Girlfriend claiming I abuse her

mikemac

I've only scanned through this thread so apologies if this has been raised before.
Get down to your local garda station asap in the morning and make a report.
The gardai won't take any action but you will have a report on file.
Get the garda's name and number. Believe it or not they are helpful and you will probably get a "business card" with the info on it.

And then kick this girl to the kerp!
Out of spite, she may make a claim in a week or two and the report you made may be the only thing that saves you.

l3LoWnA

SorryButUnreg'd wrote: »

I didn't tell my friends because ... well because its hard to tell your mates you've been getting hit the odd time by the missus!
Its only happened 4 or 5 times anyways.

ONE time was too many.

Do not get sucked back in by her tears, "I love you", gentleness or "I'll change" because she will probably try anything and will never change. It happens FAR more often that you'd think and not many men will admit to it so you're not alone. I personally, know two men who, like you, would NEVER raise a hand to a woman (both men could hold their own very well in a fight with another man however, and would never strike you as the type that would let ANYONE, let alone their missus, physically abuse them) but got into abusive relationship and let their women actually physically attack them. It's a horrble situation and you need to get out of it!

One of these men that I know KEEPS going back to his girlfriend and the attacks are getting worse each time. She is a lovely sweet girl on the outside and I've always held her in high esteem until I knew the truth (the violent abusive side of her that no-one could guess was inside this pretty gentle creature) I've actually been there when this girl went psycho with him one night and she tore his clothes off, threw his furniture out the window, and gave him bruises AND scratches all over. He was shaking all over each time he got away from her and was trying to hold in the tears and stay calm but it was HIS house and he was trying to get her to leave before she did any more damage - she'd already broken into the house by smashing the kitchen window (He's a friend of a friend so he'd asked me and my friend and her boyfriend to stay as he was REALLY scared of what she was capable of and he knew the worst of her wouldn't come out if we were all there) He couldnt get her to leave the house and had to call the gardai, who did nothing because she put on the whole "poor me, sweet innocent little girlie" act to them and they bought it. Dangerous dangerous girl. Not only was she attacking him but she was attacking him when there were other people in the house and making a complete tosser out of him. To be honest though, he's made a tosser of himself since, by going back to her :rolleyes: It will end badly though, anyone that knows them are of the same opinion, one of them will end up dead or worse. (I know that's an extreme case but it started just as you've described what your gf was doing and progressed when she realised she could get away with it and when she realised he'd keep coming back for more....)

Sorry for that horrible story but it's what these situations CAN lead to.

Fair play to you for leaving her, just please, please don't go back (no matter what she says or does to convince you) You're whole life could be ruined by this girl if you let her, including your career. It will be hard for you but for yourown sake and your future stay away

Best of luck, I hope she gets bored and moves on soon and leaves you to get on with your life in peace, you deserve better!

Stabshauptmann

Talk to a solicitor. They can advise you on the best way to protect your name and job.

Stabshauptmann

Overheal wrote: »

Secondly, we need to know the content and context of your arguments: are you discussing politics and religion or are you trying to get sex out of her? Are you being clingy or touchy?

I don't know anybody that just randomly attacks somebody like that unless they are really offended or they feel threatened (or they are being playful and its getting misinterpreted): so which is it? Fess up.

And no guy smacks his bitch up unless, you know, she's asking for it.
That is actually a really stupid thing to say I think.

There are people who when things arent going 100% there own way (people who are often unreasonable, selfish and demanding) lose the plot. They may become loud, violent or physically abusive. This goes for both men and women.
These people have problems, it is not the victim's fault.

IMO there are instances where a show of force is reasonable self defence, but the assumption that this is the only time women lose the plot is ludicrously naive.

Talliesin

Think about how hard it can be for someone who is genuinely being abused by a partner (e.g. yourself) to get the evidence needed to bring a prosecution. Bringing a false one wouldn't be easy for her.

It's quite possible that she is working from a place where she is incapable of seeing how anyone could think she was anything but 100% in the right, and as such would assume that the Gardai would have some magical ability to both see everything that happened and would also agree with her (because she won't be able to see how anyone could not agree with her). If this is so, reality won't match her plans.

It's more likely that this is just an empty treat designed to hurt you, just as the physical violence was designed to hurt you. It's just another approach to the abuse she has already committed.

Leave. Stay away. If she won't stay away get a restraining order.

Overheal wrote: »

I don't know anybody that just randomly attacks somebody like that unless they are really offended or they feel threatened (or they are being playful and its getting misinterpreted):

That's nice for you. Unfortunately, there are thousands of people in this country who do just randomly attack people, or who "are really offended or they feel threatened" over little or nothing. Some assault those they live with, some start fights outside pubs, some do both. A&E have plenty of people that suffer from this every night. Sometimes their victims end up in the morgues as well.

joeybloggs

If I was a betting man, I would say she just wants to hurt you cause shes angry(for whatever reason), and since her normal pysical method can't be carried out, she has resorted to threats, empty threats.
However, do prepare for the worst case scenaio.
This 'child' is threatening to ruin everything you have worked for, because of a situation which she created(unfortunetly you made a mistake, but yet fortunetly it will finally end this situation too). Abuse of male spouses/bf's etc. is present in our society and often goes unreported.
Don't be fooled.You are victim of this abuse.While it might not seem to be very 'manlly' to be affected by this , it takes a real man to admit/try put a stop to this, so fair play.
So what do you do now.Prove you are also a victum of physical abuse.Valid Evidence will always be stronger than anyones word, even the popes!
Document every detail you can remember from previous fights.State the date it occured on, what happened and why this argument happened.
I would bet you have some evidence of mental abuse too.A few text messages about how somone is going to ruin your career is a good way of showing a courtroom how somebody has a destructive and abusive side.
So save everything, a good solicitor will be able to put it to good use and could destroy any case before she even tries the waterworks.

the_syco

Get a good friend, or your solicitor, to take photo's of your wounds. Due to their placing, they'll be seen as defensive wounds, rather than offensive wounds.

Offensive wounds would be on your knuckles, were as the defensive wounds would be on your arms, etc.

DublinWriter

SorryButUnreg'd wrote: »

I might go to the Garda station and explain it to them.

Good idea, you really need to log/flag what's going/went on with a third party.

I wouldn't go down your local station on spec as you'll probably get some probabtioner with his arse barely out of trousers.

Ring the station first and make an appointment with the Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault (DVSA) liaison member.

wb

Firstly, stop worrying about the Gardaí.

She won't go to them. Even if she does, it will be treated as a 'domestic' (i.e. nothing will be done).

The girl is insecure if she is behaving like that. You seem like a nice guy who wants to stay with her and perhaps help her. To be honest though, if she's acting like that she'll probably never be happy.

For a moment, turn the tables.

Imagine a woman posting here, saying her partner hit her a lot. What would the response be? I think you know that.

I'm not foolish enough to simply say 'dump her' as no life situation is so simple, but you have some serious thinking to do, and must consider if you really want to be with her. Consider also, that staying with her means never being with another woman ever again. Are you ok with that, or would you like to try dating other people in the future? If the answer is yes, then now is the time to get out as there is no point in prolonging the situation.

Again, only you know the girl, so you must judge if you think she'll change or not. You must think about yourself first and foremost though.

johnnyskeleton

SorryButUnReg wrote: »

I know she sounds like a head case, and I'm fairly certain I'm finished with her, but what will happen if she goes to the Gardai and claims I beat her up?
Will they automatically side with the woman, in these cases which is the obvious and probably generally correct side to take?

I don't want anything criminal after my name, I don't care about her anymore at all.
Not when she could consider doing what shes doing.

Any advice?
I'm facing an abyss here and I just *know* that the gardai or whoever will side with her.

If she makes a complaint to the gardai they will investigate it and seek directions from the DPP or their superintendent on whether they should bring a prosecution. It doesn't really matter what the gardai think, and in all liklihood they will be neutral.

Miss Fluff

I wouldn't involve the fuzz to be honest. Go and speak to a solicitor and get their advice.

Shellie13

seek legal advice.

Don't put up with this kind of abuse. You don't hit someone you love period...it dosn't matter if its a guy or girl doing it!