Poker quotes wanted!

jacQues

Please post your quote(s) in this thread. They must be quotes that are:

1. About poker.
2. Fun to read.
3. Copyright free.

IMPORTANT: I will select notes from this thread to use as a feature in my yet-to-release PokerNotes software. Each quote will be shown including your Boards.ie user name. For example: "jacQues / Boards.ie" If you do not want your quote used by me in this fashion, please note this in your post and I'll honour that request.

The funniest quotes will get free software or cash from me. I will be the sole judge and I will not go into correspondence about prices, why (not) etc. The winning entries will be announced in this thread by me in after entry closes, which is in two weeks (midday Monday 7 April). Winners will be PM'ed as well.

jacQues

cooker3

On Day 2 of the irish open on Saturday. All in with 55 vs QQ
Guy in all seriousness says to guy beside him with the 55 ah sure it's 50-50, you both have 2 outs

YULETIRED

i hate Jacques.

Theresalwaysone

Not really a qoute and dont know how you'd incorporate it, but:

Stevo Chambers, Jackpot Regular in a Tourney Hand.

Blinds are 50/100. Stevo is in BB. UTG goes all in blind for 100. 4 callers including Sb.

Flop comes AQ9. sb checks, Stevo leads for 400. Everyone folds, the Sb makes it 800. Stevo folds.

I sit there amazed.

"what was that Stevo? Did u even have a pair" I asked.

He gives me the dagger eyes, "No, Eh, It was obviously a steal"

Mr.Plough

Theresalwaysone wrote: »

Not really a qoute and dont know how you'd incorporate it, but:

Stevo Chambers, Jackpot Regular in a Tourney Hand.

Blinds are 50/100. Stevo is in BB. UTG goes all in blind for 100. 4 callers including Sb.

Flop comes AQ9. sb checks, Stevo leads for 400. Everyone folds, the Sb makes it 800. Stevo folds.

I sit there amazed.

"what was that Stevo? Did u even have a pair" I asked.

He gives me the dagger eyes, "No, Eh, It was obviously a steal"

probably the worst story ever imo

ArmaniJeanss

Playing Christmas cash game in the job, and playerA 4-outered PlayerB, then an orbit later 6-outered him, both rivers.
And to cap it all a few hands later he 1-outered him for a decent 3figure pot.

Player B comment on the last hand "If the bolix needed the Rules of Bridge on the river he'd get it'.

Spuca

Flop and turn show heart flush draw and straight draw.

Just before the river....

Player A: "Jack of clubs there dealer"

River --> jack of clubs

Player B: "i didn't know you could pre order cards?"

Dealer: "no-one knows. Say nothing."

Three players laugh and tip a euro.


Actually...what a **** story.

eddiehead

See my sig, Parkinson said it in the io the other day when his AQ bt AK, maybe it was just the delivery, but it was very funny
Edit: Not the Boris thing

RoadSweeper

3 Pair beats a full house

eddiehead

RoadSweeper wrote: »

3 Pair beats a full house

You saying it doesnt?

TheBlackThing

I've a hand like a foot!

kakak1

"Have you any outs ?

If this place has a back door I have 2"

cooker3

Another one today. I was dealing at the scalps and guy goes did you watch the program on RTE last night. That O'Leary guy was a really good commentator, I was very impressed with him.

I thought that was a cracker!

shoutman

That guy was such an eejit, starts talking about how he only takes coinflips when the momentum is with him... WTF?

ianmc38

Mr.Plough wrote: »

probably the worst story ever imo

QFT!

sikes

In stuntmans sig there was a quote about the emporium players. "they didn't come here to fold" hilariousIMO

jimmii

Player B comment on the last hand "If the bolix needed the Rules of Bridge on the river he'd get it'.

That is ****** funny.

I like.

"I never wish ill on players but that shortstacking ***** can ***** up his *****. ***** calling with that ***** and then hitting ****** ****** ***** *****. Then he hits and run **** ******* ***** ****** ***** *****."

Five minutes later support turns up.

ModBen: Could you refrain from that sort of language please.

"*** you 2 Ben"

Pretty sure he hasn't been as chatty since.

Duff Man Jr.

Very good thread here http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?p=3301887 well worth going through.
Two good ones are from pad, Eric Lindgreen to Phil Gordan "You're an idiot" and Chan was asked if Jamie Gold has any chance of winning "No, hahahaha"

jimmii

If expressions were words Townsends face when Kasey Thompson snap called him with QJ in the Den would win.

Tar.Aldarion

DEmeant0r at my local low stakes cash game.
: "I have the nut low" "no I have the nut low" "No... I have the nut low!"
*many shouts from players of "I have the nut low" ala the southpark episode("I broke the dam")
"a2 is not always the nut low, as i've learned"[frown]


maybe there are no good poker quotes:eek:

ianmc38

lamest quotes ever imo

jimmii

ianmc38 wrote: »

lamest quotes ever imo

irony

Mr.Plough

This one's a cracker imo

nicnicnic

on saturday I asked Hectorjelly if he was in the city west to support R4D to which he replied "is he going well? I must go over and heckle him "

there was a guy who wanted to know what would happen if you googled google on google

a poker quote that always sticks with me is " its not enough to be a good player you must also play well "

Lazare

IPC 06, at Padhraig Parkinson's starting table, some tool is goin on and on about how great at poker he is, he says to the table, 'yeah, I made 25 final tables last year', Padhraig says, 'are you a carpenter?'

ollyk1

My personal favorite at the minute is when a certain dealer in the SE asks the player utg "Do you want to straddle baby?"

YULETIRED

********************not really quotes************
Player A going ALL IN => AK
Player B goes ALL IN -> AJ

J is spiked, how the fk can you call with AJ there.

I didn't call, I went ALL IN Meself to isolate you.

*not saying where i heard that one


*********
Player asks me, if I fold will you show me

I respond -> If I'm bluffing i will show you.

He folds, and waits to be shown

I throw cards into the deck

He says, so you had me beat and happily plays on ...
************

another time i told a guy , if i'm not bluffing you are ahead.
He nearly scratched his eyeball out and folded,
I confused myself that time, but I was laughing so hard he thought I had a monster....bluff got through...

*****************

YULETIRED

ollyk1 wrote: »

My personal favorite at the minute is when a certain dealer in the SE asks the player utg "Do you want to straddle baby?"

kept me awake all night.

eagle eye

Player asked me what I had,

I replied 'will I give you a clue, quack quack'
to which he replied 'you got aces you mother****er' and folded
to which I replied 'you must be good at the times crossword' and showed him my little ducks.

Lazare

Earlier on up in Citywest, celebrating Donal's result with a couple of SE regs,

Me (discussing the tightest player on this planet): Harold's surname is Huberman, isn't it? Is he Jewish?

Flushdraw: Well he's certainly Jewish with his chips.

LOL.

Kamaldihnio

Some bloke rivers me by hitting a King which was his only out. 350+ in the middle and I say, how can you call me with nothing on the flop and turn. He replies in a real Dub Ronnie Drew accent " Not the cards you have son, its the ones you think are gonna come out"