Fail-safe seduction tips from Cosmo

JP Liz

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-&-sex/sex-advice-seduction-tips/84483/gallery

now ladies will we be trying these?????

Karen_*

Its worth a try. I will be bringing a plate of hors d'oerves with me everywhere I go from now on. Maybe not when I'm driving though.

Rowley Birkin QC

In the words of Tommy Tiernan:

"Look him in the eyes......Look him in the eyes"......Screamed maniacally of course.

Oryx

Lie on the floor covered in sushi till he comes home? My fella would pee himself laughing.

Pardon me for not being romantic, but the only unbeatable fail-safe I know is the 100% iron clad promise that hes getting laid when you get him home.

Nevyn

No such thing for either gender tbh.

I would seriously love to see some of those articles written by a hetro bloke for other hetro blokes I reackon it would be a laugh riot.

pseudonym1

What do men and tiles have in common ?
Lay them right the first time and can walk all over them for years!

Pen1987

I'd be either freaked out or in tears laughing if any women attempted some of them... no matter if she was trying to seduce me for the first time or if we'd been together for years.

brianthebard

Thaedydal wrote: »

No such thing for either gender tbh.

I would seriously love to see some of those articles written by a hetro bloke for other hetro blokes I reackon it would be a laugh riot.

Probably find something like that here

Anti

Thaedydal wrote: »

No such thing for either gender tbh.

I would seriously love to see some of those articles written by a hetro bloke for other hetro blokes I reackon it would be a laugh riot.

I'll give it a shot later one. Put it in my own hetro worts so to speak

Mr. Incognito

Pardon me for not being romantic, but the only unbeatable fail-safe I know is the 100% iron clad promise that hes getting laid when you get him home.

Take it from a bloke 100% fail safe.

You could cut your hair, grow 10 inches magically with shoes, where a padded cra and be caked in make up and we wouldn't notice.

Tell him he's getting some action later on and he'll be home from the pub in ten minutes and what's more his mate's would pay for the cab.

NextSteps

What a waste of sushi. Plus it'd probably get all warm and nasty as you lie there on the floor wondering where your fella is at. But I laughed at this:

move your lips to his ear and whisper, "That's exactly how I want you to kiss my... [insert the term for clitoris that you're most comfortable using]."

Let's call him Fred tonight, shall we, dear?

runningman

Seduction tips for lads using the same headings* (ish) - A Laois perspective

1 - Have her hooked

- get her addicted to heroin and give her free doses in exchange for favors.

2 - The right outfit

- Doesnt matter what you wear she'll be so desperate for heroin she wont care. If you failed step one a check shirt tucked into jeans will work well.

3 - FY Eye

- Stare her out of it - women love that (open mouth and drooling optional)

4 - Hairplay

- Pull her hair, women love that - shows them your interested.

5 - USP (Unique Selling Point)

- Socks stuffed down your pants are your friend.

6 - Sweet Seduction

- Women love chocolate, Galaxy bars work well.

7 - Choose Health

- Dont scratch your arse in public

8 - Mirror Mirror

- Hide the mirrors on the bedroom ceiling until she's hooked on heroin or Galaxy chocolate.

9 - Fish Fingers

- Not attractive

10 - Extreme Dating

- Tske her to the ploughing Championships

11 - Tantric Seduction

- Mumbo Jumbo that doesn't work but sells magizines

12 - The first kiss (down there)

- Smear it in Galaxy chocolate (DO NOT USE BOILING CHOCOLATE!!! - barely melted will do)

13 - Feet First

- Jump in feet first, don't wait for an answer - women love suprises and asertivness!

14 - Lazy Seduction

- Internet dating

15 - Burlesque Babes

- Burly women - handy round the house and garden, better suited to men looking for wives.

16 - Dinners on me

- Women love chippers




*Not my best effort.

bennyblanco

All pretty lazy stuff really isnt it?
I'm surprised that Cosmo hasnt gone bust yet,seems to be the same old sh1te all the time phrased differently on the cover...but hey,chicks dig that **** right??

GirlInterrupted

Wow, who'd have thought that wearing high heels and a tight top would attract men? Or that eating with your fingers was sexy?

I never knew that whispering your oral preferences into a mans ear would get him hot, so glad I read that.

And the hair tips, jeez, I would never have guessed that men like long hair, even though mine is very long and usually the first thing they want to play with.

Its all pretty obvious stuff, but I will never, ever, ever suck a mans toes. Ever.

Phlann

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Its all pretty obvious stuff, but I will never, ever, ever suck a mans toes. Ever.

Yes, please refrain from doing that. I can't imagine being too comfortable with that, unless I'd just had a pedicure... and if I'd just had a pedicure I'd probably be a homosexual so it's a moot point.

Scarinae

Eurrgh there's no way I'd ever put someone else's foot in my mouth, no matter how clean it is!

GirlInterrupted

brianthebard wrote: »

Probably find something like that here

That link is good fun, especially the article on how to 'seduce her with dessert'. Groundbreaking stuff .

Alessandra

Fishie wrote: »

Eurrgh there's no way I'd ever put someone else's foot in my mouth, no matter how clean it is!

There are a lot worse things to come in contact with the mouth than the foot in my opinion!

EamonnKeane

What if you don't like sushi? You can hardly nibble a bit and then leave th erest on the plate, so to speak. And are you then supposed to do it with his breath smelling of fish and her entire body smelling of fish? It's okay for the guy, he can imagine she's a mermaid, but what's she to do?

LolaLuv

Cosmo sucks. What a horrible magazine. Why do people still buy it, and why do celebrities still pose for it?

hussey

seriously girls, Irish men are very simple.

some food, drink & tell us how great we are, followed by some McLovin

rinse, lather, wash, repeat

then you can walk all over us for 10 years.

Men are only complicated because you think we are

LolaLuv

hussey wrote: »

seriously girls, Irish men are very simple.

some food, drink & tell us how great we are, followed by some McLovin

rinse, lather, wash, repeat

then you can walk all over us for 10 years.

Men are only complicated because you think we are

I call bull****. If it were really that easy there would be no unhappy women in PI!

hussey

try it and see,

when it comes to men Occam's razor applies

NextSteps

Where does the wasabi go?

Scarinae

Alessandra wrote: »

There are a lot worse things to come in contact with the mouth than the foot in my opinion!

That is true; however I find the whole idea of sucking someone's toes such a turn off. When I think of men's feet I think of thick yellowy hard skin, athletes foot, dirty toenails, cheesy smell - yuck!

I remember reading a Cosmo article before where they had ideas for making sex amazing... One of the suggestions was to surprise your boyfriend by sticking a warm, wet facecloth up his bum. Not sure how many men would appreciate it if their girlfriend tried that one

Oryx

EamonnKeane wrote: »

What if you don't like sushi? You can hardly nibble a bit and then leave th erest on the plate, so to speak. And are you then supposed to do it with his breath smelling of fish and her entire body smelling of fish? It's okay for the guy, he can imagine she's a mermaid, but what's she to do?

Now if it was chocolate sauce or spray cream Id kinda get the point but the sushi has to rank as silly idea #1 in a list of really silly ideas. I worked in a fish factory once. Romantic it was not. Even considering the white wellie/hair net combo.

Feck the eye contact making you look like a myopic crazy person. A simple 'I like you, wanna shag?' will do just as well.

kayos

Thaedydal wrote: »

No such thing for either gender tbh.

I would seriously love to see some of those articles written by a hetro bloke for other hetro blokes I reackon it would be a laugh riot.

Not written by a male but here you go...

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/relationships/survival-of-the-wittiest-1469753.html

Nevyn

brianthebard wrote: »

Probably find something like that here

They all seem to be about getting a woman to orgasm and not about any of the steps that go before that.

Dudess

PillyPen wrote: »

Cosmo sucks. What a horrible magazine. Why do people still buy it, and why do celebrities still pose for it?

Yeah, it's just several pages of "how to be a bint". I'm not dissing anyone for buying it just to have a bit of fluff to read, or browsing through it in the dentist's waiting room... but I honestly think some women use it as their Bible...

Toto Wolfcastle

UB wrote: »

Where does the wasabi go?

:eek:

Seriously though, I'm off to buy some tassels. I'll wear them constantly in the hope that I might get to show them off.

LolaLuv

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah, it's just several pages of "how to be a bint". I'm not dissing anyone for buying it just to have a bit of fluff to read, or browsing through it in the dentist's waiting room... but I honestly think some women use it as their Bible...

Lol, bint. Just learned that word. Sure, I read it when I was a teen, thinking I was very mature. I think that's their true target audience. And some women do use it as their Bible, those are the ones I don't understand! An occasional glance is understandable, it serves as a reminder of how much it sucks!

MzFusspot

I used to read a lot of Cosmo when living in Germany cos it was pretty much the only thing I could understand. I would have loved to see what happened to anyone who tried to live by any of their 'Top 10 Tips Für...' One of my favourites was a 10 ten tip für enhancing the ould sex life and it was to take your man shopping and go into a mens clothing store and try on mens pants in the changing room with the curtain open a crack so he can watch you. Dunno how sexy that would be, I could see any potential shagbuddys running very far away if I took them into my local gentlemans outfitters and made them stand there while I tried on y fronts. Do men's clothes shops even let you try on underpants?

LolaLuv

MzFusspot wrote: »

I used to read a lot of Cosmo when living in Germany cos it was pretty much the only thing I could understand. I would have loved to see what happened to anyone who tried to live by any of their 'Top 10 Tips Für...' One of my favourites was a 10 ten tip für enhancing the ould sex life and it was to take your man shopping and go into a mens clothing store and try on mens pants in the changing room with the curtain open a crack so he can watch you. Dunno how sexy that would be, I could see any potential shagbuddys running very far away if I took them into my local gentlemans outfitters and made them stand there while I tried on y fronts. Do men's clothes shops even let you try on underpants?

Oh man I loled while I was reading that tip. We should start a thread to find out just how many men that would turn on. Lol, I think it would be more likely to get a woman committed than laid!

nomorebadtown

hussey wrote: »

seriously girls, Irish men are very simple.

some food, drink & tell us how great we are, followed by some McLovin

rinse, lather, wash, repeat

then you can walk all over us for 10 years.

Men are only complicated because you think we are

PillyPen wrote: »

I call bull****. If it were really that easy there would be no unhappy women in PI!

No, it is pretty much that simple. Problems arise when the unhappy women in PI start trying to change the guy or talk all the time or there are no common interests or someone ****s up and does something naughty or even just unhappy woman in PI starts becoming less attractive to the guy (for whatever reason, or, no reason at all!)

MzFusspot

PillyPen wrote: »

We should start a thread to find out just how many men that would turn on.

I can't imagine too many reactions along the line of 'Oh baby, remember that bit where you tried to put both feet through the one leg of those boxers and nearly snotted yourself off the changing room wall, so sexy, I want you now'

Whatever about taking off pants, parading about the place in nice pants etc. putting on pants isn't something I'd consider hot

Aurora Borealis

Have to say I do like the auld "that's how I'd like you to kiss me down...."

LolaLuv

nomorebadtown wrote: »

ven just unhappy woman in PI starts becoming less attractive to the guy (for whatever reason, or, no reason at all!)

That sounds like a certain level of complication to me! Sure, what hussey said might work for many men, or even most men, but it's a bit insulting to men to reduce them in such a general way. I've met complicated men who need more than just a blow job and some ego-stroking to be kept happy. Intellectual stimulation, for instance.

LolaLuv

MzFusspot wrote: »

I can't imagine too many reactions along the line of 'Oh baby, remember that bit where you tried to put both feet through the one leg of those boxers and nearly snotted yourself off the changing room wall, so sexy, I want you now'

Whatever about taking off pants, parading about the place in nice pants etc. putting on pants isn't something I'd consider hot

Lol, you never know, there are some freaks on boards!

Amazotheamazing

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/cosmopolitan_institute_completes

Here's an interview with one of Cosmo's head writers.

GirlInterrupted

MzFusspot wrote: »

I used to read a lot of Cosmo when living in Germany cos it was pretty much the only thing I could understand. I would have loved to see what happened to anyone who tried to live by any of their 'Top 10 Tips Für...' One of my favourites was a 10 ten tip für enhancing the ould sex life and it was to take your man shopping and go into a mens clothing store and try on mens pants in the changing room with the curtain open a crack so he can watch you. Dunno how sexy that would be, I could see any potential shagbuddys running very far away if I took them into my local gentlemans outfitters and made them stand there while I tried on y fronts. Do men's clothes shops even let you try on underpants?

This I can see working in a lingerie shop with the curtain open a little, but men's pants? Really?

Men must be stranger than I thought.

nomorebadtown

PillyPen wrote: »

That sounds like a certain level of complication to me! Sure, what hussey said might work for many men, or even most men, but it's a bit insulting to men to reduce them in such a general way. I've met complicated men who need more than just a blow job and some ego-stroking to be kept happy. Intellectual stimulation, for instance.

Yeah, dont get me wrong, i need my intellct stimulated on a regular basis :pac:

bj, food and occassional ego stroking are the bedrock of a solid 'keeping your man' situation. Once these needs are fulfilled you can start talking about world news, confucianism and the rest. But dont forget to STFU now and again!

Red Hand

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

This I can see working in a lingerie shop with the curtain open a little, but men's pants? Really?

Men must be stranger than I thought.

Tsk, nothing sexier than a woman trying on OAP cardigan, and a nice pair of sensible slacks in a men's clothes shop. Maybe a pair of brown brogues as well to go with the outfit.

Oh, and how can you go wrong with braces for holding up the slacks? Yeow-zza! Hubba hubba!:) She'd be a hot tamale!

GirlInterrupted

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Tsk, nothing sexier than a woman trying on OAP cardigan, and a nice pair of sensible slacks in a men's clothes shop. Maybe a pair of brown brogues as well to go with the outfit.

Oh, and how can you go wrong with braces for holding up the slacks? Yeow-zza! Hubba hubba!:) She'd be a hot tamale!

That may be just you.......:).

P.C.

PillyPen wrote: »

That sounds like a certain level of complication to me! Sure, what hussey said might work for many men, or even most men, but it's a bit insulting to men to reduce them in such a general way. I've met complicated men who need more than just a blow job and some ego-stroking to be kept happy. Intellectual stimulation, for instance.

No, most men would be happy with a blow job and some ego-stroking to be kept happy. Just don't stop giving the blow job.

LolaLuv

nomorebadtown wrote: »

But dont forget to STFU now and again!

P.C. wrote: »

No, most men would be happy with a blow job and some ego-stroking to be kept happy. Just don't stop giving the blow job.

Funny, I thought this was the Ladies Lounge, are chauvinists welcome here?:D

Gordon

Have they got the definition of fail-safe correct? I think they are mixing it up with "sure fire", quite different meanings imo.

/anal

Scarinae

MzFusspot wrote: »

I used to read a lot of Cosmo when living in Germany cos it was pretty much the only thing I could understand. I would have loved to see what happened to anyone who tried to live by any of their 'Top 10 Tips Für...' One of my favourites was a 10 ten tip für enhancing the ould sex life and it was to take your man shopping and go into a mens clothing store and try on mens pants in the changing room with the curtain open a crack so he can watch you. Dunno how sexy that would be, I could see any potential shagbuddys running very far away if I took them into my local gentlemans outfitters and made them stand there while I tried on y fronts. Do men's clothes shops even let you try on underpants?

Hahaha that's brilliant! Are you sure you translated it correctly? Maybe Germans have different turn-ons?