Breaking up with pregnant girlfriend

LegacyUser

My girlfriend is pregnant, but I initiated a breakup. Somewhat because of the babies, but mostly down to us fighting all the time, even before the pregnancy. I don't know how i should be feeling

MagicMarker

If you don't want to be with her anymore then don't. Staying together for the sake of a kid is a bad move.

Just be sure to be a grown up about it for the sake of your childs upbringing.

MugMugs

Dont break up with her !

Work this out. People get stressed over silly things and take it out on the person they are closest too ! It is Murphy's law !

Work on this. Why are ye fighting ? How would you BOTH ultimately feel should you seperate ? Do you BOTH think that there is something that you could both work towards ? Do you BOTH see a future for each other !?

As for the child. Your going to be a Daddy if your with your girl or not. Dont stay with her because of the child but at least give it a lash knowing that one is on the way !

**Caroline**

You seem fairly confused (no pun intented on the name)... are you together long? And does your girlfriend know how you're feeling??

Your head is probably all over the place if you've just gotton the news of the pregnancy so try not to make any hasty decision that you might regret later!! Also, keep in mind that your girlfriend is in a vulnerable and delicate position right now and is bound to be hormonal.

Assuming this wasn't a planned pregnancy, your girlfriend is probably in as much shock and as confused as you are!! Maybe take some time-out to yourself to have a think about what you want for your future etc. Do you love your girlfriend enough to make a real go of it?? And if you do, you'll have to sit down and talk it out maturely. Either way, there's a fair amount of planning/discussing to be done for the future so you'll have to talk it out eventually.

If the break-up is imminent, try to do it as gently as possible as no matter how things go with yourself and your girlfriend, there will be a baby involved in a few months time so it's best all round to keep the break-up as clean as possible.

Annie Bananie

As said, you gonna be a dad no matter if you are with the girl or not. So you and her need to solve your issues no matter if you gonna stay together or not. Cause this girl is going to be the mother of your child, forever. Which means you will have contact and have to deal with her, forever..

Dont ever let your child get in between. You both need to agree and get along for the benefit of the child. Then its up to you if you want to stay as a couple or not.

cobweb

Before offering any advice hop you dont mind if i ask the following

How old are ye?

Apart from the baby how do you feel about her and how do you feel about the relationship?

If there wasn't a child involved could you see yourself with her longterm?

LegacyUser

Financially, it will be hard to provide for the 3 of us, even though we are in my house. Financially it would be better for her to have her own place with the baby. I told her i would move out until she finds a place.

She is not on speaking terms with her family, and has no one to turn to. I will always be there for the child no matter what. But i'm not feeling so much for my GF as much as i did when we met.

I'm finding it hard to see a future for us.

girl_friday

confu5ed wrote: »

Somewhat because of the babies

twins or do u have a child together already??

LegacyUser

Only one baby, sorry.

LegacyUser

I'm in my early thirties.

LegacyUser

I know I will probably be a minority but I would advise to stay for the sake of the child.

Over the years I have met a large number of people who's parents separated. Almost without exception, they yearned for both parents together.
The future now includes a child. Your respeonsibility now includes that child. What you want and your girlfriend wants should take second place. By bringing a child into the world you have implicitedly taken on certain responsibilities and , therefore, given up certain fredoms.
Sorry if that sounds harsh. But your post is just completely selfish. Sure you talk about how you feel, but no attempt to see how life will be from the child.
Incidently, why should the child, with his/her mother move out. Allow the child and mother to stay in you house until the child is adult. That could be your contribution - if you do decide to leave.

Placebo

MagicMarker wrote: »

If you don't want to be with her anymore then don't. Staying together for the sake of a kid is a bad move.

Just be sure to be a grown up about it for the sake of your childs upbringing.

stupidest thing ive heard, you knock her up and now you want to leg it?

Chinafoot

confu5ed wrote: »

Financially, it will be hard to provide for the 3 of us, even though we are in my house. Financially it would be better for her to have her own place with the baby. I told her i would move out until she finds a place.

Do you mean financially better for you or for her? I fail to see how her being on her own with your baby would be financially better for her.

confu5ed wrote: »

She is not on speaking terms with her family, and has no one to turn to. I will always be there for the child no matter what. But i'm not feeling so much for my GF as much as i did when we met.

I'm finding it hard to see a future for us.

It sounds like you've made your decision but you should probably ask yourself a few questions. Did you stop seeing a future once you found out she was pregnant? Be honest about it. Are you freaking out at the prospect of becoming a father?

Talk to her. I wouldn't make any rash decisions. If you leave her now while she's pregnant with your child it could be very, very hard to go back as she could see it as you betraying her at her most vulnerable.

Trinity

So you are living together, fighting all the time and you wait til she gets pregnant to realise there is no future and then you break up and tell her to move out and get her own place?

How do you think you should be feeling. Pretty bad for the girl I would say. She has no one to turn to, no contact with family and has just been dumped her by live in partner who got her pregnant. I imagine she is confused, scared and downright heartbroken?

While I dont advocate staying together for the sake of the children, an unhappy environment with 2 parents can be more detrimental than a happy single parent household, you do have to realise that you have responsibilities now, financial at the least, and you need to sit down with her and work out the best course of action. There are pregnancy counselling services available to couples and not just single mums. You might want to look into it. Has she said she wants to keep the baby?

It may be a shock but you are not a teenager, and you need to step up to the plate here and take other peoples feelings into consideration while you are at it. I'm not saying you have to stay, but be as kind as you can when you are looking out for number one.

Also dont mess her around. If you have made your decision then make sure you tell her that it is final and if she makes the decision to have the baby alone well so be it. But the right thing to do is support her morally during hte pregnancy, if she has no one else its the least you can do.

You can still do your part and not have a relationship. DOnt abandon her and i would be careful about blaming money. These things can be worked out and i've survived with fcuk all and my kids still had food on the table and clothes on their backs.

minidazzler

My advice, Get a really good job, then get another really good Job and take really good care of those Kids.


And Always be there for them. Always!!! Sounds obvious I know but I have a buddy he had a kid recently and he is doing ****e because he has no proper job adn doesn't like having to stay sober on a Friday night whie the kids Mam, (A One night stand) Gets Sh1tfaced for a weekend.)

Wibbs

This may come across as harsh and I make little enough apology for that. What apology I do make is because I'm going on little enough info and your partners side is an unknown.

Much as I despise the term I do think you need to grow up, or at least grow a pair, with a side order of backbone. You're a 30 odd year old man, so try acting like it. If you were 17 I could see some reasoning behind this, but I'm sorry at your age all bets are off. Yes you may be freaked out at any stage of life, but when you are an adult it's how you react to that response that marks the men from the twats.

Responsibility is too often a dirty word in the rush for personal gratification and self centered guff.

Now that you have responsibility along with your partner in bringing a child into the world, work on it. Hard. If after you've genuinely worked on this and it still doesn't work out, then leave but take full account of your childs future and well being. Do not leave him or her a legacy of an unhappy childhood, just because you were afraid.

Wurly

Wibbs wrote: »

Do not leave him or her a legacy of an unhappy childhood, just because you were afraid.

I cannot stress that enough. An unhappy childhood can affect some for the rest of their lives!!

I think it's time you started to look at the big picture here and stop being selfish. There are two other people that you have to consider in this situation!

herya

I absolutely agree with Wibbs - you don't have to continue the relationship in the future if you feel unhappy in it, but you have your responsibility towards the child, and especially during pregnancy, towards its mother. You don't have to be a couple anymore but you need to support the baby and to a degree take care of the mother. And I don't mean just money here - throwing her out of your house right now seems a really bas***rdly thing to do. Your child would be right to despise you if you do that to its mother at her most vulnerable.

Karen_*

How long are you with the girl? Give it a chance because you're feelings might just seem like they've changed due to the circumstances. But even if you really really don't want to be with her any more you are the father of her child and you can at least be a friend to her. She's got no one and she's pregnant so don't saddle her with having to find somewhere else to live just yet. i'd imagine she isn't up to looking. And its a pity you didn't figure out your feelings before she got pregnant. My heart really goes out to her. Talk about being in the middle of a nightmare.

Overheal

Look out Peter Pan, it's time to grow up.

MagicMarker

Placebo wrote: »

stupidest thing ive heard, you knock her up and now you want to leg it?

Well that's your opinion, unfortunately for you it's wrong.

Staying with someone SOLELY because you have a child with them is the stupidest thing i've heard of.

OP, you haven't really been completely clear here on your reasoning behind breaking up. If you honestly just don't want to be with this person anymore because you don't have any romantic feelings for her, then my advice still stands. It will do more harm than good to stay in a relationship for the sake of the child.

However, if you're just to afraid of 'family life' and having a kid around all the time, which really does appear to be the case by your responses, then i agree with everyone else. Grow up.

Redpunto

In all honesty youre not the one going through the difficult bit, shes the one whos pregnant and needs you there, even just as a friend and father. Just ensure she knows youll be there for her and the babes no matter what and focus on the pregnancy, you can work out the relationship issues once babe is born. It aint about you anymore,,,all that matters is the babe, ensure you are in a decent job with decent benefits because youre going to need it to take care of your baby and the mum.

LegacyUser

I'm always going to be there for the child, and the mother, I'm not going to abandon them. I just don't feel that this is what I want in life, not now, and maybe not with this person.

This relationship was fizzling out before the pregnancy, now look where I got us

jellie

While i dont agree with breaking up with her because shes pregnant, it kind of shows what kind of person you are. this is when she needs you most & youve left her alone.

Personally, a man who would run off on me at a time like this is not someone i would want around me. & i dont think id want to be in a relationship with somebody because they felt guilty for leaving me. She & the child deserve better than that.

Wibbs

confu5ed wrote: »

I'm always going to be there for the child, and the mother, I'm not going to abandon them.

Good, but that's easy to say, the reality and actions behind that sentiment will be what makes the difference.

I just don't feel that this is what I want in life, not now, and maybe not with this person.

ahhhh bless. Sorry, life happens and not usually to a plan. This is the reality of your situation. You have started on the process of sharing a lifetime of connection with your child and indeed the mother of same. The fact is, what your "feelings" are and what you want is all lovely but a large part of that went right out the window the second you were going to be a parent. Time to stop being self centered, frankly childish and step up to the plate.

You can do it. You'll a damn sight better man if you do.

herya

confu5ed wrote: »

I'm always going to be there for the child, and the mother, I'm not going to abandon them. I just don't feel that this is what I want in life, not now, and maybe not with this person.
This relationship was fizzling out before the pregnancy, now look where I got us

Split with her then, but be there for her during the pregnancy, and for her plus the baby after. If you have such intentions - great. But what you were saying about your living arrangements did indeed sound selfish. I think that the wise words about being a father and a friend if you don't want to be a partner anymore are the best advice you can get.

pickarooney

How do you 'initiate' a breakup? Either you broke up with her or you didn't. Either way, if the relationship's dead, it's dead. Sucks, but hey.

HashSlinging

Wow, shocking show of humanity mate, think the best thing you can do is patch things up, put it down to early day nerves. This girl needs you now, give it 12 months, you might feel different after the babys born. Its a hard one to take but you gotta take it like a man. You cant just "break up" cause you lost your bottle...pun

maryjmul

confu5ed wrote: »

My girlfriend is pregnant, but I initiated a breakup. Somewhat because of the babies, but mostly down to us fighting all the time, even before the pregnancy. I don't know how i should be feeling

Hey confused you made your bed now lie in it take a look at the statics's kids do better with 2 parents doing a legger while she is pregnant where are your morals sending this quote mopping while you want to walk on your pregnant partner there are enough one parent families in this country thank god its not the 70s or else you would have been made to marry her !!!! MAKE IT WORK !! no sympathy from me

LegacyUser

What use am i to the baby or the gf if I'm going to feel like **** all the time, cause I'm not happy?

It's not about running away because she is pregnant, it's calling a spade a spade, and breaking up for the both of us cause it's the thing to do.

I know my responsibilities and I'm not walking away from them. And please don't patronize me about the 70's, this is not the 70's.

LegacyUser

the relationship is less than 2 years.