Mr/Ms Rite

Mizz Piggy

How do we know that our mr/ms rite is really the rite one for us, what are the signs, what should we look for & what should we avoid.

I met someone yrs ago thought he was mr rite but just what, only it took me about 3yrs to realise that he wasn't, suppose when ur in love u only see the good and blank out the rest until something makes u wake up and smell the coffee.

Cathmandooo

I was thinking the exact same thing myself yesterday. I havent found Mr. Right but I'm assuming you just know. Although a few years down the line he might surprise you and you end back at square one :rolleyes:

Jackz

You need to test them regularly to ensure that they continue to be mr/mrs right!

Tell them you are in a cult, if their feelings for you change it wasn't meant to be.

Also tell them a hot boy/gal is interested in you, therefore they ought to step it up a gear in the showing affection/kindness department, if they take this badly perhaps they are not as devoted to you as they should be.

In reality I have no idea, I think it is all about trust really, any day after you think you are in that happy Mr and Mrs right zone another person who you have no control over can bring all the cards tumbling down. Alternatively you can bring them tumbling down yourself.

Mizz Piggy

Very tru suppose we just have to trust our gut feelins most of the time, trust. loyality and honesty r really important to me, and why is it that wehn relationships end ur friends then decide to tell u that they didn't think he was good enough for u all along, ur friends r suppose to look out for u ain't they

Cathmandooo

Mizz Piggy wrote: »

Very tru suppose we just have to trust our gut feelins most of the time, trust. loyality and honesty r really important to me, and why is it that wehn relationships end ur friends then decide to tell u that they didn't think he was good enough for u all along, ur friends r suppose to look out for u ain't they

They say that to help you get over him. If they say 'oh he was perfect, you'll never meet anyone better' that's gonna send you into the pits of depression!!! They do generally mean it as you're clearly upset because of him and anything that hurts or upsets your friend you shouldnt approve of (does that make sense)

Wibbs

You never know. Each time you fall in love you think they're perfect and the one for you. Throw a few years at it and the mad passion and sex wanes and the things that worried you right at the start will usually come right back to split you up and you wonder why you were with them. They're the signs. Try to remember when you met and the little things that irritated you or concerned you, but where glossed over by the lurrve? They're the things that'll cause a split if nothing changes, as that's their default setting that comes out when the romance is kaput.

Crumble Froo

hmmph. i dont know. but i trust my boyfriend, and he trusts me,and neither of us have had an easy ride of life, and have had every excuse to mistrust each other, and people in general... but still.. together, we can talk about things we cant talk about to anyone else, we feel so happy, problems seem less significant...

i just feel happier. and, well, i love ireland, and i love the town ive lived in my entire life. nad i lovemy friends dearly, and ive moved country.... and im missing everyone so much... but his presence is balancing that out for me...
im crazy about him. and i wouldnt give him up for anything or anyone in th world.

Kiya

hi narco,

what times it in kiwi land?

know uv had a few, so CHEER UP.

Crumble Froo

what ? im happy! i trust my b/f and he trusts me! waht's not to be happy about?!

it's... emm.. .7.44am...

if you're referring to me mentioning i miss home... well of course i do... i cried with sadness when the plane left dublin, and again,when it landed in london. i cried with happiness and generally mixed emotions when it landed in auckland, and with pure happiness when it landed in christchurch.

i love being here, i love having my man here, to look after, and to look after me. i'm not sad right now, i acknowledge things as they are, but im happy

Kiya

awww glad to hear it.
sorry musta taken u up wrong. (hav been stuck at home sick wit flu lst few days & think im slowly losing it!!)

hav u moved 4 good?
my best friend went for a 2 week holiday to china & hasnt come back. that was a year ago now, hes madly in love with china & a girl he met there.

Crumble Froo

i hope so. i have a guaranteed year's visa here. we'll figure the rest out as it comes. but, if all goes well, i wont be home for a few years yet.

china looks amazing, btw. stopped over a coupla times on the way over here, nad the landscape is just breathtaking.

watna

narco wrote: »

what ? im happy! i trust my b/f and he trusts me! waht's not to be happy about?!

it's... emm.. .7.44am...

if you're referring to me mentioning i miss home... well of course i do... i cried with sadness when the plane left dublin, and again,when it landed in london. i cried with happiness and generally mixed emotions when it landed in auckland, and with pure happiness when it landed in christchurch.

i love being here, i love having my man here, to look after, and to look after me. i'm not sad right now, i acknowledge things as they are, but im happy

It's ok Narco. I'm with you on this one! I know when I get on the plane to NZ I'll be sobbing, even though I can't wait to go and I'm with my man who wants to go home badly.

I feel better you said you were so happy you landed when you landed in Christchurch. Hopefully I'll get over the sobbing after half an hour of the flight!

Crumble Froo

ha! i just hope you're on quantos, though... ****ing pacific airlines are absolute bitches as far as entertainment go... qantos ftw!

i cried leaving ireland, cos ... well... y'no... and then landing in london... leavin irelnad was final. by the time i left london, i was tired and emotionless, same for landing/leaving hong kong... by the time in got to auckland though, i was bawling... poor kiwis beside me didnt know what to think, lol... i'd look out the window, my eyes would well up, i would start crying, get some funny looks, then some time to myself, then some more time to cry....

but **** it... we are leaving a beautiful country...and, i dont know aboyut you... but i left some awesome, incredible, irreplacable friends behind... and im gonna miss em like crazy... probably more than they'll ever miss me... but still, i bawled landing in chch, and hell, i cried like a baby when i was finally in the arms i wanted to be in.

you ever need a shoulder or PM, watna... hell, im here...

lol, and ill be PMingyou myself to make more sense of hte immigration system... *coughcough*...

watna

narco wrote: »

ha! i just hope you're on quantos, though... ****ing pacific airlines are absolute bitches as far as entertainment go... qantos ftw!

i cried leaving ireland, cos ... well... y'no... and then landing in london... leavin irelnad was final. by the time i left london, i was tired and emotionless, same for landing/leaving hong kong... by the time in got to auckland though, i was bawling... poor kiwis beside me didnt know what to think, lol... i'd look out the window, my eyes would well up, i would start crying, get some funny looks, then some time to myself, then some more time to cry....

but **** it... we are leaving a beautiful country...and, i dont know aboyut you... but i left some awesome, incredible, irreplacable friends behind... and im gonna miss em like crazy... probably more than they'll ever miss me... but still, i bawled landing in chch, and hell, i cried like a baby when i was finally in the arms i wanted to be in.

you ever need a shoulder or PM, watna... hell, im here...

lol, and ill be PMingyou myself to make more sense of hte immigration system... *coughcough*...

Aww, thanks for that narco. It's just a pity we won't be living in the same city. That would have been convenient! It'll be nice to have someone to PM when I get there anyway, seeming as I'll only know my other half.

I think I'll be ok once I get in to the flight. It's our intention to come back to Ireland in a year or two so I'm not going forever. I'll just cry after saying bye to my parents, I know my mum will cry. She thinks I'll never come back!

And yes, We're flying with Qantas. I've heard good things.

At least it sounds like you're sure you met your Mr Right. I guess it's worth it then!

CathyMoran

If they are there for you for the tough times, if they make you feel happy, if you are head over heals in love, if they make you want to be a better person, if you would be willing to be there for them in tough times. I have met my ideal man in my husband - have never been happier with him.

Crumble Froo

watna wrote: »

Aww, thanks for that narco. It's just a pity we won't be living in the same city. That would have been convenient! It'll be nice to have someone to PM when I get there anyway, seeming as I'll only know my other half.

I think I'll be ok once I get in to the flight. It's our intention to come back to Ireland in a year or two so I'm not going forever. I'll just cry after saying bye to my parents, I know my mum will cry. She thinks I'll never come back!

And yes, We're flying with Qantas. I've heard good things.

At least it sounds like you're sure you met your Mr Right. I guess it's worth it then!

agh, sure, if you're travelling, im sure you'll hit chch eventually! it's not as boring as the north islanders will have you think :P

defo PM me as soon as you need it... i really did cry for a good bit the first few days, i was just at a complete loss... happy?sad?... WAAAAHHHHHHHH...!

i didnt cry saying bye to my parents, though i did cry saying bye to my mates... some of whom i made promise to say that they'd meet me later to say bye properly, and then fail to turn up, so i'd avoid saying bye but they knew that i was thinking of them.

yes, that's how bad i was.

anywho, i've done the journey 4 times with qantos and once with pacific airlines, and ****ing enjoy every minute with qantos! hell, if you get homesick, lonely, scared or anythign out htere... PM me... tis always good to hear from some sort of hmoe....

and... one of my b/f's best mates loves skiing, and comes home form oz to ski every winter, so, on the offchance (likelihood) he brings me, and then leaves me on the beginner slopes... you up for some fun...?! :P)

watna

narco wrote: »

agh, sure, if you're travelling, im sure you'll hit chch eventually! it's not as boring as the north islanders will have you think :P

defo PM me as soon as you need it... i really did cry for a good bit the first few days, i was just at a complete loss... happy?sad?... WAAAAHHHHHHHH...!

i didnt cry saying bye to my parents, though i did cry saying bye to my mates... some of whom i made promise to say that they'd meet me later to say bye properly, and then fail to turn up, so i'd avoid saying bye but they knew that i was thinking of them.

yes, that's how bad i was.

anywho, i've done the journey 4 times with qantos and once with pacific airlines, and ****ing enjoy every minute with qantos! hell, if you get homesick, lonely, scared or anythign out htere... PM me... tis always good to hear from some sort of hmoe....

and... one of my b/f's best mates loves skiing, and comes home form oz to ski every winter, so, on the offchance (likelihood) he brings me, and then leaves me on the beginner slopes... you up for some fun...?! :P)

Sounds good! Me and the bf are planning a trip to Queenstown in July for a weeks skiing. Unfortunately ,we're both big skiers (we're just back from a week in Austria) so we might not be able to join you on the nursery slopes, but we could certainly do some apres ski! I'll PM you when I know when we're going anyway!

Oh dear, this has gone ever so slightly off topic. Jules will be after us!

Crumble Froo

lol, ill be in chch, the whole time, probably... treavelling is not an option relaly till we both ahve jobs... which could take several year....

haha, defo PM us well in advance... i'd love to go queenstown (hell, if you're up for a tandom skydive...), ill defo be in touch

embee

I don't believe in the whole idea of "The One" or that there is a Mr or Ms Right out there for you.

I would say though that I have found "Mr As-Good-As-It-Gets" though. There isn't much I'd change about him (apart from his huge forgetfulness).

adsgirl

Haven't found one yet:(

misswex

Well for me it is the fact that he makes me feel beautiful and I know I can trust him 100% and I know he will be there in the good and the bad times.

Star Lord

narco wrote: »

i didnt cry saying bye to my parents, though i did cry saying bye to my mates... some of whom i made promise to say that they'd meet me later to say bye properly, and then fail to turn up, so i'd avoid saying bye but they knew that i was thinking of them.

You know you're missed too.

Are you the farmer?

Crumble Froo

stop saying that damo! of course im the ****ing farmer!

girl_friday

Mizz Piggy wrote: »

why is it that wehn relationships end ur friends then decide to tell u that they didn't think he was good enough for u all along, ur friends r suppose to look out for u ain't they

Sometimes you don't want to listen to your friends... Sometimes you keep things from them because you are afraid of what their reaction will be because you know what you yourself would do if the roles were reversed!! Its easier to give advice than to take it!

Sometimes we're just so afraid of being on our own that being with someone we know isn't exactly right for us seems a better option - and what is a friend supposed to do in this situation??

cson

Holy dead thread resurrection Batman! :eek:

girl_friday

Sorry, just felt some of the things the OP asked were relevant in relation to Mr/Ms Rite and how do you know if they are the one or not...

I thought I had met the one but someone who consistently hurts you obviously isn't it!!

And as for friends' reactions - its a discussion I had recently with my best friend that she refers to all of my boyfriends as lovely and perfect for me when I am with them and then tells me she hated them when we split...

just wondering how others feel!

PrivateEye

"How do we know that our mr/ms rite is really the rite one for us"

Normally, she already has a boyfriend :rolleyes:

I'm quite a romantic, as a result of a mother who raised us on 4 or 5 albums(!), I don't doubt the POTENTIAL for the 'head over heals' stuff, but I haven't found it yet.

I still have some faith in the idea of 'Mrs Right', but I don't know if its worth waiting for...You could be waiting a long time. Truthfully, it'll be luck that'll find your Mr./Missus Right. My mam and dad are madly in love, and its very real, and to be honest its easy to be jealous of that....I'm sure in time things'll fall into place, but at 19 years old I don't think much about Missus right. She'll probably slap me in the face some night and say "what're ya doing with yerself!"

I live my life well in the hope Missus right will see me some night and go 'God, he's alright'. Reckon thats the best you can do. Just don't do anything stupid in the meanwhile! I don't think you can justify a million senseless nights if you truly beleive you'll eventually find another half.

As for the 'Mr.Right' thread, I imagine its not the first time its come up in the Ladies Lounge/After Hours/anywhere else, human nature to wonder about all that stuff. I wouldn't give it TOO much thought though. Time time time. Keep the faith

girl_friday

girl_friday wrote: »

And as for friends' reactions - its a discussion I had recently with my best friend that she refers to all of my boyfriends as lovely and perfect for me when I am with them and then tells me she hated them when we split...

just wondering how others feel!

I wish I had friends like that. A couple of mine are constantly making you aware that they think your "catch" fall shorts falls short of the benchmark set by their darling.

Delicately containing my opinions isn't a particularly strong suit of mine.
On more than one occasion I've ended up feeling the wrath of forgiving girlfriends.

Have to say though, a few of my friends have boyfriends who I wouldn't naturally gel with. As much as I might not particularly like them myself.
I can appreciate the benefits they bring to my friends. Even though it will be secret high fives all around if they disappear off the scene. I would never feel the need to make the friends aware of my feelings.

cson

Ah you can't compare, you just can't know or help who you fall for no matter how much you try! (Just make sure the person you do fall for is willing to catch you )

Blush_01

25 years on, my parents are still mad about each other (not in a disturbing way!).

I want that. Pity those details don't come in the instruction manual.

Abi

I think its the Mr Right / Mrs Right talk that gets one into trouble before the off.
As we get older our wants, needs, attitudes and goals change. You would have to be very fortunate to get someone to be able to do this in perfect alignment with you, or even be understanding about it.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

You never know. Each time you fall in love you think they're perfect and the one for you. Throw a few years at it and the mad passion and sex wanes and the things that worried you right at the start will usually come right back to split you up and you wonder why you were with them. They're the signs. Try to remember when you met and the little things that irritated you or concerned you, but where glossed over by the lurrve? They're the things that'll cause a split if nothing changes, as that's their default setting that comes out when the romance is kaput.

Aye, just what I was about to post.

And as for friends' reactions - its a discussion I had recently with my best friend that she refers to all of my boyfriends as lovely and perfect for me when I am with them and then tells me she hated them when we split...

God, I would absolutely hate that. It almost seems twofaced, not remotely supportive. A family member tried that take once when I was asking for an opinion on clothes once, I chewed them out of it. Honest opinions only and always, please.

girl_friday

bluewolf wrote: »

God, I would absolutely hate that. It almost seems twofaced, not remotely supportive.

She meant it in a supportive way when we chatted about it. I explained to her that her opinion is important to me and that when she keeps telling me that they're lovely even though it's blatantly obvious that they are not right for me I start to second guess myself that it's all in my head... She then agreed that the guy I was with at the time wasn't at all suitable for me and we had a really honest chat about him!! T'was great!! She's much more supportive since but I know she meant no harm originally either!

Kya1976

Wibbs wrote: »

You never know. Each time you fall in love you think they're perfect and the one for you. Throw a few years at it and the mad passion and sex wanes and the things that worried you right at the start will usually come right back to split you up and you wonder why you were with them. They're the signs. Try to remember when you met and the little things that irritated you or concerned you, but where glossed over by the lurrve? They're the things that'll cause a split if nothing changes, as that's their default setting that comes out when the romance is kaput.

its funny though how you see the things that irritate you as cute quirks when you start going out with someone........

girl_friday

girl_friday wrote: »

She meant it in a supportive way when we chatted about it. I explained to her that her opinion is important to me and that when she keeps telling me that they're lovely even though it's blatantly obvious that they are not right for me I start to second guess myself that it's all in my head... She then agreed that the guy I was with at the time wasn't at all suitable for me and we had a really honest chat about him!! T'was great!! She's much more supportive since but I know she meant no harm originally either!

Oh no I guessed she meant it in a supportive way which is why I said it wouldnt come across supportive to me. Can understand how it would be meant that way though I disagree with it

Nevyn

rite
   /raɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [rahyt] Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. a formal or ceremonial act or procedure prescribed or customary in religious or other solemn use: rites of baptism; sacrificial rites.
2. a particular form or system of religious or other ceremonial practice: the Roman rite.
3. (often initial capital letter) one of the historical versions of the Eucharistic service: the Anglican Rite.
4. (often initial capital letter) liturgy.
5. (sometimes initial capital letter) Eastern Church, Western Church. a division or differentiation of churches according to liturgy.
6. any customary observance or practice: the rite of afternoon tea.

So a mr/miss rite is someone you want to have take part in a ceremonial practice.

/shakes head

another thread about the dress and the wedding but not the marriage and attempting to try and spend a lifetimes ( roughtly 20 years) with the same person.

metrovelvet

People confuse mr right/ms right with mr/ms perfect all too often, what people should consider is compatible flaws and how to work a parrellel life with someone.

allabouteve

Mizz Piggy wrote: »

I met someone yrs ago thought he was mr rite but just what, only it took me about 3yrs to realise that he wasn't.

He wasn't Mr. Right, but he was Mr. Right now. Just because things don't last a lifetime, doesnt' mean they weren't worth doing, you learn from every encounter too, which makes knowing and communicating who you are and what you want easier ithe next time.

GirlInterrupted

Mizz Piggy wrote: »

.... when ur in love u only see the good and blank out the rest until something makes u wake up and smell the coffee.

When people discuss the things in their relationships that threaten them, they say things like 'But I love the way he calls me at work..' the things you like about each other won't break you up, but the little things that irritate now will be the same things that drive you senseless with annoyance later.

I've stopped believing in Mr. Right, but I still hope I'll find him somehow standing in front of me when it strikes midnight tonight...:).

metrovelvet

"Wake up and smell the coffee".... disillusionment happens in every relationship, you have choices, to walk or to move through your illusions and love the other despite or or because of their flaws.

meriwether

There is no such thing as Mr/Mrs right.
If the was ONE person for you, wouldn't you be doing well to meet them out of a potential market of approx 3bn people to choose from (roughly how many men or women on the planet)?

There are many Mr/Mrs rights out there. Doesn't mean you're going to meet them straight up, but this 'one person for me' is dippy.

allabouteve

Thaedydal wrote: »

So a mr/miss rite is someone you want to have take part in a ceremonial practice.

/shakes head

another thread about the dress and the wedding but not the marriage and attempting to try and spend a lifetimes ( roughtly 20 years) with the same person.

I'm on borrowed time so :eek:

SeekUp

meriwether wrote: »

There are many Mr/Mrs rights out there. Doesn't mean you're going to meet them straight up, but this 'one person for me' is dippy.

Well I wouldn't exactly say that the idea is 'dippy' . . . :rolleyes:

. . . but I would have to agree that there's more than one person that's right for someone. How depressing to think that there's only one person in the world that's perfect for you -- and what are the odds that the person you find yourself with isn't that perfect person?

You know when you know. And when you have that little niggly feeling in the back of your mind (or the pit of your stomach) that something's not right, you know then too.

MJOR

If it's for you it won't pass you by! That's what i believe.

spinandscribble

i wish there was such a thing as mr/mrs right. it would make things simplier and you wouldn't get a broken heart as frequently in your life. there just seems to be little chance there is. mr right, might be mr right, right now but like everyones saying, theres no promise he'll be mr right in ten years, even two years. i'm just focusing now on being happy by myself. i'm a worrier by nature i don't think i'd ever feel completely like someones the one for me, i wouldn't let myself.

brianthebard

I'm always (mr) right! :P

I dunno, my ideas on soulmates and right partners come and go in cycles, depending on whether there's someone on my mind or not generally, or whether I'm in a good mood or not. I don't think I'm ready to have a ms right, or a soulmate. (too immature)

spinandscribble

brianthebard wrote: »

I'm always (mr) right! :P

I dunno, my ideas on soulmates and right partners come and go in cycles, depending on whether there's someone on my mind or not generally, or whether I'm in a good mood or not. I don't think I'm ready to have a ms right, or a soulmate. (too immature)

:P don't think it works that way, you can't just say you're ready for a soulmate and then they pop up. although that would be great lol:D

the idea of soul mates go very far back, greece as far as i'm aware (so not a hollywood thing). i guess theres always been people feeling incomplete (now thats a depressing though).

brianthebard

Lolz well I meant I'm so fuzzy in my thoughts on soulmates that atm they could pass me by, or I might latch onto someone and wrongly believe they are a soulmate, or anything really. I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

metaoblivia

I don't think there's such a thing as a Mr./Ms. Rite. I think that, for most of us, it's natural to have several partners over the course of our lives. We change with time - as we should - and it's difficult to find someone who will change in the same direction. And heave help us if we stop changing. Then we become boring and predictable. I suppose you could spend your time looking for the "right" one, but how on earth would you know? If divorce rates are any indication, a lot of people think they know, but later find out their were wrong.
I think marriage is somewhat unnatural, although it does work for some couples. But the key word here is work. It takes a lot of work. And as our society is geared more and more toward instant gratification, I see the idea of marriage and subsequently a Mr./Ms. Rite becoming more and more antiquidated.
And I don't think an expiration date cheapens a relationship. It just means it's run its course, like so many other things.

SeekUp

spinandscribble wrote: »

the idea of soul mates go very far back, greece as far as i'm aware (so not a hollywood thing). i guess theres always been people feeling incomplete (now thats a depressing though).

Indeed, I believe it was Aristophanes who theorized that each of us (ourselves and our soulmates) began as one, then a bolt of lightning stuck (courtesy of Zeus) and all of us were split in two, destined (or cursed!) to roam the earth in search of one another.

Heavy thinkers, those Greeks.

Bijoux

metrovelvet wrote: »

People confuse mr right/ms right with mr/ms perfect all too often, what people should consider is compatible flaws and how to work a parrellel life with someone.

+1, once a relationship gets past the airy fairy 'loved up' phase, being a realist and accepting that they AREN'T perfect is what will pull it through.

SeekUp wrote: »

Well I wouldn't exactly say that the idea is 'dippy' . . . :rolleyes:

. . . but I would have to agree that there's more than one person that's right for someone. How depressing to think that there's only one person in the world that's perfect for you -- and what are the odds that the person you find yourself with isn't that perfect person?

You know when you know. And when you have that little niggly feeling in the back of your mind (or the pit of your stomach) that something's not right, you know then too.

I agree with this too, the odds are definitely working against you if you believe there is only one person for you out there.

metaoblivia wrote: »

I don't think there's such a thing as a Mr./Ms. Rite. I think that, for most of us, it's natural to have several partners over the course of our lives. We change with time - as we should - and it's difficult to find someone who will change in the same direction. And heave help us if we stop changing. Then we become boring and predictable. I suppose you could spend your time looking for the "right" one, but how on earth would you know? If divorce rates are any indication, a lot of people think they know, but later find out their were wrong.
I think marriage is somewhat unnatural, although it does work for some couples. But the key word here is work. It takes a lot of work. And as our society is geared more and more toward instant gratification, I see the idea of marriage and subsequently a Mr./Ms. Rite becoming more and more antiquidated.
And I don't think an expiration date cheapens a relationship. It just means it's run its course, like so many other things.

Two really good points here. The first defines the problem with the Mr / Ms Right Now concept....you could be perfect for each other at first, but as metaoblivia said, you drift apart as you both change and mature, develop different interests, etc...this is obviously a risk with every relationship, and in my opinion, when it starts to happen, and if you can't accept it, it's time to end it.

The second point really defines my view of a relationship. You're with someone, you're attracted to them, you have fun, you trust each other, it's all good...but in the majority of cases, these qualities fade as time progresses. When this happens, there's no point continuing it, IMO.

Obviously if there are kids involved, you would want to try harder, and work to get past these problems, but if there's no solution, I think it's better to end the relationship, as opposed to have kids growing up in a bitter environment, where their parents argue all the time.

After all, isnt it better to have a good, happy relationship, ended on good terms, as opposed to having a far longer one, which was drawn out through a lot of arguments and fighting, and ended in bitterness and resentment?

I think so. Obviously easier said than done if you're still mad about the person, but I think everyone should look at these things realistically.