rude act performed while watching me

LolaDub

Singer73 wrote: »

LolaDub, you are so out of order even MENTIONING rape in this discussion. What in the name of god has that got to do with anything? Jesus, some people...

Excuse me? Perhaps if you read the thread and read my post more clearly you will see that the thread is about a sexual violation and the op is looking for advice on what steps to take next, my own post was answering a previous poster on what they had said to the op which i saw as offensive. If you're looking to get into a fight you won't get one from me so please don't embarrass yourself.

Burial

Singer73 wrote: »

LolaDub, you are so out of order even MENTIONING rape in this discussion. What in the name of god has that got to do with anything? Jesus, some people...

First off, do you know what section of boards your on??

Secondly, the guy was a few steps from rape.

Thirdly, This was a sexual act that offended the OP. What wouldn't be worth mentioning is that game of soccer you watched last night.

LolaDub was making a fine point that just because she didn't do anything doesn't mean she "enjoyed" it. It's like saying a woman who was raped and told no one, liked it... Same applies here, she (I presume) was just confused at what to do. (as would anyone) Hugo and LolaDub have both valid questions, your post however isn't...

MicraBoy

Secondly, the guy was a few steps from rape.

Now that truly is BS. If he hopped into bed with her and started groping her he would have been a few steps from rape.

It's like saying a woman who was raped and told no one, liked it... Same applies here, she (I presume) was just confused at what to do. (as would anyone) Hugo and LolaDub have both valid questions, your post however isn't...

No it's like saying that a person who was raped, laid back and took it without uttering a word. Most people who are raped cry out, plead with their attacker or use the word STOP. The OP didn't even manage a "What the feck are you messing at Larry?"

I'm beginning to think she dreamt it.

LolaDub

MicraBoy wrote: »

Now that truly is BS. If he hopped into bed with her and started groping her he would have been a few steps from rape.



No it's like saying that a person who was raped, laid back and took it without uttering a word. Most people who are raped cry out, plead with their attacker or use the word STOP. The OP didn't even manage a "What the feck are you messing at Larry?"

I'm beginning to think she dreamt it.

Wouldn't the spunk the next day on the door show that she didn't?

MicraBoy

That could be anything. The hubby obviously couldn't identify it as cum.

Perhaps she noticed the stain before she went to sleep and subconciously implanted the thought in her head that it looked like semen, only for her sleeping brain to take it a step further.

Karen_*

Well the OP wasn't raped but neither was she enjoying it and to suggest that is ludicrous. Many people who are raped totally freeze and can't even scream or are afraid being killed so they keep silent. Shock is a factor in these things too and its very easy to say how the OP should have reacted but it didn't happen to us so we really don't know what we would do in the same circumstances.

LolaDub

Well all we have to go on is the one post the op has made and our reactions to that. Only the op was there. I definitely think that she should should discuss it with her partner and together decide how to talk to the boy. I think it should be talked about as whether he did it knowingly/because he was drunk/sleepwalking or other ideas mentioned here etc it needs to stop.

slumped

Pub07 wrote: »

Correct, this was a closely related phenomenon called sleepwanking.

http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/askthesiteqandas/generalhealthqandas/sleepwanking

"There is a sleep disorder sometimes known as 'sleep sex', which involves a disruption to the normal dreaming stage of sleep. The medical term for this problem is REM behaviour disorder (RBD) and it occurs when the body is not immobilised during sleep and may act out dreams. Treatment often involves finding what may be triggering the behaviour, which can include alcohol or stress."

S

Burial

MicraBoy wrote: »

Now that truly is BS. If he hopped into bed with her and started groping her he would have been a few steps from rape.

Eh, no. That'd be one step from rape...

MicraBoy wrote: »

No it's like saying that a person who was raped, laid back and took it without uttering a word. Most people who are raped cry out, plead with their attacker or use the word STOP. The OP didn't even manage a "What the feck are you messing at Larry?"

No it isn't. Your example and the OP example are only relevent if she was beside him and he started doing it then. most use STOP, some don't. She knew he thought he couldn't see her, and she thought it'd all blow over and nothing bad will happen for her or her cousin. However her husband noticed a stain, which I can't understand how he didn't realise what it was.

MicraBoy wrote: »

I'm beginning to think she dreamt it.

That's nice! Now if you don't want to help the OP, why are you posting that here? There is a report button that you use instead of accusations.

Micraboy wrote:

That could be anything. The hubby obviously couldn't identify it as cum.

Care to provide alternatives as to what it was?

Micraboy wrote:

Perhaps she noticed the stain before she went to sleep and subconciously implanted the thought in her head that it looked like semen, only for her sleeping brain to take it a step further.

And where did this semen come from? Her husband at work? If it was there before her husband went to work, he would've noticed and said something. Therefore happened while he was gone. So since the cousin was the only sperm-producing gender in the house, unless your next arguement is a robber broke in and did that, then you haven't got an arguement.

Peleus

To be fair, there is a huge chance thathe was sleepwalking. I'm 18 and i've sleptwalked (if thats a word) three times, as far as i know. It usually always happens when i'm really tired and have had a lot of drink on me. In a hostel in Prague at 6am, my friend saw my roll off a top bunk, hit my head, then try to take a piss in a bin in the middle of the room. Dont worry, my friend stopped me. If anyone had seen me then they would have thought i needed professional help. But i was only sleepwalking. So there's a real chance that this guy was sleepwalking. Why else would he do such a weird thing and not even try to get rid of the evidence. I'd say he wa leep walking and has no idea what happened. It would depend on whether he wa peeking through the door or just blatently standing there in the open doorway.

HugoDuncan

LolaDub wrote: »

This was a violation of the Op and you say she might have liked it? Thats very low. Would you ask a girl who had been raped if she liked it?!?

No, I wouldn't, that's a pretty sick thing to say. And has nothing to do with what I posted. Frankly I am appalled.

Burial

Burial wrote: »

Secondly, the guy was a few steps from rape....

Completely ludicrous and ridiculous suggestion. By that reasoning, anybody with their dick in their hand, for whatever reason, is a few steps + 1 from rape....:rolleyes:

Burial

Deleted User wrote: »

Completely ludicrous and ridiculous suggestion. By that reasoning, anybody with their dick in their hand, for whatever reason, is a few steps + 1 from rape....:rolleyes:

Well, he was jacking off to her while he thought she was sleeping. He did it for sexual pleasure without her consent. The masturbating your talking about is done privately and is different than the masturbating in this scenario. I'm seeing this as a few steps from rape. If he thought this was ok to do, I can't imagine him touching her while she was asleep would be far off....

LolaDub

Burial wrote: »

Well, he was jacking off to her while he thought she was sleeping. He did it for sexual pleasure without her consent. The masturbating your talking about is done privately and is different than the masturbating in this scenario. I'm seeing this as a few steps from rape. If he thought this was ok to do, I can't imagine him touching her while she was asleep would be far off....

This is a huge huge difference that it seems a lot of people are missing. This was without her consent therefore is a sexual violation.

Masturbation which is not performed in privacy is an offence. If you found out the op was your partner and had this happen how would you react?

Burial

HugoDuncan wrote: »

No, I wouldn't, that's a pretty sick thing to say. And has nothing to do with what I posted. Frankly I am appalled.

Actually it has something to do with your post. The OP is looking for help on how to get over this matter that she doesn't like. Your made an honest claim that she didn't stop it, therefore she might've actually enjoyed it.

Loladub is making the point (Not well phrased, I presume, because I got what she was saying, but not others...) that some rape victims don't say STOP or tell other people what happened. This in no way means the girl enjoyed the "act". If the mention of rape is too harsh for you, consider this. I don't like country. If someone plays it in a car, and I say nothing, it doesn't mean I enjoy country and that they should go out and buy a country album for me.


And another thing, your both appalled by each others questions. So unless the OP says she enjoyed it, assume that she didn't and get past this bickering. Just concentrate on the OP's post.

Kiera

This thread has taken a whole new direction. There is no need to bring rape into it at all!

LolaDub

HugoDuncan wrote: »

No, I wouldn't, that's a pretty sick thing to say. And has nothing to do with what I posted. Frankly I am appalled.

:rolleyes: Hugo please read what you said and my repsonse to it. You made a clear comment that by not stopping the action the op enjoyed it. I believe this is an unfair comment to make and not constructive to the op or discussion at hand. My comment was to illustrate that it is an unfair thing to say to anybody who has suffered a sexual violation. With these unfortunate incidents comes a reaction that nobody can judge unless you are in the situation yourself. We'd all like to believe we'd react in a way that wouldn't leave us with regrets but thats not the case sometimes and someone shouldn't be criticised or have other accusations thrown at them because of that. Now i have explained exactly what i meant, if you're looking for an argument i won't be drawn into it. If you have anything further to say to me you can use pm.

Nevyn

If you have an issue with a post report it.
Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Burial

LolaDub wrote: »

This is a huge huge difference that it seems a lot of people are missing. This was without her consent therefore is a sexual violation.

Masturbation which is not performed in privacy is an offence. If you found out the op was your partner and had this happen how would you react?

Yeah this thread has gotten side-tracked but Loladub's quote is right. People are questioning whether she enjoyed it, which in my opinion is well out of order rather then that rape bit. She's asking for help to stop any repeat performance. I do find it odd she didn't say anything to him while he was doing it, though she has her reasons so please move away from the whole "OMG I THINK SHE LIKED IT" syndrome. I think most people aren't getting Loladub's original point because a four-lettered word was mentioned... Just move past this, the OP doesn't like what happened (Or else why would she want to stop it? Bragging about it to people she doesnt know, who don't care???) and the OP just wants help in resolving the issue...

*EDIT*

Sorry if this is off-topic, please delete any of my posts as needed.

Singer73

LolaDub "If you're looking to get into a fight you won't get one from me so please don't embarrass yourself.


What are you - 12? Embarrass myself? I am not the one who made the HUGE leap from masturbation to an extremely serious incident like Rape. Get a grip.

paperclip2

What would people think if the guy in question had been a stranger, standing in the garden, looking in a window and doing what he did?

TBH theres not much difference between that and what this guy did. OP I'd tell your husband.

hunnybunny

Alseep??? If he does this in his sleep, he need to be made aware of it. ASAP

Definately, he needs to be made aware of his actions whether he realises them or not!

Originally Posted by Zulu
Sleepwalking wouldn't be an issue. This isn't sleepwalking. For a start, there was no walking.

There is a condition that is being researched called Sexomnia where a person can initiate sex or masturbate whilst sleeping and have no memory whatsoever of it in the morning.
Just keep that in mind. Its a slim possibility he doesn t know what he did.

Nonetheless its a big problem and I think you should say something. I d go to your husband first and have a word with him. Maybe he isn t aware.

People can do crazy things when they sleepwalk. My brother managed to tear off the border from the living room wall and roll it into a neat pile whilst asleep. I wouldn t have believed it except I saw him do it.

Originally Posted by $hifty
Completely ludicrous and ridiculous suggestion. By that reasoning, anybody with their dick in their hand, for whatever reason, is a few steps + 1 from rape....

I dunno about that, if he was unaware of what he was doing ie sleepwalking????
In the documentry on Sexomnia a guy in America was accused of raping a sleeping girl at a party whilst he was sleepwalking. He managed to prove he suffered from a condition where he unconsiously initiated sex whilst sleeping without even realising it.
He was found not guilty...

HOWEVER, if he was aware of what he was doing thats a totally different matter. He needs to get a good talking to in that case and I wouldn t blame the OP from barring him from her home.

OP ignore anyone who is accusing you of liking it, its just stupidity! Its well out of order and irrelevant. I can t believe people even go there to suggest that!:rolleyes:

Burial

So, it's generally agreed. Talk to the guy and your husband. See if this guy has Sexomnia and if he does get him help. If he doesn't well, you'll have to talk to him and tell him that what he did wasn't right.