To any guys lurking in here... question about sleeping togehter... thank you

rockergirl

I've met an amazing guy, in every way looks wise personality etc a couple of months ago. There was a spark there at the time but as we always had friends around us nothing ever happened. We live in different cities. We've been emailing/phoning etc ...contacting each other every single day since then just as friends but we've both admitted he'd like something to happen. He's coming to visit me really soon and we're going to be sleeping in the same bed ( I told him not to expect anything!...just sleeping!)... I usually go out with someone for months before going all the way with a guy, but this situation is a bit different . Being honest I'd probably do lots of other stuff but not go all the way.

So, I was wondering (a guys perspective would be great), if a guy wasn't able to see a girl too often but really liked her and there was a good dynamic between ye, would you respect her for not going all the way with you as ye haven't had much physical contact... or would ye be really annoyed... or would it make you want her more next time you saw her..?

Just curious to get some different perspectives!. Thanks.

Mr. Incognito

To be honest if I liked a girl I'd respect her for holding out on the first night in that scenario.

claiva

hi,
if you think you would like to have any kind of ongoing intimate relationship with this guy albeit a "weekend" one or whatever, as a bloke I would absolutely love it if you were up for nookie from day or night one. I think life's too short for abstaining for weeks and weeks because the moment might pass and then it would be too late.
So my advice is this - be prepared for it to happen, and then go with the flow, that way you are not being easy and if he wants to then it could happen.
As a guy, you only really know if someone is "the one" when you've gone all the way with them and then the dynamic changes completely and only then can real love occur.
Maybe thats not what you want but hey as I said earlier life's too short.:)

Rattlehead_ie

I don't like your lurking expression I prefer the term not so discreetly observing.

I think you will get many diff opinions on this one from some of the guys.
Under the circumstance and the situation the guys seems to be genuine
In saying "I told me not to expect anything!...just sleeping!"

I as a guy would read this as, ok we are sleeping in the bed together and I don't expect to have sex or anythign else etc. but whatever happens happens. Basically he is making sure you don't feel pressured or anything.

Then to answer your question, there should be no reason why he would not respect you for going the whole way with him. He should understand and respect that this is the 1st time "together" and shouldn't expect the full thing and yes more than likely it will make him want you even more later on specially as you dont see each other often.

Hope that helps

AckwelFoley

It depends on his situation.

If he is young and wants to "muck around" he will want to sleep with you and wont hang around too long if you dont.

If hes my age (30) guys tend to have different motives.

When i was younger alls i ever wanted was a shag... and very little else.

However at this stage of my life i would be looking for somthing more special. Every guy loves a women that gives it up real quick, but in my opinion they and i particularly would never take the relationship seriously. Many guys would look on it that, if she gives it up that quick.. shes been around... and you know the saying "you cant make a ho a housewife"

So let me put it to you this way. If i were that guy, and i liked you and found you interesting funny and attractive, and i went to your place and stayed with you, there is no doubt id try to have sex with you, particularly if i had beer in me.. but i think id have less respect for you afterwards than if you held out for a short while. In my opinion personally a few months is taking the piss, but for me.. if you were worth it.. it wouldnt matter, there are far far more important things than sex.

.. mind you sex is important too

Slow Motion

If it's looking like a relationship, then I would have no problem waiting until both were ready!

geuro

For me, if i meet a girl and we sleep together on the first night, it's less special than if we wait for a while. Not always of course, but in general i think i have more respect for the girl who waits.

But your situation is unusual - it may be your first opportunity to sleep together but it's not as though it is the first day of your relationship. Sounds like you have been involved with each other for a while now, even though it has been just emails and phone calls up until now.

I'm blabbering

1) Having known you for a number of months, I wouldn't respect you any less if we went all the way; i would respect your decision and be willing to wait until you felt comfortable.
2) I would not be annoyed.
3) I would still want you the next time, no more, no less.

Good luck

Mr. Incognito

Many guys would look on it that, if she gives it up that quick.. shes been around... and you know the saying "you cant make a ho a housewife"

Nail. Head. We just don't want to admit this as, lets face it. We love the easy ladies.

claiva

SetantaL wrote: »

Nail. Head. We just don't want to admit this as, lets face it. We love the easy ladies.

Ha ha....so true...but I think because she has had an ongoing frienship/relationship with this guy it's not the same as a one night stand shag.

It sounds like it could be a really special night......
Takes me back.....
I'm 30+ too by the way and completely agree with the change in guys attitudes once you reach that age.

prendy

my advise would be to go with your gut instinct...every guy is different and most will respect your wishes.
however i wouldnt leave it hanging too long, especially if ye wont see each other that often.
you mentioned months in your post and although i do respect women i dont know if id hold out that long,IMO a few weeks is fine.

meditraitor

If you feel like jumping him; do, dont let some arcane idiotic ideal like dont shag on the first date put you off,
Follow your instinct

AckwelFoley

The reason for me saying the above is from exp.

A few months back i met the most stunning looking women in a bar. In the club she walked up to me and told me she thought i was fab looking guy.. i thought she was drunk but actually she was on water..

That evening she brought me back to her hotel and gave me a sweet oral massage of my genital area..

For the next few months we did little else but screw when ever we were togeather. I began to have feelings for her and while we were open to each other and our sexual history, i was always uneasy at how "easy" she was, and although i became more accepting of it, i could never shake it really. I know its a terrible double standard, but i cant help it.

We did eventually part ways...

Mainly due to the fact that id never ever let her kiss my prospective kids with that mouth of hers.

kmick

Most guys will wait a few months. Some guys wont wait but that will be a sign that they cant be bothered waiting in most cases. All I can say is there is other stuff to do and if over time you end up doing that stuff 99% of guys will be happy enough with that. Dont be under pressure.

Caveat

rockergirl wrote: »

I'd probably do lots of other stuff but not go all the way.

Male here

I'm always a little confused by remarks like the above - does it really make a difference if you 'go all the way' or not? Depends exactly what you mean by 'lots of other stuff' maybe, but if there is definite sexual contact then a line has been crossed as far as I'm concerned. Whether or not actual penetrative sex has occured is, IMHO, not really the point.

You are having a sexual relationship or you are not would be my view.

As regards the should I/shouldn't I, well, all I can say is that I would maybe be a little cautious of a woman who was too easy, but really, if we had strong feelings and the relationship was headed anywhere, I would expect sexual contact fairly early on - not just becuase I'd want it but beacuse it would be logical - "I fancy her, she fancies me:what are we waiting for?" approach.

Iago

snyper wrote: »

Every guy loves a women that gives it up real quick, but in my opinion they and i particularly would never take the relationship seriously. Many guys would look on it that, if she gives it up that quick.. shes been around... and you know the saying "you cant make a ho a housewife"

I couldn't disagree more

snyper wrote: »

If i were that guy, and i liked you and found you interesting funny and attractive, and i went to your place and stayed with you, there is no doubt id try to have sex with you, particularly if i had beer in me

well that's a damning reflection on yourself

snyper wrote: »

.. but i think id have less respect for you afterwards than if you held out for a short while.

For the love of god why? I can never understand that attitude, and it makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. It's a stone age mentality, especially combined with your "make a ho a housewife" comment

snyper wrote: »

if you were worth it.. it wouldnt matter, there are far far more important things than sex.

This is the most sensible thing you've said.


Sex is not a weapon, it's not some thing to hold over someone as a reward for good behaviour. If you're with someone for a minute or an hour or a few dates or whatever and if feels like the right thing to do then just do it. I would never think less of a woman if she slept with me on a first date, no more than I would get annoyed or pi$$ed off with her if it didn't happen in the first couple of weeks.

Sex is a beautiful, fantastic thing that everyone should enjoy at every opportunity. Denying yourself that because of some archaic notion of being "easy" is imho a ridiculous idea.

AckwelFoley

Iago wrote: »

well that's a damning reflection on yourself

This is the most sensible thing you've said.

I hope you dont mind if decide not to get offended by the online morals diagnosis. Im perfectly comfortable with my morals and values and while i have participated in a few one night stands, i do have less respect for easy women. It has nothing to do with old fashioned views, and more to do with respect for yourself. Its my opinion, its not illogical and does not require yours or anyone elses approval. I will be the judge of what makes sence.

Thanks for your 2 cents worth though. I'll put it in the collection box for STD Prevention Ireland

Lux23

Only two of my friends are married but both of them slept with their husbands to be on the first night they met them. If its meant to be you will last if not then blaming the fact that you slept with him so quickly is just an excuse.

I slept with a guy recently, it was a complete one nighter but he has pursued me ever since. But maybe thats because I gave him the cold shoulder even though I did sort of like him. If someone really likes you I don't think it really matters when you sleep with them.

But to be on the safe side maybe you could make him wait a little. I [probably wouldn't though and I really couldn't give a **** about some backward idiot who found my behaviour not to his taste. If a man really is dead against first date sex then he should say no himself.

Jules

Guys this is a very interesting thread lets not ruin it.

Thanks!

Kazobel

I really don't see the problem, it sounds like you's have already build up a long distance relationship of sorts you just haven't formerly declared you are "a couple" yet. IMO this is a totally different situation than if you were to jump his bones the first day you had met so I'd be inclined to say go for it. It's not really the same as sex on the first date, given your situation it's more sex on the first opportunity, you's have already laid the ground work and gotten to know each other.

Rob_l

Im not reading the other lads opinions im just gonna drop mine straight off OP I dont like the idea that you have set limits and targets already this is not the way to take things.

What you should do is meet him see how things go and see how you both feel but do not rule out sex straight off but neither you should you make it a must do if it feels right and your both in the moment go for it but do not rule it out for some crazy principle i could never understand.

And Finally Sexual contact is a big part of any relationship for men its what our brains are pre-programmed to seek out
Also if this guy was me the fact that you had stated that sex wasn't goingt o happen would mean very little to me I would still take things in the moment

paul_ire57

Its definitely an interesting topic, but i think you should just go with your own instincts. Everyone can tell you their own interpretation of the situation and how they would handle it but at the end of the day you are the one involved,youa re the one interacting with the guy and getting to know him, and you will know if it 'feels' ok to sleep together on the first night or not as the evening progresses.

And i agree with the people who say that you shouldnt worry about whether people think you are 'easy' or not for sleeping with someone on the 1st date. That kind of thinking nowadays is ridiculously outdated and if someone you are with is going to judge you like that then you are better off without them.

Best of luck with it

Paul

Beruthiel

rockergirl wrote: »

I usually go out with someone for months before going all the way with a guy.

I'm not a bloke, but I wouldn't have the patience to wait around months for something I wanted to do in the moment.
I'm no spring chicken though, I could be dead in a few months and have to keep in mind that I could be wasting a perfect opportunity
Is it not strange to allow him in your bed but deny him any nookie. Are you trying to torture the guy?

AckwelFoley

im sorry, but i fail to see how having some kind of respect for oneself is "outdated"

If you choose to sleep with the guy, i certainly would not "frown" on it. Im just mildly offended that some people think its arcaic to think otherwise.

I have friends that have had more sexual partners than ive had warm dinners, and it turns out these same guys tend to have less respect for women in general and are absolute morons when it comes to relationships.

Sex is fun, i hav done the one night stand thing but not near as much as some people. Theres no point in making a statment condemming others that choose not to screw anything that walks as old fashioned. Im far from it.

Ultimately, it will be the op and her friends decision to make what ever decision they feel comfortable with. Just dont be pressured into making a decision on somthing because other people think differently than you

meditraitor

snyper wrote: »

to screw anything that walks as old fashioned. Im far from it.

Ultimately, it will be the op and her friends decision to make what ever decision they feel comfortable with. Just dont be pressured into making a decision on somthing because other people think differently than you

You seem to forget that she started a thread asking for advise, we are only replying with our opinions not with demands, nobody here is putting a gun to her head.

You need to chill out darling ;-)

M

Lux23

snyper wrote: »

im sorry, but i fail to see how having some kind of respect for oneself is "outdated"

If you choose to sleep with the guy, i certainly would not "frown" on it. Im just mildly offended that some people think its arcaic to think otherwise.

I have friends that have had more sexual partners than ive had warm dinners, and it turns out these same guys tend to have less respect for women in general and are absolute morons when it comes to relationships.

Sex is fun, i hav done the one night stand thing but not near as much as some people. Theres no point in making a statment condemming others that choose not to screw anything that walks as old fashioned. Im far from it.

Ultimately, it will be the op and her friends decision to make what ever decision they feel comfortable with. Just dont be pressured into making a decision on somthing because other people think differently than you

But its boring to think like that. I am firm believer that so many marriages break up because people pick someone who is 'nice' and a 'good catch' rather than someone who excites them!! But its your belief and your entitled to it but I just think its the wrong way at looking at things. If your crazy about someone then sex should be spontaneous and exciting not on a timetable.

Rob_l

Lux23 wrote: »

But its boring to think like that. I am firm believer that so many marriages break up because people pick someone who is 'nice' and a 'good catch' rather than someone who excites them!! But its your belief and your entitled but I just think its the wrong way at looking at things. If your crazy about someone then sex should be spontaneous and exciting not on a timetable.

QFT

Couldn't agree more the early days of a relationship should eb all about the excitement and fun

Kazobel

I think everyone is wrong the keep refering to it as their first date, given the long distance aspect of the relationship the rules for what is a first date have to change and any long phone calls/ MSN'ing for hours and getting to know each other could also be considered dates because after all that's what a date is, spending time with a person and getting to know them, nobody said it has to be in the same room and bearing that in mind I think it'd be quite acceptable for them to do whatever feels right.

Iago

I'm only going to quote this part because it's the most relevant part. I don't want to take this thread further off-topic but I guess it's relevant because it mayinfluence the op (or anybody elses) decision making process.

snyper wrote: »

im sorry, but i fail to see how having some kind of respect for oneself is "outdated"

Can you explain how sleeping with someone on the first night means that you have no respect for yourself?

If that's the case does it mean that you don't have any respect for yourself, as you've openly admitted to having one night stands?

If someone sleeps with you on the first night, how do you know it's not the first time they've done and it's only because you are so compatible and it was really just the right thing to do?

These are genuine questions that I'm trying to understand your answers to



There is a huge difference between someone who sleeps with other people in order to try and fulfill something that is missing in their own valuation of themselves, and someone who sleeps with others because they like sex, and it feels like the right thing to do. I feel that your thinking is archaic because you believe that if a woman sleeps with you on the first night she has no respect for herself and is easy, and yet you readily admit to having one-night stands yourself.

Had you said you don't believe in sleeping with someone on the first night, and given your reasons I would accept and respect your stance although I would disagree with it.

AckwelFoley

Lux23 wrote: »

If your crazy about someone then sex should be spontaneous and exciting not on a timetable.

Well yes of course, i agree, but do you perhaps think that screwing somone after knowing them for 2 hours under the influence of half a bottle of jack daniels is spontaneousunder correct circumstances?

But yes, there is no set timtable for these things, and it depends entirely on the people involved, as it will for me too in the future im sure.

Trust me, i know spontaneous... You're late for dinner and you're all done ready to go out..... beeeeep wrong...not with me around.. nothing better

Lux23

snyper wrote: »

Well yes of course, i agree, but do you perhaps think that screwing somone after knowing them for 2 hours under the influence of half a bottle of jack daniels is spontaneousunder correct circumstances?

If you both want it then its not wrong, your other scenario seems like something you saw in a shampoo advert.

citytillidie

If i was you i would just go with the flow if it happens it happens if not then you got to spend time together to know one another even more.

AckwelFoley

Iago wrote: »

Can you explain how sleeping with someone on the first night means that you have no respect for yourself?

If that's the case does it mean that you don't have any respect for yourself, as you've openly admitted to having one night stands?

My point is that in 30 years ive done it twice.

Iago wrote: »

If someone sleeps with you on the first night, how do you know it's not the first time they've done and it's only because you are so compatible and it was really just the right thing to do?
.

Well generally any partner ive had, we tend to be pretty open, so id ask them

There is a huge difference between someone who sleeps with other people in order to try and fulfill something that is missing in their own valuation of themselves, and someone who sleeps with others because they like sex, and it feels like the right thing to do.

Thats a very valid point

I feel that your thinking is archaic because you believe that if a woman sleeps with you on the first night she has no respect for herself and is easy, and yet you readily admit to having one-night stands yourself.

Well by sleeping with me on first night by definition she IS EASY, and again, yes ive done it but twice is hardly alot.

As it is I expect you've a fairly staid and boring sex life ahead of you if you're not willing to explore oral and other sexual acts with your wife because "you wouldn't want either of us kissing our kids with those mouths"

That part was merely a joke, a refrence to arobert deniro movie.

I have a very active sex like and am a big fan of oral sex.

your other scenario seems like something you saw in a shampoo advert.

No it happened actually, we were running late, and she looked great, i couldnt help myself. Perhaps corney, nut i ruined 1 hour of her hard work getting herself ready.

Iago

snyper wrote: »

My point is that in 30 years ive done it twice.

but you've still done it. Not that it's particularily relevant, what is relevant is how many times have you slept with someone on the first night and then had a relationship with them?

I'm not particularily a fan of one-nights stands myself, but I have slept with women on the first night and wouldn't think any less of them for it.

snyper wrote: »

Well by sleeping with me on first night by definition she IS EASY, and again, yes ive done it but twice is hardly alot.

what if it was the first time she had done it? Also what if she was only sleeping with you because she felt there was the possibility of a relationship rather than a one-night stand?

snyper wrote: »

That part was merely a joke, a refrence to arobert deniro movie.

I have a very active sex like and am a big fan of oral sex.

I know the movie, it's good. I edited my post to remove that paragraph because I felt it was a bit harsh, regardless of whether you were joking or not, my apologies.

amazingemmet

rockergirl wrote: »

I( I told him not to expect anything!...just sleeping!)...

Lurking is fun. If a girl siad that to me I'd assume sex was on the menu just she didn't want to seem like a slut. It would be one of those, well we were in bed and we started kissing and one thing led to another situations. Good ol' ASD

Maximilian

I'd bring some chloroform with me just in case.

AckwelFoley

but you've still done it. Not that it's particularily relevant, what is relevant is how many times have you slept with someone on the first night and then had a relationship with them?

once. it didnt last long. I think i was uncomfortable with her moral values. When i posed the question "would you screw a boss for a promotion?" She was comfortable in saying yes.

I'm not particularily a fan of one-nights stands myself, but I have slept with women on the first night and wouldn't think any less of them for it.

Well, more accurately i suppose, i was been too general and yes it really depends more on the individual




How you could determine the possibility of a future after one date is beyond me, and if she or he is doing it to influence his decision on whether he will see her again i think thats pretty misguided.

Its important to note, im not singling out women in this, although ive admitted a flaw of a double stadard that i have, i accept it and am actively working on dealing with it, but the same standard should apply to guys too - that is what ever standard i settle on

AckwelFoley

Maximilian wrote: »

I'd bring some chloroform with me just in case.

Thats sooooo 1990's.

Mr. Incognito

*Can of worms*

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and the OP asked a simple question.

I say- go with the flow.

Lux23

snyper wrote: »

How you could determine the possibility of a future after one date is beyond me, and if she or he is doing it to influence his decision on whether he will see her again i think thats pretty misguided.

Its important to note, im not singling out women in this, although ive admitted a flaw of a double stadard that i have, i accept it and am actively working on dealing with it, but the same standard should apply to guys too - that is what ever standard i settle on

I suppose thats true. I just wish men who feel this way about sex on a first date would let you know their feelings on the subject before you take the plunge. But if they were dead set against wouldn't they just say no. Or are they that weak?

AckwelFoley

But if they were dead set against wouldn't they just say no. Or are they that weak?

On a few occasions ive pretended to be asleep.

I know that makes me sound pathetic, but just didnt want to... she's my sister after all

Jules

I met my OH through boards. We chatted for a while, every day actually. Phone, im , emails everything. We both knew we got along well and all we needed to find out if there was that physical attraction, and when we met up for the first time we slept together.

If you have gotten to know him and get on well personality wise well all you need to know if you are physically attracted to him.... If you met and you feel it to be right.. go for it!

Latchy

.Nothing wrong with exploring and being adeventuress.I sure lot of guys and gals maybe if they are being honest would look back at opurtunities missed regarding your situation and think dam' what if ? I know i did because i felt it wasn't right but looking back wish i had being more relaxed about it . Morals come into it and rightly so but people are more aware now of how their bodies work emotionaly and physicaly in response to any forthcoming sexual sexual activity so i say go for it .

Looking on amazon early on i came across this book and thought it might be worth a read for anybody in your situation http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sleeping-Around-Secrets-Sexual-Adventuress/dp/0719563518

Rob_l

latchyco wrote: »

.Nothing wrong with exploring and being adeventuress.I sure lot of guys and gals maybe if they are being honest would look back at opurtunities missed regarding your situation and think dam' what if ? I know i did because i felt it wasn't right but looking back wish i had being more relaxed about it . Morals come into it and rightly so but people are more aware now of how their bodies work emotionaly and physicaly in response to any forthcoming sexual sexual activity so i say go for it .

Looking on amazon early on i came across this book and thought it might be worth a read for anybody in your situation http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sleeping-Around-Secrets-Sexual-Adventuress/dp/0719563518

How come I never see women reading books like that on the bus

rockergirl

Hey, thanks for the replies people..both girls and 'not so discreetly observing' dudes. They've been entertaining to read. And funny... about the chloroform lol.

snyper wrote: »

If he is young and wants to "muck around" he will want to sleep with you and wont hang around too long if you dont.

We're both around 20ish. I think he probably would just want to "muck around". It should be grand, if I just go with the flow and see what happens eh. Once I've made it clear to him not to expect sex, then whatever happens happens without any pressure, just fun. (He has slept with 7/8 people already, which makes me a bit concerned over STDs... as some of those were one night stands).

Slow Motion wrote: »

If it's looking like a relationship, then I would have no problem waiting until both were ready!

If we were in the same city, then I reckon things would be alot different... we would probably be going out as we really click. I've never been in this situation before... so that's why I was interested just to hear what people had to say!. I wish there was some way of being together, but we're studying 5 hours away from each other... neither of wants a long distance relationship... so I think I'll just be chilled out about stuff and not expect him to care anymore if we do sleep together (as I think alot of girls get hurt by that. Some friends have anyway... when they sleep with a guy, he loses interest).

geuro wrote: »

For me, if i meet a girl and we sleep together on the first night, it's less special than if we wait for a while. Not always of course, but in general i think i have more respect for the girl who waits.

But your situation is unusual - it may be your first opportunity to sleep together but it's not as though it is the first day of your relationship. Sounds like you have been involved with each other for a while now, even though it has been just emails and phone calls up until now.

He's staying for a few days, so I think I'll get over any strange bizarre moral issues I have for myself about not having sex with someone I haven't met up with much, on the first date. There's always date/day 2 heh. Yeah, we have gotten to know each other alot...well I think we're really open with each other etc.

The first time we met, both of us were a bit shy around each other (as I thought he was the most gorgeous guy I ever laid eyes on... turns the feeling was mutual too. I just saw him as another possible new friend. + didn't really go after him as I didn't think I'd stand a chance... I'm very lucky he pursued me . Same sense of strange humour/ love of music and lots of other things. We haven't even kissed yet lol.

Kazobel wrote: »

I think everyone is wrong the keep refering to it as their first date, given the long distance aspect of the relationship the rules for what is a first date have to change and any long phone calls/ MSN'ing for hours and getting to know each other could also be considered dates because after all that's what a date is, spending time with a person and getting to know them, nobody said it has to be in the same room and bearing that in mind I think it'd be quite acceptable for them to do whatever feels right.

I like that way of thinking.

Rob_l wrote: »

Im not reading the other lads opinions im just gonna drop mine straight off OP I dont like the idea that you have set limits and targets already this is not the way to take things.

What you should do is meet him see how things go and see how you both feel but do not rule out sex straight off but neither you should you make it a must do if it feels right and your both in the moment go for it but do not rule it out for some crazy principle i could never understand.

I didn't mean to come across like I had 'targets'... yeah, sure I might have 'limits'... but that's just the way I am I guess. But I don't want to have limits.. I want to be free and have fun. I'll see what feels right if the moment arises. The crazy principle, is that I don't like sleeping with someone I don't know really well... to get pleasure during sex, it's more of a mental thing... I need to care about the person alot. But I've gotten to know him alot and (sort of scary to type this), I do care about him enough, not to rule out anything.

Beruthiel wrote: »

Is it not strange to allow him in your bed but deny him any nookie. Are you trying to torture the guy?

Lol. I don't think it's that strange..heh, at the moment, we're 'just' friends.
I don't see anything wrong with a guy+ girl sleeping together in the same bed (have done so before, platonically... ). It's either that or someone is sleeping on the floor as there's no couch in my house. It's practical!. +Yeah, clearly deliberately torturing him!.

Anyway, thanks again for the replies everyone... I got to finish some college work, so don't have time to comment on more of them....they're interesting!

stratospheres

I met my boyfriend online, he came to visit and we shared a bed and didn't have sex the first time we met face to face.

We're still together 5 months later and he's moving here (from England)

Still haven't had sex (I'm a virgin and I won't go into detail but it hurts a lot when we try so we're just takin it step by step)

I'm 19, he's 20 and I certainly don't think he just wants sex or he'd be well gone by now!


OP if it feels right, go for it! Don't hold yourself back if its what you want

PeakOutput

didnt read the whole thread so it could be vastly ot by now

to me it wouldnt make a difference if we slept together or not. sex is to be enjoyed if she wants to have sex it dosnt make her any less deserving of my respect than if she didnt want to have sex(for whatever reasons she had).

Latchy

Rob_l wrote: »

How come I never see women reading books like that on the bus

Most women imo will read anything anywere ,whatever takes their fancy .Then there are still some self respecting women who wouldnt be seen in public reading that sort of thing

Rob_l

latchyco wrote: »

Most women imo will read anything anywere ,whatever takes their fancy .Then there are still some self respecting women who wouldnt be seen in public reading that sort of thing

Its them self respecting women who get the rest of ye a bad name

Latchy

Rob_l wrote: »

Its them self respecting women who get the rest of ye a bad name

True, whats the country coming to with these women atall atall ?

Hail 2 Da Chimp

SetantaL wrote: »

To be honest if I liked a girl I'd respect her for holding out on the first night in that scenario.

I would "respect" her a lot more if she made me sleep on the floor...

paul_ire57

Iago wrote: »

I'm only going to quote this part because it's the most relevant part. I don't want to take this thread further off-topic but I guess it's relevant because it mayinfluence the op (or anybody elses) decision making process.

snyper wrote: »

im sorry, but i fail to see how having some kind of respect for oneself is "outdated"

Can you explain how sleeping with someone on the first night means that you have no respect for yourself?

If that's the case does it mean that you don't have any respect for yourself, as you've openly admitted to having one night stands?

If someone sleeps with you on the first night, how do you know it's not the first time they've done and it's only because you are so compatible and it was really just the right thing to do?

Thanks Iago, youve answered for me.