What do you look for in a partner?

Filan

Curious.... As I currently feel as though there is no prospect of me fulfiliing the typical male role within a relationship...at certain times yes....but on a consistent basis it's just beyond me...and in truth always was.... That dosen't mean that I'm not open to relations with a female....but for it to work roles would have to be in some way convoluted......and most women I feel want a masculine man. Anyway I'm happy with who I am...wouldn't wish to be anyone else... But somewhat on the fringes in terms of the dating scene..which I accept.

Anyway interested in what would attract others to a potential husband or wife?.

Regards
A

SarahSassy

For me:

1. Honesty
2. Communication skills
3. Loyalty
4. Strength of mind
5. Relatively sociable
6. Independent
7. Confident and not needy or jealous
8. Kind

Suppose i could go on but....

the dee

Filan wrote: »

Anyway interested in what would attract others to a potential husband or wife?.

Regards
A

First off, not sure what age you are but most young people don't consciously go looking for a husband or wife. And in most people's experience, including mine, someone great comes into your life right when you stop searching for them. I don't know why this is, maybe body-language saying 'I'm looking for someone' puts people off.

Anywho, beyond that I think you'll find that different women like different kinds of men. It's a very individual thing. Everyone likes a partner who they get on well with, can have fun with, can relate to and can be serious with when needed. Respect is very important and a need to communicate. Beyond that you can be fat or thin, short or tall, black or white and you'll find a lady who likes you.

I myself like guys who are a bit taller than me, have not-short hair (not necessarily long) and who are lean but muscular. I hate huge mucsles on a guy.

Hope that helps...

Filan

Husband or wife was meant in a non-serious way...I'm not really looking for advice..just curious as to others opinions. Thanks for replies! Would also be interested if there is lesbians or gays here as to how different role's work with two people of the same sex. I'm male but identify as Trans..or Queer in some way...male but always struggled with the male role.

Susannahmia

A fine big...............................................................smile.:D

Seriously I don't specifically look for any traits in particular. Apart from the obvious ones such as not being a w*nker etc. It's all about chemistry.

ztoical

Honestly can say I don't look for anything in partner - all my long term partners were friends first and it developed from there. I do tend to share alot o the same interests with them but I hang out with people who share the same interests as me so its not surprise I meet my boyfriends within these groups. Have never had a relationship with anyone where I felt we fitted in roles of any sort - me woman you man - we just clicked.

Any short term relationships are usually based on physical attraction/the right moment chemistry and I can list what I am attracted to in those cases but I don't think thats what your looking for. Those relationships, while fun, didn't go anywhere as we tended to have little in common. I'm not saying I want someone with the exact same interests as me as that would get boring but at least a common starting point.

Filan wrote: »

Would also be interested if there is lesbians or gays here as to how different role's work with two people of the same sex. I'm male but identify as Trans..or Queer in some way...male but always struggled with the male role.

There is a lesbian/gay forum on boards you can post this question too.

Quality

Well friendship is paramount to any relationship...
You would hopefully be spending the rest of your life together, So you need someone you can trust... SOmeone whos company you enjoy... It helps if your on the same level...

Nightwish

I would rate compatibility a huge factor in a partner. We would have to share similar interests, be able to communicate, he'd have to have an excellent sense of humour and of course be honest.

Kazobel

Personally, being transsexual, I've never had problems getting girlfriends. My last girlfriend would have considered herself straight until she met me and was willing then to look past the gender crap, most girls I've dated are straight I'm just honest with them at the start so it's not like I'm going to speed dating events or anything and pretending to be something else in the hopes of converting them later on. Try being honest, everyone I've dated (male and female) I've been honest with from the start and had the respect to give them the choice wether or not to date me.

On topic I go for:

Height (in men, I wouldn't date a guy smaller than me, it just looks silly and draws attention to me that I don't want)
Inteligence (I want someone I can talk to too)
Affection (I like affection {random hugs, pecks on the cheek for no reason etc})
Exceptance (I refuse to be a hidden girlfriend, if someone dates me I expect to meet their friends and family at some point as they would mine)

looks, gender, weight mean nothing to me, if I like someone as a person then I'll date them. To date me comes with alot of new issues that I'd expect them to accept so to be fair I'd have to accept some issues about them too so I never let the physical(other than height in men) influnce my decision.

Lisa_Simpson

Friendship & trust would be key. Someone to share life with and have fun. Someone who you can be there for no matter what, and someone who you can rely on to do the same. Someone who thinks you are as special, as they are to you, and someone who would defend you to their friends and family without a 2nd thought - as you would for them.

In the past I have generally worked off of chemistry, and a lack of arrogance.
Next time I'm going look with a shopping list.


Laidback.
Kind.
From a farming background.
Thoughtful to all others not just me.
Nice family....dead mother.
Passionate but not about their job or ball sports.
Good circle of friends or at least a gregarious personality.
Veg*n
Independant.
Emotional.
Positive outlook, allergic to complaining.
Different interests to me.
Uncompetative.

stepbar

Moonbaby wrote: »

In the past I have generally worked off of chemistry, and a lack of arrogance.
Next time I'm going look with a shopping list.


Laidback.
Kind.
From a farming background.
Thoughtful to all others not just me.
Nice family....dead mother.
Passionate but not about their job or ball sports.
Good circle of friends or at least a gregarious personality.
Veg*n
Independant.
Emotional.
Positive outlook, allergic to complaining.
Different interests to me.
Uncompetative.

WTF :eek:

imeddyhobbs

If I may

The loving of a child,Loving his/her partner

Telling your friends to put their money where their mouth is.

Don't confuse simple things.

Winters

I fit most of these except for 'Veg*n', 'dead mother' and 'farming background'.

a/s/l @ thread.

Silverfish

Winters, off topic posting will get you put on the naughty step.

Rattlehead_ie

Honesty
Communication skills
Friendship
Sociable with good friends
Independent
Attractive / Looks*
Laid back, Chillaxiful

*Lets be honest here, although the above personality traits, to me, are more important. I also have to be physically attracted to the person. Looks as I said are not the biggest thing but they are something that I consider.
I think with any relationship the 1st two are pretty important as if a couple can sit down and chat with each other, they can work out anything, as long as it can be worked out.

gollyitsolly

It started with pure physical LUST, then developed into affection and love.! But the most important things are kindness to me and others. Fun and being funny, not taking life so seriously.A man who will look out for me but not smother me. Someone who can be humble but also strong when needed,also can laugh at themselves too.

Kazobel

Moonbaby wrote: »

In the past I have generally worked off of chemistry, and a lack of arrogance.
Next time I'm going look with a shopping list.


Laidback.
Kind.
From a farming background.
Thoughtful to all others not just me.
Nice family....dead mother.
Passionate but not about their job or ball sports.
Good circle of friends or at least a gregarious personality.
Veg*n
Independant.
Emotional.
Positive outlook, allergic to complaining.
Different interests to me.
Uncompetative.

Would they not contradict each other? I'm just saying because I love my job and it is one of my interests that may be different to a partner and likewise I hate sport but have to accept someone I'm dating might be the opposite in that opinion.

rain on

My general criteria are
-Intelligent (I used to go with 'educated' but I don't think that's so important any more, I'm working on my third college degree at the moment and it doesn't make me any more intelligent than my bf who dropped out of school at 17)
-Hot (subjective one this, for me it usually means tallish, skinny and scruffy)
-Ambitious
-Confident
-Talented (not necessarily in an artistic way but that's how it always seems to work out)
-Compassionate
-Preferably some similar interests and political outlooks to me, but also different ones, I don't want to go out with a clone of myself!

It's not so much that I compare people to that list and get rid of them if they don't measure up, as that I don't become really attracted to them in the first place if they don't fit in with that.

Wibbs

Speaking as a bloke, I would say, in no particular order;

Intelligence
Loyalty
Emotionally consistent(on past experience we can but hope..:D)
Fun
Sociable and socially aware
Self respect

Of those loyalty and intelligence would be a given. Self absorbed would be a deal breaker.

On the physical side I prefer toned with a smaller frame. Hair colour or any of that doesn't really matter to me, though brunettes at a push would have some advantage.

stepbar

stepbar wrote: »

WTF :eek:

Single or Mammie isn't Irish.

Kazobel

Kazobel wrote: »

Would they not contradict each other? I'm just saying because I love my job and it is one of my interests that may be different to a partner and likewise I hate sport but have to accept someone I'm dating might be the opposite in that opinion.

I need to live a balanced life. I think its great for someone to have job satifaction, but I don't want to share my time with someone who always puts work/money before themselves and everyone else.

I find people with different lifestyles and interests appealing for what I can learn from them. So I tend to take an active involvement in my bfs interests.
Ball sports just bore me to tears, once again I don't mind someone having an interest. But I wouldn't be happy for something I didn't like to eat into our weekend activites regularly.

BTW my shoppng wish is more of a wishlist....I fully expect to fall foul of a pair of sparkley blue eyes.

jellie

- attractive (to me. whats the point if i dont fancy him?)
- makes me laugh
- easy going & im able to relax around him. i find theres some people ill just instantly have a flow of conversation with.
- intelligent
- affectionate. i dont mean over the top PDAs but i need someone who will give me a cuddle. im mad for hugs!
- able to communicate!

i think most important is probably enjoying each others company. if you can be happy doing absolutely nothing with someone

Hmm....
-intelligent absolute must
-good looking
-knows themselves well+/is comfy with themselves
-fun
-somewhat ambitious/has an idea where they're going or at least wants something
and of course a good friend.

Black Swan

I tend to be attracted to creative (writers, musicians, artists, discovery researchers) and physically fit types, with a grand sense of humour about life in general. Tend to avoid heavy drinkers, recreational drug users, and smokers cause I'm into fitness. Friendship and trust are essential, as is being treated equally (although different... Viva la difference!). Not really attracted to someone of the same sex, but my flatmate teases me a lot about being so square when it comes to that. Oh, a healthy sexual relationship in combination with the above is a must (but forget one-night-stands cause I need a relationship first).

Reku

A good heart/spirit.

At least moderate intelligence, don't care if she's not into any of the nerdy crap I am as long as when we're talking she can pick up enough of what I'm saying to be able to respond. I also like regular debates on all kinds of stuff, keeps the old grey matter from getting too bored.

Reasonably fit, don't care if she's a bit on the larger side as long as she is looking after herself and getting regular exercise to stay healthy.

Affectionate, but not in a public matches of tonsil tennis way, or a phony/forced way.

Comfortable with their body and who they are, not just a sheep who follows trends, either in fashion or otherwise. Has her own mind and oppinions and doesn't just back down and follow whatever someone else says.

Most importantly, for a friend or girlfriend:- able to withstand really knowing me while remaining themselves and not letting it crush them emotionally, yet to meet anyone who can so guess this is just a deluded dream....

aye

it really all comes down to how well you get on.
i must be attracted to her.
i generally like girls that are shorter than me even when in heels.
toned body.
like a girl to be into fitness.
prefer non smokers tho that wouldnt be a deal breaker.

i like girly girls. long as she doesnt say OMG every two seconds.
i also like a girl with a good fashion sense, and who is independant enough to go out with her mates when she wants.

a good pair of legs just gets me every time

Dragan

These are not done in any particular order of importance....they are all just as important as each other!

1) She has to challenge me and also enjoy being challenged!
2) Similar interests across Painting, Art, Photography and Writing would be a massive attraction.
3) She needs to be her own person, just happy out to be on her own in her own company! I get on a lot better with people who are comfortable with themselves.
4) A hunger for music is a must.
5) A good dancer. I don't mean drunken dancefloor bull****...I mean a good dancer.
6) Expressive and Emotive.
7) Physically active somehow! Doesn't matter what it is once it's something!
8) Intelligent.
9) Sexual - might sound simple but the truth is not everyone is into sex or has a high sex drive. I am and i do so she will need to be the same for it to work.

monkeyfudge

I'd be happy with someone who doesn't get trapped in cabinets all the time.

MattKid

A girlie tomboy. not high maintenance. Quite happy in a pair of combats and vest top, but can be girlie when needed.

Doesn't fart in front of me (and I in turn won't in front of her either)
Active and fit
small pert boobs (I've been out with an H cup girl and big breast just aren't for me)
looks good with short hair
narrow hips (honestly I'm not into boys)
A passion for music (the ability to sing and play a bonus)
Doesn't drink to excess
Will challenge and inspire me to be the best I can.
The ability to forgive thoughtlessness on occasion
Likes chick flicks and finds it cute that I'm guarrenteed to cry:o
Doesn't nag!

piscean

Have to be attracted to him first off
Has to be interesting - no point sitting there in silence
Being tight with money is a major turn off too - would be a deal breaker.
Needs to be into going out at w/ends.
Thats it really

John Mason

House, car, money, no children or previous marriages

Pyjamarama

the dee wrote: »

And in most people's experience, including mine, someone great comes into your life right when you stop searching for them. I don't know why this is, maybe body-language saying 'I'm looking for someone' puts people off.

Ditto. I had completely given up and was so much more relaxed and stopped caring so much and bingo I found someone who was completely not my 'type' but things work really well between us. I think because we are 100% comfortable with each other, we're best friends, can make each other laugh, are completely honest and can talk about anything to each other. Also he loves me or me and vice versa.

You shouldn't change who you are for anyone so OP you'll find someone who loves you for who you are not someone who's going to tick off a checklist and categorise you in a box labelled husband-material or otherwise. Hang in there and don't settle for less!

Silverfish

Honest, good-looking ( to me), nerdy, fun, sense of humour, gamer, intelligent.

There's a lot more, obviously, but they are the initial checkboxes.

neuro-praxis

Highly intelligent with a wicked sense of humour, mixed with a lot of integrity and kindness. Taller than me is merely a bonus.

nikki 122

Moonbaby wrote: »

In the past I have generally worked off of chemistry, and a lack of arrogance.
Next time I'm going look with a shopping list.


Laidback.
Kind.
From a farming background.
Thoughtful to all others not just me.
Nice family....dead mother.
Passionate but not about their job or ball sports.
Good circle of friends or at least a gregarious personality.
Veg*n
Independant.
Emotional.
Positive outlook, allergic to complaining.
Different interests to me.
Uncompetative.

jesus kinda harsh!

mollybird

id have to say intellegence, humour, respectful, someone who has nice eyes def as a physical feature. someone you can talk to.

pookie82

Has to play rugby/have a history of playing rugby, be built like a house, and his idea of an ideal date would have to be taking me to a Six Nations match.

Anything else is a bonus.

nikki 122

well there is enough girls answering lets get some bloke feedback..... whats your ideal girl fellas?

aye

nikki 122 wrote: »

well there is enough girls answering lets get some bloke feedback..... whats your ideal girl fellas?

legs from here to ya-ya!

nikki 122

ha does it not matter if she is pug ugly as long as she has long legs you're happy?

Dragan

nikki 122 wrote: »

well there is enough girls answering lets get some bloke feedback..... whats your ideal girl fellas?

Already posted below.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=55166898&postcount=28

aye

nikki 122 wrote: »

ha does it not matter if she is pug ugly as long as she has long legs you're happy?

nah was just messing. my list is above, i aint writing it again

long as she makes me smile, i'd be happy.
(and has legs from here to ya-ya )

p

Filan wrote: »

Curious.... As I currently feel as though there is no prospect of me fulfiliing the typical male role within a relationship...at certain times yes....but on a consistent basis it's just beyond me...and in truth always was.... That dosen't mean that I'm not open to relations with a female....but for it to work roles would have to be in some way convoluted......and most women I feel want a masculine man. Anyway I'm happy with who I am...wouldn't wish to be anyone else... But somewhat on the fringes in terms of the dating scene..which I accept.

Anyway interested in what would attract others to a potential husband or wife?

I'm curious what you mean by being masculine? I don't know much about being trans, or how that'd affect things, but you don't need to be a big, athletic macho guy to find girls or be masculine. Generally, what girls want is someone who is equal to them, who is confident and who will "lead" them.

Now, the term lead there is key. That doesn't mean dominate or disrespect. Leading means taking charge on a date, it means giving the girl a choice, but having a plan. It means being a man, and sorting things out. A lot of guys who aren't physically big get confused by this, especially if you haven't had a good role model. They don't want to be seen as oafish and they genuinely do have a lot of respect for women, but this has put them in a position where they don't know what it means to be a man any more.

It means being confident, and not putting the girl on a pedestal. It's saying "I have a plan for the evening" rather than "I don't know ... what do you want to do?" and putting them first. It means putting your hand on their back if you're walking through a dodgey area, or taking a girl's hand if you're bringing her through a crowd.

Being masculine is about making a woman feel feminine. And that means showing your strong side to make her feel safe, showing your attraction to make her feel sexy and showing you're impressed by her so that she feels special.

There's nothing about those things that you can't learn to do, and you don't need to change who you are to do them, you just have to be aware of them and make an extra bit of effort.


Also, learn to flirt, if you're meeting people and nothing is happening, it's because you're not having fun and joking in a way that make the conversation sexual. If you're having a calm collected conversation with someone it's a lot harder for sparks to fly that could lead to something.

MattKid

^^^^^Good Post^^^^^^^^^^

Orlee

Dragan wrote: »

These are not done in any particular order of importance....they are all just as important as each other!

1) She has to challenge me and also enjoy being challenged!
2) Similar interests across Painting, Art, Photography and Writing would be a massive attraction.
3) She needs to be her own person, just happy out to be on her own in her own company! I get on a lot better with people who are comfortable with themselves.
4) A hunger for music is a must.
5) A good dancer. I don't mean drunken dancefloor bull****...I mean a good dancer.
6) Expressive and Emotive.
7) Physically active somehow! Doesn't matter what it is once it's something!
8) Intelligent.
9) Sexual - might sound simple but the truth is not everyone is into sex or has a high sex drive. I am and i do so she will need to be the same for it to work.

I'd like to meet that woman, she sounds very interesting!

Donegal Lass

and non-existant! lol!!

Dragan

Donegal Lass wrote: »

and non-existant! lol!!

Nah, she's out there. I just need to be patient.

nikki 122

aye wrote: »

nah was just messing. my list is above, i aint writing it again

long as she makes me smile, i'd be happy.
(and has legs from here to ya-ya )

Ha ha good stuff!

Kazobel

Moonbaby wrote: »

BTW my shoppng wish is more of a wishlist....I fully expect to fall foul of a pair of sparkley blue eyes.

LOL don't we all but for me it'd be green eyes

Quality

Girls if all else fails may I offer a little advice....


Go for the bulge at the back...


Rather than the bulge at the front...

If ya know what I mean;)