do i have a rite to be angry???

LegacyUser

ok my boyfriend went behind my back and read my messages on my fone cuz he was paranoid as i was textin my ex i am very angry bout this it is a complete invasion of my privacy

jus want to hear other ppls views on it please

thanks xx

Marksie

Careful with the textspeak please

AnonoBoy

You do have a right to be angry. But also bear in mind that we as a gender are terribly insecure. We always fear that the ex has some magical power that we will never ever have.

Presumably everything was above board with your ex.

Be angry - but cut the guy a tiny bit of slack after you've given out to him and reassure him that you're not interested in getting back with your ex.

gubby

how would you feel if he was txting his ex, and dont say you would be fine with it, cos you wouldnt...no-one would...

Seraphina

personally, i would dump anyone who had the cheek to pull such **** on me, but thats only my opinion

vorbis

AnonoBoy wrote: »

You do have a right to be angry. But also bear in mind that we as a gender are terribly insecure. We always fear that the ex has some magical power that we will never ever have.

Speak for yourself mate.
Looking at your partner's phone is an extremely needy insecure move. So what if something happens with the ex. You dump them if that happens. Thinking in your terms AnonoBoy it appears you bring no value to the relationship. She should be afraid of losing you as well!

To the OP, it was a bad decision by your bf. For me it would be a big breakdown in trust. Give him another chance if you like him enough.

Gyalist

AnonoBoy wrote: »

You do have a right to be angry. But also bear in mind that we as a gender are terribly insecure. We always fear that the ex has some magical power that we will never ever have.

Huh? Don't presume to speak for all men.

To the OP: Of course you have every right to be angry. That deserves at least a yellow card.

gillyfromlyre

my fella threw my phone into the sea because I had 3 male names in the contact list, my doctor, my 1st cousin and a colleague from work. I was really pissed off, had to buy a new phone, so count yourself lucky your not married to mr jealous, I love him tho, proves he loves me, in a caveman kind of way

SarahSassy

gillyfromlyre wrote: »

my fella threw my phone into the sea because I had 3 male names in the contact list, my doctor, my 1st cousin and a colleague from work. I was really pissed off, had to buy a new phone, so count yourself lucky your not married to mr jealous, I love him tho, proves he loves me, in a caveman kind of way

It only proves he is a possessive, nutjob......

Caryatnid

gillyfromlyre wrote: »

my fella threw my phone into the sea because I had 3 male names in the contact list, my doctor, my 1st cousin and a colleague from work. I was really pissed off, had to buy a new phone, so count yourself lucky your not married to mr jealous

Um...... are you in an abusive relationship?

To the OP: When I was young and naive I used to think really black and white about this issue. I used to think I would never check a partner's phone, and they should never check mine. However. Now I am older and wiser (and more cynical?) I think that checking the partner's phone is really not that bad if done in certain circumstances. Would I check my partner's phone if I had a reasonable thought that they were doing the dirt on me? Of course! Should my partner check my phone if they had reason to be suspicious of me? I think so, and I believe I would understand that. I would certainly get very angry if a partner (or anyone) checked my phone without my consent and without reason - or maybe as a matter of routine. I can see that it's an invasion of privacy but if your partner wants to know you are telling the truth, then really it's not such a bad thing. It's not ideal, but it's not really that bad. Ideally we are all telling the truth to our partners so our phones shouldn't really be so 'private' at all.

To AnonoBoy, I do not believe this is a gender issue. Indeed some girls would say the same about their own sex.

Talliesin

Unreg 7689 wrote: »

ok my boyfriend went behind my back and read my messages on my fone cuz he was paranoid as i was textin my ex i am very angry bout this it is a complete invasion of my privacy

Of course you are.

Is this primarily a matter or rights though?

Now, I'm not justifying what he did - he was entirely in the wrong, and of course you are going to be upset and angry about it.

However, if you're not going to just break up with him over it (which would be a reasonable enough decision, but I'm guessing not what you intend to do) I think it's probably more conducive to the long-term health of the relationship if he deals with the jealousy that motivated him to do so than copping on to how unacceptable his behaviour is.

I'm not saying to turn a blind eye, just to try to focus on the jealousy more than the behaviour it lead to.

gillyfromlyre wrote: »

proves he loves me

That he's willing to sacrifice your phone and cause you the hassle that goes along with that?

I don't know about you, but I've had nicer experiences with people who openly hate me.

LegacyUser

Wow I'm almost certain this post is about me(the boyfriend). The only problem is that its
missing certain important information that caused me to be suspicious enough to look at the
texts. My girlfriend(OP), had not just been texting her ex now and again, it has been a
constant thing that began just recently. Anytime I'm with her now she's texting him and
obviously when I'm not with her too.

My girlfriend had been acting cold and off with me since this texting began and I was
worried why. She has a strong history with this ex(as I suppose most people would), but she
views him as her first love who can never be lived up to and seems to look back with rose
tinted glasses.

Many of the texts were out of line and in my opinion not something that should be said to
an ex-boyfriend who has said he still loves her. There were texts about their relationship
and how she still has diary entries and gifts he gave her. Thats fair enough i suppose but
then i saw a few that i know are wrong, for instance one of the texts she sent to him read:

I'm not happier wit him(me) then i was wit you ill neva be as happy wit anyone then
I was wit you

Maybe I'm just paranoid but i really don't think its appropriate to say that to someone who
has admitted to being in love with her. Before checking her phone I confronted her and
asked her what is she talking about and is she saying things about their past that really
she shouldn't be, she lied to me and said that nothing was said that shouldn't have been
but i could tell she was being strange.

Apologies for the length of this post, I'm feeling upset by her lying to me and saying
these things to him that are really just unfair on me and him too i suppose. It has me
really down at the moment so I guess this is just my way of letting out how i feel by
putting it in writing. I don't know what else to do.

So yes, I was very wrong for doing it(and judging from other PI posts, its seems to happen
regularly) and i have apologised a lot but my suspicions were not without reason, but she
was wrong to go behind my back and say those things to her ex and lie to me. I'm being made into the monster here but I'm not the only one in the wrong-she will barely talk to me now because of looking at her phone and seems to think what she said was ok?!?

I love her to bits, I really do and tell me if I'm wrong to feel upset by this, because I
honestly am doubting my own judgement now. I have been feeling depressed recently due to
other things in my life and I'm afraid that this is affecting my view on things, which is
also why I'm writing down some of the facts.
There is more to the story but I cant write anymore or this'll turn into a novel.
What do you guys think?
Was I wrong to be suspicious?
Am i wrong to be upset?

Again...sorry for the length of this post...

gubby

gubby wrote: »

how would you feel if he was txting his ex, and dont say you would be fine with it, cos you wouldnt...no-one would...

Wow, I guess my bf should dump me for having lunch with an ex the other day :rolleyes: get over it

OP: I'd ask him wtf was going through his head that he thought going to your phone was an acceptable or justifiable thing to do
make it very clear to him that it isn't

personally if we hadn't been together that long i'd be very tempted to show him the door

l3LoWnA

Unreg 7689 wrote: »

ok my boyfriend went behind my back and read my messages on my fone cuz he was paranoid as i was textin my ex i am very angry bout this it is a complete invasion of my privacy

jus want to hear other ppls views on it please

thanks xx

Did you give him a reason to be paranoid? Were you texting your ex?

My ex was so secretive about his phone and I found out the hard way (because he used to delete all his texts, believe me, I did my best to look through his phone but everything was always deleted and I've no problem admitting it because my hunch was right, he was a lying, womanising, cheating b*stard - he WAs texting an ex - keeping his options open, when I left he ran back into her arms but I have reason to believe he'd ran back into them months before I left him) If you think you're boyfriend should trust you so much, then you're obviously completely 100% trustworthy so why would you have a problem with him looking through your phone. With my last boyfriend he gave me his phone to read through some funny texts from his ex and some other stuff (I didn't have to ask or sneakily have a peak) and in turn I gave him mine and told him to read anything he wanted and we found out more about each other through doing just that (silly I know but true all the same)!

If a person truly has nothing to hide, their phone shouldn't be such a private thing to their other half, surely!

I'm a firm believer that being extremely secretive with your mobile is the first and foremost sign that you're not being completely honest about things or you're hiding something.

So were you texting your ex? What made him think this? Were you being careful with your phone in order to make him suspicious - dying to hear!

Jack B. Badd

Boyfriend wrote: »

Wow I'm almost certain this post is about me(the boyfriend). The only problem is that its
missing certain important information that caused me to be suspicious enough to look at the
texts. My girlfriend(OP), had not just been texting her ex now and again, it has been a
constant thing that began just recently. Anytime I'm with her now she's texting him and
obviously when I'm not with her too.

My girlfriend had been acting cold and off with me since this texting began and I was
worried why. She has a strong history with this ex(as I suppose most people would), but she
views him as her first love who can never be lived up to and seems to look back with rose
tinted glasses.

Many of the texts were out of line and in my opinion not something that should be said to
an ex-boyfriend who has said he still loves her. There were texts about their relationship
and how she still has diary entries and gifts he gave her. Thats fair enough i suppose but
then i saw a few that i know are wrong, for instance one of the texts she sent to him read:

Maybe I'm just paranoid but i really don't think its appropriate to say that to someone who
has admitted to being in love with her. Before checking her phone I confronted her and
asked her what is she talking about and is she saying things about their past that really
she shouldn't be, she lied to me and said that nothing was said that shouldn't have been
but i could tell she was being strange.

Apologies for the length of this post, I'm feeling upset by her lying to me and saying
these things to him that are really just unfair on me and him too i suppose. It has me
really down at the moment so I guess this is just my way of letting out how i feel by
putting it in writing. I don't know what else to do.

So yes, I was very wrong for doing it(and judging from other PI posts, its seems to happen
regularly) and i have apologised a lot but my suspicions were not without reason, but she
was wrong to go behind my back and say those things to her ex and lie to me. I'm being made into the monster here but I'm not the only one in the wrong-she will barely talk to me now because of looking at her phone and seems to think what she said was ok?!?

I love her to bits, I really do and tell me if I'm wrong to feel upset by this, because I
honestly am doubting my own judgement now. I have been feeling depressed recently due to
other things in my life and I'm afraid that this is affecting my view on things, which is
also why I'm writing down some of the facts.
There is more to the story but I cant write anymore or this'll turn into a novel.
What do you guys think?
Was I wrong to be suspicious?
Am i wrong to be upset?

Again...sorry for the length of this post...

If you don't trust your girlfriend then end your relationship with her but don't use your suspicions to justify violating her privacy. Bear in mind, there was a 50% chance you were wrong and tbh I'm not convinced you're right. You're viewing a private conversation from the outside and you're interpreting it without knowing the context (in fact, since you're not a participant it's not your place to know the context). If you had definitive evidence that she was cheating then it'd be a different story but you don't. If I was your girlfriend, I'd be giving you a right bollicking and then I'd be giving you the boot.

Cupcake_Crisis

i think u do hav a right to be angry but also keep in mind that ppl in relationships do get really insecure sometimes!! it was a blatant invasion of ur privacy and he shouldn't have done but i doubt it was done maliciously!! just reassure him that u love him and that he has nothing tro be worried about!! tell him u dont appreciate him going thru ur phone and that u wnt tolerate it happening again but that there is no risk of u straying from home!

Wibbs

Boyfriend wrote: »

Wow I'm almost certain this post is about me(the boyfriend). The only problem is that its
missing certain important information that caused me to be suspicious enough to look at the
texts. My girlfriend(OP), had not just been texting her ex now and again, it has been a
constant thing that began just recently. Anytime I'm with her now she's texting him and
obviously when I'm not with her too.

My girlfriend had been acting cold and off with me since this texting began and I was
worried why. She has a strong history with this ex(as I suppose most people would), but she
views him as her first love who can never be lived up to and seems to look back with rose
tinted glasses.

Many of the texts were out of line and in my opinion not something that should be said to
an ex-boyfriend who has said he still loves her. There were texts about their relationship
and how she still has diary entries and gifts he gave her. Thats fair enough i suppose but
then i saw a few that i know are wrong, for instance one of the texts she sent to him read:

Maybe I'm just paranoid but i really don't think its appropriate to say that to someone who
has admitted to being in love with her. Before checking her phone I confronted her and
asked her what is she talking about and is she saying things about their past that really
she shouldn't be, she lied to me and said that nothing was said that shouldn't have been
but i could tell she was being strange.

Apologies for the length of this post, I'm feeling upset by her lying to me and saying
these things to him that are really just unfair on me and him too i suppose. It has me
really down at the moment so I guess this is just my way of letting out how i feel by
putting it in writing. I don't know what else to do.

So yes, I was very wrong for doing it(and judging from other PI posts, its seems to happen
regularly) and i have apologised a lot but my suspicions were not without reason, but she
was wrong to go behind my back and say those things to her ex and lie to me. I'm being made into the monster here but I'm not the only one in the wrong-she will barely talk to me now because of looking at her phone and seems to think what she said was ok?!?

I love her to bits, I really do and tell me if I'm wrong to feel upset by this, because I
honestly am doubting my own judgement now. I have been feeling depressed recently due to
other things in my life and I'm afraid that this is affecting my view on things, which is
also why I'm writing down some of the facts.
There is more to the story but I cant write anymore or this'll turn into a novel.
What do you guys think?
Was I wrong to be suspicious?
Am i wrong to be upset?

Again...sorry for the length of this post...

Yes I think you're right to be upset about this. Can I ask how long you are together? How long they were together? Who split up with whom in the ex relationship? Most importantly, how much of a gap was there between the significant ex and you? If it was a sudden thing or there was overlap, I would be much more concerned if I were you. The word rebound jumps to mind.

The fact that they are in constant contact and she describes him as her "first love" is not good. OK many people have contact, even friendly contact with exes. Usually this is after some time has passed or they were both young, or they weren't that heavy a deal. If there was deep history and love, that chance of friendship is vastly reduced. Unless there's a decent amount of time passed, hence I asked how big was the gap between you and him. Even then that stuff can flair up. Basically it boils down to this, if she was happy with you the chances are she wouldn't be in this much contact with her ex. As you say it's not nice to her ex either as if she was happy with him, she would have gone back. th texts you have described would have me show her the door TBH. Both of you are in limbo while she may be making up her mind. OK, you've got the relationship good stuff, but with much uncertainty thrown in.

I would be concerned and I would ask her straight who she wants to be with and concentrate on for the future. There's no point in either you or the ex being second best to confusion.

purpledragon677

Boyfriend wrote: »

Wow I'm almost certain this post is about me(the boyfriend). The only problem is that its
missing certain important information that caused me to be suspicious enough to look at the
texts. My girlfriend(OP), had not just been texting her ex now and again, it has been a
constant thing that began just recently. Anytime I'm with her now she's texting him and
obviously when I'm not with her too.

My girlfriend had been acting cold and off with me since this texting began and I was
worried why. She has a strong history with this ex(as I suppose most people would), but she
views him as her first love who can never be lived up to and seems to look back with rose
tinted glasses.

Many of the texts were out of line and in my opinion not something that should be said to
an ex-boyfriend who has said he still loves her. There were texts about their relationship
and how she still has diary entries and gifts he gave her. Thats fair enough i suppose but
then i saw a few that i know are wrong, for instance one of the texts she sent to him read:

Maybe I'm just paranoid but i really don't think its appropriate to say that to someone who
has admitted to being in love with her. Before checking her phone I confronted her and
asked her what is she talking about and is she saying things about their past that really
she shouldn't be, she lied to me and said that nothing was said that shouldn't have been
but i could tell she was being strange.

Apologies for the length of this post, I'm feeling upset by her lying to me and saying
these things to him that are really just unfair on me and him too i suppose. It has me
really down at the moment so I guess this is just my way of letting out how i feel by
putting it in writing. I don't know what else to do.

So yes, I was very wrong for doing it(and judging from other PI posts, its seems to happen
regularly) and i have apologised a lot but my suspicions were not without reason, but she
was wrong to go behind my back and say those things to her ex and lie to me. I'm being made into the monster here but I'm not the only one in the wrong-she will barely talk to me now because of looking at her phone and seems to think what she said was ok?!?

I love her to bits, I really do and tell me if I'm wrong to feel upset by this, because I
honestly am doubting my own judgement now. I have been feeling depressed recently due to
other things in my life and I'm afraid that this is affecting my view on things, which is
also why I'm writing down some of the facts.
There is more to the story but I cant write anymore or this'll turn into a novel.
What do you guys think?
Was I wrong to be suspicious?
Am i wrong to be upset?

Again...sorry for the length of this post...

clearly i have no privacy in anyway

Wibbs

I neglected to mention that checking her phone was out of order. No excuse really. Never did that and when it was once done to me, she was shown the door. No excuses, no comeback.

I will say though;

Boyfriend wrote: »

Anytime I'm with her now she's texting him

Reading this back this is the part that stands out for me. That's just bad manners and texting a significant ex shows a lack of consideration, self centeredness and lack of simple empathy for any boyfriend/girlfriend

obviously when I'm not with her too.

Pretty likely.

My girlfriend had been acting cold and off with me since this texting began and I was
worried why.

Instincts can often be competely arseways and I wouldn't put that much store in them. It's all the other parts of the relationship that you have to look at.

The two of you need to sit down and find out what games one or both of you are playing. I've been in the same or similar place as both you and her ex. Neither good. In the former, she went back to the ex and in the latter she came back to me. Neither lasted very long as it happened. Mainly because those kind of games always bite you back, sooner or later.

l3LoWnA

purpledragon677 wrote: »

clearly i have no privacy in anyway

Are you the OP?

Clearly, he had every right to be suspicious?



Ooooooh Domestic! (sory mods....but it's very exciting!) :eek:

m83

I think ye should break up. OP your using your boyfriend, hence his paranoia. If I were him i'd dump her ass. Sure he looked in her phone, I think what she is doing is far far worse.

You've got my vote boyfriend.

Overheal

l3LoWnA wrote: »

Are you the OP?

Clearly, he had every right to be suspicious?



Ooooooh Domestic! (sory mods....but it's very exciting!) :eek:

My left and right hemispheres had a betting pool going about when such a thing might happen on PI :rolleyes: looks like lefty won. And now its become a Couple's Counselling session with several free to hire couch-psychologists.

@Boy: You can have all the suspicion in the world but I dont think it constituted pulling a James Bond. You have a right to be hurt, but not in the manner by which you came to that knowledge.

@Girl: In almost any length of relationship, you need to establish healthy levels of trust with your significant other. You're entitled to your privacy, but can you see that you have to give a little to take a little? If you're completely stonewalling Boy, then you can expect him to go to great lengths to figure out whats on the other side. And if the reason you're being so distant with him is because your dealing with feelings for your ex, then you need to respect Boy enough not to use him as your tool: and by that, I mean as a shield from your ex. Thats not what a relationship is for :mad:

Personally I'd reccomend both of you to break off for at least a while. Clearly Girl, you need to go find something out about yourself - do you really want to be with your ex or do you just need closure? You cant solve that question without space. And the Both Of You need to take in a break-up as a hard lesson in the consequences of abusing Trust.

I may sound like I'm siding with the Boyfriend here, but thats because I place a High Penalty on lying; moreso than snooping - because snooping is usually a product of a suspected lie. If you never lie, nobody has to suspect you of lying. See how that works? If you've never lied to me, say, you could easily leave your phone down with me full of your texts and I doubt I'd ever go and read them unless you told me to. I tend not to think about such things, but maybe thats just me.

m83

Overheal wrote: »

My left and right hemispheres had a betting pool going about when such a thing might happen on PI :rolleyes: looks like lefty won. And now its become a Couple's Counselling session with several free to hire couch-psychologists.

@Boy: You can have all the suspicion in the world but I dont think it constituted pulling a James Bond. You have a right to be hurt, but not in the manner by which you came to that knowledge.

@Girl: In almost any length of relationship, you need to establish healthy levels of trust with your significant other. You're entitled to your privacy, but can you see that you have to give a little to take a little? If you're completely stonewalling Boy, then you can expect him to go to great lengths to figure out whats on the other side. And if the reason you're being so distant with him is because your dealing with feelings for your ex, then you need to respect Boy enough not to use him as your tool: and by that, I mean as a shield from your ex. Thats not what a relationship is for :mad:

Personally I'd reccomend both of you to break off for at least a while. Clearly Girl, you need to go find something out about yourself - do you really want to be with your ex or do you just need closure? You cant solve that question without space. And the Both Of You need to take in a break-up as a hard lesson in the consequences of abusing Trust.

I may sound like I'm siding with the Boyfriend here, but thats because I place a High Penalty on lying; moreso than snooping - because snooping is usually a product of a suspected lie. If you never lie, nobody has to suspect you of lying. See how that works? If you've never lied to me, say, you could easily leave your phone down with me full of your texts and I doubt I'd ever go and read them unless you told me to. I tend not to think about such things, but maybe thats just me.

Fantastic reply.

axer

Do people really need privacy from each other in a relationship? I really cannot understand this.

If my girlfriend read all my email and all the texts in my phone - would I care? No, not one bit. I have nothing to hide from her.

If an ex contacted me, I would not only tell her but I would even tell her what the email/text etc said or let her read it. Why? because I have nothing to hide.

I would expect my girlfriend to do the same as I would presume she has nothing to hide either.

To me it really is mind boggling that two people in a relationship need privacy from each other. I just could not be in that type of relationship.

--

Mr Boyfriend, from what I have read from you and her - I am with you in this instance. She was being secretive, cold and off - did she have something to hide? Maybe. You did/do have a right to know.

Ms. Girlfriend - what the **** are you doing with your current boyfriend if you would be happier with your ex. Break up with your current boyfriend and set him free if you would be happier elsewhere. It is not fair on him.

--

Who do I make the invoice for this counselling session out to?

vandermeyde

purpledragon677 wrote: »

clearly i have no privacy in anyway

Irony: complaining about lack of privacy whilst having a domestic on an Internet bulletin board

You guys need to sit down together, calmly, and decide whether something as fundamental as the trust between ye can be salvaged. If you can't get a definitive answer to that well off to pastures new for both of you.

axer

purpledragon677 wrote: »

yes you read her emails but if she has nothin to hide she will get over it

taken from this thread:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055144874

Maybe the OP should listen to herself.

IRISH RAIL

slightly different angle
I had suspicions with my ex about her cheating on me
so i did the whole mossad thing e mails phones etc and was spot on there was so much stuff it was shocking.
but the bottom line was I needed proof to confront her with as I didnt want to go in without a shred of evidence and all guns blazing.
I got the proof the same way the boyfriend did.
its sad when you have to go to such lengths to find out where you stand in a relationship but sometimes it has to be done.

bottom line bf dump her straight away and get yourself a nice girl how anyone could go out with someone like that is beyond me shes clearly using you , and dont let her twist it by saying something like (it was only a bit of fun or I was just saying it to get rid of him) ive heard all these before and all it does is fu** with your head

best of luck

*Lees*

Why do people feel like they need to keep their phones private from their partners?? I really don't understand that!!!
OP, you gave your boyfriend a reason to be suspicious! If the roles were reversed and if he was the one texting an ex constantly and acting cold towards you and going on about how she was his first love! Would you not want to know what they were talking about?You telling your ex that you arent as happy with your boyfriend as you were with him is bang out of order!! You shouldn't be saying it... if your not happy with him then leave him!

LegacyUser

Was it an invasion of privacy for me to post in this thread?
I'm half afraid to post anymore now.
Surely I would think a public forum is free for anyone to post even if it is about me?
With the lack of details given in the OP it biases everything in the side of my girlfriend because nobody knows why I felt so bad that i lowered myself to looking through her phone.

Wibbs

IRISH RAIL wrote: »

bottom line bf dump her straight away and get yourself a nice girl how anyone could go out with someone like that is beyond me shes clearly using you , and dont let her twist it by saying something like (it was only a bit of fun or I was just saying it to get rid of him) ive heard all these before and all it does is fu** with your head

best of luck

Have to agree with this minus the mossad stuff.

I'll put a wager that if you do walk away, guess who you'll find out she's with in a months time? I wouldn't be surprised if she's since been in contact about this. He'll lap it up of course.

At the moment it seems she's got the best of both worlds. She's making a composite relationship out of both of you. She's got you as her boyfriend and she's got him telling her he still loves her. He obviously fulfills something in her that you don't and vice versa. Lovely bit of attention for her to boot. Not so good for you or the ex. I would be advising him to act much the same way.

As I say you can friends with exes. It's difficult and in most cases it's not worth it as there's always one that hopes for more. The less serious or intense the previous relationship makes it a lot easier.

Even if you're friends with an ex simple basic cop on would suggest you're not contacting them on a constant basis in front of your current partner. It shows a lack of simple respect for your feelings.

Boyfriend wrote:

Was it an invasion of privacy for me to post in this thread?
I'm half afraid to post anymore now.

Well invasion of privacy seems to be a theme here.

Surely I would think a public forum is free for anyone to post even if it is about me?

I would have though especially if it was about you. That aside, it would have been better to deal with her directly than take it here among strangers.

With the lack of details given in the OP it biases everything in the side of my girlfriend because nobody knows why I felt so bad that i lowered myself to looking through her phone.

Honestly this situation is not working for you. She's still got an unhealthy(it seems)attachment to this guy and you don't know where you stand. If it was me I'd walk away. I figure you won't as you love her, but you better sort out ground rules and soon or prepare to be walked on.

dRNk SAnTA

I'm on the boyfriends side! Why is it so bad that he read her text messages? If you have something to hide in your texts then your relationship is rubbish. Her behaviour sounds completely inappropriate and now he knows that his suspicions were correct.

The end justifies the means. She's only causing a scene about your snooping because she doesn't want to confront the issues of her behaviour. Dump the OP!