Poker quotes wanted!

jacQues

Please post your quote(s) in this thread. They must be quotes that are:

1. About poker.
2. Fun to read.
3. Copyright free.

IMPORTANT: I will select notes from this thread to use as a feature in my yet-to-release PokerNotes software. Each quote will be shown including your Boards.ie user name. For example: "jacQues / Boards.ie" If you do not want your quote used by me in this fashion, please note this in your post and I'll honour that request.

The funniest quotes will get free software or cash from me. I will be the sole judge and I will not go into correspondence about prices, why (not) etc. The winning entries will be announced in this thread by me in after entry closes, which is in two weeks (midday Monday 7 April). Winners will be PM'ed as well.

jacQues

cooker3

On Day 2 of the irish open on Saturday. All in with 55 vs QQ
Guy in all seriousness says to guy beside him with the 55 ah sure it's 50-50, you both have 2 outs

YULETIRED

i hate Jacques.

Theresalwaysone

Not really a qoute and dont know how you'd incorporate it, but:

Stevo Chambers, Jackpot Regular in a Tourney Hand.

Blinds are 50/100. Stevo is in BB. UTG goes all in blind for 100. 4 callers including Sb.

Flop comes AQ9. sb checks, Stevo leads for 400. Everyone folds, the Sb makes it 800. Stevo folds.

I sit there amazed.

"what was that Stevo? Did u even have a pair" I asked.

He gives me the dagger eyes, "No, Eh, It was obviously a steal"

Mr.Plough

Theresalwaysone wrote: »

Not really a qoute and dont know how you'd incorporate it, but:

Stevo Chambers, Jackpot Regular in a Tourney Hand.

Blinds are 50/100. Stevo is in BB. UTG goes all in blind for 100. 4 callers including Sb.

Flop comes AQ9. sb checks, Stevo leads for 400. Everyone folds, the Sb makes it 800. Stevo folds.

I sit there amazed.

"what was that Stevo? Did u even have a pair" I asked.

He gives me the dagger eyes, "No, Eh, It was obviously a steal"

probably the worst story ever imo

ArmaniJeanss

Playing Christmas cash game in the job, and playerA 4-outered PlayerB, then an orbit later 6-outered him, both rivers.
And to cap it all a few hands later he 1-outered him for a decent 3figure pot.

Player B comment on the last hand "If the bolix needed the Rules of Bridge on the river he'd get it'.

Spuca

Flop and turn show heart flush draw and straight draw.

Just before the river....

Player A: "Jack of clubs there dealer"

River --> jack of clubs

Player B: "i didn't know you could pre order cards?"

Dealer: "no-one knows. Say nothing."

Three players laugh and tip a euro.


Actually...what a **** story.

eddiehead

See my sig, Parkinson said it in the io the other day when his AQ bt AK, maybe it was just the delivery, but it was very funny
Edit: Not the Boris thing

RoadSweeper

3 Pair beats a full house

eddiehead

RoadSweeper wrote: »

3 Pair beats a full house

You saying it doesnt?

TheBlackThing

I've a hand like a foot!

kakak1

"Have you any outs ?

If this place has a back door I have 2"

cooker3

Another one today. I was dealing at the scalps and guy goes did you watch the program on RTE last night. That O'Leary guy was a really good commentator, I was very impressed with him.

I thought that was a cracker!

shoutman

That guy was such an eejit, starts talking about how he only takes coinflips when the momentum is with him... WTF?

ianmc38

Mr.Plough wrote: »

probably the worst story ever imo

QFT!

sikes

In stuntmans sig there was a quote about the emporium players. "they didn't come here to fold" hilariousIMO

jimmii

Player B comment on the last hand "If the bolix needed the Rules of Bridge on the river he'd get it'.

That is ****** funny.

I like.

"I never wish ill on players but that shortstacking ***** can ***** up his *****. ***** calling with that ***** and then hitting ****** ****** ***** *****. Then he hits and run **** ******* ***** ****** ***** *****."

Five minutes later support turns up.

ModBen: Could you refrain from that sort of language please.

"*** you 2 Ben"

Pretty sure he hasn't been as chatty since.

Duff Man Jr.

Very good thread here http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?p=3301887 well worth going through.
Two good ones are from pad, Eric Lindgreen to Phil Gordan "You're an idiot" and Chan was asked if Jamie Gold has any chance of winning "No, hahahaha"

jimmii

If expressions were words Townsends face when Kasey Thompson snap called him with QJ in the Den would win.

Tar.Aldarion

DEmeant0r at my local low stakes cash game.
: "I have the nut low" "no I have the nut low" "No... I have the nut low!"
*many shouts from players of "I have the nut low" ala the southpark episode("I broke the dam")
"a2 is not always the nut low, as i've learned"[frown]


maybe there are no good poker quotes:eek:

ianmc38

lamest quotes ever imo

jimmii

ianmc38 wrote: »

lamest quotes ever imo

irony

Mr.Plough

This one's a cracker imo

nicnicnic

on saturday I asked Hectorjelly if he was in the city west to support R4D to which he replied "is he going well? I must go over and heckle him "

there was a guy who wanted to know what would happen if you googled google on google

a poker quote that always sticks with me is " its not enough to be a good player you must also play well "

Lazare

IPC 06, at Padhraig Parkinson's starting table, some tool is goin on and on about how great at poker he is, he says to the table, 'yeah, I made 25 final tables last year', Padhraig says, 'are you a carpenter?'

ollyk1

My personal favorite at the minute is when a certain dealer in the SE asks the player utg "Do you want to straddle baby?"

YULETIRED

********************not really quotes************
Player A going ALL IN => AK
Player B goes ALL IN -> AJ

J is spiked, how the fk can you call with AJ there.

I didn't call, I went ALL IN Meself to isolate you.

*not saying where i heard that one


*********
Player asks me, if I fold will you show me

I respond -> If I'm bluffing i will show you.

He folds, and waits to be shown

I throw cards into the deck

He says, so you had me beat and happily plays on ...
************

another time i told a guy , if i'm not bluffing you are ahead.
He nearly scratched his eyeball out and folded,
I confused myself that time, but I was laughing so hard he thought I had a monster....bluff got through...

*****************

YULETIRED

ollyk1 wrote: »

My personal favorite at the minute is when a certain dealer in the SE asks the player utg "Do you want to straddle baby?"

kept me awake all night.

eagle eye

Player asked me what I had,

I replied 'will I give you a clue, quack quack'
to which he replied 'you got aces you mother****er' and folded
to which I replied 'you must be good at the times crossword' and showed him my little ducks.

Lazare

Earlier on up in Citywest, celebrating Donal's result with a couple of SE regs,

Me (discussing the tightest player on this planet): Harold's surname is Huberman, isn't it? Is he Jewish?

Flushdraw: Well he's certainly Jewish with his chips.

LOL.

Kamaldihnio

Some bloke rivers me by hitting a King which was his only out. 350+ in the middle and I say, how can you call me with nothing on the flop and turn. He replies in a real Dub Ronnie Drew accent " Not the cards you have son, its the ones you think are gonna come out"

NickyOD

I quite like DevilFish giving Hellmuth a major rubdown when the poker brat was blowing up at last years Party Poker Premier LEague

"You keep playin' like that they're gona' put you in a straight jacket. Then you're have to push your chips in with that big ****in' head o' yours".

dannydiamond

Guy calls a push with AJ for his stack only to be shown AK and says "yup,that's what I put you on"

DeVore

Padraig Parkinson from the WSOP (06 I think).

"I see Hellmuth skipped level 1, and level 3" ... Helmuth got knocked out during level 2

DeV.

Jesus Wept

jimmii wrote: »

If expressions were words Townsends face when Kasey Thompson snap called him with QJ in the Den would win.

...... good stuff, post a link too.



'Ace-Rag is a beaut-i-ful hand'
- The chief.

Made my mind boggle.



What's the one floating from the chief that is/was floating around in someones sig ......

..'sure if you didn't get your chips in behind, you wouldn't make any money at this game' ...something like that.

58o

NickyOD wrote: »

I quite like DevilFish giving Hellmuth a major rubdown when the poker brat was blowing up at last years Party Poker Premier LEague

"You keep playin' like that they're gona' put you in a straight jacket. Then you're have to push your chips in with that big ****in' head o' yours".

From same session i think.
Devilfish has just unleashed a stream of profanities after getting his AA outdrawn by hellmuths 99.
TD "Please don't swear in front of the dealer"

Devilfish " I didnt wasnt swearing in front of her , i was swearing at her"

bohsman

"we're here to gamble" - One of the biggest rocks in Dublin. I cant remember which one.

Jesus Wept

'I'm gunna buy a bunch of beat up Honda's and drive them into a wall' - RainKhan

I lol'ed tbh. He actually came off well in his interviews I thought. Annoying at the table no doubt.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImnEWLxgn-w

Pretty much anything Doyle comes out with is incredibly dry, brilliant and hilarious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEVbzWbYQ-Q

El Stuntman

Smurph's quote to the Turkish dude that was annoying her in the IO is the clear winner imo

Jesus Wept

El Stuntman wrote: »

Smurph's quote to the Turkish dude that was annoying her in the IO is the clear winner imo

Where's that?

bohsman

Ive also robbed Bobs quote to Smurph and changed it slightly to "Im not better than you, just luckier"

Also the old "dont tap the aquarium"

Its amazing the amount of TAGs at 50NL that try to educate me, especially as Im playing practically the same stats as them.

El Stuntman

The-Rigger wrote: »

Where's that?

this may not be verbatim but something like this:

Annoying Turkish dude has been baiting Smurph for some time

he limps on her BB and says something like: "I no raise. Eef I raise, maybe you come over the top of me. I no like the weemen on top of me. In my country it ees normal for men to be on top. I like thees"

Smurph: "you like men on top of you?"

smurph

Above was the villian in question, he started saying that in his country they keep their women in their places while showing the slapping gesture.

comment went like this.

Mr Turk raises her my blind from the button, while saying "I raise leetle beet, een case you go over top of me. I no like women on top of me. Man should go on top."

So I replied "You like men on top of you?"


He got so freaked that I won the next pot off him he went all in with A4offsuit....... and got called by Aces hee hee

eddiehead

@ Smurph, was there a penalty for swearing at the table? If so I'd hav been going for an early tea if i was at your table, what a knob

jimmii

The-Rigger wrote: »

...... good stuff, post a link too.

http://www.pokertube.com/ShowMovie.aspx?movieID=8430985a-72ba-40f5-8cfc-d42b241275d4&comeFrom=Search&StartPage=5&pIndex=5&PageView=0&KeyID=-1&PokerAccount=-1&UserId=-1&YourFilms=-1&FreeText=big%20game%20II&OrderBy=Latest&pComIndex=1

Its the first hand. Check out Townsend from 1.47 he turns to Gold and mouths wtf and then can't even look at Thompson after the hand! Thompsons snap call is just class all he forgot was a fist pump.

Other good quotes are Townsend being called a newb and then when Devil Fish is down about 30k Tony G asks Townsned if he can get him a free subscription for Card Runners!

Tar.Aldarion

Wtf at the call. How do these people get money!

jimmii

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

Wtf at the call. How do these people get money!

Funny thing is he made his money from selling poker magazines. Not 100% sure but I don't think he writes any strategy articles.

razorblunt

Heard one at an intervarsity before...
"Bad call? I had like.....2/3 outs"

jimmii

So far don't think any of the quotes are the sort of thing that can really be used for this.

Jacques - where exactly are the quotes going to show? Will it be commenting on a hand or something?

kebabfest

Playing in the Fitz. The usual 6 limpers to the flop.
Flop comes down K K K.
Somebody bets out. Dealer under the breath whispers " racist "

jacQues

jimmii wrote: »

So far don't think any of the quotes are the sort of thing that can really be used for this.
Jacques - where exactly are the quotes going to show? Will it be commenting on a hand or something?

Actually they're good and a lot of them will be used. However, I'm not contemplating using any (video) links. The quotes will be shown in the main window of PokerNotes, but not in relation to any player and/or hand and/or note.

When starting PokerNotes, you will get a "nice" clickable animated banner. Once you either referred someone or paid yourself for this software, the banner is removed. To indicate that your subscription was verified, a quote is displayed in its place. A different one will be shown each time you start PokerNotes. I added my favorite B5 quotes already and am now adding poker quotes from this thread.

The quotes feature requires version 0.4 Beta 1 or newer, which happens to be the first OPEN BETA version and will release later this week. I will create a public subscription code that will be valid for a few weeks so everyone here can see the quotes in action. That code will only be published on Boards.ie.

As for subscriptions prices, it will cost only 1 cent per day with a cap of 5 years. After 5 years your account is upgraded to a lifelong one. Each referral will give you 6 free months, which also counts towards the 5 year cap.

jacQues