A fool for Love??

Loopy

When I was about 15/16 there was a couple of new houses being built beside mine. One of the builders was trez magnifique.. Absolute Ride:D

Anyway, he used to flirt with me a lot.. I would leg it home from school and plaster myself in make up and make him tea and sandwiches (Cringe City) - I realise now he only did it for the tea and sambo's.. But, the bastard asked me out on a date, very confidentially he said, 'meet me in the local at 8 on sat nite. I was sick with nerves, lied to my Dad and said I was staying with a mate... I tried on about 30 outfits and eventually (when I felt I looked like Madonna), headed off to the pub.

He never showed:eek:

Devastation was not the word.. Felt like such a fool and never saw him again because the building work was complete. I often thought about what I would do if I ever saw him - they are not pleasant thoughts!!

Has anyone else been a fool for love???

LolaLuv

looptheloop wrote: »

When I was about 15/16 there was a couple of new houses being built beside mine. One of the builders was trez magnifique.. Absolute Ride:D

Anyway, he used to flirt with me a lot.. I would leg it home from school and plaster myself in make up and make him tea and sandwiches (Cringe City) - I realise now he only did it for the tea and sambo's.. But, the bastard asked me out on a date, very confidentially he said, 'meet me in the local at 8 on sat nite. I was sick with nerves, lied to my Dad and said I was staying with a mate... I tried on about 30 outfits and eventually (when I felt I looked like Madonna), headed off to the pub.

He never showed:eek:

Devastation was not the word.. Felt like such a fool and never saw him again because the building work was complete. I often thought about what I would do if I ever saw him - they are not pleasant thoughts!!

Has anyone else been a fool for love???

Aw! I was in France when I was 16 and met a gorgeous French man. We really hit it off and planned to meet in the city center of Nice later that night. I got all dolled up and lied to the program coordinators (it was a study abroad thing) about where I was going, said I'd be back in 10 minutes or something. He didn't show! Luckily I was going to meet up with some friends anyway, so it wasn't a total bust. But mmmm, French hottie. Too bad.

Loopy

Why do they bother asking

Wibbs

Ego

brianthebard

Ah in fairness he probably wanted to, but then the little voice in his head told him that he should avoid the possibility of statutory rape.

LolaLuv

looptheloop wrote: »

Why do they bother asking

I don't know! It's so mean, especially to do it to a 16 year old! How old was the builder? Frenchie was 19 or so. So I doubt it was the statutory, at least in my case. (But that's what I'll tell myself anyway.:rolleyes:)

Loopy

Id say he was about 30.. Jesus, he was beautiful - just dont get why he needed to be a false prick and ask me out....

LolaLuv

looptheloop wrote: »

Id say he was about 30.. Jesus, he was beautiful - just dont get why he needed to be a false prick and ask me out....

He probably thought you were adorable and sweet and would have liked to have gone out with you. But I'd imagine he had two fears: 1) statutory rape charges or 2) that it's pretty unethical to date someone so young and you'd likely get hurt. Still, he shouldn't have asked you in the first place. He probably looks like he was ridden hard and hung up to dry now, though. Heh.

brianthebard

looptheloop wrote: »

Id say he was about 30.. Jesus, he was beautiful - just dont get why he needed to be a false prick and ask me out....

Sure he could have been married or anything if he's hitting on girls half his age...you dodged a bullet there tbh.

LivingDeadGirl

Does anyone else ever still think about the one who never called? :rolleyes: AGES ago too. I'm such a loser!

Catari Jaguar

I was in love with our builder, well apprentice. He had green eyes, curly hair and a tan. Yumz. I was 11.

I had made a fairground out of blocks and my toy figures. It was class. I had it on the carpet in my room. Builder decided to pull up the carpet and devastate it. Then replaced the carpet, burying half my toys under it.

He crushed my heart and my toys in one cruel blow... *cries in a corner*

Aisling(",)

LivingDeadGirl wrote: »

Does anyone else ever still think about the one who never called? :rolleyes: AGES ago too. I'm such a loser!

yep.the ones youd been seing for a month or so and just compleatly blank you.
i think at least a text saying its not going anywhere id better then pure ignorance.

I have one ancient crush that I have never managed to grow out of.
That is pretty foolish.

Mulan

Are we all fools or is it that some people just don't care for others?

LolaLuv

Mulan wrote: »

Are we all fools or is it that some people just don't care for others?

I think it's both. Everyone's a fool at some point and some people are just heartless.

Seraphina

never been that much of a fool for love. just haven't had my turn yet, lol!

though when i was about 13/14 i did have a big crush on the paper boy. damn fine he was too. never really expected anything to come of it though.

Rozabeez

LivingDeadGirl wrote: »

Does anyone else ever still think about the one who never called? :rolleyes: AGES ago too. I'm such a loser!

Oh yes. But then you discover that they were too coked out of it to actually remember meeting you in the first place, and then every time you meet them after that they seem to think you're a completely new person they've never met before.... bah, men!

Futurecrook

Rozabeez wrote: »

Oh yes. But then you discover that they were too coked out of it to actually remember meeting you in the first place, and then every time you meet them after that they seem to think you're a completely new person they've never met before.... bah, men!

I concur!

"I'll be in touch soon..." Ptssh! Just tell the truth. :rolleyes:

brianthebard

Rozabeez wrote: »

Oh yes. But then you discover that they were too coked out of it to actually remember meeting you in the first place, and then every time you meet them after that they seem to think you're a completely new person they've never met before.... bah, men!

Srsly whats with women going out with all the douche bags?

Loopy

Lil Kitten wrote: »

I was in love with our builder, well apprentice. He had green eyes, curly hair and a tan. Yumz.

You have just described my builder :eek: :eek:

brianthebard wrote: »

Srsly whats with women going out with all the douche bags?

There's a lot of 'em about.. I have met at least eh..... 2 :pac:

Reku

If civilisation's history can be divided up and defined by the wars can a life not be divided up and defined by the mistakes and regrets?

Regardless of the outcomes though I can't say I ever felt the fool due to love, overzealous optimist at times perhaps, but not the fool...

Mulan

Some people say that the teen years are tough and sometimes cruel with regard to love, but looking back now for me they were great/funny and even cheesey but I'm sure it was all part of growing up.
Some good memories flashing back now!!! oh my god!

Loopy

^^ Indeed. It toughens you up for all the sh*t thats thrown at you in later life though.. Better to have loved and lost and all that

spinandscribble

is it just me or is this more likely to happen if you haven't been in a loving relationship already? first 'love' and all that? i dunno there was once someone i thought was special or at least he convince me he was "we're so alike, i've never met someone like yoooou" *puke*. turned out to be mr. hot one minute, cold the next. thankfully i never made a fool of myself but i felt like one for wasting time on him.

LolaLuv

spinandscribble wrote: »

is it just me or is this more likely to happen if you haven't been in a loving relationship already?

Wow, that's an excellent point. I had daddy issues which turned into man issues and am now working on my issues so I can break the cycle. I think what happens is that if women have never had a positive relationship with a man then they don't know to expect any better, and also don't know the warning signs of ill treatment. That's what happened in my case anyway.

spinandscribble

thats pretty much the case. i think though if you're aware of your issues to the extent that you can tell where and when they're affecting you, you're halfway there. the rest is putting it in the past and focusing on the good experiences.

Black Swan

"We are all fools in love" (Jane Austin).

Wibbs

PillyPen wrote: »

Wow, that's an excellent point. I had daddy issues which turned into man issues and am now working on my issues so I can break the cycle. I think what happens is that if women have never had a positive relationship with a man then they don't know to expect any better, and also don't know the warning signs of ill treatment. That's what happened in my case anyway.

Great point and one I would agree with completely. Every single woman I've known that has had a string of bad relationships it came down to the relationship with her father(or lack of it). If they do find a nice guy, they will even sabotage it as they don't quite believe that they deserve that, or it's uncomfortable as that's not what they're used to. If daddy left when they were young, they go for guys who will leave. Sometimes even forcing the guys hand so he will leave. Then her inner voice has just had "men always leave" confirmed. People would often rather be "right" than happy.

They try to repair the relationship with their dad in the present that they couldn't fix when they were kids. To do that they actively seek out the kind of man who is similar to their father. It's not always obvious though. To someone like that I would say; if you have a string of bad guys behind you, be very very careful if you feel strong chemistry with a new guy. 99 times out of 100, that chemistry is coming from him plugging into those bad parts of your male "template".

I would also say that women do this far more than men do. I've known men with mothers who were abusive and they've tended to avoid that type like the plague. They may be suspicious of women, yes, but going for a string of unhealthy women? Not so much.

Loopy

This scenario always bewilders me even though I have a history myself of attracting/being attracted to BAD BOYS!! And as wibbs says we almost sabotage it so when it goes wrong its 'almost' a relief - Yeh, see men are all bastards!

Some people thrive on this though, its like they relish the ups and downs in relationships and its more than likely contrived by them a lot of the time.

I have a friend who has gone out with an astonishing amount of nutters.. I mean real weirdo's.. And when it ends she's like 'your not going to believe what he did........ Im thinking yeh but on the first date when he bailed on you, did that not give you a slight hint that he was a tad odd:rolleyes:

She's just met another one from an Ad in the paper

The point being, she seems to like this kind of relationship..

nomorebadtown

sometimes i wish i were a bad boy/oddball....from reading these threads it would mean a lot more action!

mollybird

my mum's mate came to stay in our local caravan park when i was 16 with some of her kids. her son came with her to our house when they first arrived. he was gorgeous. was with him a few days later just before they left. we met up a few times over the next year or two. when our mothers got together. i asked him to my debs and wasn't with him as he had a girlfriend and he wouldn't be with me as i was still pining for my ex at one of the times we met up.

didn't see him for 4 years later and again an instant attraction. we got on so well. told him i was moving to dub and he rang me the day i moved up (just as i was getting off the dart with all my heavy bags) think we spent an hour on the phone that night talking of everything. we got together next time we met up. we were together for bout a month and then he went all cold on me so didn't hear from him for another year. he rang me up saying he had just seen a friend get married and just buried another in a matter of 2 days. so we met up again and started seeing him again. again it didn't work out for long. at the bar when we did get back the 2nd time a stranger thought we were together when we weren't. we started hanging out as mates then as i was seeing someone but he always told me how he felt about when the timing was completly wrong or he was drinking. the last chance we had of being together i finally felt this amazing chemisty. my ex who i was seeing at the time walked into the room and could tell there was something between us when we were obviously not with each other and even the guys mate thought we were perfect together.

i finally decided to take the bull by the horns when it came up to our 10 year of knowing each other but am afraid he got in first and broke the news to me that he got his girlfriend pregnant. i finally realised i loved him but it was too late. i was broken hearted. when i got out of the restaurant i rang my best friend and was crying so hard she really thought someone in my family was seriously hurt or even died.

now because of him i don't believe in love at first sight or even soulmates

LolaLuv

Wibbs wrote: »

Great point and one I would agree with completely. Every single woman I've known that has had a string of bad relationships it came down to the relationship with her father(or lack of it). If they do find a nice guy, they will even sabotage it as they don't quite believe that they deserve that, or it's uncomfortable as that's not what they're used to. If daddy left when they were young, they go for guys who will leave. Sometimes even forcing the guys hand so he will leave. Then her inner voice has just had "men always leave" confirmed. People would often rather be "right" than happy.

They try to repair the relationship with their dad in the present that they couldn't fix when they were kids. To do that they actively seek out the kind of man who is similar to their father. It's not always obvious though. To someone like that I would say; if you have a string of bad guys behind you, be very very careful if you feel strong chemistry with a new guy. 99 times out of 100, that chemistry is coming from him plugging into those bad parts of your male "template".

I would also say that women do this far more than men do. I've known men with mothers who were abusive and they've tended to avoid that type like the plague. They may be suspicious of women, yes, but going for a string of unhealthy women? Not so much.

Yes, this is all very true. You're always so full of insight about why women pick bad men, it's a pleasure reading what you have to say about the subject.

I don't like thinking that being attracted to a guy should be a warning sign, but I know it's true and it's another one of the many issues I've focused on. Lately, though, I've been attracted to nice, thoughtful, reasonable men. I haven't dated any of them because I just haven't been ready until recently, but I think the sign that I even like them is a step in the right direction.

Have you met many women who have broken the cycle?

Wibbs

PillyPen wrote: »

Yes, this is all very true. You're always so full of insight about why women pick bad men, it's a pleasure reading what you have to say about the subject.

Tnx.:o

I don't like thinking that being attracted to a guy should be a warning sign, but I know it's true and it's another one of the many issues I've focused on. Lately, though, I've been attracted to nice, thoughtful, reasonable men. I haven't dated any of them because I just haven't been ready until recently, but I think the sign that I even like them is a step in the right direction.

Big step. Not easy either as basically you're telling yourself that what you knew is wrong. That's scarier in many ways than keeping on the same tack as before. Still two steps forward on the right road is way better than running miles on the wrong, I reckon anyway.

Have you met many women who have broken the cycle?

Honestly? Two. The rest kinda came to terms with what made them comfortable and went for ok guys but with a little of the edge of what their past told them was "right", or went for very meek guys so they could feel in control in some way.

The two that did the full reversal had their rough times, but got there in the end. Damned strong women. To be fair the ones that got there half way are strong women too, so it makes it more of a pity that they didn't get more out of it, or in a way worse, the men in their lives don't get to see the person underneath. Emotionally women are survivors in my humble. More than men in general anyway, so they'll do alright. I'm lucky to have a few of them as mates.

Thanks to them I learned to speak "Woman", though my verb conjugation's for shít and my accent doesn't cut it, but I get by in conversational stuff involving directions and the like...:D You're a complex, fun, enlightening, exciting, bewildering, often bloody maddening buncha muppets I must say, but I'm glad you're around. Blokes are equally complex etc but I am one so the language barrier isn't there.

Wibbs

mollybird wrote: »

now because of him i don't believe in love at first sight or even soulmates

I don't believe in love at first sight either tbh. Soulmates I feel do exist, though not so much in the Hollywood way. I think people drift in and out of ones life and if you listen very carfefully they can tell you things about life, love and yourself. Sometimes things you don't want to hear too. In that sense I've had soulmates that have lasted a few weeks. Hell I even had one that lasted a long weekend on a fishing trip to donegal that went south due to crap weather. . We both talked shíte(me mostly;)) and we had a bit of a snogette and that was it. I went home better for it. I'm glad I knew them and learned from them, even if it was for a short time. Even the "bad" ones taught me something. Sometimes it was just to make sure ones life insurance is up to date, but hey, that's a good lesson in of itself.

LolaLuv

Wibbs wrote: »

...went for very meek guys so they could feel in control in some way.

That's why I'm still shying away from nice guys a bit, because I don't know where the line between a really decent guy and a creature with no backbone is. I don't want to go from one extreme to another because that isn't healthy, either. Trial and error, trial and error, I suppose.

Jesus, you really know women. Time for your own talk show, I reckon.

Thanks to them I learned to speak "Woman", though my verb conjugation's for shít and my accent doesn't cut it, but I get by in conversational stuff involving directions and the like...:D You're a complex, fun, enlightening, exciting, bewildering, often bloody maddening buncha muppets I must say, but I'm glad you're around. Blokes are equally complex etc but I am one so the language barrier isn't there.

To give yourself credit, though, a lot of men have lots of women friends and still don't quite get it the same. It takes a special person, and you probably understand people in general better than the average person does, not just women.

Wibbs wrote: »

I don't believe in love at first sight either tbh. Soulmates I feel do exist, though not so much in the Hollywood way. I think people drift in and out of ones life and if you listen very carfefully they can tell you things about life, love and yourself. Sometimes things you don't want to hear too. In that sense I've had soulmates that have lasted a few weeks. Hell I even had one that lasted a long weekend on a fishing trip to donegal that went south due to crap weather. . We both talked shíte(me mostly;)) and we had a bit of a snogette and that was it. I went home better for it. I'm glad I knew them and learned from them, even if it was for a short time. Even the "bad" ones taught me something. Sometimes it was just to make sure ones life insurance is up to date, but hey, that's a good lesson in of itself.

I've been thinking along these lines lately as well. I used to think that if a relationship ended then it was a failure, but that's such a waste of experience. You can meet someone for a weekend whom you absolutely fall in love with, and share with, and then the weekend is over and you both move along. I don't think people in our lives have to stay in our lives or even be with us for a certain length of time to be important. Probably if the culture changed to this sort of thinking there'd be a lot less bitter people in the world.

Wibbs

PillyPen wrote: »

That's why I'm still shying away from nice guys a bit, because I don't know where the line between a really decent guy and a creature with no backbone is. I don't want to go from one extreme to another because that isn't healthy, either. Trial and error, trial and error, I suppose.

That's life I suppose. trail and error and if you're lucky your errors don't get publicised.

Jesus, you really know women. Time for your own talk show, I reckon.

Naw I've a face best suited for radio, though I could call it Dr. Feel(you up, only so long as you don't tell your boyfriend or the authorities afterwards....)

To give yourself credit, though, a lot of men have lots of women friends and still don't quite get it the same. It takes a special person, and you probably understand people in general better than the average person does, not just women.

As I say they are strong women, so I had it beaten into me. "She said what???? and you believed that? OK sit down ya eejit...":D

I've been thinking along these lines lately as well. I used to think that if a relationship ended then it was a failure, but that's such a waste of experience. You can meet someone for a weekend whom you absolutely fall in love with, and share with, and then the weekend is over and you both move along. I don't think people in our lives have to stay in our lives or even be with us for a certain length of time to be important. Probably if the culture changed to this sort of thinking there'd be a lot less bitter people in the world.

Yep, pretty much. Sometimes it is what it is and that's good. You share a connection and both get something from it, even if it's a salutary lesson. Even if it's a short one. It's a lesson nonetheless. The best experiences teach us about someone else, the worst, teaches us about ourselves. So even the worst experience teaches us. Often the best lessons cost the most. To be able to see the world differently, to be surprised, in both bad and good is a very welcome gift.

Trinity

My first major crush was a boy much older than me, well not much but seemed that way as he was 18 and i was 14.. I was crazy about him. He got me into depeche mode.

He finally asked me out and the most we ever did was a quick peck. This crush lasted years. He ended up on drugs, something i never thought he would do and he commited suicide a couple of years ago. Apparently he was gay, I dont know how true that is but such a waste. He was a volunteer in the community when i knew him and if anything i thought he would helped others on drugs not taken them.

Em and all my other relationships i have been a fool for love. I was stood up once too. Mortifying.

Rozabeez

Update on the one that never called, ended up being out for a drink with one of our mutual friends, plus him, he's an awful lot more annoying than I'd realized. Silly coke-heads.