Poker quotes wanted!

jacQues

smurph wrote: »

I remember that couple of years back there was a post about the Dumbest thing that was ever said at the poker table.
Hopefully you'll get some beauties in here..... ah the memories

Unfortunately, since I am going to use the quotes, and I need permission, I cannot simply look around for nice ones. And PM'ing someone to ask if it's okay to use their quote for every one would be way too much work. :-(

jacQues

Random web site address: www.pokerproject.eu/notes
Random code with no meaning what-so-ever: FREEQ-B0ARS :rolleyes:

Tar.Aldarion

"You call...gonna be all over, baby." - Scotty Nguyen with with the nuts as Kevin McBride is deciding whether to call him on the last hand of the 1998 WSOP


"It was sooted" - Everybody


"There are few things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The upper class knows very little about it. Now and then you find ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge of the game, but the ignorance of the people is fearful. Why, I have known clergymen, good men, kind-hearted, liberal, sincere, and all that, who did not know the meaning of a "flush". It is enough to make one ashamed of the species." - Mark Twain

"Trust everyone, but always cut the cards."
Benny Binion

"At the gambling table, there are no fathers and sons." - Chinese Proverb

May need permission for the chinese proverb.

ITT-Pat

ocallagh wrote: »

that part happened later in the hand:rolleyes: changes it slightly

what? surely they didnt get it in after he said it?


EDIT: Just saw taraldions reply. i see what ya mean. but i'm pretty sure they got it in when masters was behind

William Money

Just won a huge pot in PLO. As I happily pull in the chips i feel
a sudden chill go up my spine. I can sense him standing nay hovering behind me. "Nice pot there" he says "ye..eees" i reply cautiously
"Give us a oner there get u back next week"
"no"
"go on just a oner"
"no"
"big pot u wont even miss it"
"no"
"go on doing me bollix in the banco"
"not my problem ffs" (weakening here)
"go on just a oner" he says sensing victory

"ok for f**** sake here"
"ill get u back next week" he says reassuringly
"Dont worry about it" i says
"Fair enough" he satys grinning " no point in the both of us worrying about it"

Tar.Aldarion

Ie, they got it all in on the turn. I take it...

robinblinds

kebabfest wrote: »

Playing in the Fitz. The usual 6 limpers to the flop.
Flop comes down K K K.
Somebody bets out. Dealer under the breath whispers " racist "

Lazare

"Don'tcha just hate it when your mouth says 'all in' a split second before your brain realises it's the wrong thing to do?"

jayteecork

I was playing the other night and there was a made straight on board, no flush.
I push as I've seen players fold before and get one caller out of two.
Guy who folded said he had no kicker.

Something similar happened a while before that as well.
I was short stacked in a MTT and the board showed A-2-3-4-x. I pushed with a five and guy to my left went into the tank.
Eventually he called with a five also and I asked him what took him so long.
He said "I was trying to work out your kicker"
This was at a final table.
(I guess you could argue that he was trying to work out was my kicker a six but believe me this wasn't what he meant)

dinjo99

At the €1,500 event in City West on Saturday.

4 or 5 levels in.

Preflop, young American raises to about 1.5k

Tom Hanlon reraises to 5k.

American thinks for abouit 3 minutes and eventually folds.

Young American: "Would you have called if I went all in?

Tom Hanlon: "Jesys no, I'd have probably folded if you even called.

m83

dinjo99 wrote: »

At the €1,500 event in City West on Saturday.

4 or 5 levels in.

Preflop, young American raises to about 1.5k

Tom Hanlon reraises to 5k.

American thinks for abouit 3 minutes and eventually folds.

Young American: "Would you have called if I went all in?

Tom Hanlon: "Jesys no, I'd have probably folded if you even called.

lol

max_power

2nd hand story i heard from someone playing in the fitz. Padraig Parkinson was asked for advice about playing big field MTT's, think the quote was "Get it in behind and nail the fcuker"

Kamaldihnio

I might die of a heart attack if I get a hand, so if I time out Im dead. Call 999.

Kamaldihnio March 08.

Clareman

Just back from a live game where some of the players thought they were the best players on the planet and had all the lingo, some of them from tonight.

Ah, 7 2, Ted Danson's hand.
Ace King, versas King Queen, ah it's a race.
Same guy, after explaining to him that it wasn't a race, JQ versas KJ, ah it's a race.
At one stage I was trying to figure out my outs (I had an open ended straight draw, figured I had 1 over card and the nutt flush draw), genius goes "sure your folding", I go "I'm trying to figure out my odds here", "don't worry about your outs, just fold you can't win", he wasn't involved in the pot.

And 1 I heard at least 3 times when people put in all their chips at the end when they had still loads of chips left and hadn't invested over half their stack "Ahrah I had to call"

jayteecork

Ted Danson's Hand? lol, wtf? Never heard that one before.
Only thing I can think of is maybe that his shift in Cheers is 7 till 2?

Someone please enlighten me on that one?

Clareman

jayteecork wrote: »

Ted Danson's Hand? lol, wtf? Never heard that one before.
Only thing I can think of is maybe that his shift in Cheers is 7 till 2?

Someone please enlighten me on that one?

I am presuming that he ment 10 2 and Doyle Brunson, I was just sitting their with my mouth open going WTF and play and conversation continued. They then started to analysise how great the coverage of the Irish Open was on TV at the weekend

Brando_ie

I was highly amused the first time, during a lull in play, I heard someone say....

.........' ya jammy bollix..... if you put your hand in the toilet, you would come out with a mars bar'


I also love the Doyleism (Brunson) who in describing life on the road in the good old days....

' I once saw a man lose a pot with 4 Aces.....'

' Really...... what did the other fella have......'

' A Smith and Weston.......'

zuroph

shortstacked SB.. calls preflop
BB " raise to 4000"
SB "All in"
Dealer "count is 4050"
BB sarcastically "fold!"
SB "VERBAL!!!!"
BB "ah sh1t"

true story from a limerick venue game.

Tar.Aldarion

It should take into account how poeple say it. Did they make him fold?

Mr.Plough

I think my next SN will be lolteddanson

zuroph

yes, he was forced to fold his hand after his verbal!! very cruel i think, as it was clearly sarcastic..but that TDs

Clareman

zuroph wrote: »

shortstacked SB.. calls preflop
BB " raise to 4000"
SB "All in"
Dealer "count is 4050"
BB sarcastically "fold!"
SB "VERBAL!!!!"
BB "ah sh1t"

true story from a limerick venue game.

Fantasic story, I'm going to use this in the future

butcherboy

Sittin at a 1/2 table on fri night sat morning

PLayer A UTG raises to 12 Player B in mid position raises to 50 and Player C the button pushes €300 all in UTG folds and PLayer B calls

Flop
3 6 J
Turn
Q
River
7

Player C turns over Kings and player B turns 3 6 of Diamonds

Player C stand up looks at the board looks at the guys hand, puts his coat on

"at least the were suited" laughs and walks off

RichardB2

Two beaut's from the Sporting Aquarium brigade.

"I had the stone cold nuts and the bastard rivered me!!!"

"Yer man called my bets pre-flop, on the flop and the turn,
at this stage I've no idea what to put him on
so I push all-in just to find out where I stand
..... I was behind"

Five handed on the final table
I'm chip leader and re-raise the 2nd chip stacks lead holding pocket kings.
He instant pushes and after a short dwell I call.
He turns up 10 5 off-suit and is berated by an incredulous "expert".
Villian explains that nobody can make a straight without a ten or a five
so he's blocking all straights.
My Kings sucked out on him :-)

Sirtoyou

'I Look down at AAKK double suited and shudder athe thoughts of the big pot I am about to lose, I look down and see 5678 and cream myself thinking of the monster pot I am about to win'

cuterob

Two players go all in and both table AK..playerA had AK suited and playerB had AK offsuit..PlayerB states "I'm ahead..I have two flush draws!" (he was joking though)

Once some guy asked me was there any books on omaha because he wanted to get better at it but hadn't heard of any books on it, so I told him to "just read two holdem books".. smartass ftw

connie147

Playing live the other night, a player got sucked out on by the river card. I laughed quite hard when he said:

" I'm so unlucky, if I fell into a barrell of tits, I'd come out sucking my thumb"

Connie

HoLLLLLaments

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

"It was sooted" - Everybody

i was really shocked when on one of my few live outings somebody actually said this to me and was 100% serious.

Pabloh

SE last night and Smurph calls a raise only to fold to a rejammed pot preflop. Another player at the table asks what she folded -
"i folded Jacks"
"pocket jacks?" he asks
"No a bloody toilet!" - Smurph

jacQues

Great stuff guys and girls. Some really awesome in there!

Keep 'em coming!!

dwayman

Mike Sexton at the ipc in galway 2008. "Call me butter, I'm on a Roll"