me. its your choice to stay as well. but thats a whole different conversation.

i know how difficult it is to upsticks and leave everything you know and love. but i'll stick and end on my original point and thats i think you're very brave to have tried, alot of people wouldn't have and would instead have just wondered about it for the rest of their lives. so i still don't see it as you having changed yourself in a negative way.

Crumble Froo

i wouldnt say i've changed myself in a negative way, yet. just dreadfully homesick at the moemnt. before i went back to ireland, i was really quite happy here.

and as for as long as he wants me... that's on the basis that i can't picture me ever not wanting him, so ill not be the one breaking up the relationship... cant' really picture him breaking it up either, but it's more likely in my mind than me wanting to break it up, if that makes any sense?

Maple

Crumble Froo wrote: »

i wouldnt say i've changed myself in a negative way, yet. just dreadfully homesick at the moemnt. before i went back to ireland, i was really quite happy here.

and as for as long as he wants me... that's on the basis that i can't picture me ever not wanting him, so ill not be the one breaking up the relationship... cant' really picture him breaking it up either, but it's more likely in my mind than me wanting to break it up, if that makes any sense?

Yes of course that makes sense.

Homesickness is a curse, everything will get easier with time tho. I know its very simplistic of me to say it but try and do stuff that will put a smile on your face and remind you of why you do like where you are.

somethingwitty

Hello Crumbly Foo Foo

I know its not the EXACT same circumstance, but I can relate to you. I have left Ireland to come and live in France, have been here for 3 months now. The love of my life is back in Ireland. We love each other lots but we have always said that we both need to do what we need to do as individuals, we want to see different places and the like.
It has always been my dream to live in Paris and now that I am actually doing it it doesnt seem as great as it should because I just dont have him with me.
I have a lot more things on my list that I need to do, which he cannot join me in as he has college, and I am considering changing it a bit so that I can be with him. Ive started to realise (for me anyway) that it doesnt really matter where you are or what you are doing, but if you love someone you should be with them. Ive learned that after this time away from him. Its hard being away from Ireland, but if you really love him, I think you would regret not being with and staying in ireland more than what you are doing now. If you love someone it is worth the sacrifice.

Anyway... if a guy ever asked me to change my appearance they would get a kick in the nads. I dont mind suggestions as to what suits me better, but if they asked me to lose weight or dye my hair they would be dead 10 million times before they hit the ground. Probably because I know two couples very well who are like this and it makes me sick to see the man asking and them actually giving in.