Guidelines for you ladies, by men...

Will

Ok before the ladies here tear me to pieces, i was posting this as a sort of p!ss take but some of them are quite true. They would be very helpful for the men in your lives. Some are serious, others are jokes.

Number 11,16 and 35pay close attention to. Number 1 might be pushing it :pac:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question for which you don't want an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the seasons. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot, your exboyfriend is an idiot, and your Dad probably is too.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar and leave a note a week before on the bathroom mirror.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

23. Check your own oil.

24. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

25. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

26. It is in neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

27. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

28. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect to act like soap-opera guys.

29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

30. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how much prettier you are?

31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the offramp, your saying, "This is our exit," is not strictly necessary.

*hides*

GirlInterrupted

Can't argue with any of that really.:rolleyes:

Wilburt

Wilburt wrote: »

4. If you ask a question for which you don't want an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Men never ever tell the truth, they dig canyons for themselves by feeding you what you want to hear as opposed to what they think.

Loopy

That obviously years and years of research Wilburt yeh :P

Will

looptheloop: nope was browsing reddit and came across it.

moonbaby: As I said some are joking but others actually make sense I think.

SarahSassy

:D

cuckoo

Wilburt wrote: »

31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

I honestly don't get that one.

Is it a reference to rubbing the man up the wrong way, a "happy ending" to a massage or a warning about old lamps?

Will

...presume it's about uhm hand shandys.

GirlInterrupted

Moonbaby wrote: »

Men never ever tell the truth, they dig canyons for themselves by feeding you what you want to hear as opposed to what they think.

Actually very true:)

ChewChew

Will, are you really THAT bored. :rolleyes: Rasher sammich??

Will

Moonbaby wrote: »

Men never ever tell the truth, they dig canyons for themselves by feeding you what you want to hear as opposed to what they think.

I don't agree with the part where we men always lie and dig canyons for ourselves. Maybe you've just been unlucky?

Wilburt

Wilburt wrote: »

I don't agree with the part where we men always lie and dig canyons for ourselves. Maybe you've just been unlucky?

I just think that you can ever trust that what you are listening to is the truth.

Even in work or college. You can't trust that a male will do something or you simply because they said they will.
Because they are like the japanese, they say yes to be agreeable and avoid conflict.

I'm in a bad mood today.....Lewis Hamilton won the gp.

Whats the biggest lie you have ever told a girl?

Will

I'm in a bad mood too, snap.

I still don't think women lie though and don't paint all of you with the same brush. Of course you can't know whether a guy is telling the truth or not, but if you know them well, get on with them and trust them. well then maybe they might be sincere and honest? You gotta trust people in general (not just men) to get on with them, can't function without it.

Biggest lie I've ever told a woman? *thinks*

Hmm, I don't know. I told a friend once that I was sick and thats why I didn't go to her party. Was out in town drinking with other people instead was the truth. I felt bad though and told her a week later when giving her her present.
Please don't go saying 'ha SEE all men are liars!' everybody lies from time to time, whether it's a small white lie or a big durtay one. Everybody, lieing isn't just a male thing.

Sherifu

You're a brave man Wilburt.

It's a good list though.

Zaph

Don't agree with this one

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Short hair ftw, although I do think I'm in the minority on that one.

It's spot on about cats and dogs though.

Wilburt

Wilburt wrote: »

I'm in a bad mood too, snap.

I still don't think women lie though and don't paint all of you with the same brush. Of course you can't know whether a guy is telling the truth or not, but if you know them well, get on with them and trust them. well then maybe they might be sincere and honest? You gotta trust people in general (not just men) to get on with them, can't function without it.

Biggest lie I've ever told a woman? *thinks*

Hmm, I don't know. I told a friend once that I was sick and thats why I didn't go to her party. Was out in town drinking with other people instead was the truth. I felt bad though and told her a week later when giving her her present.
Please don't go saying 'ha SEE all men are liars!' everybody lies from time to time, whether it's a small white lie or a big durtay one. Everybody, lieing isn't just a male thing.

I'm disappointed by the scope of your lie......surely Sherifu can do better.


Of course everyone lies, of course saying all men lie all the time is an exaggeration.

Will

I'm a crap liar so don't do it often.

Looby_Loo

#16 is particularly true IMO

Sherifu

Moonbaby wrote: »

I'm disappointed by the scope of your lie......surely Sherifu can do better.


Of course everyone lies, of course saying all men lie all the time is an exaggeration.

Hmmm?

Will

Looby_Loo wrote: »

#16 is particularly true IMO

Yes we need to be told, I get hints but only once they've been laid out in cement :pac:

Sherifu

Sherifu wrote: »

Hmmm?

The best biggest most amusing and or embarrasing lie that you have ever told?

Looby_Loo

Its something I need to learn.
I have been talking to exes, thinking I am being really clear about what I want and they just wouldnt have the foggiest what I mean.
Especially the last guy who was terrible at buying presents and all the hints in te world did no good at all

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

too bloody true. short hair works on a very, very small percentage of women. the rest of them just look like incredibly effeminate men with tits.

Looby_Loo

Looby_Loo wrote: »

Its something I need to learn.
I have been talking to exes, thinking I am being really clear about what I want and they just wouldnt have the foggiest what I mean.
Especially the last guy who was terrible at buying presents and all the hints in te world did no good at all

Those people just don't appreciate the art of making people happy with gifts.

stringy

Princess Innocent Knickers wrote: »

too bloody true. short hair works on a very, very small percentage of women. the rest of them just look like incredibly effeminate men with tits.

agreed unless you're natalie portman i guess. A girl i was going out with (who will prob read this) played a trick on me when she got her hair cut. She told me she got it cut really short and to be prepared, even her mum was saying how short is was and that she was upset. So anyway she arrives in with her hair tied up to look super short, I said Oh yeah "it's nice", actually thinkin "oh balls". Anyway she couldnt keep a straight face. She still had her long luverly silky shiny bruntter head of hair mean trick though >:(

Sherifu

Moonbaby wrote: »

The best biggest most amusing and or embarrasing lie that you have ever told?

Oh right.

metaoblivia

Wilburt wrote: »

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

Feck that. My cat stays and any guy better learn to deal with it, as I'd be willing to deal with his dopey canine.

Jackz

stringy wrote: »

So anyway she arrives in with her hair tied up to look super short, I said Oh yeah "it's nice", actually thinkin "oh balls". Anyway she couldnt keep a straight face. She still had her long luverly silky shiny bruntter head of hair mean trick though >:(

Happened me before, they said I looked like I was in shock as if my pet had died.

Zaph

metaoblivia wrote: »

Feck that. My cat stays and any guy better learn to deal with it, as I'd be willing to deal with his dopey canine.

/looks up rule book to see if this is a bannable offence

johnnyskeleton

Zaph wrote: »

Don't agree with this one

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Short hair ftw, although I do think I'm in the minority on that one.

It's spot on about cats and dogs though.

He meant head hair. Obviously muff hair should be trimmed.

johnnyskeleton

stringy wrote: »

agreed unless you're natalie portman i guess. A girl i was going out with (who will prob read this) played a trick on me when she got her hair cut. She told me she got it cut really short and to be prepared, even her mum was saying how short is was and that she was upset. So anyway she arrives in with her hair tied up to look super short, I said Oh yeah "it's nice", actually thinkin "oh balls". Anyway she couldnt keep a straight face. She still had her long luverly silky shiny bruntter head of hair mean trick though >:(

I know a girl who got her hair cut really short and when she showed her then boyfriend he dumped her straight away and never looked back.

What a legend.

Weidii

Princess Innocent Knickers wrote: »

too bloody true. short hair works on a very, very small percentage of women. the rest of them just look like incredibly effeminate men with tits.

Not so long ago I cut my hair off so my boyfriend (who I wanted to seperate with) wouldn't find me attractive anymore. Unfortunately it had the opposite effect

Zaph

Weidii wrote: »

Not so long ago I cut my hair off so my boyfriend (who I wanted to seperate with) wouldn't find me attractive anymore. Unfortunately it had the opposite effect

Surely it would have been easier to just tell him you wanted to finish with him? See #16 in the list.

Weidii

Zaph wrote: »

Surely it would have been easier to just tell him you wanted to finish with him? See #16 in the list.

I'll keep that in mind the next time :P

metaoblivia

Zaph wrote: »

/looks up rule book to see if this is a bannable offence

Splendour

Wilburt wrote: »

Ok before the ladies here tear me to pieces, i was posting this as a sort of p!ss take but some of them are quite true. They would be very helpful for the men in your lives. Some are serious, others are jokes.

Number 11,16 and 35pay close attention to. Number 1 might be pushing it :pac:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question for which you don't want an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the seasons. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot, your exboyfriend is an idiot, and your Dad probably is too.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar and leave a note a week before on the bathroom mirror.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

23. Check your own oil.

24. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

25. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

26. It is in neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

27. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

28. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect to act like soap-opera guys.

29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

30. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how much prettier you are?

31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the offramp, your saying, "This is our exit," is not strictly necessary.

*hides*

Have to say, as a female, I'm totally (ok, well almost , in tune with the above; as female I believe in quality, but also understand we're different... (...and how

Black Swan

Wilburt wrote: »

20. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.

When you say "no," why does he think you really mean "yes?"

Crumble Froo

haha, hate that one!^

34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

well, c'mon, let's face it... the fecker thought he was in India....

watna

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

He meant head hair. Obviously muff hair should be trimmed.

What about leg hair? I'm having issues with allergies at the moment and can't shave my legs. It's not pretty but my bf didn't even notice til I pointed out to him how gross it is!

It's cold here. I'm covered up a lot!

Weidii wrote: »

Not so long ago I cut my hair off so my boyfriend (who I wanted to seperate with) wouldn't find me attractive anymore. Unfortunately it had the opposite effect

Did he turn out to be gay?

Reku

Moonbaby wrote: »

Because they are like the japanese, they say yes to be agreeable and avoid conflict.

You've been lucky so, when they're the customer they'll treat you like sh*t and openly insult you, it's when you're the customer they're all smiles and complements.:mad:

Can't think of any really bad lies I've ever told a girl to be honest...

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

When you say "no," why does he think you really mean "yes?"

Why do you sometimes say "no" when you mean "yes", or "yes" when you mean "no", or "I'm fine!" when you mean "oh why don't you FOD!?". Your wiley head games confuse us.
As mentioned before subtle hints don't work, so if you say something we will take it at face value, reading into it distracts us from whatever else we could be paying attention to or keeping an eye out for; e.g. sports, food, women, cars, some weird techno-gadget we don't need & have no use for but for some unknown reason absolutely must have.:D
Reading into things only generates needless drama, which as men we prefer to avoid, much as we do the televised make believe drama.

Crumble Froo wrote: »

haha, hate that one!^



well, c'mon, let's face it... the fecker thought he was in India....

Yes, but like a true man he refused to admit he'd taken a wrong turn and stuck to his guns that he was exactly where he'd meant to be and so we have American Indians.:D

Crumble Froo

oh man, im dreadful for saying 'yes/no' when i actually meant 'no/yes'... heh, can't imagine what kinda idiot would actually stick with me...

Reku

Crumble Froo wrote: »

oh man, im dreadful for saying 'yes/no' when i actually meant 'no/yes'... heh, can't imagine what kinda idiot would actually stick with me...

So are you coming back to Ireland for a visit? Remember you just said that you'll regularly say "yes" when you mean "no"!:D

Crumble Froo

that was mean.

hell yeah always means hell yeah though.

Reku

Crumble Froo wrote: »

that was mean.

hell yeah always means hell yeah though.

Had to see if you'd been paying attention and could figure out how to respond in manspeak: i.e. "yes" in this case (as this is not a situation to do with sex men will not try to read into it more than the answer given since there's not enough on the line if we get it wrong:D).







*You may be getting the idea I have little respect for my own gender, wouldn't be far wrong TBH, but then I'm a misanthropist so my views & lack of respect for people is compliant with all legislation regarding equality and discrimination.:P

Crumble Froo

farohar wrote: »

Had to see if you'd been paying attention and could figure out how to respond in manspeak: i.e. "yes" in this case (as this is not a situation to do with sex men will not try to read into it more than the answer given since there's not enough on the line if we get it wrong:D).

but that's like the trap of when you havent done something, and people say that if you deny it, it just proves that you have, and if you admit it, it just proves that you have anyway!

but yep, arriving home aug 27th, can't wait!

Star Lord

Moonbaby wrote: »

Men never ever tell the truth, they dig canyons for themselves by feeding you what you want to hear as opposed to what they think.

Some of us never lie, as it's pointless.

Crumble Froo

actually... i think i just about completely believe that, coming from you.

Dragan

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

When you say "no," why does he think you really mean "yes?"

Because he's a fooking moron! :pac:

Reku

Crumble Froo wrote: »

actually... i think i just about completely believe that, coming from you.

Which just goes to show that Damo's a great liar, he can tell you anything and you'll believe it. Remember Damo, you must only use this power for good, well that or to get laid...:p

Will

I'm a terrible liar, when i try to look into things I get the wrong end of the stick and thus causes drama/conflict which I hate. Hints have to be spelled out on billboards for me, somedays though I do get inspiration and lavish gifts on a lucky few.

Damo, if you lie you get beatings, Amy told me so

Star Lord

Simple fact of the matter is even if I wanted to lie, I couldn't. I simply couldn't keep a straight face!
If you lie you get caught eventually, so what's the point. Be honest with people, earn the trust you want.

And Will I get (attempted) beatings anyways

Also: Thanks Crumble Froo