Want girlfriend to lose weight

jeob · 15-05-2008 6:02pm #1

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15-05-2008 6:08pm

Break up with her.
Attraction is about chemistry not inchs.

Smellyirishman · 15-05-2008 6:12pm

Moonbaby wrote: »

Break up with her.
Attraction is about chemistry not inchs.

Are you saying that there is no such thing as physical attraction? Or are you arguing that physical attraction doesn't matter in a relationship?

OP, if you've spoken to her and she says no then it's up to you how you wish to proceed.

kowloon · 15-05-2008 6:13pm

Pi55 poor attitude, you would be better off holding off on relationships until you're mature enough to appreciate someone.

One night stands are based purely on looks, trying to change your other half is what we usually something we accuse the wimmins of.

Faerie · 15-05-2008 6:15pm

You'd get more sympathy if she was a size 8 originally and then put on weight during the relationship but you knew what you were getting to start with. She hasn't changed, you have so it would be unfair to demand she change if she's comfortable.
However, if it really bothers you you should probably just talk to her about it. If she really wants to save the relationship maybe she'll think it's worth the effort. I know people say honesty is the best option but in my opinion, bring up the subject with extreme tact!

justsomebloke · 15-05-2008 6:16pm

why don't you just tell her the truth

Sangre · 15-05-2008 6:18pm

Moonbaby wrote: »

Break up with her.
Attraction is about chemistry not inchs.

stop reading cosmo and come join the rest of us in the real world.

Smellyirishman · 15-05-2008 6:18pm

jsb wrote: »

why don't you just tell her the truth

OP: "i even ask her "politely" and as sensitively as i could to lose some weight (which didnt go down well)"

justsomebloke · 15-05-2008 6:20pm

Smellyirishman wrote: »

OP: "i even ask her "politely" and as sensitively as i could to lose some weight (which didnt go down well)"

chance are though that he is beating around the bush and isn't actually telling her that he is no longer attracted to her.

magooly · 15-05-2008 6:20pm

get her a pet dog that wants pleny of walkin..

MILF · 15-05-2008 6:20pm

Faerie wrote: »

You'd get more sympathy if she was a size 8 originally and then put on weight during the relationship but you knew what you were getting to start with. She hasn't changed, you have so it would be unfair to demand she change if she's comfortable.
However, if it really bothers you you should probably just talk to her about it. If she really wants to save the relationship maybe she'll think it's worth the effort. I know people say honesty is the best option but in my opinion, bring up the subject with extreme tact!

My sentiments exactly. Imagine she felt the same way about your manhood?

tribulus · 15-05-2008 6:25pm

MILF wrote: »

My sentiments exactly. Imagine she felt the same way about your manhood?

Lol, true, although save from trying out some funky hotmail pills there's not much he can do about that! Where as she could do something about her weight. BUT, I agree with the above, she's obviously happy the way she is and thought you were too which you implied by the fact you were fine with her weight for the last 2 years!

kowloon · 15-05-2008 6:26pm

OP, what were you thinking when you posted this in the Ladies Lounge?

Dellboy2007 · 15-05-2008 6:31pm

Buy her a bike for her birthday? Or, if you can afford it, lipo.

15-05-2008 6:33pm

Smellyirishman wrote: »

Are you saying that there is no such thing as physical attraction? Or are you arguing that physical attraction doesn't matter in a relationship?

No. The words you read obviously do not make inside your head in tact.

I said he should break up with her, because sexual chemistry is there or it isn't.
It isn't magically going to appear because she fits some physcial preferance he has.

15-05-2008 6:34pm

Sangre wrote: »

stop reading cosmo and come join the rest of us in the real world.

Never been in Lust?

jb-fletcher · 15-05-2008 6:37pm

to be quite honest i find your posting hurtful. your poor girlfriend, looks fade but personality and love always stays the same. really you should break up because if you loved her you would care if she had a bit of meat on her,

Predhead · 15-05-2008 6:41pm

jb-fletcher wrote: »

to be quite honest i find your posting hurtful. your poor girlfriend, looks fade but personality and love always stays the same. really you should break up because if you loved her you would care if she had a bit of meat on her,

I disagree. He obviously loves her and doesn't want to break up with her so why are there people telling him to?

He can't help how feels, why should he be berated for it. All he's done is state a preference. We all have them.

Anyway OP I'm not too sure what else you can do. Maybe highlight the dangers of a continously bad diet and lack of exercise...maybe she'll just change her mind in time and it just hasn't 'hit her yet' ya know.

kowloon · 15-05-2008 6:41pm

Forget my previous posts, this is a Troll. First post ffs!

Abi · 15-05-2008 6:43pm

jeob wrote: »

to cut a long story short, i've always been attracted to slim athletic women (size 8 ish), 2 years ago i met a girl who was not realy "my type" (5'6 size 14) but it turned out she was a realy cool person and i was some what attrached to her. we started going out and now we 2gether 2 years and i love her bits. she is still the same size but now im just not that attracted to her physicaly i guess i just always thought that some where down the line she would lose the weight.

i know im being a bit shallow but i cant help the way i feel, i have tried to get over this, to put it to the back of my mind but i cant its fustrating the hell out of me!

i've try getting her to come to the gym with me.
im i swimming club i tried to get her to come to that with me.
i try to get her to come on walks eating more healthly ect
but she's just not interested
i even ask her "politely" and as sensitively as i could to lose some weight (which didnt go down well)
i'm not going to break up with her coz i realy do love her.

What should i do?

magooly wrote: »

get her a pet dog that wants pleny of walkin..

Seems like the nicest option so far

OP, Im not going to shoot you down in flames, because in your heart of hearts I think you mean well for her. Its kinda dangerous posting in here though!

What I suggest to you is try her from a the angle that you are concerned for her health. It is a tricky one to approach any woman with.

What is her actual build like? from what you've given on her height and size, she doesnt come across as badly out of shape.

People who keep fit do so in their own way. Some like running or aerobics or spin cycling. If she hasnt been in the habit of working-out she doesnt really have a niche yet.

Stay away from the size issue altogether, explain to her that you didnt explain yourself well, and that you apologise. You say you love her, tell her that again and thats why you need her to be around for as long as you can have her!

Its a suggestion anyway.

jeob · 15-05-2008 6:45pm

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Puddleduck · 15-05-2008 6:53pm

Oh dear god. You can have a preference, but if you really love her accept her just the way she is, if it bugs you all that much and you want a girl with a size 8 waist then break up with her and find someone else. Having someone harp on at you, however well meant, is gunna start to grate on her eventually.

kowloon · 15-05-2008 6:55pm

Fair enough, but you have picked the worst possible forum for sympathy!

TBH I don't think you would do much better in PI.

Theres no way you can talk to her about this without deeply offending her, so theres not much you can really do about it.

Slow Motion · 15-05-2008 6:58pm

kowloon wrote: »

Fair enough, but you have picked the worst possible forum for sympathy!

TBH I don't think you would do much better in PI.

I agree! Bring it on over to BGRH and we'll deal with issue with all the seriousness it merits!

Smellyirishman · 15-05-2008 7:00pm

Moonbaby wrote: »

No. The words you read obviously do not make inside your head in tact.

Yeah... I wonder how that happened.

Moonbaby wrote: »

I said he should break up with her, because sexual chemistry is there or it isn't.
It isn't magically going to appear because she fits some physcial preferance he has.

Eh.... what?

So if I find a girl of size 8 physically attractive and then she ballons to a size 24, I'll still find her attractive?

jeob · 15-05-2008 7:01pm

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King of Kings · 15-05-2008 7:18pm

kowloon wrote: »

Pi55 poor attitude, you would be better off holding off on relationships until you're mature enough to appreciate someone.

One night stands are based purely on looks, trying to change your other half is what we usually something we accuse the wimmins of.

aside before one night stand are about sex. end of .
if a one night stand was tops in the looks department you wouldn't leave it at a 1 nighter ,except in the case where she turns out to be a nutcase , you'd ensure another date was asked for.

jeob wrote: »

im not looking for smypathy, im looking for advice, and i thought that no one knows women better than women. thats why i posted in this forum

you're perfectly entitled to air your concerns. It's some misnomer peddled about by some pinkos <insert do gooders tag> that once you love somebody their physical shape matters not.

however i do find it odd in a way - she hasn't changed since you met her.
So the onus is on you to resolve this in your head. she hasn't let herself go in anyway and has doing nothing wrong.

jeob · 15-05-2008 7:33pm

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echosound · 15-05-2008 7:34pm

How is her overall build?

If she's a size 14 and 5'6", and you have a preference for a size 8, I hate to break it to you but the chances are she'll never be a size 8 - her actual bone structure means her hips will never get down to 26" or whatever the measurement is, as it would by physically impossible to alter her pelvisbone etc. Same goes for general shape - she's not going to be able to shrink her ribcage or backspan, so you have a few choices - love her the way she is (which actually sounds fine IMO - it doesn't sound like she's overweight or anything, just a normal average size and healthy), dump her and find some waif that pleases you, or come to a compromise and accept she'll never get down to that build, but see if she does want to lose some weight and tone up (if she needs it that is and if she wants to herself as well) and meet halfway at a size 10-12, which is probably as far down sizewise she can physically go.

TBH though, if a fella was going out with me for 2 yrs, met me as a size 14, and then admitted he really wanted to be a size 8 frame, I'd not be long about telling him to sling his hook and go find a size 8 for himself.

I'd approach this very carefully or you may find yourself without any girlfriend. I don't think any woman takes well to her weight being criticised.
Personally speaking, I find it a very shallow thing to fixate on sizes - if you love her, you love her, not just one particular aspect of her appearance, and that's that really.

How would you feel if she started going on that she preferred blonde fellas if you have dark hair, would you dye it for her, or would you put in coloured contact lenses if she said she was attracted to brown eyes not blue, or would you go weight training and knocking back the protein shakes if she announced she wanted a big muscly beefcake? maybe she doesn't like your nose, would you get rhinoplasty to alter it for her?

How would you feel if she decided she was into superskinny guys and you just weren't skinny enough for her and never could be due to your build? Or that you're too short/tall, or your feet are too big/small - these are things you can't change, and often, a person can't really change their shape drastically weightwise either, as the body often balances itself at the weight it "should" be, and it's extremely hard work to maintain a weight that's either too much or too little for your natural shape.

Have a serious think about how you feel about your GF - someone banging on about size 8s when they are a size 14 can not only be annoying in the extreme but damaging to self confidence if the one person who is meant to love you thinks you look rotten and too fat and is not attracted to you. If you find you can't get past the size thing, best thing to do is to split up and you find your size 8, and she can find another guy who loves her for who she is not what he wants her to be.

ztoical · 15-05-2008 7:37pm

Predhead wrote: »

Maybe highlight the dangers of a continously bad diet and lack of exercise...maybe she'll just change her mind in time and it just hasn't 'hit her yet' ya know.

maybe but he hasn't really given enough information to judge if her diet is actually bad - he just says she is a size 14 which honestly means feck all. He doesn't say she has gained weight in the two years they've been together but is the same size - if she had gained weight or lost weight and gained it back maybe I'd see his point but from what he says she hasn't changed. Also he doesn't say he is worried for her health or well being he only cares about his attraction to her therefore it is his issue not hers why should she have to change?

Lux23 · 15-05-2008 7:41pm

How bizarre? Just break up with her if you think shes not good enough for your exacting standards, she would be far happier with a decent man.

jeob · 15-05-2008 7:48pm

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Puddleduck · 15-05-2008 7:52pm

jeob wrote: »

i am a decent man, i love my gf very much, and if most man were in my shoe they would solve this problem by cheating on there gf, i'm not like that at all

No men wouldnt, immature boys do. Im really thinking this is a troll

sharkie2008 · 15-05-2008 7:53pm

i think getting a dog is a good idea as the walks would be good exercise for her. if she doesn't fancy the gym why don't you suggest the two of you taking up dance classes or something a bit more enticing? i wouldn't be happy if i was in your gf's situation but if its getting to you so much then i would suggest more tact if bringing it up in the future. also you may have to just face facts that perhaps she is happy with her body and does not feel the need to change herself, even for you.

jeob · 15-05-2008 7:59pm

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ztoical · 15-05-2008 8:00pm

jeob wrote: »

i am a decent man, i love my gf very much, and if most man were in my shoe they would solve this problem by cheating on there gf, i'm not like that at all

def starting to smell troll - most men would not do that. I hope all the nice lads of the ladies lounge will shout out and say so.

tribulus · 15-05-2008 8:01pm

sharkie2008 wrote: »

i think getting a dog is a good idea as the walks would be good exercise for her.

Wtf? Getting a dog shouldn't be done on a whim, especially as a means to lose weight. It's a big commitment and ideas like that are why so many dogs end up in shelters or dead.

Puddleduck · 15-05-2008 8:02pm

jeob wrote: »

well i realy hope ur "man" isn't an immature boy in disguise because a hell of a lot of them are

Troll. End of

A Primal Nut · 15-05-2008 8:03pm

Moonbaby wrote: »

No. The words you read obviously do not make inside your head in tact.

I said he should break up with her, because sexual chemistry is there or it isn't.
It isn't magically going to appear because she fits some physcial preferance he has.

Actually, for most fellas it probably would. I guess we're a shallow bunch haha.

Rowley Birkin QC · 15-05-2008 8:06pm

Lady baiting FTW.

Is a joint LL and BGRH thread merge possible?

jeob · 15-05-2008 8:09pm

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Jules · 15-05-2008 8:09pm

Ok guys the op is looking for advice, if you don't have some to give don't comment. If you find a particular post offensive, report it and we will look at it then. Yes it's probably not the best forum to start this thread in, but he has done so lets try and be a little constructive.

Dudess · 15-05-2008 8:30pm

Lux23 wrote: »

Just break up with her if you think shes not good enough for your exacting standards, she would be far happier with a decent man.

I think that's unfair. There's nothing to suggest the OP isn't a decent man. This culture of tiptoe-ing around female weight gain is not healthy.

ztoical · 15-05-2008 8:36pm

Dudess wrote: »

This culture of tiptoe-ing around female weight gain is not healthy.

but she hasn't gained weight - he is pretty clear in his first post that she is the same weight now as when they started dating 2 years ago.

Puddleduck · 15-05-2008 8:38pm

Dudess wrote: »

I think that's unfair. There's nothing to suggest the OP isn't a decent man. This culture of tiptoe-ing around female weight gain is not healthy.

This isnt tiptoeing around an issue, hes brought it up several times and shes having none of it, so his choices are either drop it and accept its who she is or find someone new.

Dudess · 15-05-2008 8:48pm

It still fits under the same umbrella as all the threads started by guys here who say they'd be more attracted to their girlfriends if they lost weight.

And while he may not be tiptoe-ing around it, he's being made to feel like an asshole for not doing so.

jeob · 15-05-2008 8:49pm

before i leave i'd like to tell this story in a different way "i met this girl i like her but i didnt like that she smoked, because i liked her so much i over looked the fact that she smoked, now 2 years later we're still together in a loving relationship but to be honest i realy wish she would stop smoking"

if i had have joined this forum and told my story like that story u'd all be saying if "she realy love me she'll stop smoking" not "well she smoked when u met her, so deal with it"

smoking and her being over weight its the same thing

many thanks to those who tried to help me out

seeya

Abi · 15-05-2008 9:05pm

jeob wrote: »

before i leave i'd like to tell this story in a different way "i met this girl i like her but i didnt like that she smoked, because i liked her so much i over looked the fact that she smoked, now 2 years later we're still together in a loving relationship but to be honest i realy wish she would stop smoking"

if i had have joined this forum and told my story like that story u'd all be saying if "she realy love me she'll stop smoking" not "well she smoked when u met her, so deal with it"

smoking and her being over weight its the same thing

many thanks to those who tried to help me out

I've maintained from the start that I thought you meant well. Try not to take too many negative posts to heart, when you are trying to be genuine - these have a real effect on you. Walk away from it, take positives with you.

Its obvious you came for real advice, your posts are deleted because those who flamed stung you. I have a great solution to it I use if nessesary.

LOL
/Disconnect.

Puddleduck · 15-05-2008 9:13pm

I dont get how he was flamed, he got advice, he may not have liked it, and Id say the same for smoking, if you know what your getting into when it starts out then you cant turn round suddenly and demand she change. Its like if she had a preference for guys that are 7 foot tall, and starting pressuring you to stretch to see if you could grow, it just doent add up.

Abi · 15-05-2008 9:29pm

Puddleduck wrote: »

if you know what your getting into when it starts out then you cant turn round suddenly and demand she change..

Im pretty sure he didnt though. Think about it, of all places here.

Puddleduck wrote: »

Its like if she had a preference for guys that are 7 foot tall, and starting pressuring you to stretch to see if you could grow, it just doent add up.

I agree with you in theory, but weight is soooo tetchy for women. You have to admit that.

My own greatest fear is my OH's health. Not his appearance. I love his bit of belly, adds insulation in the winter! :pac: but what I do know is - its not healthy. Hes started coming out for a walk with me in the evenings and we get to have a rant about our day. I think by throwing helpful stuff in rather than fighting the guy, he might make some healthy choices for his lady.

Ive been much bigger than the OP's OH, but Im an 8 now. Its time we stop playing the victim card tbh. Not many women are going to agree with me. I get it, judging by the posts I've seen here. But it was a long journey for me, and I've seen both sides of the spectrum.

Puddleduck · 15-05-2008 9:35pm

Abigayle wrote: »

Im pretty sure he didnt though. Think about it, of all places here.

I agree with you in theory, but weight is soooo tetchy for women. You have to admit that.

My own greatest fear is my OH's health. Not his appearance. I love his bit of belly, adds insulation in the winter! :pac: but what I do know is - its not healthy. Hes started coming out for a walk with me in the evenings and we get to have a rant about our day. I think by throwing helpful stuff in rather than fighting the guy, he might make some healthy choices for his lady.

Ive been much bigger than the OP's OH, but Im an 8 now. Its time we stop playing the victim card tbh. Not many women are going to agree with me. I get it, judging by the posts I've seen here. But it was a long journey for me, and I've seen both sides of the spectrum.

I meant that he knew what he was getting into with his gf sizewise, sorry.

Yea, you lost weight, and fair play.Yes I agree that weight is a touchy subject, but I disagree thats its just a touchy subject with just women, men are the same. You lost weight, Im guessing, for yourself, not for your other half. The OP is asking his girlfriend to do something she dosent want to just for the sake of making him happy. You should expect your other half to accept you for who you are, and how you look, if not then theyre not for you.

Want girlfriend to lose weight

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