Farting..

Quality

Who exactly do you fart in front of.


friends, family, work colleagues, oh, strangers?

Come again?
It is physically impossible for a female of the species to produce noxious odors.
Women simply don't fart.

Black Swan

It takes the Y chomosome to fart.

JackieO

Personally, I save it for the bathroom. Would not do it in front of anyone as I think its extremely bad manners.

Was visiting a friend a couple of weeks ago and her husband kept doing it in front of the both of us. I was disgusted at him and shocked that she didn't even comment.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Moonbaby wrote: »

Come again?
It is physically impossible for a female of the species to produce noxious odors.
Women simply don't fart.

This is because women don;t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

I fart in front of whoever's present. Why discriminate?

Quality

I farted in the privacy of my bedroom last night. My god it was rotten, Anyhow it was a lingerer and when Mr Quality arrived up the stairs he was nearly knocked out by the smell....

He looked at me in disgust..

I couldn't help it... I didnt think it would be that bad.. And stay there that long, or that he would come up to me.

Wibbs

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

This is because women don;t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

:D

I may do it in front of male mates. In front of a woman never. A deliberate fart from a woman and it would be a bye bye offence. Near enough anyway. A big no no for me.

tribulus

Quality wrote: »

I farted in the privacy of my bedroom last night. My god it was rotten, Anyhow it was a lingerer and when Mr Quality arrived up the stairs he was nearly knocked out by the smell....

He looked at me in disgust..

I couldn't help it... I didnt think it would be that bad.. And stay there that long, or that he would come up to me.

*applauds* :pac:

Kintarō Hattori

Only in front of the missus.

Drift

Quality wrote: »

I farted in the privacy of my bedroom last night. My god it was rotten, Anyhow it was a lingerer and when Mr Quality arrived up the stairs he was nearly knocked out by the smell....

He looked at me in disgust..

I couldn't help it... I didnt think it would be that bad.. And stay there that long, or that he would come up to me.

Quality it's a woman's perogative to say "It was the cat" ...... even if you don't have a cat

ntlbell

Quality wrote: »

I farted in the privacy of my bedroom last night. My god it was rotten, Anyhow it was a lingerer and when Mr Quality arrived up the stairs he was nearly knocked out by the smell....

He looked at me in disgust..

I couldn't help it... I didnt think it would be that bad.. And stay there that long, or that he would come up to me.

Classy.

Dudess

JackieO wrote: »

Was visiting a friend a couple of weeks ago and her husband kept doing it in front of the both of us. I was disgusted at him and shocked that she didn't even comment.

Oh what a pig...

Yeah, my mate's sister does it constantly in a room full of people - god help you if you sit next to her. Silent maybe, but fuppin' deadly. It's disgusting.

HoLLLLLaments

Legal

seraphimvc

now i think this thread is quality lol LL is legend!

Jules

I would break win in front of my two best mates as they would pay me the same respect and in front of the Mr Jules, i would be very embarrassed about it though and i would apologise. Mr Jules on the other hand farts where he wants and actually announces it to the world!

Loomis

JackieO wrote: »

Personally, I save it for the bathroom. Would not do it in front of anyone as I think its extremely bad manners.

Was visiting a friend a couple of weeks ago and her husband kept doing it in front of the both of us. I was disgusted at him and shocked that she didn't even comment.

Jaysus, it's only a fart. What's so offensive about it?

Zulu

In front of everyone. I'm quite childish when it come to farts.
I love them.
The best one I had, I dropped in a ski gondolier after a weeks boozing. Hailarous stuff. Rotten mind you. What was even better - I was the only one pressed up against the (open able) window, so I'd all the fresh air I needed.
The lads appreciated it, but there was another couple in there. I swear to god, if she could have, the woman would have stabbed me to death with her ski pole. I've never had such a venomous look in my life. I can safely say she hated me.

Deadly though.

Quality

Drift wrote: »

Quality it's a woman's perogative to say "It was the cat" ...... even if you don't have a cat

I blame the chicken sizzler I had for dinner...:eek:

barbiegirl

In front of oh and family. Let one go in the back garden last week, the neighbours back door was open so I think she heard it LOUD and clear. :-)

Abi

Quality wrote: »

I farted in the privacy of my bedroom last night. My god it was rotten, Anyhow it was a lingerer and when Mr Quality arrived up the stairs he was nearly knocked out by the smell....

Oh how I laughed when I read that Quality! Well I never fart in front of himself or strangers. I grew up with a family that allowed their ill winds grow free, not forceably now - but nevertheless let it go, and on occasion had a giggle at it. I avoid it, but the family environment removes the drop-dead embaressment for me.

barbiegirl wrote: »

Let one go in the back garden last week, the neighbours back door was open so I think she heard it LOUD and clear. :-)

Ach.. my sides are killing me from laughing at you two!

Being in my own home alone is another exception to the rule, but I generally take it to the bathroom. Rule of thumb for me is (thank god this is anon) there is usually something.. erm not to far behind! so its worth the bathroom visit.

I'm chronically afraid of farting or having to no.2 in any public toilet too. I think I would pass out with the embarressment if someone walked in say 'jaysus whats that smell'. You have to come out sometime! :eek:

Drift wrote: »

Quality it's a woman's perogative to say "It was the cat" ...... even if you don't have a cat

I have a cat, and that is a gold nugget piece of advice should one accidentally slip! :pac:

bops

HoLLLLLaments wrote: »

Legal

i too shall be seeking LEGAL ADVICE on this serious issue :mad:

ntlbell

bops wrote: »

i too shall be seeking LEGAL ADVICE on this serious issue :mad:

Yeah, it's LEGAL advice you need bops

Holla.

zuutroy

Is anyone LEGALLY responsible for the information here?

Hellm0

In my experience female farts are akin to UFO's; I've never seen/heard one(possibly smelled one but no evidence) and many strange people report them hanging in the air.

watna

I don't see the big deal in girls farting. We all have the same digestive systems you know, be it male or female.

My friend, when discussing this, always says, better an empty house than a bad lodger! I like this advice!

Seraphina

personally, i do it pretty much anywhere it comes out, unless of course its a very quiet or close-contact situation, in which case i will attempt to suppress it to make a little less noise. tbh (i'm sure you all really want to hear this, lol) i actually fart quite a lot, but in 95% of situations its silent, and has no/very little smell, so its not really something i worry about. a quick 'excuse me' will suffice if it ends up being heard by others, its a natural bodily function and hardly something to be mortified about.

xzanti

I generally try to keep it a private affair but the last time my bf stayed over, I was having a particularly 'windy' day but tried my best to hold it in when he was there (while I was awake that is) woke in the morning to a very horrified looking bf guess I had a busy night lol

Quality

xzanti wrote: »

I generally try to keep it a private affair but the last time my bf stayed over, I was having a particularly 'windy' day but tried my best to hold it in when he was there (while I was awake that is) woke in the morning to a very horrified looking bf guess I had a busy night lol

I know that feeling of trying to keep the covers held tight down!!

TradLad

Dont do it myself in front of anyone but the missus but I think when its heralded with "ah good arse" then it becomes ignorant! Woman+Fart on purpose= Bye Bye!

DubLegs

I'm generally a windy person from a hugely windy family. I grew up with be able to freely do it at home without embarassment, better out than in! Seriously everyone does it - i will argue with anyone that says they don't.
i do it infront of OH when needs must, he's not extremely fond of it but over the years now accepts it and gives as good as he gets.
In saying the above, i tend to clench in public situations and esp around his folks as i know the general consenus is that its not a particularly nice thing to do.

nomorebadtown

sorry to have to bring this up....but what are the opinions about the other type of fart:o

Quality

what a fanny fart.... Or a shi-art....

nomorebadtown

yeah, the queef

Einstein

my mate is by far the worst, he actually made his girlfriend vomit one evening.
Priceless

Quality

There is nothing worse than being in a pub or club and getting the whiff of a fart and some gob ****e, standing there with a pint of Guinness in his hands laughing and smirking with his mates.

loopyloulou

Im in a new relationship (3 months) and he hasnt farted in front of me yet so therefore im very conscious of not farting in front of him. Now add to the fact that ive had some lower intestinal problems for the last while im very windy to put it mildly, so im guaranteed not to get ANY sleep at least 2-3 nights a week cos im trying to hold them in in bed...god damn it!!! Man being a lady is hard and tiring work :):)

ianmc38

Are we talking fanny farts or regular farts here. if so there's a time and a place for both. I would say the fanny variety be kept to the privacy of one's own chambers or perhaps the bathroom.

For the latter variety, well I think it's more the company you're in. Like if it's family/friends/partner, then bombs away 24/7, but if you're at an interview for a new job or meeting the in laws for the first time, then I think it's probably best to hold er in now and squeeze er out later... imo of course

ChewChew

I dont like the word fart. I always associated the drunk on the street as that ''drunken old fart'' so when I let one free I always use the term ''Bum Burp'' ahhhhhhhh

ianmc38

ianmc38 wrote: »

Are we talking fanny farts or regular farts here. if so there's a time and a place for both. I would say the fanny variety be kept to the privacy of one's own chambers or perhaps the bathroom.

Whats wrong with the kitchen table.....

DetectivFoxtrot

Zulu wrote: »

In front of everyone. I'm quite childish when it come to farts.
I love them.
The best one I had, I dropped in a ski gondolier after a weeks boozing. Hailarous stuff. Rotten mind you. What was even better - I was the only one pressed up against the (open able) window, so I'd all the fresh air I needed.
The lads appreciated it, but there was another couple in there. I swear to god, if she could have, the woman would have stabbed me to death with her ski pole. I've never had such a venomous look in my life. I can safely say she hated me.

Deadly though.

ROFL!!!!!:D:D:D:D

Only in front of Mr. Foxtrot - no-one else. Same for him in my company. Although if he did the 'stuff your head under the duvet' trick divorce would deffo be on the cards. He's rotten, so I need an escape route if it all gets to much:eek:

FlutterinBantam

I was romantically engaged with a rather burly female in a car some time ago, and after treating her to a good solid meal, was, erm, with the hand on the molten one, as they say.

Anyways,totally without warning while she was "breathin hard" she unloaded a bazooka of Three Mile Island proportions and ,swear to God, the tights rippled with the aftershock:eek:

I was almost too far gone to notice but nothing was said,but after firing the porridge,it came back to me and I must say could not recover any romantic feelings for the lass.

Let that be a warning girls.

Jules

Very apt tag there Bant!

Puddleduck

I generally hold them in, and Im seriously shy about doing it in the OH house, so I get pains, and sometimes I have to let one out in front of the OH. He finds it funny.

Weidii

My mam judges the seriousness of relationships in general by whether you can fart in front of the person or not. Everytime she hears of a new fella of mine she asks me "Well, do ye fart in front of eachother yet?"

I wouldn't do it in front of my friends an OH on purpose, but I'd certainly slip into the bathroom to get rid of it rather than holding onto it.

wandering_star

eo980 wrote: »

Only in front of the missus.

Now that's true love.

Only when I'm made laugh a lot, first I laugh, then I cry laughing, then I can't breath laughing, then if I'm pushed that far, I fart and it sounds like one of those muppet characters noses letting out a short honk.

Usually the OH is the culprit.

Mr.Plough

I would seriously consider dumping a girl if she let one rip around me. Girl farts are unnatural

DetectivFoxtrot

Mr.Plough wrote: »

I would seriously consider dumping a girl if she let one rip around me. Girl farts are unnatural

bet you'd fart in front of her though! hypocrite:D

ChewChew

DetectivFoxtrot wrote: »

bet you'd fart in front of her though! hypocrite:D

Dead on DF!!!! Boys think that they are the only ones that have a frikkin bowel & digestive system.

FFS lads wake up. it happens, we all do it. we all have to do it. Why do you wind a baby after its bottle?? Cause they just might get an ikkle pain in the tum tum if they dont release the gas. Same for adults.

Star Lord

Epitah of a girl who held in her farts:
"Let your wind blow free,
where ever you may be,
because I held back,
look what happened to me"

Seriously, I personally couldn't give a sh... er... couldn't care less if a girl farted in front of me, it's natural, and it's something that people can't exactly do anything about.

Sound the trumpets girls!

DubArk

I used to know this couple that seemed to get great pleasure in farting in front of one another. They took great pleasure in sharing this strange pastime with there mutual friends. One day they called around a told me and my OH that sometimes in the morning (They were laughing so much they could hardly finish their amusing story!?) if their OH was still asleep they crouch over them and fart in their face!!! :eek:

Needless to say they have split up!! Thank god….

There a limit to most things!

lazernuts

that sounds like my relationship. We've no problem farting next to each other. What's the big deal!

..A tip for the bedroom - Leave one go under the duvet and all you need to do is kick up the end of the duvet with your foot, and the vacuum it creates sucks it safely away out of nasal range.