rude act performed while watching me

santiago123

Me and my partner have his 18yr old cousin staying with us for the week. He is due to leave today. Know the lad quiet well as he has stayed with us before and has never been a problem until last night.
My partner had to unexpectedly work night shift last night. I offered the young lad a drink during the night - not sure how much of a drinker he is but he ended up having about 6 cans.
Went to bed as normal - I have to sleep with the door open and light on in the hallway. While lying in bed I just happened to spot the cousin standing outside the door and he was naked and he was masterbating while looking at me. he obviously couldn't see that I could see him in the mirror.
He evently returned to his room and as I was so tired I drifted off to sleep and kind of forgot about it until the morning. My husband came home and saw the sperm at door but didn't cop what it was - I didn't say anything.
Don't know how I am going to face the young lad and should I say something to my partner.

Caoimhín

I would just forget about it.

Trinity

well if he was a stranger my reaction would be dirtry little bugger but under the circumstances you gave him alcohol, i doubt an 18 yr old would be a seasoned drinker. I imagine he wsa very drunk and when he wakes up and remembers (if he remembers) he will probably be mortified and get the hell out as fast as he can.

Dunno whether you should tell your husband thats up to you but it depends on your husband. If he is going to start a row with the lad leave it.

c - 13

caoibhin wrote: »

I would just forget about it.

And dont give him any more drink. Alcohol + Teenage Hormones = Severe Stupidity

If it happens again, then broach the subject with you husband/him

Maddison

Hi Op,

I think that you should tell your husband as you are going to feel uncomfortable around his nephew & he will probably guess that there is something wrong anyway. Also not saying anything may allow the young lad to do this again.

Madd

tbh

you've got to send this lad a message that what he did was unacceptable and that he should never do it again. How you deliver that message is up to you. I think if I had to deliver that kind of message (I won't say "if it were me" cause frankly I can't see this ever happening to me!) I would take the guy aside and say "look, I saw what you did last night, I'm just going to say it's unacceptable and you should never do that kind of thing again, and that's the end of the matter" and try to go back to normal. Don't worry about the guy getting embarrassed - a little embarrassment should help the lesson stick - but try not to make a big deal out of it either. He's an 18 year old guy, which is really a sexually mature child. He's old enough to know better - sure - but maybe he just needs pointing in the right direction.

Carrigart Exile

Give the nephew a cloth and carpet cleaner and tell him to clean up the mess.

Jack Sheehan

He's 18 not 13, this is not a teenagers and their crazy emotions scenario, the guy needs to cop on.

chuckles30

on the practical side, maybe you should try and close your door if/when he's staying over again. You can get some low watt night lights that you can plug in if you're not comfortable in the dark.

sinnerboy

the guy was not too young or drunk to be excused for this

he should never enter your house again

your OH deserves to know how little respect his cousin has for you , him and your home

what he did was despicable - a violation

Peleus

that is disgusting. no matter how drunk or young he is, he still knows what he's doing. i'd just stay the hell away from him for as long as you can.

m83

chuckles30 wrote: »

on the practical side, maybe you should try and close your door if/when he's staying over again. You can get some low watt night lights that you can plug in if you're not comfortable in the dark.

+1

tinkerbell

I wouldn't even consider letting him stay over again and my god - you should be telling your partner about this! That was absolutely disgusting what the 18 yr old did, no amount of drink can excuse that. You should have said something when you saw him at the door!

And the fact that there's a load of his mess now at your door, oh gross :eek: Don't you go cleaning that up! Make that lad clean up his own mess.

KhanTheMan

What happens next time when he decides staying outside the door is not doing it for him?

Tell your OH and let the dust settle where it settles but dont be alone with this guy again.

inforfun

Don't act now and don't be surprised that if there is a next time, he won't stop at the door.

He is 18 ffs, no matter if he had 6 cans, he should know this is ridiculous behaviour.

Nevyn

That is sexual harrashment and well out of order.
Tell your partner that is not acceptable behaviour and I think you should speak out about it.

kayos

Thats just scarey tbh. Why you didnt say anything on the night is beyond me but hey whats done is done. As to what to do now you have to tell your partner. That is a horrible thing to do and shows no respect to you or your partner.

Xcellor

santiago123 wrote: »

Know the lad quiet well as he has stayed with us before and has never been a problem until last night.

Obviously don't know him that well! Who knows what you may have missed by being asleep previous nights...

I doubt this is a first.. he must have been fairly confident he could get away with it if he was buck naked!

He's playing out his little fantasy obviously but at 18 he should cop on. How are you gonna sleep next time he is over if you don't address this now? What's to say next time he doesn't decide to come in the room...

X

buckieburd

Dont want to scaremonger but that sounds like the begining of devaint sexual behaviour, I dont think that is normal behaviour or teenage curiosity, i would ask your other half to have a chat with him.

syklops

I know I will get crucified for this comment but Oh Well!

OP, please do not take this as any sign of disrespect to you. Obviously it must have been very shocking for you. This is just an observation.

I am also not saying you were asking for it, as it is unacceptable whatever signs he got, but is it possible he mis-read the signs?

Your OH is out of the house. You offer him a drink - did you offer him a drink the other nights or just this one? He has about 6 cans which to most boardsies is a drop in the ocean, but to a non-seasoned drinker could more than he is used to, and then you go to bed but leave the door open.

Again I want to re-iterate that I do not think what he did was acceptable behaviour, nor do I think your actions provoked him, I just wonder if he got confused by the situation. Lets not go labelling him as a rapist just yet.

As for telling the OH. If you have not done it by now, then I wouldn't. I think you OH will wonder why you didnt tell him right away, and then make a bigger deal out of it.

As for the lad himself. Maybe ask him was he ok during the night, that you heard him moving about etc? Mention your a very light sleeper or something. This should give him enough of a fright to stop him doing it again.

MicraBoy

Well I find it quite bizarre that you didn't let a scream out of you the second you saw him. That would have answered the one question you needed answering. That was wether he was conciously doing this or not. He may have been asleep and combined with the drink it lead to a rather unpleasant act.

Some people do very bizarre things while asleep, for example getting into the wrong bed or opening closet doors and going for a pee (that isn't that uncommon).

There is even a condition were some people have sex in their sleep. see link or google sexsomnia.

Sexsomnia

HELLO132

Sick Pervert how stupid can you be :eek:

Pub07

There's a new one...blame it on being asleep at the time. If you can't be bothered thinking up one of the many excuses used these days to absolve personal responsiblity for your behaviour just say you were sleeping.

sunzz

What he did was just down right bad..

But ask yourself why you didn't say anything and just drifted off back to sleep after seeing something so vile and a serious invasion of your privacy in your home

sinnerboy

sunzz wrote: »

What he did was just down right bad..

But ask yourself why you didn't say anything and just drifted off back to sleep after seeing something so vile and a serious invasion of your privacy in your home

Might I suggest ... shock ... dis belief .... fear ?

But sorry OP , you need to grow some and get MAD .

Marksie

HELLO132 wrote: »

Sick Pervert how stupid can you be :eek:

I am unsure who you aimed that at, what you are going on about, or how this is helping.
Please post constructively

Marksie

Pub07 wrote: »

There's a new one...blame it on being asleep at the time. If you can't be bothered thinking up one of the many excuses used these days to absolve personal responsiblity for your behaviour just say you were sleeping.

There have been cases where people have in fact killed their OH in their sleep and its been accepted.
But thats not the Issue here, so lets not go down that particular route any further.

OP: You will have to do something about this. He needs to know his behaviour went beyond the pale of what is acceptable.
The decision you have to make is whether to involve your OH, you know him better than we do and about his likely reaction.

Smmcarrick put it very well if you want to approach the lad yourself

However, it would seem to me that, regardless of whether you have to sleep with the door open and light on. The Overnight Visits have to stop, permanently.

For all the above reasons put forward plus the fact that, what would have happened if your OH had, in fact, recognised it as semen?. It would have been a much trickier situation to have to explain.

BarryC

I would say something to the 18 year old
What if this happened again to some one else and the results were worse.

LolaDub

Op seriously you need to tell your partner and together decide what to say to the guy. He has to know this is unacceptable behaviour. If you don't tell your partner or the lad and the same situation comes up again where your partner is out of your home and the guy is drinking, would you feel safe in your own home? Definitely insist that the overnight visits and this guy drinking in your home stop immediately. What would he do if he was overnight in his friends home? For a guy to choose a relatives partner to do this to what would he do to someone who he didn't know very well or at all?

juvenal

For starters, what happened is unacceptable and no-one should have to put up with this, especially in their own home.

To all the posters who are calling him a pervert, and that this is the start of sexual deviance etc., cop on. Yes, the act was outrageous, but we don't know the exact situation apart from what was described in the original post. There is a very real possibility that the boy was asleep and is still not even aware of what has happened - and you want to wade in gung-ho and publicly embarrass him before we even know the facts? There's also a possibility that he has serious issues and this wasn't an accidental (for want of a better word) or isolated incident, and he needs professional help. It's clear that whatever happened, he obviously harbours some sexual attraction towards the OP, and there's nothing particularly wrong with that - but acting on it or making a move on these feelings is way offside. He's an 18-year-old male, and I'm guessing that the OP is in her 20's or 30's.

He also was obviously drunk, and anyone seasoned drinker knows that after 6 cans you're well on the way to being drunk; and an 18-year-old is bound to be more than worse for wear. The alcohol is in no way an excuse, but it is a mitigating factor, which could explain whether he was sleepwalking or not.

If she decides to tell her partner, there's a chance he might fly off the handle and go for his cousin. Do you think kicking the lad's ass is going to solve the problem or achieve anything?

I personally would have a quiet chat with him and discuss what happened. If he knows what he did, and was awake at the time, then it's a whole different ball game, even taking the alcohol into account. He might initially deny it, but he'll soon talk. Even if he knows what he did, he probably hasn't a clue that the OP knows; as she said she could only see him through the reflection of the mirror. You could even say that your partner knows, and you just wanted to deal with it discreetly. I would be hesitant to involve the partner and extended family from the start, but it would probably depend on the personalities involved.

I'd also wonder why he'd leave his boys all over the door if he was consciously awake rather then clean up after himself. Surely if he was awake he'd want to remove all evidence from the crime scene, although if he purposely did that you've a whole new set of problems.

Have a talk with him and suss out what exactly happened - then decide where to go from there. Until you know the facts there's no point in deciding whether this was a weird event brought on by a number of factors, or if there's something more sinister behind it.

Don't bother with the people here who want to see him added to the Sex Offenders Register based on one post.:rolleyes:

Swampy

You should tell your fella. This could only get worse. Very strange behaviour.