how to broach the subject of a hairy back....

Madame Razz

Hello all

I know this sounds silly, and please dont laugh, but I need a little bit of advice...

I met a guy recently, lovely guy, its early stages but all signs are good...

We haven't 'gone there' yet, but i'm aware that he has an exceptionally hairy back and shoulders.... we're talking a jumper here, and not to be shallow or anything, but i just cant stomach it, its one of my pethates and completely turns me off, and this is probably the worst case I've ever seen!!!

I dont know how i can bring myself to actually get intimate with him, but i know its very shallow to give him the heave-ho just cos of some body hair.

And also, its far too early for me to say GET IT WAXED OR ELSE!!! Not that I ever would, anyway!

What to do??? Grin and bare it, or give him the p45???

Im by no means perfect myself, but have always loathed the whole hairy back and shoulders thing, hairy chest...lovely.....back and shoulders......uuuggggggggggghhhhhhh **shudder**

Any advice welcome!!;)

PI

---

>:pac:


Tell him in such a way as that u dont crucify his confidence. Tell him it'd bring him from a 9.5 to a 10. Whatever way u do it make sure its veiled as a suggestion/compliment rather than "yuk, thats disgusting".

LadyE

Ohh tough one...dont really know what advice to give you..

Could you grin and bear it until you find out if this is actually heading anywhere..could be a bit soon to be saying 2I like this, and I dont like that"..you could offend him unnessecarily.

WindSock

Don't shave your legs for ages. Then when it comes time to getting it on, wave a hairy leg in front of his face (in a graceful and delicate manner) and see his reaction. If he says anything then broach the subject of his back and shoulders.

Dragan

You are forgetting that you mentioning it as in issue may get YOU the P45.

I would suggest that seeing as you are not getting your groove on yet to just leave it and see where it goes.

If you do end up in a relationship will you expect him to stay hair free at all times?

I know plenty of girls who wouldn't put up with that demand, let alone dudes.

Doctor DooM

I know this is crazy talk, but how about you be honest and tell him you find it a bit of a turn off.

I say this as a hairy person, I wouldn't mind doing it for someone I care about.

Lust is blind, if you don't fancy him enough to be unfathomably ok with the fuzz.
Then you don't fancy him enough to be with him tbh.

Madame Razz

Dragan wrote: »

You are forgetting that you mentioning it as in issue may get YOU the P45.

I would suggest that seeing as you are not getting your groove on yet to just leave it and see where it goes.

If you do end up in a relationship will you expect him to stay hair free at all times?

I know plenty of girls who wouldn't put up with that demand, let alone dudes.

I would never demand that of anybody, nor would i want anybody to demand it of me; although i keep myself pretty much hair free anyway so it would never be an issue.

I dont know where the whole thing is going. I do like him, and we have been on a few dates which have went well. Hes doing everything right but i cant see beyond the fact that hes actually the hairiest man i have ever seen and im running out of excuses to avoid intimacy.

I've never been such a nun in my adult life, I'd say by now he is really wondering what going on with me and wondering is he ever going to get into my bed. But i really dread what might happen when we eventually go there, as i tend to have quite a physical reaction to things i dont like... and then how will the poor guy feel??

So confused, hairy back and shoulders have been my pet hate for years.

Maybe i need to get over myself and just go for it?? Or maybe i should just spare the guys feelings and just say its not working out yadda yadda...


confused.....:(

Madame Razz

Moonbaby wrote: »

Lust is blind, if you don't fancy him enough to be unfathomably ok with the fuzz.
Then you don't fancy him enough to be with him tbh.

Well we got a bit hot and heavy on our first date...thats when i discovered the fuzz/ fully blown hair jumper.......**shudder**

And since then....... ** shudder**

You could literally plait the stuff if you wanted..... **shudder**

And its the fact its so jumper-like...its like a mohair sweater...

O, Jaysus, im gonna hurl just thinking about it....... uuugggghh....

Anti

Immac that gorilla while he sleeps.

AMIRITE

Disco Stu

I'd go for the honest approach and just mention it... seems similar enough to any other "body hair" removal conversation which might be a bit awkward to start with...!!

Otherwise don't let him take his top off....

My 100th post was a semi sensible one... who knew...!!

barbiegirl

I always thought I hated hairy chests, backs etc. Then I met my oh and he's very, very hairy and I love it. I guess I love him, and therefore accept him as he is, so not a turn off.
Agree with someone else if you don't fancy him enough to get over the hair, you don't fancy him enough.
Just my two pence worth.

Madame Razz

Maybe you and moonbaby have a point...

maybe Im just not that into him.

I suppose, thinking back on my exs, if they had been hairy i doubt it would have put me off, i dont know that for certain, but i doubt it.

Maybe I should just call time on the whole thing altogether, it might be easiest.

Its not fair to keep dating him and almost lead him on as it were, plus hes quite serious, so I doubt if i told him that i found the back hair a turn off that it'd go down too well.

Its the option that makes most sense isnt it??!

Thanks guys!!

Quality

My darling husband... has got the hariest legs .. When he takes off his trousers you would think he still had them on...


Anyway, they keep me warm, so I dont complain... Love is blind... Give him a chance.:)

Madame Razz

Hairy legs= no problem

Hairy chest= actually prefer it

Hairy 'down below'= unless its ridiculous, no problem

Hairy arms=doesnt bother me

Hairy hands= if very hairy not so good

Hairy lower back= ya, thats ok

Hairy shoulders= vile

Hairy upper back= vile

Hairy back AND shoulders= viler

Really Hairy back and shoulders(that continue on from chest hair)= vilest!

Shallow rnt I!!!;)

Jules

Not really i cant stand a hairy arse!

BeansMeansHynes

Oh god. I am so horrible but hairy men freak me out so much. I shudder at the thought.

If it was me and I couldnt see past the hairyness, I would dump him but not tell him the reason as it might give him a complex.

Zaph

Get some velcro, and if the side with the little hooks doesn't cling to his back unless it's pressed on firmly then he's probably not really all that hairy.

jellie

I think the people who said if its an issue then maybe you dont fancy him enough may be right.

thinking about it my ex had a hairy lower back (that kinda went down towards & onto his ass a bit) & i never paid the slightest bit of attention to it, barely even noticed. thinking about it now repulses me a bit though...

Ginny

Meh, Hairiness, smairiness, to me the hair is a part of him, you like him, you like the hair.

sar84

sar84 wrote: »

thinking about it now repulses me a bit though...

Waitago Sara! ~highfives!!~

Madame Razz

Seriously though, I do have serious issues with the whole hairy back and shoulders thing, and I think its regardless of the man 2bh.

I mean, theres no getting away from it....

A man wears a shirt/t-shirt, its poking out the collar....eeeeewwww

If you even get to the whole intimacy bit, Doggy style is the only way you would get away from the hair.

You wake up in the morning, he has his back to you..... HEY FOREST!!!


He gets up to the bathroom....what do you see....

Heck, he could probably borrow my hairdryer....ugggggghhhh....


Vielleicht I just have hair issues...but seriously.... I had a VERY bad experience when I was nineteen **shudder**

Miss Fluff

Personally I love a hairy bloke but the whole shoulder thing would put me off a bit too. Suggest taking a bath together, soap him up EVERYWHERE and then gently suggest shaving said furry parts and promise him a treat after, he may like to shave parts of you in return, it'll make it look like it was all his idea if you make it worth his while;)

Anti

Im telling ya, a spray of immac while hes sleeping will do the job.

Phlann

Oh, suck it up (figuratively). For the moment, at least.

If you say it to him now his crazy-b1tch-trying-to-change-me-after-one-date senses will start tingling. Say it after a month or two. It's not that big a deal.

If men asked you to start changing your appearance before they'd even slept with you you'd be pissed off too so just grin and bear it for now.

If he likes you he'll ignore the spidey senses........go for the Anti!

stovelid

Ask him a bit further into the relationship.

Also, in return, make a similar sacrifice. Let him request that you change something you are not bothered by, but he would like to change. He can request that you lose (or gain) weight, change your hair colour, get a boob-job or whatever.

Madame Razz

Phlann wrote: »

Oh, suck it up (figuratively). For the moment, at least.

If you say it to him now his crazy-b1tch-trying-to-change-me-after-one-date senses will start tingling. Say it after a month or two. It's not that big a deal.

If men asked you to start changing your appearance before they'd even slept with you you'd be pissed off too so just grin and bear it for now.

Ya, I wouldn't say it to him, not even jokingly, as i said, hes a serious kind of a guy and I doubt it go down too well.


We have another date Friday, hes hinting at staying over, still haven't decided whether i'll let him or not.

One glimpse of the shoulders and he could be in the spare room!!!

I know i shouldn't be making such a big deal about it but it REALLY freaks me out......sad but true....

Ginny

Then don't go out with the guy?

Madame Razz

stovelid wrote: »

Ask him a bit further into the relationship.

Also, in return, make a similar sacrifice. Let him request that you change something you are not bothered by, but he would like to change. He can request that you lose (or gain) weight, change your hair colour, get a boob-job or whatever.

Ok, its not a relationship yet...nowhere near it, it might never be!!

And i think asking a guy what would he like to change about my physical appearance would be a bit strange to be honest.

In fairness, i do keep myself pretty well, and this hairy guy seems very happy with how I look and dress; in fact all his nice compliments almost freak me out a little.

And i'd never get a boob job done for a man, i'd only ever have surgery like that for myself, and realistically its not something i would see myself doing unless i had to.

As i said, I'm meeting him again this weekend and we'll see how it goes;)

Madame Razz

GinnyJo wrote: »

Then don't go out with the guy?

That would make me shallow. I don't give a men a fair chance usually(i've been criticised for this); so it's something I'm trying to work on.

Its the new leaf i've turned over this year.....

Doesn't turn so well when there's hairy shoulders involved tho:eek:

manukahoney

manukahoney wrote: »

That would make me shallow. I don't give a men a fair chance usually(i've been criticised for this); so it's something I'm trying to work on.

Its the new leaf i've turned over this year.....

Doesn't turn so well when there's hairy shoulders involved tho:eek:

Who critised you for that and who are they going out with?

Your revulision is natures way of telling you, that you aren't of a dispostion to love and nuture hairy backed offspring.

About turn.

bangersandmash

manukahoney wrote: »

That would make me shallow.

To be honest I think you're a little far gone to worry about that. If you don't find it attractive, that's perfectly understandable. But asking a man who you barely know to change his appearance for you is a little demanding to say the least. If he told you that he'd consider having sex with you, once you've spent a few more weeks in the gym, how would you take it? Men can be sensitive about body issues too.

Presumably he has dated other women who didn't have a problem with this, so it's possible that he won't take your suggestions too kindly - and then you won't have a problem to worry about at all. As others have said it sounds like you don't like him all that much, so maybe best to move on.

justsomebloke

manukahoney wrote: »

That would make me shallow. I don't give a men a fair chance usually(i've been criticised for this); so it's something I'm trying to work on.

Its the new leaf i've turned over this year.....

Doesn't turn so well when there's hairy shoulders involved tho:eek:

truthfully you are only trying to make this work cause it is a new years resolution and not because you want to.

you say you keep yourself neat. Did he ask you to do this or do you do it for yourself? cause if you are doing it for yourself then it has no bearing on this topic

Phlann

Moonbaby wrote: »

Your revulision is natures way of telling you, that you aren't of a dispostion to love and nuture hairy backed offspring.

Evil! :pac:

I say give the ape-man a chance. You could always 'accidentally' tear the hair out in the throes of passion.

justsomebloke

Phlann wrote: »

I say give the ape-man a chance. You could always 'accidentally' tear the hair out in the throes of passion.

As a hairy man myself all I can say is that if you try this you better be in your own bed as otherwise you'll find your ass on the floor a lot quick then you ever thought possible :D:D

jsb

jsb wrote: »

As a hairy man myself all I can say is that if you try this you better be in your own bed as otherwise you'll find your ass on the floor a lot quick then you ever thought possible :D:D

Oh please who do you think you are you kidding!

stovelid

manukahoney wrote: »

And i'd never get a boob job done for a man, i'd only ever have surgery like that for myself, and realistically its not something i would see myself doing unless i had to.

Maybe he won't change anything about his body for you?

If the issue had medical implications, like being overweight, I could handle being asked to change but if a woman said to me: wax your chest and I'll find you more attractive, I'd be out of there.

I honestly think that asking somebody to change their appearance has long-term implications. Does he start thinking: sh*t, I have to get waxed this week or she'll start finding me repulsive?

If your revulsion about his hairiness is that strong (and that's completely OK and your business) why not just move on and find somebody that's more attractive to you?

Finding something physically unattractive in someone is not shallow, it's natural.

Madame Razz

bangersandmash wrote: »

To be honest I think you're a little far gone to worry about that. If you don't find it attractive, that's perfectly understandable. But asking a man who you barely know to change his appearance for you is a little demanding to say the least. If he told you that he'd consider having sex with you, once you've spent a few more weeks in the gym, how would you take it? Men can be sensitive about body issues too.

Presumably he has dated other women who didn't have a problem with this, so it's possible that he won't take your suggestions too kindly - and then you won't have a problem to worry about at all. As others have said it sounds like you don't like him all that much, so maybe best to move on.

Read my posts!!! I have said that I dont exactly feel comfortable telling the guy to get rid of the fuzz or else. I DONT feel I have the right to!!

And yes I do keep myself neat. Which doesnt have any bearing on things fair enough, but if I do go to bed with this guy his hairiness will be all the more obvious as I'm pretty much hair free!!

He is a nice guy. and I have written guys off too easily in the past, often for stupid reasons, and i can think of at least one time when i was too rash too quickly and lived to regret it, but by the time i realised i had made a mistake the guy in question had moved on.

I feel shallow for hating this guys hairiness, i mean its completely natural and hes a very decent bloke who has been nothing but nice and kind to me.

Yet I am so repulsed by excessive hairiness that i cant cope it. Part of me thinks its so stupid to knock this guy just cos hes hairy,even tho the thought of being near it makes me want to hurl....

Methinks he gots to go...... of course I wont tell him the real reason why tho, that'd be just cruel.

Karen_*

Just get rid of him. Its obviously my ex and he's a total creep and not a nice guy!:D:p

Dragan

If someone has a physical issue that you cannot get around there is nothing wrong with nothing things on the head with them.

We all do it all the time.

Madame Razz

Karen_* wrote: »

Just get rid of him. Its obviously my ex and he's a total creep and not a nice guy!:D:p

LOL:D

Was he from Co.Galway???;)

stovelid

manukahoney wrote: »

Methinks he gots to go...... of course I wont tell him the real reason why tho, that'd be just cruel.

Think of the kinky times you could have with Velcro wallpaper though?

barbiegirl

My OH found this thread last night and I could see on his face that all the horrible comments about hairy men were hurting him. He is self conscious of his hair but not the type to wax, a big 6' 4" hairy gaa man. I adore him as he is, and the hair was never as issue, though he was the very first hairy guy I was ever with. Truthfully, yes you are shallow, but so are we all. I hate bad teeth, can't see past them, so I never dated guys with them, if this is what turns you off, move on. Truthfully this lovely guy deserves better. How'd you feel if you found him posting here about a really nice girl, but she has blonde hair and he finds it a turn off, he prefers brunette. Yep you'd be livid. Move on for his sake as much as your own.

Madame Razz

barbiegirl wrote: »

My OH found this thread last night and I could see on his face that all the horrible comments about hairy men were hurting him. He is self conscious of his hair but not the type to wax, a big 6' 4" hairy gaa man. I adore him as he is, and the hair was never as issue, though he was the very first hairy guy I was ever with. Truthfully, yes you are shallow, but so are we all. I hate bad teeth, can't see past them, so I never dated guys with them, if this is what turns you off, move on. Truthfully this lovely guy deserves better. How'd you feel if you found him posting here about a really nice girl, but she has blonde hair and he finds it a turn off, he prefers brunette. Yep you'd be livid. Move on for his sake as much as your own.

***smack on my wrist***

Is that a dig at me being blonde?? I'm back to my own dark hair now as it happens, AND he told me that he prefers it.

I didnt mean to offend your OH. I am not at the stage with this man that I can see past the hairiness, and my aversion to hairy shoulders and back sounds akin to your aversion to bad teeth.

We're going to dinner Friday night. this will give us an opportunity to get to know each other by ourselves, without distractions from friends etc.

I suppose its sort of a test, a chance to have a real chat with him, and establish if I really can(or want to) get beyond the Hairy issue and actually make a go of it, or if my shallowness will once again get the better of me.

Wish me luck;)

barbiegirl

Nope no problem with blondes. Barbie girl is blonde

tallaght01

As a hairy-backed man, I reckon humour is the way to go.

Tease him about it, and he'll get the message.

Signpost

I got my back waxed last night ha. ironic seeing this today! It doesnt really hurt that much tbh. Was with the gf yrs before she told me and i felt so guilty when she did say it I just hopped up on bed and let her wax away. nicer for gym etc anyways with sweat.
All in all tell him get it done twice and wont look back... excuse the pun

Madame Razz

So tonights the night I encounter the hairy one again.

Have been freaking out all day.

Don't think I can see beyond it, and don't think tonight is going to go well....

Wish me luck:rolleyes:

stovelid

manukahoney wrote: »

So tonights the night I encounter the hairy one again.
Have been freaking out all day.

This is starting to read like the diary of an overreacting teenager now.

He's got a hairy back - not a disease or disfigurement.


Just ask the guy to wax or dump him, ffs.

Maple

Pull the plug. Its way too early for this sort of reaction.

If you're not into him, you're not into him. Just because he's nice etc doesn't mean that you HAVE to fancy him.