Accepting Drinks

GuanYin

What are the ideas here about accepting drinks?

I hang out with some pretty extrovert guys, in particular, my brother usually gets talking to drunk guys in bars (not as many drunk girls as he'd like).

Because of the whole Irish thing, drinks usually ensue, usually car bombs or whisky and I always end up with a really strong drink of something that I can neither handle nor like.

This comes with the added issue of the person who bought the drink, or his friend, wanting to talk to me for the rest of the night.

Its pretty much a taboo here, to refuse a drink, but even though it doesn't mean anything, its almost a free invitation to invade company.

So what do people here do? Has anyone refused a drink? How do they do it? Politely? With a put down?

Does anyone really buy a drink without motive?

Zee Deveel

Don't think people tend to buy drinks without motives, but some people just happen to have money and be in a good mood, and couldn't imagine others being in a pub and happy unless they have a drink, so it's their good turn!

Otherwise, yeah, I have no problem turning drinks down. I know what I like and usually know what I can handle, and don't like feeling 'forced' to drink something that is contrary to the above. Usually just a 'No thanks. No really, no thanks.' Say it firmly with a smile, usually works for me.

Nevyn

There is a difference between here and america, guys here will ask can they buy you a drink instead sending one over to you.

Loomis

It's a taboo? Fairly sad really. If you don't like or want something why should you be made do so to please others? Especially a person you don't know. Just refuse it. Do you really care what a random stranger will think if you do?

Wibbs

I reckon Zee Deveel has it right. I would turn down a drink no problem, but it may be easier for me as a bloke to do that?

I would very rarely if ever buy a drink for a woman unless we were already in conversation or I knew her. Smacks too much of a bribe to me to do so for a stranger.

Nevyn

Funny how we all learn to say No! really clearly and mean it when we are about two, ok it takes until about 3 before most get to no thanks but yet so many people seem to unlearn this skill as they get older.

MsFifers

I was out recently with a bunch of women from work and a guy we were sitting near got chatting to us all (he was v. pleasant and not at all drunk) and he offers to buy everyone drinks - a few rounds.

I was the only one who bought him one back - because I would have felt "under obligation" otherwise. None of the rest of them did though - they were perfectly happy to have him buy 3 rounds of drink for 5 or 6 women and not feel a) that they were taking advantage or b) under any obligation.

I found it a bit weird. Or am I weird?

The rest of them are a bit older than me, maybe they are from that generation where the men pay for everything...

Cathmandooo

MsFifers wrote: »

I was out recently with a bunch of women from work and a guy we were sitting near got chatting to us all (he was v. pleasant and not at all drunk) and he offers to buy everyone drinks - a few rounds.

I was the only one who bought him one back - because I would have felt "under obligation" otherwise. None of the rest of them did though - they were perfectly happy to have him buy 3 rounds of drink for 5 or 6 women and not feel a) that they were taking advantage or b) under any obligation.

I found it a bit weird. Or am I weird?

The rest of them are a bit older than me, maybe they are from that generation where the men pay for everything...

I'd be totally mortified if my gang did that. If a guy buys a drink, particularly a round I'd expect everyone to buy him a drink back. It's common courtesy, no one should be taken advantage of like that.

I've said no to plenty of drinks, saying I'm in a round usually puts them off considering how expensive drink is here. If I was bought one I'd feel obliged to buy one back and that's it.

GuanYin

Just to clarify, I usually buy a drink for anyone who buys me one. I earn enough not to need to be a gold digger.

I don't always drink what is bought either, but sometimes its hard to do without insulting the buyee.

WindSock

I hate that custom. Buying me a drink=buying into my company=hopefully will end in sexy time. Wouldn't it be easier just to pay for sex?
If someone buys me a drink, I always get them one back. I understand that some people like to buy others drinks not just for sex though.

justsomebloke

cause sometimes the lessons of the past need to be relearned

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCLs0jv_Efk

watna

I'm not a big fan of excepting drinks from men. I always make it clear I haev a bf when I think men are chatting me up (not that it happens very often!). If they seem genuine enough and are just friendly wanting a chat then I don't see a problem with it. I'll buy them a drink back if I get the chance, fair is fair after all. I was in Marbella last summer and was out with the girls, we all have bfs so weren't on the pull. We met a nice bunch of lads from Scotland and they walked to the club downstairs with us. One of them wanted to buy me a drink. However, if you've ever been to clubs in Marbella you'll know drinks are about €15 - beer is €10. I couldn't let him buy me a €15 drink. I do think he was just being friendly but I would have felt so guilty that he's paid €15 just for me to say bye and go off dancing with the girls!

Men have asked to buy me drinks in Irealnd too and sometimes, I dunno, there's just a feeling you get that it's more than a friendly can I buy you a drink, like they'll expect something. I always refuse these. I don't know how I judge if a guy is just being nice or expecting something it's just a gut feeling.

As for a night out when people keep buying you drinks you don't ask for (e.g. your birthday). I just give them away to people. Otherwise I'd be in an alcoholic coma!

John Mason

I was out in town with a friend one night mid week and a gentle sent over a bottle of champers, we knocked it back delighted with ourselves, we had no idea who sent it over and they came over to us either.

I used to live beside the Gresham and would go to Toddys a lot mid week for a drink, we were always getting drinks sent over, never had a problem accepting them or had any issues with it.

yeah for free drinks but if it is something i dont like i just wouldnt drink it

Star Lord

If you don't want it, simply say "No thanks!" and be insistant on it!

Reku

Unfortunately I think this is somewhat fuelled by girls who go out to blag their way to a go night and expect to be bought drinks by men.

But things to keep in mind:
1. As Thaedydal has raised as a very good comparison you're taught as a child not to accept gifts from strangers, how does this change when the gift is an alcoholic drink? If they get thick headed about it then at least you're seeing just how much of an a-hole they are without having to waste more than a half minute in their company.
2. Even should you accept a drink offered by a guy, just as with the whole "but I bought you dinner" BS some guys give, you have promised absolutely nothing in return and are perfectly entitled to knock back the drink in one go and walk out + get a cab home alone. It would be nice to assume that it was simply out of generousity that he was willing to pay, if nothing else you're doing him a favour of teaching him that buying a drink doesn't mean a thing.

SarahSassy

MsFifers wrote: »

I was out recently with a bunch of women from work and a guy we were sitting near got chatting to us all (he was v. pleasant and not at all drunk) and he offers to buy everyone drinks - a few rounds.

I was the only one who bought him one back - because I would have felt "under obligation" otherwise. None of the rest of them did though - they were perfectly happy to have him buy 3 rounds of drink for 5 or 6 women and not feel a) that they were taking advantage or b) under any obligation.

I found it a bit weird. Or am I weird?

The rest of them are a bit older than me, maybe they are from that generation where the men pay for everything...

Nope, they were users...

I would have no qualms about refusing a drink and if they by it anyway for you after you refused i would have no problem not drinking it...

This whole 'rounds' thing is another issue. I dont really agree with big round of 5 /6 upwards people. Its not about meanness its just that there tends to be way too much drink on the go and its does get expensive....

ChewChew

I hate it when girls go out and expect the fella to pay for their drinks all night. It's so irritating. I like to pay my way, I'll treat you tonight you treat me the next night, or I buy the first drink you get the next. I hate a dirty scrounge. drives me MENTAL!!!

And the amount of girls that go out for the free drinks is scandalous. An old friend of mine used to hang around the bar in clubs and randomly chattin to guys to get drinks out of them, I used to be away on the dance floor doin my thang but she'd always make sure she got herself a drink, and a drink for me too. She never got with any of the blokes, she literally just used them for the drinkages. Crazy or what!! needless to say, she no longer be ma buddy!!!

Sangre

i remember one night a guy tried to chat me up, I made it pretty clear from the start I wasn't gay, of course I still let him buy me some drinks. although that night did end with him following me to another club and offering me 1000e for a blowjob...*shudder*

ChewChew

Sangre wrote: »

i remember one night a guy tried to chat me up, I made it pretty clear from the start I wasn't gay, of course I still let him buy me some drinks. although that night did end with him following me to another club and offering me 1000e for a blowjob...*shudder*

and you didnt accept?? hahaha. oh that is nasty. damm prostitution. hahaha. you poor lad. (I'm sorry, but I cant stop laughing at that) hahaha

Joanne87

Nope I never accept drinks from randomers in a pub. Especially if they just brought it over without asking, call me cynical if you must but you never know what's in it! And I'm not referring to some weird and unusual cocktail either. Lot of weirdos out there....

I often do rounds with friends though, but we make sure it's all fair and nobody is left buying more than their share.

Water Sprite

I don't accept drinks from people I don't know at a bar either. I will admit, however, to sometimes drinking those that have been sent to me via the bartender. It's already been poured/mixed and one shouldn't be wasteful.

I'm perfectly capable of buying my own drinks, and I don't like the feeling that I'm obligated to talk to someone just because they bought me a drink. If I make conversation with someone, it has to be because I want to.

That's like the pay for dinner and have expectations question.

If a man takes a woman out to a nice place for dinner - say, first or second date - do men feel that it somehow obligates the date to ante up at some level....a kiss, hug, sex?

Do women feel some obligation to ante up somehow...a kiss, hug, sex, saying yes to a second date, even if you're not really interested?

You wouldn't think people would have still those kinds of expectations, but I know someone who recently went out with a man who expected "at least" a hug after dinner because he paid.

Dragan

Hmmmm, i could write on of those big long step by step "if yes/if no" pics for this one i think.

I'll summarise.

1) If someone offers you a drink then accept if you want to. Don't if you don't.

2) If someone gets pushy about getting you a drink a nice cutting comment normally does the trick. Might sound rude but the second someone harshes my mellow through that **** i have no interest in them anyway.

3) Any guy who thinks a girl saying yes to a drink = laid is a ****tard and should be dealt with as such.

LouOB

I hate people buying me drink tbh
It feels like I owe them one - particularly when I would only have enough cash on me for myself
Even if it was an 'innocent' drink ie friends bf gets drink in or boss- makes me feel uncomfortable

Babette08

I prefer to buy my own drinks tbh - unless it’s a guy I like or a guy I’m on a date with or going out with. And if so then I’ll do my best to buy one back assuming they allow me

You do feel obliged to chat to someone when they buy you a drink but in fairness on men I do think they use it more as an ice breaker than a vodka & cranberry = in like flin equation So for me personally it’s just easier to say I’m grand when they ask.


Most girls could easily do the whole free drinks for the night thing...not my idea of a good night though. Might be out of pocket €100 to €150 but at least I've my self respect in tact

Rob_l

Tis always funny when canvassed women always say no I never accept drinks, yet when Im out in bars I have on numerous occasions been asked by random women to buy them a drink, when im finished laughing they usually understand the situation.

I dont buy drinks I do think both men and women feel it is an attempt to buy affection not a guarantee of sex but definitely an opening

Ive been asked by girls Ive literally jsut met to buy them a drink and I always laugh in their face and say "buy your own drink". To ask for it is plain cheeky. Now if Im buyin one, and you're hangin out with me and it would be cool to do a shot together or something then cool but thats all it is. I have on occasion been bought drinks by girls, and I never felt any obligations or debt towards them but I will usually buy them one later in the evening if we're hangin out a lot cos I usually do that anyway even with mates, ie if Im buyin a jager or somethin I may buy 2 so Im not drinkin alone. Thats about it. Buying a drink does not mean you're in there, anyone who thinks it does is just deluded!

RedXIV

*sigh* i wish i was as sensible as most of ye. When i go for a night out, i'm grand at the start, sure i'll buy a drink for anyone that's out with me or if i see a mate of mine but when the drink starts to hit me......ooo bad times. I went home once after buying EVERYONE drinks, something like a 250 euro round and then everyone F**ked off :eek: I wasn't interested in anyone i just can't stop buying drinks when i'm twisted

ChewChew

RedXIV wrote: »

*sigh* i wish i was as sensible as most of ye. When i go for a night out, i'm grand at the start, sure i'll buy a drink for anyone that's out with me or if i see a mate of mine but when the drink starts to hit me......ooo bad times. I went home once after buying EVERYONE drinks, something like a 250 euro round and then everyone F**ked off :eek: I wasn't interested in anyone i just can't stop buying drinks when i'm twisted

your not my best mate by any chance are ya??? lols. she ALWAYS does this. so we have to get her on the side and tell her not to buy anyone a drink, or we tell her we'll get her drinks and mind her purse. madness.

I do accept drinks, but its only when appropriate and under the mental condition that I buy one back. If I felt there was sexual innuendo behind the drink bought for me, I wouldnt accept it, unless there was something more to it and was someone I knew and was interested in.

nomorebadtown

Deleted User wrote: »

Ive been asked by girls Ive literally jsut met to buy them a drink and I always laugh in their face and say "buy your own drink". To ask for it is plain cheeky.

yep, has happened to me a good few times. Queing at the bar and some girl comes up "hey, wanna by me a drink?" all the while twirling the hair and batting the eye lids, thinking they are **** hot - total cock tease looking for a free drink planning then to **** off once it in her hand, or else to milk the poor eejit for all the free vodka and limes he's worth. I usually just tell them i'm flattered but i'm not into drag queens or something to make them piss off in a huff.

ChewChew

nomorebadtown wrote: »

yep, has happened to me a good few times. Queing at the bar and some girl comes up "hey, wanna by me a drink?" all the while twirling the hair and batting the eye lids, thinking they are **** hot - total cock tease looking for a free drink planning then to **** off once it in her hand, or else to milk the poor eejit for all the free vodka and limes he's worth. I usually just tell them i'm flattered but i'm not into drag queens or something to make them piss off in a huff.

Girls STILL do this?? bloody hell thats rediculous. I hope there arent too many gullable feckers out there

RedXIV

ChewChew wrote: »

Girls STILL do this?? bloody hell thats rediculous. I hope there arent too many gullable feckers out there

I'm WORKING ON IT!!!!

ah what can i say, if i was talking to someone for more than 10 mins i'd offer em a drink. i'm a sucker for trying to makes a good impression

ChewChew

RedXIV wrote: »

I'm WORKING ON IT!!!!

ah what can i say, if i was talking to someone for more than 10 mins i'd offer em a drink. i'm a sucker for trying to makes a good impression

#


bloody hell mate, please tell me you get at least one if not a few drinks back??

RedXIV

ChewChew wrote: »

#


bloody hell mate, please tell me you get at least one if not a few drinks back??

Have to say, 80% of the time the person i'm chatting too is adamant that they get the next drink back at least, if not to begin taking turns. Just lucky in my social encounters . But i will confess that i have spent a night buying drink for peoples and got nothing in return. Sometimes i have drinks gotten for me another night, sometimes i never see them again. if i was overly annoyed about it, i'd probably have learned a long time ago. As it stands, i still usually have fun on nights out

ChewChew

RedXIV wrote: »

Have to say, 80% of the time the person i'm chatting too is adamant that they get the next drink back at least, if not to begin taking turns. Just lucky in my social encounters . But i will confess that i have spent a night buying drink for peoples and got nothing in return. Sometimes i have drinks gotten for me another night, sometimes i never see them again. if i was overly annoyed about it, i'd probably have learned a long time ago. As it stands, i still usually have fun on nights out

you are one crazy boy :eek: no wonder they all hang around you getting drinks. sure the gang from last weekend are in the corner saying ''ah yeah look, there's yer man.now just go over and talk to him, sure chat about anything and I promise you he will get ya a drink''. . whats bars do you drink in?? just so I'll know when I'm broke, and need a drinkie!! :rolleyes:

RedXIV

ChewChew wrote: »

you are one crazy boy :eek: no wonder they all hang around you getting drinks. sure the gang from last weekend are in the corner saying ''ah yeah look, there's yer man.now just go over and talk to him, sure chat about anything and I promise you he will get ya a drink''. . whats bars do you drink in?? just so I'll know when I'm broke, and need a drinkie!! :rolleyes:

has its advantages too. A mates birthday is on tonight and i told her (truthfully) that i'm broke. Within half an hour, 7 of my mates texted me to tell me to come out, they owe me a few drinks. so i may saunter out now, fiver in my pocket, content that i will be looked after
Been buying drinks for people for years, and for the last 3 weeks, while i've been broke, it's been great! people have been paying for everything for me. even people i haven't seen in ages or only see in pubs

For future reference. anyone looking for a drink, i'm rarely in the same town for nights out but you'll know when i get there coz everyone is wasted

ChewChew

RedXIV wrote: »

has its advantages too. A mates birthday is on tonight and i told her (truthfully) that i'm broke. Within half an hour, 7 of my mates texted me to tell me to come out, they owe me a few drinks. so i may saunter out now, fiver in my pocket, content that i will be looked after
Been buying drinks for people for years, and for the last 3 weeks, while i've been broke, it's been great! people have been paying for everything for me. even people i haven't seen in ages or only see in pubs

For future reference. anyone looking for a drink, i'm rarely in the same town for nights out but you'll know when i get there coz everyone is wasted

ah so a bit of Karma there then. Well thats good to know that your mates wnt and dont take advantage of you. but its the random strangers that butter you up then get the drinks out of you that I'd be worried about. you need a good old shakin mister!!! teeheehee

have a ball tonight. . paint that town (whichever town it is) red!!!

RedXIV

I made alot of friends out of strangers buttering me up though! i even had a girlfriend for a year start as such! being honest, only 1 in 5 ever get the drink and get lost. them's good odds to me

Should be a good night tonight now. gonna have to use my awesome charm to win people over instead of my wallet.....this could be tricky

ChewChew

I look forward to a review. post party of course.

And some tips on what works on getting a drink from a boy?? teeheehee.

no I dont mean that. I work hard monday to friday. I burst my balls all day long. I come home clean the house, cook the dinner do the ironing. I own these diamonds in my ears and these fabulous clothes on my back. I am independant. I dont need no boy!!

Phew. . that was a good one to get off ones chest!!

RedXIV

ChewChew wrote: »

I look forward to a review. post party of course.

And some tips on what works on getting a drink from a boy?? teeheehee.

After a cheap night out of no money to start with, i have found with serveral results and several witness's to back me up that getting a drink off a girl you have not met before to be moderately difficult. and suprisingly easier the older the girl. not a HOPE off a girl around 19 but three girls in their early 30's bought me drinks admittedly i was playing bar bets to win the drinks but they actually paid up which suprised me. Men? HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAH we don't buy drinks for other guys. we haven't the cleavage for it

sunnyjim

Ok, girls seem to think that it's all about getting "pussy for pints" when blokes buy them drinks.

I don't think so.

There are lads like myself, and plenty of others, who are simply up for having craic on a night out. If I get talking to a girl or 2 while I'm waiting to get served, I'll offer. If they accept, I'll bring them over to whoever I'm out clubbing with etc. Usually more towards the end of the night when the banter is in full flow.

Anyone else similar here?

ChewChew

RedXIV wrote: »

After a cheap night out of no money to start with, i have found with serveral results and several witness's to back me up that getting a drink off a girl you have not met before to be moderately difficult. and suprisingly easier the older the girl. not a HOPE off a girl around 19 but three girls in their early 30's bought me drinks admittedly i was playing bar bets to win the drinks but they actually paid up which suprised me. Men? HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAH we don't buy drinks for other guys. we haven't the cleavage for it

That sounds positive. lol. The 19 yo is probably a student and only has a part time job, and struggeling to buy herself beers. I'm 24 and I'd buy a guy a drink no problem, if I thought he was good fun. obviously. I was out last night, and tried my hardest to get boys to buy me a drink (I was just testing the theory) but to no avail. I didnt get one drink. nope.not one.

ali.c

Its a weird one honestly dont have a big problem with randomners offering to by me drinks as it doesnt happen very often! I have no problem saying no if its something i am uncomfortable with.

Been out with male friends a few times and ended up not buying a single drink for myself, i think its a lads thing to drink in rounds. I usually just try and stay out of the rounds thing, otherwise cause i dont drink that much I end up not buying anything or else getting screwed by the round system and having to buy an expensive round. When i am out with my bf's friend and their girlfriends the guys also buy the rounds so i just let my bf get our portion and sort it out afterwards. He finds it less awkward that way!

Pythia

If it's obvious a guy is into you are you're into him then I have no problem accepting a drink.
For example, my boyfriend bought me a few drinks the night we met.
I wouldn't have accepted them if I didn't like him, but I did so all good.

I have recently become a bit alcohol intolerant so if someone offers to buy me a drink and I don't want one I'll just ask for a coke. Generally no one minds, sure it's cheaper for them anyway!

St Bill

If a randomner offers to buy me a drink, I say no thanks. If I get chatting to someone though and all's going well, I wouldn't say no to the offer of a drink. Or I'll get him a drink (depends on who's finished their drink first!)

RedXIV

Pythia wrote: »

I have recently become a bit alcohol intolerant so if someone offers to buy me a drink and I don't want one I'll just ask for a coke. Generally no one minds, sure it's cheaper for them anyway!

Was out the other night and one of the girls out with me asked for a rock shandy. Cost me about €1.50 more than a pint. this is the end of pioneers, i tells ya!

Black Swan

PSI wrote: »

So what do people here do? Has anyone refused a drink? How do they do it? Politely? With a put down?

I generally sip a drink when out with friends at a pub or club, so if some randomer shows up with another, I politely say that "Thanks, but I can't, cause I'm the designated driver for tonight and can't put my friends at risk." Of course, that doesn't work if I am already wasted, Ha!

PSI wrote:

Does anyone really buy a drink without motive?

Yes, everyone has a motive. Sometimes it's just to have company, then again some lads are hopeful that it will lead to something more...

One worry that I have in So Cal, and not when I was in Dub, are reports of blokes spiking your drink before giving it to you. So I would never accept a drink from a stranger here, if I did not receive it directly from the bar tender or server.

Popinjay

Have to say, I bought my gf a few drinks the first time we met. Obviously I thought she was hot or I wouldn't have ended up going out with her but I wasn't buying her drinks to get stuck in. We'd been talking for a while (She was hanging out with a cousin of mine at said cousin's brother's engagement party) and since I was heading to the bar anyway I offered to get her one while I was there. We were talking til about six am that night and I can put my hand on my heart and say I expected not a thing.

As it stands at the moment, I pay for more of the drinks while we're out but I earn a good bit more than her so I don't see it as an issue. She likes paying for stuff too and I have no issue with it other than the whole income difference thing.

However, if I was in a bar (I tend to sit at the bar itself more often than not these days and go to pretty quiet bars, so talk to many many people) and got talking to someone I'd normally offer to buy them a drink if I'm getting on well with them. I do the same be it male or female if I'm doing it at all and never expect anything from it. Many's a time though the missus has met me in a bar at some point to find me talking to a bunch of people I've never seen in my life and will never see again.

When out with friends, if I'm feeling flush I may pay for their drink for the night, especially if they have no cash. But just like RedXIV showed, when I can't afford the booze, they'll sort me out. The group I hang out with don't even keep track of silly things like who owes who a drink anymore, we just live safe in the knowledge that we'll be looked after when we need it.

For example, if I decide to hit the pub after work today, I'll ring a one or two mates. If they're a little short on cash I'll tell them I have it sorted. One of them might ring me next week and say the same thing to me. Nobody likes to drink on their own.

DAEDULUS

didnt chris rock say something about this? like when a guy offers a drink hes really saying 'may i offer you some dick' ? :F

Abi

Say thank you, and leave it on the table, or water a plant / toilet with it. If you dont want it, dont drink it. Yes, some people get rather.. excitable during a night out and stupidly assume everyone wants an over priced shot in an idiotic attempt to show off how generous they are / special they are - wtf ever.

Dont think its so much social invasion as it is social stupidity. Simply say you dont want one / leave it / dump it.

sharkie2008

i think its awful girls who go out and expect to have drinks bought to them by random fellas. I have a friend like this and it annoys me so much cause she has a boyfriend but will still lead some guys on for the sake of a drink.

i have to admit though that i have taken drinks bought to me but will buy a drink back. one of the best nights i had was on canal street in manchester, meet a guy who bought me a few drinks and refused any in return. we spent the whole night talking about our boyfriends and it was nice not to have it in the back of my head that he may want something in return.

i won't take a drink if i feel the guy buying it will expect something more than a drink in return. not all guys are like this but you can always tell the ones who are

Balmed Out

When single if im chatting to and getting on well with a girl ill offer to buy her a drink wheneve im going up next because I want to keep chatting to them but if the girl doesnt reciprocate later id say my goodbye's. Its very rare that girls dont offer to buy one in turn though, though maybe thats beause of the type of girl id chat to in the first place.