Funerals

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Moonbaby wrote: »

And you can't just bury yourself in bog, it has to be in a cemetry afaik.
A few years back some family wanted to bury their daughter in the back garden and they weren't let.

I remember reading somewhere that if you own the land, you can apply to your local planning authority to be buried there. I can't find a link to where I read this, all I can find is info on this in the UK:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/3630221.stm
http://www.woodlands.co.uk/blog/conservation/green-burial-can-i-be-buried-in-my-woodland/
http://www.westwiltshire.gov.uk/print/index/advice-benefits/deaths/burial-on-own-land.htm

Zulu

I would like to be be either:
a) fed to the winner of a tiger vs polar bear fight (I'm still convinced the bear will win)
b) have a 5 hour latin requim mass in a stuffy church starting at 12am, to be moved a min of 15 miles in rush hour traffic to a cemetry in the rain. Maximum pain in the arse.

bill_ashmount

Charlie3dan wrote: »

The last time I attended a funeral I was actually disturbed by some of the things the priest said in his sermon. Apparently though, everything he said was quite standard in funeral services and that would be what you'd hear at any funeral.

Funerals and weddings are the same. Most people don't listen so it doesn't bother them. I do and I find it disgusting. I usually stand at the back of the church because I normally leave before the end, I find my patience runs out after about a half an hour of some priest lecturing. Probably shouldn't go in the first place but I do out of respect for the person getting married/buried.

nesf

bill_ashmount wrote: »

Probably shouldn't go in the first place but I do out of respect for teh person getting married/buried.

Meh, anyone who would expect someone to be at the church part of the thing when it obviously bothers them isn't someone worthy of respecting tbh*. Plenty of people skip the church bit and attend either the removal, burial or whatever of the funeral process.




*Ok, this gets waay trickier if you're very closely related to the person in question (ie the dead one or the groom/bride) and your family is touchy about your non-belief. In that case I'd normally say just going and zoning out for the hour is the best strategy for peace/least hassle reasons but that mightn't work for some people who feel very strongly about it.

pH

Never really understood religious funerals, I thought you got judged on your life once you died, so by the time of the funeral the decision is made so to speak.

Now many religions seem to at least hint that although the above is their official line there is some wiggle room for the faithful with prayers. If not what exactly is the point of prayers for the dead? They're already in the most glorious place imaginable (heaven?) or burning in hell, either way I don't quite see what a prayer does for them?

That's not to say I don't understand secular funerals, celebration of a life, a chance for those left behind to come together and pay respect, meet each other, offer condolences etc. Lots of great reasons for a secular funeral, and even the secular parts of a religious one but I cannot understand why a funeral needs a religious element, put another way does the religious funeral (or lack of) make any difference to what happens to the deceased person's eternal soul?

Xhristy

This post has been deleted.

Overheal

screw all that nonsense. All my organs are probably crap anyway. Just cremate my body and spread the ashes somewhere crazy; that way nobody feels compelled to visit my grave or take care of my urn.

gramlab

Regardless of how, where etc. a person dies I see no problem at all attending a funeral mass or whatever. I would be doing it out of respect/friendship for the person or their family. I'm acknowledging the person, not the belief.

JCB

pH wrote: »

does the religious funeral (or lack of) make any difference to what happens to the deceased person's eternal soul?

Good question. I obviously don't know the answer!
Some christian churches say that the person's soul will go to purgatory before being reunited with God, so praying for God to forgive the person's sins on earth would be a reason for a religious funeral. Technically prayers could be said anywhere, but around the coffin of the person does seem like a good place to pray for the person.

Also, the funeral service of the Catholic church involves making a sacrifice to God in honour of the person who has died, again no better time to do this than at the funeral. Since Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice, Catholics pray that God will welcome the follower of Jesus into heaven.
Considering that the Catholic person would have started their Christian journey with God at baptism at the church then finishing that earthly life at the church would also make sense.

Galvasean

Zulu wrote: »

tiger vs polar bear fight (I'm still convinced the bear will win)

Too right!

Ultra Classic

Charlie3dan wrote: »

The last time I attended a funeral I was actually disturbed by some of the things the priest said in his sermon. Apparently though, everything he said was quite standard in funeral services and that would be what you'd hear at any funeral.

Got me thinking that in this country it would be hard to avoid religious customs in these circumstances. If you want to be buried, graveyards are normally part of a church. So you'd have to have the standard funeral. Even with cremation, there's normally a priest performing a religious service (as far as I know).

I don't care what they do with me when I go, in fact I hope they don''t waste money on an expensive tombstone and coffin, but I really don't want to have some priest talking about how god has called me back to heaven.

What are people's feelings on this? How much would you let the feelings of your family influence this?

A funeral is the celebration of a life, not the occurrence of the death. It is a "vehicle" for the family to grieve, surrounded by family and friends.
The amount of "humanist" (non-religious) funeral services is on the increase in Ireland. What people have to remember is that when you pass away your funeral arrangements will be arranged by a family member or a person nominated by you. They only way to have your own wishes fulfilled is by you making your own funeral arrangements. A very prudent thing to do is to talk to your family and discuss what you would like.

Any funeral director in Ireland will gladly meet with you and put your wishes down on paper (no payment required). Once this is done you can tell your family you have your funeral planned and who your funeral director is.

The most unusual thing, in my opinion, is that Funerals take place so quickly in Ireland. The deceased is possibly buried within 48 hours of their passing! This short time span does not give the family to come to terms with their loss. The family are in deep shock, no matter how well prepared they thought they were, and before they know it the funeral is over.

Why do families do this to themselves ?? In the UK it's not unusual to have the funeral one or even two weeks after the death.

Zillah

I plan to harness the power of necromancy, as used in this thread, to bring myself back to torment the living.

farmchoice

Ultra Classic wrote: »

A funeral is the celebration of a life, not the occurrence of the death. It is a "vehicle" for the family to grieve, surrounded by family and friends.
The amount of "humanist" (non-religious) funeral services is on the increase in Ireland. What people have to remember is that when you pass away your funeral arrangements will be arranged by a family member or a person nominated by you. They only way to have your own wishes fulfilled is by you making your own funeral arrangements. A very prudent thing to do is to talk to your family and discuss what you would like.

Any funeral director in Ireland will gladly meet with you and put your wishes down on paper (no payment required). Once this is done you can tell your family you have your funeral planned and who your funeral director is.

The most unusual thing, in my opinion, is that Funerals take place so quickly in Ireland. The deceased is possibly buried within 48 hours of their passing! This short time span does not give the family to come to terms with their loss. The family are in deep shock, no matter how well prepared they thought they were, and before they know it the funeral is over.

Why do families do this to themselves ?? In the UK it's not unusual to have the funeral one or even two weeks after the death.

It's just a cultural thing I suppose. The general view in Ireland is that the delay in burring people in Britain is very unusual to the point of being slightly obscene, where the poor families have to wait up to 2 week to bury their dead.

Bloodwing

Ultra Classic wrote: »

A funeral is the celebration of a life, not the occurrence of the death. It is a "vehicle" for the family to grieve, surrounded by family and friends.
The amount of "humanist" (non-religious) funeral services is on the increase in Ireland. What people have to remember is that when you pass away your funeral arrangements will be arranged by a family member or a person nominated by you. They only way to have your own wishes fulfilled is by you making your own funeral arrangements. A very prudent thing to do is to talk to your family and discuss what you would like.

Any funeral director in Ireland will gladly meet with you and put your wishes down on paper (no payment required). Once this is done you can tell your family you have your funeral planned and who your funeral director is.

The most unusual thing, in my opinion, is that Funerals take place so quickly in Ireland. The deceased is possibly buried within 48 hours of their passing! This short time span does not give the family to come to terms with their loss. The family are in deep shock, no matter how well prepared they thought they were, and before they know it the funeral is over.

Why do families do this to themselves ?? In the UK it's not unusual to have the funeral one or even two weeks after the death.

I think the general idea is to get them in the ground quickly so we can all head to the pub.

Jimoslimos

Ultra Classic wrote: »

The most unusual thing, in my opinion, is that Funerals take place so quickly in Ireland. The deceased is possibly buried within 48 hours of their passing! This short time span does not give the family to come to terms with their loss. The family are in deep shock, no matter how well prepared they thought they were, and before they know it the funeral is over.

Why do families do this to themselves ?? In the UK it's not unusual to have the funeral one or even two weeks after the death.

Not sure how a rotting corpse helps anyone come to terms with their loss.

I think other cultures (Islamic maybe?) have strict limits on time to burial as well. Makes sense when you consider the risk of disease transmission.

seamus

Bloodwing wrote: »

I think the general idea is to get them in the ground quickly so we can all head to the pub.

Tongue-in-cheek though it might be, I suspect you're partially right - as an emotionally quite repressed nation, delaying in burying the body is probably seen as unnecessarily dragging out the death and a quick burial allows someone to suck it up and move on.

Though modern thinking now I reckon is that a longer mourning period gives the family time to comes to terms with the death. Spending time with the actual body would also (IMO) allow someone to accept the death faster than without. Even though dead, most people like to hold some kind of conversations with their loved ones, but the lack of a body means that it's an imaginary conversation in your head. Speaking to a lifeless body is equally fruitless, but the definitive lack of response would psychologically reinforce the notion of death and provide more closure (again, IMO).

There may also be a religious aspect to our fast burials - perhaps it was seen as unholy to have the body lying in state on unconsecrated ground (i.e. the person's home or the undertaker's), and so a swift removal of the body to the church was preferable. There may also have been some form of rent payable to the church for this privilege.
The church, not delighted to have a body sitting there for a week of masses, would then encourage the family to bury the deceased on the next non-holy day.

magicbastarder

i have read that the long time to bury in england is a hangover from when royalty were buried, and you'd have to allow time for dignitaries to be informed and travel to attend the funeral.

my own view is that it's better to get it over and done with, rather than hanging around in a kind of limbo waiting for your loved one to be buried.

Ultra Classic

Jimoslimos wrote: »

Not sure how a rotting corpse helps anyone come to terms with their loss.

I think other cultures (Islamic maybe?) have strict limits on time to burial as well. Makes sense when you consider the risk of disease transmission.

Embalming alleviates the need for "fast" burials. It is an astringent so the risk of transmission is almost eradicated. It also gives a "lifelike" appearance as apart from the greyish pall of death.

Other cultures may not allow embalming due to religious beliefs and the hot climate does not help either.

Ultra Classic

[/QUOTE] Though modern thinking now I reckon is that a longer mourning period gives the family time to comes to terms with the death. Spending time with the actual body would also (IMO) allow someone to accept the death faster than without. Even though dead, most people like to hold some kind of conversations with their loved ones, but the lack of a body means that it's an imaginary conversation in your head. Speaking to a lifeless body is equally fruitless, but the definitive lack of response would psychologically reinforce the notion of death and provide more closure (again, IMO).[/QUOTE]


That's exactly my point.

kylith

We just don't have a tradition of embalming here, so any corpse left above ground for more than a day or two would get pretty ripe.

farmchoice

Though modern thinking now I reckon is that a longer mourning period gives the family time to comes to terms with the death. Spending time with the actual body would also (IMO) allow someone to accept the death faster than without. Even though dead, most people like to hold some kind of conversations with their loved ones, but the lack of a body means that it's an imaginary conversation in your head. Speaking to a lifeless body is equally fruitless, but the definitive lack of response would psychologically reinforce the notion of death and provide more closure (again, IMO).[/QUOTE]


That's exactly my point.[/QUOTE]

correct me if im wrong, but in England after a person dies the body is not brought home by the relatives of the deceased and kept at home for a week or two to chat to.
As far as I know it's kept in a morgue until the funeral and burial. So I don't think you would be doing all that much talking to the corpse unless the practice is to go and visit it every day or so.

I'm not being funny I simply don't know all that much about the English way of doing things.

Personally I see nothing wrong with the Irish way. Someone mentioned that we tend to be emotionally repressed and while I would agree with this in general I think our dealing with death is possibly the exception.

Funeral going is part of Irish culture. You go to pay your respects to the dead and to show the living that in their grief you are thinking of them and to support them.

I always thought that dealing with hundreds of mourners in the day or two after a close relative dies must be traumatic for the family but after experiencing it myself I realized that its actually a comfort of sorts.

Nothing could make matters any worse then they are anyway and to have a whole communities support is a help. To sit and watch as hundreds of your neighbors friends relations and colleuges come to acknowledge your loss and show they are thinking of you is a small but real comfort.
People who I hadn't seen or spoken to in years came to join me in my grief and I will never forget them for it.

Peregrinus

I agree. I have to say that Irish funeral customs are in general much healthier than UK customs. Funerals in the UK are small, and don't signal anything like the same degree of community support and sharing that an Irish funeral does. The idea of preparing food and sending it around to the home of the bereaved seems to be unknown. And they haven't the first idea of how to conduct a wake.

I've always understood that moving directly on from death to funeral rites is psychologically healthy. It's an acknowledgement of the magnitude of the death, and its profound effect; you can do nothing until you have acknowledged and dealt with it; consequently it makes no sense at all to put the funeral off for days or weeks and in the meantime, e.g., continue to go to work.

On the other hand, maybe it's just that I like what I'm used to, and anything else seems strange.

Nodin

Jimoslimos wrote: »

Not sure how a rotting corpse helps anyone come to terms with their loss.

I think other cultures (Islamic maybe?) have strict limits on time to burial as well. Makes sense when you consider the risk of disease transmission.

.....same with the Jewish lads. Plus all the clothes and pictures of the deceased have to be out of the house by sundown the next day (though obviously thats going to depend on how observant the people are).