Question for ladies aged 23 and over

ChocolateSauce

Hi ladies, hoping you could give me your two cents regarding the following question:

What would put/puts you off about younger men?

I guess this is a little embarassing to ask, but I'm a young man who finds little interest in younger women. I've had two much older girlfriends, who were 11 and 19 years older than me respectively, and we had great times, but they were the exceptions. I look about ten years older than I am and when I meet women, we get on well (or not at all, but in this example I'll stick to the more positive encounters), and sometimes really well. But about two thirds of the time when they find out they're older than me, they suddenly loose interest!

It can be a little upsetting for obvious reasons. So hence why I ask, is it something I do? Or is it them and some perception of younger men that puts them off? And is there anything I can do to counter this trend other than lying about my age? I only tell them if they ask.

Dudess

What age are you? I've always gone for older guys but I wouldn't rule out a guy of any age. If I find him attractive, I find him attractive. However I'm 30 so going out with a guy who's, say, 27 wouldn't be the same as when I was, say, 24 - I probably wouldn't have gone out with a 21-year-old then. But then again, I don't know...

Solarball10

Tbh, I think there's still some sort of stigma attached to a woman going out with someone who's much younger...for example, I might kiss a guy who was like 19 or 20, but I deffo wouldn't go out with one - imagine the slagging I'd get?! I know a girl who's 26 and her b/f is 21...5 years would be too much for me. My own b/f is a year and a half younger than me (I'm 24), so that would be the limit for me

Dudess

Who cares about the slagging you get? That's not enough of a reason to not go out with someone if you really like them. As long as people are going to avoid doing stuff just because it has a stigma attached to it, the further that stigma will be reinforced.

And there's actually not that much of a difference between 21 and 26.

lolly22

Dudess wrote: »

Who cares about the slagging you get? That's not enough of a reason to not go out with someone if you really like them. As long as people are going to avoid doing stuff just because it has a stigma attached to it, the further that stigma will be reinforced.

And there's actually not that much of a difference between 21 and 26.

I have to agree here. Your both adults and your both happy with eachother, then who cares what others think. But I know many women do have a thing about it and not sure what you could really do bout that ChocolateSauce, sorry.But imo there's nothing wrong with liking a younger man.

Solarball10

Dudess wrote: »

Who cares about the slagging you get? That's not enough of a reason to not go out with someone if you really like them. As long as people are going to avoid doing stuff just because it has a stigma attached to it, the further that stigma will be reinforced.

And there's actually not that much of a difference between 21 and 26.

I know, I'm just saying that's how alot of women (me included) think.
I just think it's a little weird going out with a fella that's a lot younger than you...just my opinion!

Putting aside that, say you have a 20 year old guy going out with a 30 year old woman...they're at totally different stages in life! He wants to go out with his mates, get pished, basically live the life, and she's (more than likely) at a stage where she's thinking of marriage and babies...it's not exactly an ideal situation!

ellebelle

You could move to where I live.... most of the girls round here are with/married to guys that are from 2 - 10 yrs younger than them and for the most part are all very happy.

I wouldn't once upon a time look at guy that was even a little itty bit younger than me.............. then I matured....... (althought my mother wouldn't agree) anyway I have to say that now age does not really matter to me. However I would draw the line at someone under the age of 25 and for the very reason that I just think that from 25 on i only started to sort of better understand myself. I went out with a guy in my early twenties (21-25) who was 12 yrs older than me. Oh lord if I could go back now and talk to myself I would. I don't regret the relationship but it shouldn/'t have lasted as long as it did - you only get live those precious few years once and we often don't realise that until we've passed them.:(

So in short go out have fun chat up who ever you want, your age will matter to some people and not to others. People who don't draw boundaries and rules round their lives generally squeeze more out of life and they are the kind of people you will want to surround your self with.

Dudess

ozzyoh wrote: »

I just think it's a little weird going out with a fella that's a lot younger than you...just my opinion!

Do you think the other way round is weird?

ozzyoh wrote: »

Putting aside that, say you have a 20 year old guy going out with a 30 year old woman...they're at totally different stages in life! He wants to go out with his mates, get pished, basically live the life, and she's (more than likely) at a stage where she's thinking of marriage and babies...it's not exactly an ideal situation!

/shrug
If they want to be together then they'd obviously work around those factors... If these proved to be that much of a problem, then they wouldn't be together.

LCDeelite

ozzyoh wrote: »

Tbh, I think there's still some sort of stigma attached to a woman going out with someone who's much younger...for example, I might kiss a guy who was like 19 or 20, but I deffo wouldn't go out with one - imagine the slagging I'd get?!..

It's not anyone's place to judge you on someone whose mouth you wish to stick your tongue into. That's your own goddamn business. If people are slagging you, then you know who your friends are and who aren't your friends. Do whatever the f--k you like and to Hell with what any narrrow-minded c-nts think. You can't enjoy your own life if you're concerned about other people's opinions all the time, so f--k 'em all. The vast majority of people are just full of sh1t anyway- myself included.

Actually, by even discussing this online, it's being made into an issue. Why should age between men and women in relationships matter? What's to debate about it? The only thing to debate regarding this sh1t comes back to the same, boring, repetitive f--king thing in any topic that raises people's hackles- WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK or what this person said, what that person told you, blahblahblahblahf--kingblah.

What a load of CRAP.

Solarball10

LCDeelite wrote: »

It's not anyone's place to judge you on someone whose mouth you wish to stick your tongue into. That's your own goddamn business. If people are slagging you, then you know who your friends are and who aren't your friends. Do whatever the f--k you like and to Hell with what any narrrow-minded c-nts think. You can't enjoy your own life if you're concerned about other people's opinions all the time, so f--k 'em all. The vast majority of people are just full of sh1t anyway- myself included.

Actually, by even discussing this online, it's being made into an issue. Why should age between men and women in relationships matter? What's to debate about it? The only thing to debate regarding this sh1t comes back to the same, boring, repetitive f--king thing in any topic that raises people's hackles- WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK or what this person said, what that person told you, blahblahblahblahf--kingblah.

What a load of CRAP.

:eek::eek::eek:

*runs*

Nalz

LCDeelite wrote: »

It's not anyone's place to judge you on someone whose mouth you wish to stick your tongue into. That's your own goddamn business. If people are slagging you, then you know who your friends are and who aren't your friends. Do whatever the f--k you like and to Hell with what any narrrow-minded c-nts think. You can't enjoy your own life if you're concerned about other people's opinions all the time, so f--k 'em all. The vast majority of people are just full of sh1t anyway- myself included.

Actually, by even discussing this online, it's being made into an issue. Why should age between men and women in relationships matter? What's to debate about it? The only thing to debate regarding this sh1t comes back to the same, boring, repetitive f--king thing in any topic that raises people's hackles- WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK or what this person said, what that person told you, blahblahblahblahf--kingblah.

What a load of CRAP.

lol can someone remove the extremely high horse she rode in on

LCDeelite

ozzyoh wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek:

*runs*

Oh, you have the runs, do you? There are some good remedies for that. Ask at your nearest pharmacy- I'm sure they'll be glad to assist you.

LCDeelite

Trilla wrote: »

lol can someone remove the extremely high horse she rode in on

"She" who? Do I know you? Hope not.

Dudess

I don't see anything wrong with what LCDeelite's saying (not the way she's saying it though - wo! )
She makes some very good points.

6th

She's kinda right though, just because someone is a tad abrasive doesnt mean they are wrong. Age shouldnt be an issue unless there are legal issues at play.

Solarball10

LCDeelite wrote: »

Oh, you have the runs, do you? There are some good remedies for that. Ask at your nearest pharmacy- I'm sure they'll be glad to assist you.

Ahem - no I don't have diarhoea (sp?), (but for people who do, try califig, works wonders) I was insinuating running for cover, because you're SCARY :eek:

Chill, it's Friday.

Jules

LCDeelite - one more outburst and you will be banned for a week. Yes have opinions but put them across in a more respective manner.

Malari

I think ozzyoh's right. Even if you do accept there's nothing wrong with going out with a guy who's younger, you will always get the "toy boy" comments. Yes, don't pay attention to what anyone else thinks, but you do anything out of the ordinary and people WILL point it out for you.

I went out with someone 3 years younger than me but we were both under 25 so kind of into the same things, doing the same kind of jobs, hanging out with mutual friends, etc. Now I'm with someone nearly 10 years older and it is only since I met him that I realised how different in maturity he is. Not all guys are going to be the same in what they want, but nearly every guy I know who's under 30 still wants to go out and get hammered every weekend and I don't want that anymore!

Solarball10

Dudess wrote: »

Do you think the other way round is weird?

A guy who's 10 years older than a girl? Actually, I do....a couple of years either way doesn't matter though....

LCDeelite

Oh great- I've been given an online sex change courtesy of some random strangers on some website.

Cheers!



You're all so f--king sensitive and you can't see the bare bones of what something essentially is. Well, that's your funeral.

LCDeelite

Jules wrote: »

LCDeelite - one more outburst and you will be banned for a week. Yes have opinions but put them across in a more respective manner.

Boo!

Silverfish

Malari wrote: »

I think ozzyoh's right. Even if you do accept there's nothing wrong with going out with a guy who's younger, you will always get the "toy boy" comments. Yes, don't pay attention to what anyone else thinks, but you do anything out of the ordinary and people WILL point it out for you.

I don't know, my boyfriend is 8 years younger than me, only one or two people have commented, but they soon just let it drop when they didn't get a reaction.
I don't really care. If I like someone, I'm not going to compromise my happiness so my 'friends' think I'm cool.
If people comment, they're either jealous, confused or stupid.

IvyTheTerrible

I've been going out with a guy for the last two years who is two years younger than me. He's more mature than his age though so it's grand. I've never gone out with anyone older than me, but that's because I took two years out from college, so everyone I met afterwards through work or study has been two years younger than me!

LCDeelite

I never go near this forum anyway. This is the first time I ever bothered with this damn place (so it's no loss, trust me).

Now I understand why! :pac:

LCDeelite

ozzyoh wrote: »

Chill, it's Friday.

To quote those fine craftswomen of 'music', Girls Aloud.. "I don't need no good advice."

Dudess

Malari wrote: »

I think ozzyoh's right. Even if you do accept there's nothing wrong with going out with a guy who's younger, you will always get the "toy boy" comments. Yes, don't pay attention to what anyone else thinks, but you do anything out of the ordinary and people WILL point it out for you.

Let them? Seeing as you advocated not paying any attention to them, what bearing will what they think have ultimately?

I went out with someone 3 years younger than me but we were both under 25 so kind of into the same things, doing the same kind of jobs, hanging out with mutual friends, etc.

Now I'm with someone nearly 10 years older and it is only since I met him that I realised how different in maturity he is. Not all guys are going to be the same in what they want, but nearly every guy I know who's under 30 still wants to go out and get hammered every weekend and I don't want that anymore!

I don't get the two comparisons. Both seem to have worked out well...

I've never been in to the type of guy who goes out drinking every weekend. That tends to rule out a lot of them and probably most of the younger ones. All about different priorities- that said I wouldn't rule them out simply on age alone. I never thought I'd go out with someone my own age and yet I have for 2 years. Last ex was over 10 years older and a more immature idiot I have not had the misfortune to meet in some time.

Would also like to second the idea that "my mates might slag me so I can't" is idiocy.

Malari

Silverfish wrote: »

I don't know, my boyfriend is 8 years younger than me, only one or two people have commented, but they soon just let it drop when they didn't get a reaction.
I don't really care. If I like someone, I'm not going to compromise my happiness so my 'friends' think I'm cool.
If people comment, they're either jealous, confused or stupid.

Maybe it was just the age we were at the time. If he was 8 years younger than me then, he would have been 16 and THAT would have raised a few eyebrows!! I'd never comment on anyone else's relationship for different reasons, so why would I about age? Each to their own.

Dudess

LCDeelite wrote: »

Oh great- I've been given an online sex change courtesy of some random strangers on some website.

Cheers!



You're all so f--king sensitive and you can't see the bare bones of what something essentially is. Well, that's your funeral.

At the moment, this seems more appropriate:



Scaaaary...

LCDeelite

Jules wrote: »

.. Yes have opinions but put them across in a more respective manner.

Um.. Don't you mean "respectful"???? :rolleyes:

Jules

LCDeelite banned for a week. or change that to premaban, abusive pms are not very nice!

Malari

Dudess wrote: »

Let them? Seeing as you advocated not paying any attention to them, what bearing will what they think have ultimately?

I agree. I'm just saying people will point it out.

Dudess wrote: »

I don't get the two comparisons. Both seem to have worked out well...

yes, but both for different reasons. At different ages I want different things out of a relationship. In my experience, a guy who is younger than me now would still be into things I am no longer interested in doing.

ChocolateSauce

Ok, loads of replies and some catfights! I've managed to gather two main points:

1. No one wants a younger guy who goes out and gets pissed with his mates every weekend.

2. Most of you don't care in principle, but what a guy wants at that age matters.

Well, I don't have any "mates" and I don't drink more than one or two a night, so that's that sorted.

Since one of you asked, I'm recently turned 21.

All I can do is assume that the women who lost interest are the kind of women who do care, or are looking for something more. Yeah, I can safely say I'm not looking to settle down for at least 8 more years. I'm also a student. Would that very word put any of you off? I think it might...when I think of the word student I think of someone dependent on their parents who drinks heavily and has a higher-than-average chance of getting an SDI.

Would it be dishonest to avoid talking about being a student? I'm part time and I support myself, and I'm master of my own house so I don't think I fit into the "student" category.

Thanks for the replies.

Dudess

Well you sound way more mature than your 21 years. I'd have no problem going out with you.

Silverfish wrote: »

my boyfriend is 8 years younger than me

:eek: You obviously look way younger than over 30 and you obviously haven't told him you're over 30 cuz you know that would be just suicide, right?
Don't worry, your secret's safe with me...

ChocolateSauce

ChocolateSauce wrote:

Would it be dishonest to avoid talking about being a student?

Depends on what you're looking for. If you want a relationship with someone, you wouldn't want to be with someone who looks down on your age that way regardless of initital conversation, not to mention it'll come out anyway, right?
Keep on as you are tbh.

Silverfish

Dudess wrote: »

:eek: You obviously look way younger than over 30 and you obviously haven't told him you're over 30 cuz you know that would be just suicide, right?
Don't worry, your secret's safe with me...

Ahahahahaha.

Ahaha

Hoohoohoo. hahaha.

He does know my age, and I believe he's aware I'm not going to be dragging him up the aisle while hearing 'TICK TOCK TICK TOCK' in my ear.
Although, you know, I almost feel guilty for not being like that, since it's what a lot of men seem to expect women to be like....

Dudess

I'm just going by the sacred word of Twitching Anus.

I believe in Twitching Anus.

Ginny

I've gone out with older and younger blokes, tbh on average I've found the older blokes more immature, but then again thats probably just my crazy ex's.

TA was so right, I'm off to start my cat collection this weekend, and maybe buy one of those scary baby subsitute dolls.

Dudess

The Baby Jane look (see pic I posted earlier on this thread) would be pretty good.

Silverfish

GinnyJo wrote: »

TA was so right, I'm off to start my cat collection this weekend, and maybe buy one of those scary baby subsitute dolls.

I can lend you one of mine, so you can see if its for you?

Ginny

Oh great, I can grab a pram over the weekend too, so I can blend in with the other mammies.

*EDIT *jesus i googled those babydolls, scary scary things they are.

Terpsichore

Dear Sweet Chocolate Sauce,

I believe that it is never a good thing to try to generalise. There are all types of women out there, with different needs. Maybe some (more) mature women looking for a nice relationship with you! No strings attached.

The things that put off women are:

-bad attitude
-imature attitude
-matcho attitude
-selfish attitude
-negative attitude

Yes, you've guessed it! It's all about Attitude. Even older guys with the wrong attitude dont get girls You can be fat, young, bald, hugly, poor, etc and still be a wonderful, real human being that can attract women.

The only question is: Are you? Are you mature enough to enjoy life to the full, love to live, appreciate people, food, the world around you...? Hope you know what I mean!

Eh just in case: no, I'm not available. I've finally found my super hero. I'm over 30 and I'm sorted The way to him was long but playfull and adventurous. Sure I'm not the only one!

Good luck!

SpookyDoll

ChocolateSauce wrote: »

Ok, loads of replies and some catfights! I've managed to gather two main points:

1. No one wants a younger guy who goes out and gets pissed with his mates every weekend.

2. Most of you don't care in principle, but what a guy wants at that age matters.

Well, I don't have any "mates" and I don't drink more than one or two a night, so that's that sorted.

Since one of you asked, I'm recently turned 21.

All I can do is assume that the women who lost interest are the kind of women who do care, or are looking for something more. Yeah, I can safely say I'm not looking to settle down for at least 8 more years. I'm also a student. Would that very word put any of you off? I think it might...when I think of the word student I think of someone dependent on their parents who drinks heavily and has a higher-than-average chance of getting an SDI.

Would it be dishonest to avoid talking about being a student? I'm part time and I support myself, and I'm master of my own house so I don't think I fit into the "student" category.

Thanks for the replies.

Another thing that puts a lot of older women off younger men/older women relationships is fear of "generational sex tourists"
What does it mean?

You will get the young male contingent who are looking for a meal ticket with wild sex type of relationship with the older woman. A lot of older single women are happily independant, possibly have already got rid of some loser starter husband and there is no way they are going to give their time/love/intimacy to someone they suspect might take the pi$$ out of them. Their first thought could be:

"He thinks Im desperate for sex so will be easy and do anything"

(I recently saw a thread on here where a young lad was into this older woman he met in the pub, and the general male consensus was "go for it mate, shes bound to let you kick her back door in")

or

"Hes going to freeload off me"

Now I know this is not where you are coming from and you dont fit that stereotype but it happens, so you can see why older women could be reluctant!

I would say to make clear you are not one of these types, older women can be a suspicious lot, their experience makes them wary and well, you cant really blame em!

ChocolateSauce

Dudess wrote: »

Well you sound way more mature than your 21 years. I'd have no problem going out with you.

You flatter!

bluewolf wrote:

Depends on what you're looking for. If you want a relationship with someone, you wouldn't want to be with someone who looks down on your age that way regardless of initital conversation, not to mention it'll come out anyway, right?
Keep on as you are tbh.

Well that's kind of a problem...I don't know what I'm looking for. Do I want a one night stand? A two month fun relationshop? Or something more? I can't say. I guess I'd start with the first one and work my way up from there, if it works.

Terpsichore wrote:

The only question is: Are you? Are you mature enough to enjoy life to the full, love to live, appreciate people, food, the world around you...? Hope you know what I mean!

Hmm....I've learned that you need more than one source to get a good idea, so while I have my opinions on that I'd never take them as a matter of fact.

spookydoll wrote:

Now I know this is not where you are coming from and you dont fit that stereotype but it happens, so you can see why older women could be reluctant!

I would say to make clear you are not one of these types, older women can be a suspicious lot, their experience makes them wary and well, you cant really blame em!

I try not to make anything clear about myself...I hate talking about "what I'm like", and I think people who say things like "I'm the kind of guy" or "I'm not..." are trying to paint an idealised picture of themselves.

As for that horror story you told....yikes, what a mysigonistic pig. If I wanted just sex I could get it from any number of sources, including younger girls. Plus the "desperate older lady" stereotype would just scare me off! My ideal age would be late 20's.

Nevyn

It's not the age it is the maturity level.
I dated someone 12 years younger for 9 months.
Now that I am currently 33 would I date someone 10 years young then me ?
I would consider it, it would depend on thier maturity level, if I felt that I was constantly
have to explain things to them or they were embrassing me socially with thier behaviour
then that would be reasons for me to stop dating them.

pow wow

Turns me on: Them
Turns me off: Their mates :cool:

Agree with Thaedydal, it's about maturity and outlook. Age is only a number (once it's legal!).

If I was going to be fussy, which lets face it I'm not. :P
I would prefer a younger model.
Hopefully that means less emotional baggage, more openess, energy and hair.
At this stage I like the idea of growing with someone, so I'd prefer someone who is less settled in their ways.

OP I think so many women write you off , simply because they are at an stage where they are looking to settle down.
Age doesn't really effect my opinion of people. What is that attracts you to older women specifically, or turns you off of younger women?

Toto Wolfcastle

I'm not invited to this party as I wont be 23 for a month but I'll push on anyway!

It really is all down to maturity levels. If you're with someone who is similar to you in maturity, age shouldn't matter.

However, for a lot of people, conforming to social 'norms' is the deciding factor. Some people are easily led by what others think and wont go out with a younger guy even if there is a connection. You wouldn't want to be with that type of person anyway so it's all good!

If it's right, age wont matter. That's all there is to it.

Zaph

Moonbaby wrote: »

Hopefully that means less emotional baggage, more openess, energy and hair.

As long as it's not on their back, presumably?

Pen1987

Probably get some stick for this but, fcuk it - Just behave like youre older than her, control the relationship then she'll feel younger than you emotionally.

Zaph

Zaph wrote: »

As long as it's not on their back, presumably?

Honey is the body hair fascist....I like grizzley.