Loosing interest in me?

RubyXI

Hi all. I'm not sure if i'm totally over-reacting but something my bf is doing is really wrecking my head. Often when we're kissing n touching, he's looking over my shoulder at the tv. I just feel if he wants to kiss me then i want his attention. We've together nearly 2 years and i really feel he's loosing interest. Not very happy today girls, any advise and wise words?

Mr. Incognito

Often when we're kissing n touching

That's worrying. Unless scrubs is on.

Cathmandooo

Spice things up and get his attention! We all have 'off the boil' moments






Day 12432834 of Catho being off the boil....:(

Rattlehead_ie

These things can happen from the guys and girls point of view.

Try spice things up, even if you do it once, he will always remember the time you were kissing on couch and watching tv and then you did (insert spice up here) more than likely anytime from then on, if your on couch kissing, there wont be much TV watching to be done

RubyXI

maybe spicing things up is all we need, but i really dont know.

geuro

try and relax a bit. you are probably worrying about it too much and maybe coming on too strong. Dont try and force the moment for the sake of it, wait until you are both really in the mood.

And of course spicing things up is always a good idea

AckwelFoley

Do what my gf did to me.

Turn of the tv.

Mind you, thats putting your life at risk but he will soon realise there is a problem.

I dont have a gf now. Sports > women

Crazy Catlady

Rattlehead_ie wrote: »

These things can happen from the guys and girls point of view.

Try spice things up, even if you do it once, he will always remember the time you were kissing on couch and watching tv and then you did (insert

I thought the next word was going to be "a finger....:eek:"

But seriously, every one has "not so sexy" days. Either wait til you have his full attention, or do something to ensure you get it!

RubyXI

ya i have thought about turnin off the tv to make a major point of it. i recently told him i didnt like him doing it n i thought it mite have an effect but it didnt really.

Cathmandooo

phi3 wrote: »

ya i have thought about turnin off the tv to make a major point of it. i recently told him i didnt like him doing it n i thought it mite have an effect but it didnt really.

He probably wasnt listening to you cos the telly was on seriously guys have big problems with this, I've seen it with my brothers and exs, they dont even notice you in the room or that you've left the room. It's like they're drawn to the tv and have to give tv their full attention. Switch the telly off but be reasonable, suggest switching it off after the thing he's watching is over otherwise you'll cause huge fights :eek:


Actually another point, if a new series of your fav program was on (i.e. desperate housewives ) would you be trying to get a sneaky peak at it or actually telling him to get lost works both ways

Crumble Froo

Jackz

narco wrote: »

That is some seriously farmery rope on the chic, the kind for keeping a gate shut or holding the trousers up.

Jules

Hey i have that problem, but not with tv, mine is with WoW... /me shakes fists the computer.... i hate the game with the fire of a thousand suns!

But jsut lay it out straight tell him you need a bit of personal time, and if there is something on that he really wants to watch, go out for that period of time and when you come back if he is in the mood for a kiss or whatever..... turn on the tv and tell him there is something on you want to watch. see if he gets the point.

Rattlehead_ie

Jules wrote: »

Hey i have that problem, but not with tv, mine is with WoW... /me shakes fists the computer.... i hate the game with the fire of a thousand suns!

But jsut lay it out straight tell him you need a bit of personal time, and if there is something on that he really wants to watch, go out for that period of time and when you come back if he is in the mood for a kiss or whatever..... turn on the tv and tell him there is something on you want to watch. see if he gets the point.

Jules, Im sure if you dressed up like one of the Female Characters that would get his attention I know many relationships that have broken up because of that game. I played for a while and its like gaming crack.

Back on subject. Only thing that I wont give up is my Heineken Cup Rugby, anything else if my made up gf turned off the tv. Id be all hers. As I said earlier try and spice things up, see how things go.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Are you my girlfriend?

Jules

OK you made coffee come out of my nose on that one! Im fairly tolerant but it does get on my f&*king nerves sometimes..

I know he is gonna see this and comment!


And Hail.. you wish!!!!

Add an 80 onto the end of jules and you'll know who i am!

Oryx

To the OP. Id see it this way. Hes kissed you before, so its like a repeat showing. The tv however is probably showing some new episode... so it draws his attention. The answer, as suggested above, is do something new he hasnt seen before If youre the kind type theres lots of things to do, but if youve a cruel streak like me I find a well positioned nipple twist works a treat.

Rattlehead_ie

Jules wrote: »

OK you made coffee come out of my nose on that one! Im fairly tolerant but it does get on my f&*king nerves sometimes..

I know he is gonna see this and comment!

I'm guessing that was at my comment, funny, but I'm 100% serious and if Mr Jules comments he will probably agree

Rob_l

One of my exes used to try and get amorous when I was watching football I wouldn't be responsive in fact I would push her off me and she would take this very badly
this was no reflection on her or us just the fact that my attention was at that moment directed towards the box and what was being displayed there

RubyXI

Rob_l wrote: »

One of my exes used to try and get amorous when I was watching football I wouldn't be responsive in fact I would push her off me and she would take this very badly
this was no reflection on her or us just the fact that my attention was at that moment directed towards the box and what was being displayed there

If it was something he was really interested in then i wouldnt have a problem with him watching it, well id want him to stop pretending he wants to kiss me. But theyr not things he wants to watch. He just does it. Often during the news n stuff. Oh i dunno. Its just that theres always something really

Rob_l

phi3 wrote: »

If it was something he was really interested in then i wouldnt have a problem with him watching it, well id want him to stop pretending he wants to kiss me. But theyr not things he wants to watch. He just does it. Often during the news n stuff. Oh i dunno. Its just that theres always something really

I wouldn't read too much into it have you ever seen people having a convo in a pub and there is a tv with no sound on in the corner and the person facing the Tv's eyes will be drawn to it like a moth to a light

if this is the only reason for doubting him Op I would say nothing and as has been said next time switch the tv off or position him so he is not facing the TV:D

Cathmandooo

Agree with Rob. I know it's annoying, I can imagine my bro being the exact same, actually worse cos he has a wii now and played zelda for 50 hours in a short space of time I think, the gf bought the wii for him and has regretted it since. Doesnt mean he doesnt love her, it's just the way some guys are!

RubyXI

maybe i'm just over-reacting. Its just that it seems theres always something. maybe im just worrying needlessly.

Cathmandooo

Take a little time out for yourself, catch up with your girls or family, sounds like you need it! Or better yet come out with the girls for lounge beers on jan 18th!

Jules

Cathooo wrote: »

Take a little time out for yourself, catch up with your girls or family, sounds like you need it! Or better yet come out with the girls for lounge beers on jan 18th!

Woop!!

flaka

...just thinking about being bored when kissing... yeah he is more interested in whats on the TV.

Wow what a challenge, to be more interesting that TV... seriously it could be worse, he could be staring at another girl. More interesting than TV...this should not be too difficult.

Depends on what he was watching too... if you were watching i dunno some <insert stereotypical female tv show> you were into and he tried to distract you would you be keeping one eye on the box?

I think you're just looking for evidence that he is loosing interest - and guess what - you look for evidence of anything and you'll find it.

How about let him watch the TV and when its over lead him to the bedroom and get his full attention. Do you think he'll prefer that or being interrupted.

Women are always saying they can multitask and men can't - try some serial tasks.

RubyXI

flaka wrote: »

...just thinking about being bored when kissing... yeah he is more interested in whats on the TV.

Wow what a challenge, to be more interesting that TV... seriously it could be worse, he could be staring at another girl. More interesting than TV...this should not be too difficult.

Depends on what he was watching too... if you were watching i dunno some <insert stereotypical female tv show> you were into and he tried to distract you would you be keeping one eye on the box?

I think you're just looking for evidence that he is loosing interest - and guess what - you look for evidence of anything and you'll find it.

How about let him watch the TV and when its over lead him to the bedroom and get his full attention. Do you think he'll prefer that or being interrupted.

Women are always saying they can multitask and men can't - try some serial tasks.

As i have already said they are not programmes he really wants to watch. He always distracts me when i wanna watch something and no i dont have one eye on the tv. Im willing to sacrafise watching someones fictional life for some time spent together. I am not looking for evidence that he is loosing interest. Im too busy looking for any bit of evidence that he mite have any interest. I dont see him that often so i think when we do get to spend time together it's not too much to expect to get some attention from him.

Oryx

phi3 wrote: »

As i have already said they are not programmes he really wants to watch. He always distracts me when i wanna watch something and no i dont have one eye on the tv. Im willing to sacrafise watching someones fictional life for some time spent together. I am not looking for evidence that he is loosing interest. Im too busy looking for any bit of evidence that he mite have any interest. I dont see him that often so i think when we do get to spend time together it's not too much to expect to get some attention from him.

Maybe try talking to him again. You said you tried but it had no effect, so either he didnt care enough or he didnt think it was such an issue.

Apart from this bugging you, does he show you he cares in any other way. Or are you picking up disinterest in other ways too?

RubyXI

KtK wrote: »

Maybe try talking to him again. You said you tried but it had no effect, so either he didnt care enough or he didnt think it was such an issue.

Apart from this bugging you, does he show you he cares in any other way. Or are you picking up disinterest in other ways too?

I didnt really wanna go into all this but i gess it doesnt make much sense without it. On st Stephens night i asked him if he loves me. He said he does but sometimes he thinks he loves me just as a friend.

flaka

You know you should go with your gut feeling on this. If you're thinking this its probably true. It sounds to me like you're a fairly independent person. You're not relying on him for your happiness.

phi3 wrote: »

I dont see him that often so i think when we do get to spend time together it's not too much to expect to get some attention from him.

I don't want to judge the guy however I know from my experience its better to give someone 100% attention for 1 hour than 1% attention for 24 hours.

Clearly you want him to change behaviour - well you can't make that happen, only he can.

You should think about other options - even to remind yourself that they are there. The more options you have the less frustrated you will be.

If he isn't brining to the relationship what you want let him know that.

Cathmandooo

phi3 wrote: »

I didnt really wanna go into all this but i gess it doesnt make much sense without it. On st Stephens night i asked him if he loves me. He said he does but sometimes he thinks he loves me just as a friend.

Oh no that's not very nice to hear! Depending on how long you've been together and your ages I'd advise you to sit him down and have a good chat about your feelings for each other. There's no point in him stringing you along and you wasting your time.

RubyXI

Cathooo wrote: »

Oh no that's not very nice to hear! Depending on how long you've been together and your ages I'd advise you to sit him down and have a good chat about your feelings for each other. There's no point in him stringing you along and you wasting your time.

Im 23. He's 24. We've been together nearly 2 years. We have talked about it because it's not the first time its come up. I dold him we've been together too long to be still wondering if we're just friends. Its also killing me that any time he says he loves me it's followed by a but... I told him i couldnt take it anymore but then he said that he doesnt want us to break up and that everythings fine.

flaka

phi3 wrote: »

He said he does but sometimes he thinks he loves me just as a friend.

Wow he's being honest! this is great. you know where you stand. You may not like it and its better than him telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

Like what I just posted - figure out what you want that you're not getting. He's just not the guy to bring that - thats your answer.

IMHO the worst thing you can do is try to chase him into changing.

Maple

phi3 wrote: »

I didnt really wanna go into all this but i gess it doesnt make much sense without it. On st Stephens night i asked him if he loves me. He said he does but sometimes he thinks he loves me just as a friend.

:eek: Red card. Why are you bothering with him missus?

RubyXI

maple wrote: »

:eek: Red card. Why are you bothering with him missus?

because he's not sure. I mean i dont know whether he means he sees me as a friend, which is a good thing coz i think u need to be friends with your OH, or if he sees me as just a friend. Im fairly confused to be honest

Cathmandooo

If he's saying 'I love you but...' it means he only wants to be friends. He doesnt want to break up cos he doesnt want the hassle of it and probably doesnt want to be alone.

I'm afraid the outlook doesnt look good.

Tell him to make up his mind but it sounds like he already has.

RubyXI

I keep telling him to make his mind up. We took a 6 week break in the summer so we could think about things but he always comes back to me. He says i mean the world to him and that he cares about me and i do believe that. Maybe he's not ready for getting serious about anyone. This is the longest relationship he's ever had.

Jules

Jules wrote: »

Hey i have that problem, but not with tv, mine is with WoW... /me shakes fists the computer.... i hate the game with the fire of a thousand suns!

But jsut lay it out straight tell him you need a bit of personal time, and if there is something on that he really wants to watch, go out for that period of time and when you come back if he is in the mood for a kiss or whatever..... turn on the tv and tell him there is something on you want to watch. see if he gets the point.

Ditto
Agreed, draw a BIG line on personal time
Its completly fine to have interests* but there's a time and a place as in when I'm not there





*I mean obsessions

Maple

phi3 wrote: »

because he's not sure. I mean i dont know whether he means he sees me as a friend, which is a good thing coz i think u need to be friends with your OH, or if he sees me as just a friend. Im fairly confused to be honest

i can imagine! honestly some take some time out from that relationship, "I love you but" is not a nice place to be.

yeah you need to be friends with you OH but you need to know that you love them with no buts after it either.

Oryx

phi3 wrote: »

I keep telling him to make his mind up. We took a 6 week break in the summer so we could think about things but he always comes back to me. He says i mean the world to him and that he cares about me and i do believe that. Maybe he's not ready for getting serious about anyone. This is the longest relationship he's ever had.

You keep telling him, but you are still allowing him to string you along. And you are unhappy, right?

He may well care about you, but Id agree he may also just not like being alone. Its a sad fact that if hes not giving you the kind of love and attention you need, youll have to let him go.

RubyXI

but if i let him go i'll get no love and attention at all. And i do still love him.

Cathmandooo

phi3 wrote: »

I keep telling him to make his mind up. We took a 6 week break in the summer so we could think about things but he always comes back to me. He says i mean the world to him and that he cares about me and i do believe that. Maybe he's not ready for getting serious about anyone. This is the longest relationship he's ever had.

Sorry but to be blunt dump him! Sounds like you have your mind made up and need a nudge

*nudges ya*

I well believe you mean the world to him, I have friends who mean the world to me and I love them very much. You and him sound similar to that rather than lovers.

Oryx

phi3 wrote: »

but if i let him go i'll get no love and attention at all. And i do still love him.

Thats so clear from the way you post about him.

If you want proper love and adoration and attention in your life, it would involve taking risks. The risk of leaving him and allowing yourself to find someone new, or the risk of telling him ultimately what you want from him, and him leaving you completely because of that instead of changing for you.

You can live with something thats not quite right and hope it will change, or you can take a risk.

RubyXI

I suppose i'll have to go home and really really think about it. But then if he says anything that makes me think he does love me, i wont want to leave him. I know i'll probably end up putting up with it.

Maple

KtK wrote: »

Thats so clear from the way you post about him.

If you want proper love and adoration and attention in your life, it would involve taking risks. The risk of leaving him and allowing yourself to find someone new, or the risk of telling him ultimately what you want from him, and him leaving you completely because of that instead of changing for you.

You can live with something thats not quite right and hope it will change, or you can take a risk.

Exactly what this poster said.

Life is too short and you're so young (not meant to be patronising in any way) to be "settling" for something where you're not happy and doubting yourself.

Make the break girl.

Rob_l

Op at the beginning of the thread it seemed like a minor thing but the more you say its quite clear you know what to do with this relationship you keep posting hoping someone is going to tell you to stay with him but when we did at the start you keep posting reasons not to

Now i would never tell anyone to dump anyone so what I will do is suggest you take Cathooo's latest advise

Jackz

Rob lol that's the same thing, it's a scary prospect being alone after 2 years!

Rob_l

Jackz wrote: »

Rob lol that's the same thing, it's a scary prospect being alone after 2 years!

"There is nothing to fear except fear itself"
Teddy Roosevelt

flaka

Jackz wrote: »

Rob lol that's the same thing, it's a scary prospect being alone after 2 years!

What nonsense is this ... alone ... come on. There are more humans on this planet than ever in the history of the world. Go and stand on Grafton Street and look at all the people - even being choosey (which I support) and having high standards (which we should all expect of ourselves) there are plenty of potentials you could have a better relationship with than the current one.

RubyXI

thanx for all the advise guys. Ill get out the tissues n think about it for the night

Jackz

flaka wrote: »

What nonsense is this ... alone ... come on. There are more humans on this planet than ever in the history of the world. Go and stand on Grafton Street and look at all the people - even being choosey (which I support) and having high standards (which we should all expect of ourselves) there are plenty of potentials you could have a better relationship with than the current one.

I meant out of a relationship, there are varying degrees of feeling alone a person can feel alone in a crowded room.