Secret Unfeminist Thoughts

Peared

So Ive been thinkin recently about the difference between the way us wimmins think to ourselves and the way we portray ourselves to the outside world. For example there are things I think that would be regarded as distinctly unfeminist. Logic dictates that I cant be the only one. But is it ok to think these things? The look of horror on some womens faces would suggest not. Im gonna be brave and state some of my thoughts that other women might not like.

I dont think the way a woman looks has anything to do with who they are, looks are fleeting, superficial and in the great scheme of things unimportant..

BUT

I would hate to be fat. I think its unattractive and I would have serious problems going out if I was. Sometimes I hear people giving out about it and I just think "well eat less and get some excercise" Unless it is a medical condition I can find no sympathy.

I would hate to be ugly. Beauty is of course an accident of birth and means nothing. But I would think less of myself if I was ugly.

I cant understand women who dont want children. I know they are smelly noisy and take most of your time for your whole life but I cant understand women who never have them.

I have never seen a female comedian who made me laugh. I dont think women are as funny as men. Unless writing in which case funnier.

Im sure there are a few more. I know many of you will disagree with my points and thats fine. In general I will fight long and hard if I feel women or anybody is being fecked over. Im a nice girl, honest But I cant be the only one to have secret unfeminist thoughts.

So what are yours?

spinandscribble

hmm...
i like flowers and teddy bears. i know its cliched but i do.
i dont like guys with boobs. i should be the only one in the bedroom able to wear a bra.
i'd like to take my husbands name.
i dont want to ever be over a size 12. the clothes i like dont look good on me if i am.

I don't get this thread, your trying to condone being judgemental by labeling it as anti-feminist?

Nightwish

I think women are crap drivers
I dont understand why any female wants children
I agree with spinandscribble - I dont want to get bigger than the size I am (10)
I think working part time and holding a high position dont go hand in hand (like women in my office do)
I like being spoiled by my other half
I prefer to talk to/hang around with/work with guys rather than girls

Rozabeez

I like when men hold doors open and compliment me, even if its to shut me up.

I like to cook for people.

Peared

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't get this thread, your trying to condone being judgemental by labeling it as anti-feminist?

Ha who's being judgemental?

I think some things.

Other women sometimes view these things as anti feminist.

Im asking if other women think things that they know women dont like hearing.

Simple.

Im not trying to condone anything. I dont have to.

Dudess

Peared wrote: »

I would hate to be fat. I think its unattractive and I would have serious problems going out if I was. Sometimes I hear people giving out about it and I just think "well eat less and get some excercise" Unless it is a medical condition I can find no sympathy.

+1 to all of that. I know I berated you over the Laura Woods thing but that's because she is not fat. When I say I'd hate to be fat, I don't mean size 12 to 14, I mean size 16+.

I would hate to be ugly. Beauty is of course an accident of birth and means nothing. But I would think less of myself if I was ugly.

Do you think you're beautiful? Or just not ugly? Very few people are ugly. Most people are ordinary looking and can make themselves look utterly divine with make-up. I think I'm grand looking - nothing special, but I can make myself look very good with make-up. I'm happy with how I look though.

I have never seen a female comedian who made me laugh. I dont think women are as funny as men.

Agreed. Apart from a few Jewish comediennes and maybe Jo Brand/Sally Phillips now and again, women tend not to "do" funny very well.

Nightwish wrote: »

I dont understand why any female wants children

That seems more feminist to me than unfeminist.

I prefer to talk to/hang around with/work with guys rather than girls

Me too. But again, I don't think that's anti-feminist - I'm actually anything but. It's because so many girls I know are utter bints, and I think THEY'RE they anti-feminist ones. THEY undermine their gender by being stupid airheads and by being so hard on other women. Yeah I know I'm being hard on them but that's because they provoke me.

stratospheres

Guys are easier to get on with
I don't like bitchy girls (even though I am one sometimes )
I'd also hate to be fat

I don't think anyone is entitled to have an opinion on weather someone outside of their relationship wants children. If you think otherwise your being an arsehole.

I preety much feel the same way about people who think less of others based on their weight or appearance, unless it is relevant to their interaction.

Peared

Ah Dudess, twas yourself inspired this thread after the Woods bum saga

No I dont think Im beautiful, I can look pretty damn good when I want to though. On the other hand I have days where I feel hideous. But Im a girl in the noughties, thats my lot.

Dudess

Well yeah I'd hate to be ugly too - but I think that's a fair enough point of view for anyone to have!

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't think anyone is entitled to have an opinion on weather someone outside of their relationship wants children. If you think otherwise your being an arsehole.

I preety much feel the same way about people who think less of others based on their weight or appearance, unless it is relevant to their interaction.

You're coming across as pretty intolerant yourself.

Peared

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't think anyone is entitled to have an opinion on weather someone outside of their relationship wants children. If you think otherwise your being an arsehole.

I preety much feel the same way about people who think less of others based on their weight or appearance, unless it is relevant to their interaction.

I am entitled to have an opinion on whatever I want. Nobody has to listen but I can and will have opinions on anything and everything. Even if its nothing to do with me. Its a pretty small world if you limit opinions to your own life.

If you read my post properly you will see that I said I dont think less of people because of their appearance.

Also I think you have revealed yourself with the comment "if you think otherwise you're being an arsehole" So if people dont agree with you you have to resort to name calling? However do you cope in the real world? What a ridiculous arrogant statement.

It more palatable to me to be intolerant of arrogance than choices other people make that don't affect me.

Peared

I was giving MY OPINION, saying I couldnt understand women who dont want children. I did not say they were wrong. I did not say I looked down on them. I said it is a position I cannot understand. That is not judging them. That is saying I find it difficult to understand.

And you think to call others arrogant? This I find funny.

FruitLover

Moonbaby wrote: »

I preety much feel the same way about people who think less of others based on their weight or appearance, unless it is relevant to their interaction.

I reckon you can tell something about a person by whether they take care of themselves or not. If I see some tub of crap waddling around the place, probably riddled with cholesterol, I think less of him/her than I would a person who maintains some level of fitness and eats reasonably.

E.g. I wouldn't hire an obese guy if I could avoid it - I don't think I'd trust someone who can't take care their own appearance and health (whether it's due to apathy or lack of self-control) with any sort of other responsibility.

cuckoo

Sometimes i want a strong man to just wrap his arms around me and just take care of me. Old fashioned, protecting me from all the scary things in life, helping me in and out of my coat, all the time while murmuring "don't you worry your pretty head about anything - i'll sort it all out".

Dudess

Yeah, I LOVE "manly" protector men!

stratospheres

My boyfriend always puts me on the inside of the street when we're walking

No one ever did that before and I think its super cute!
Sometimes I like him to order for me when we're eating out too!

Peared

cuckoo wrote: »

Sometimes i want a strong man to just wrap his arms around me and just take care of me. Old fashioned, protecting me from all the scary things in life, helping me in and out of my coat, all the time while murmuring "don't you worry your pretty head about anything - i'll sort it all out".

Ha, yes! I dunnno if Id feel suffocated by this eventually but sometimes thats exactly what Id like.

Dudess

stratospheres wrote: »

Sometimes I like him to order for me when we're eating out too!

Er... what?

stratospheres

Yeah I love it!
I can sit back and relax!
Obviously he doesn't do it all the time, he asks if I want him to first!

watna

Dudess wrote: »

Er... what?

+1. You let your bf order for you?! :eek:

Do you mean pick the food without asking you or just tell the waiter what you want after you've told him so you don't have to speak?

stratospheres

Sometimes both!
Why not?!
Its so funny when he takes the p1ss and says "and the lady will have..." lol
The waiter usually gives a funny look then!

spinandscribble

Nightwish wrote: »

I think working part time and holding a high position dont go hand in hand (like women in my office do)
I like being spoiled by my other half
I prefer to talk to/hang around with/work with guys rather than girls

i agree with these. i just dont like hanging out with girls as much as guys. granted i have some girls as mates but thats generally because we have things in common. guys are better craic and arnt as serious.

i love being spoilt! doesnt everyone? i love it when he takes care of me too. maybe im just a big baby!

AckwelFoley

I like to be a gent, but some of ye wimmens take the piss.

Holding doors open, and alot of ye waltz thru like i wasnt there. (then she wonders why there is a big slimy spit on the back of her head when she goes home)

Its 2008, i aint buying yer ass dinner every weekend.. you make more money than i do.. you pay yer fair share.

.. that hotel room.. i put a good eight hours work in.. the least you can do is pay for the mini bar..

SarahSassy

Rozabeez wrote: »

I like when men hold doors open and compliment me, even if its to shut me up.

I like to cook for people.

+1

cuckoo

snyper wrote: »

I like to be a gent, but some of ye wimmens take the piss.

Holding doors open, and alot of ye waltz thru like i wasnt there. (then she wonders why there is a big slimy spit on the back of her head when she goes home)

Its 2008, i aint buying yer ass dinner every weekend.. you make more money than i do.. you pay yer fair share.

.. that hotel room.. i put a good eight hours work in.. the least you can do is pay for the mini bar..

Ah, but this is the thread for us to admit to the secret unfeminist thoughts that we harbour sometimes - but rarely (if ever) act upon.

In occasional fantasy: the doors are always held open (i do say 'thank you' though when it happens irl), i don't even see the bill as he pays it when i'm in the ladies, i don't need to understand things like interest rates or how to wire a plug and i can just forget about all responsibilites as i'm wrapped up in his arms.

In reality: i always see the restaurant/hotel bill as i used to wait tables and can check a bill a lot faster than anyone i've ever dated, pay my own way (or take turns) and mini bar bills don't exist as i bring my own supplies to a hotel (seriously - the prices they charge are outrageous). I'm up to date on current events, and on top of my own bills, finances, etc.

I acknowledge it's unfeminist to sometimes have these thoughts - and know that it would drive me crazy to lead the life women had 200 (or even 40) years ago. And, it'd be unfair to expect a man to constantly support, protect and console me without ever himself be allowed seek strength from me.

Loaded1973

I'm 16+ and not only find myself able to leave the house, but actually feel attractive.
I am not a tub of crap waddling around the place, probably riddled with cholesterol, and am capable of holding a conversation without resorting to denigrating people to prop up my own self esteem.
What I'd hate is to be narrowminded and hung up on looks and size.

rediguana

It's a very interesting thread. There's a secret chauvinist in me (I'm male) that I'll be more open about in public from tomorrow, now that I see that women have renounced their crazy feminist ideas.

I'm going to set my clock a half an hour earlier just so I can hit the ground running. Look out, world, here I come!

Crumble Froo

i cannot actually believe some of the comments in here about weight and appearance... i got so angry reading some of them... make me feel like ****, tbh.

AckwelFoley

cuckoo wrote: »

Ah, but this is the thread for us to admit to the secret unfeminist thoughts that we harbour sometimes - but rarely (if ever) act upon.

In occasional fantasy: the doors are always held open (i do say 'thank you' though when it happens irl), i don't even see the bill as he pays it when i'm in the ladies, i don't need to understand things like interest rates or how to wire a plug and i can just forget about all responsibilites as i'm wrapped up in his arms.

In reality: i always see the restaurant/hotel bill as i used to wait tables and can check a bill a lot faster than anyone i've ever dated, pay my own way (or take turns) and mini bar bills don't exist as i bring my own supplies to a hotel (seriously - the prices they charge are outrageous). I'm up to date on current events, and on top of my own bills, finances, etc.

I acknowledge it's unfeminist to sometimes have these thoughts - and know that it would drive me crazy to lead the life women had 200 (or even 40) years ago. And, it'd be unfair to expect a man to constantly support, protect and console me without ever himself be allowed seek strength from me.

Grand.

What you doing Saturday?

WindSock

When a Woman driver pulls out in fromt of me, I just say 'oh, here we go...''

Mind you it's the same if it's an old person.

AckwelFoley

Loaded1973 wrote: »

I am not a tub of crap waddling around the place, probably riddled with cholesterol,

Sorry to be pedantic.. but you can be stick thin and have high cholesterol

AckwelFoley

WindSock wrote: »

When a Woman driver pulls out in fromt of me, I just say 'oh, here we go...''

Mind you it's the same if it's an old person.

Your days of modding the LL are numbered

rediguana

snyper wrote: »

Sorry to be pedantic.. but you can be stick thin and have high cholesterol

Snyper - one week ban for inappropriate use of pedantry and for using Kermit-The-Frog as your avatar

WindSock

It's not unfeminist to not want to be fat. Being obese is unhealthy.


I also think Women should look after their babies and not go straight back to work after a few months.

Crumble Froo

...and if they've taken time (eg, a year + )off work to look after the kids, then of course they're not entitled to the same benefits as the people who've been working that whole time.

rediguana

WindSock wrote: »

It's not unfeminist to not want to be fat. Being obese is unhealthy.


I also think Women should look after their babies and not go straight back to work after a few months.

Ouch! I know two groups of ladies who aren't going to like that! And for those lacking my percipient intellect, I'm referring to fat ladies and to those who have chosen to return to the workplace after birthing.

And I hate to think what fat mothers returning to the labour market (so to speak) must be thinking right now!

**puts on unfeminist hat**

I like having my BF's dinner ready for him when he comes home from a long day at work (even if my day has been just as long/stressful)

I don't mind ironing his shirts.

I like having doors held open for me.

Going on my own experiences, I believe women can be the biggest barrier to other women's progress in the workplace when it comes to parenting/maternity leave.
A lot of the career-obsessed women I've worked with relish the chance to have a dig at working mothers.

spinandscribble

narco wrote: »

i cannot actually believe some of the comments in here about weight and appearance... i got so angry reading some of them... make me feel like ****, tbh.

i believe that everyone has their limit on what they themselves would find acceptable for themselves. dont feel bad because our limits are lower then you, we'll be the ones depressed and loathing ourselves after having kids lol:p:o

Hellm0

rediguana wrote: »

Ouch! I know two groups of ladies who aren't going to like that! And for those lacking my percipient intellect, I'm referring to fat ladies and to those who have chosen to return to the workplace after birthing.

And I hate to think what fat mothers returning to the labour market (so to speak) must be thinking right now!

Like it or not though its true, fat people die younger and kids grow up happier when they have a complete upbringing(and that does not include excessive use of daycare facilities).

rediguana

Hellm0 wrote: »

Like it or not though its true, fat people die younger and kids grow up happier when they have a complete upbringing(and that does not include excessive use of daycare facilities).

Yeah, I know, I was just joking.

Anyway, I'm out of here. Nite.

Jules

I'll be honest and say this thread makes me sick to my stomach. It doesn't matter what size shape what ever you are one persons throw away is another person keep sake. What is ugly to one person is beautiful to another.

What do you consider ugly ladies... cuz im sure you may consider yourselves pretty and thin or whatever but other people would consider you to be the most ugly thing on the planet. It's all about self worth, And if you have to make comments such as some of the ones in this thread well you have none!

Nightwish

I have no problems with working mothers - my own mother worked full time, she had to to pay the mortgage. Its just when mothers come back after having kids to work 4 hours a day or 3 days a week and try pick up where their career left off.

AckwelFoley

Jules wrote: »

I'll be honest and say this thread makes me sick to my stomach.

Im not sure as to why?

The title itself is perhaps going to be of an unpopular nature, but isnt it perhaps within vanity what women..and men are thinking but not saying?

If you shower in the morning, you are trying to fit into an accepted norm.. you put on make up to.. fit into a norm..

Its seems to be a harsh reality of human nature..

Anti

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't think anyone is entitled to have an opinion on weather someone outside of their relationship wants children. If you think otherwise your being an arsehole.

I preety much feel the same way about people who think less of others based on their weight or appearance, unless it is relevant to their interaction.

QFT !

beanyb

On the fat people issue - I hate the political correctness that surrounds it. Really fat people shouldnt be told that it's all about who you are on the inside, and how beautiful you feel, because being obese, or morbidly obese, is unhealthy. I dont mean people who are a size 16, that would be ridiculous, but people who weigh about 20 stone shouldnt be told that it doesnt matter that they weigh that much. It does matter. They're slowly but surely killing themselves.

The same goes for people who are disgustingly skinny. It's unhealthy, and I'm not going to pretend that it isnt, just because it's the politically correct thing to do.

spinandscribble

i agree beanb. noone is HEALTHY at 18+ or extremely skinny. 16 is beautiful on the right girl as is size 6. frames differ and heights. being beautiful on the inside is no excuse for being obese.

cuckoo

I think this thread has demonstrates that feminism still has a way to go as weight, appearance and motherhood seem to be cropping up again and again.

I wish that all women could have a good body image, and that choices women make regarding children and their careers would be supported and respected. I wish that a woman's body would not be considered such public property that it offends/arouses/digusts/pleases without her say in the matter.

Dudess

I'm not going to apologise for saying I wouldn't like to be fat or ugly. When I say "ugly" I don't simply mean plain, I mean unsightly looking. And very few people are unsightly looking - and NOBODY would want to be unsightly.
Also, anyone who's fat doesn't really want to be fat - if there was a quick, affordable and effective fix they'd be queuing up for it in their droves. I'm not saying they'd want to be skinny - I wouldn't like to be skinny either - but they would like to lose the excess flab, no matter what they say.

Peared

I wonder why its acceptable to describe skinny girls as disgusting, emaciated, anorexic (which they may not be) scrawny etc and its a hanging offence to even mention that you would not like to be fat. It seems to be ok to say you wouldnt like to be skinny.