Why soaps are stupidly unrealistic

ruskin

The barmaid at the bar will automatically know what beer a stranger wants when they order a pint.

Likewise, people only drink cans of generic brand 'beer' or 'cola'

Everyone works in the same street in which they live

You can only go out with someone if they are from the same street/ area as you.

If a person conceals something from their partner etc. it will always be exposed.

You cannot see through the windows in your house.

In coronation street, when a character wants their car, it is outside their house, when they dont want it, it is not there. Magic.

any more?

cashback

Yes, it's always driven me mad when they walk into the Rovers and order two pints of lager. What bloody kind?!
And you can have a conversation at normal volume in the next room without a chance that the person in the next room can hear you. Even if the door is wide open.

KdjaCL

In England bars are owned by breweries so ordering lager gets you the brewers most marketted.

hail Engerland!


kdjac

Pighead

In soapland they expect Pighead to believe that an ugly fcuker like Andy Sugden can pull a minx like Katie Addyman. Not a chance.

http://www.emmerdale.org/emmerdale/news/20may2003/andykatie.jpg

3greenrizla's

I once heard that there is a higher mortality rate in albert sq than there is in Baghdad, i am not sure how true it is but it is what I heard.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

i'd.... doubt that

JoeSchmoe

after moving into an area, you will instantly forget all your old friends and family, never speaking of them or contacting tham again, ,unless of course they come to live with you

philstar

Pighead wrote: »

In soapland they expect Pighead to believe that an ugly fcuker like Andy Sugden can pull a minx like Katie Addyman. Not a chance.

http://www.emmerdale.org/emmerdale/news/20may2003/andykatie.jpg

aussie soaps should be banned.........they're god awful:(

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philstar wrote: »

aussie soaps should be banned.........they're god awful:(

Emmerale Farm isn't an Aussie soap.

3greenrizla's

yeah google is not bringing up anything to be fair,

I always find it funny though when you never have a funeral without someone dying, or landing in hospital.

& poeple cant have a drink infront of a mirror without throwing a bottle at it.

Dun laoire

Young Lorcan never went sleeping with the fishes

admiralofthefleet

and the second you arrive in town or on' street you get a job and a bird in a matter of hours. and people who dont speak at first always have something sneaky about them

Tha Gopher

Nobody swears
Nobody watches football bar during tournaments.
Pubs dont show sport. Or even have a tv. Or a pool table. Or live music or DJ. Or pretty much anything that would attract people to the place bar alcohol.
The Rovers must be the only pub in inner city Manchester where a transexual can be a regular and gay lads can go on a date, all without a word said or a glassing carried out.
Most shows/streets only have one alcoholic character
We are led to believe that these streets in East London and inner Manchester with maybe 60 characters only contain maybe 3 or 4 dodgy geezer types. And even most of them are likeable clown types rather than gutter skangers.
City cab firms manage to run on three vechicles and 5 staff. All of whom live within 80 ft of the cab office.
Children dont say a whole pile until they turn 12. Then, oh they get fierce into the drugs and pregnancy.
Workplaces allow staff to go drinking at breaktime (if only)
People more often end up getting their rocks with someone they hate during a heated arguement when they suddenly start kissing, than they do actually chasing after someone they like.

ruskin

Yea, I forgot that in soapland that at about 12 or 13 your child will be abducted and replaced with a new child. You the parent will not suspect a thing.

The internal layout of your house or workplace can change overnight. Stairs, doors and windows can all be moved without any input from a builder or architect.

If you are in a pub, although you and your company talk loudly, the other drinkers mumble to each other quietly

No matter what horrible thing a person does, the response is "HE'D WANT STRINGING UP HE DOES!

In Fairly S..hitty, the writers somehow consider it relevant to periodically concoct stories of murder and crime around characters who are completely new with no connections to the existing stories




In Home and Away it is NEVER a good idea to drive a car, go into the bush or hang around anywhere near a quarry or cliff.

Any rescue operation will always be led by Alf Stewart

Any female moving into the Bay cannot be aged over 25

ruskin

Likewise in Home and Away, all the classes in the school are taught in that one classroom, and all patients in the hospital are kept in that one bedroom

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ruskin wrote: »

The internal layout of your house or workplace can change overnight. Stairs, doors and windows can all be moved without any input from a builder or architect.

Actually.

Neighbours is filmed on a real street, in Melbourne. Pin Oak Court.

Here's a picture of me and some friends there last year. Me in the Gap T-shirt:o

http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a256/desfeeney/Neighbours/IMG_2163.jpg

The people who live there have to ask permission from the TV company if they want to do anything to the outside of their premises.

One person painted their house without telling them, and they had to write it into the storyline.

Also, some British couple paid something like five times the market price value for a house in that part of Melbourne, just so they could say they live in Ramsay Street.

philcsl

Everybody has to get married at least 2 or 3 times and no wedding goes uninterrupted!!

KdjaCL

DesF wrote: »

Actually.

Neighbours is filmed on a real street, in Melbourne. Pin Oak Court.

Here's a picture of me and some friends there last year. Me in the Gap T-shirt:o

http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a256/desfeeney/Neighbours/IMG_2163.jpg

The people who live there have to ask permission from the TV company if they want to do anything to the outside of their premises.

One person painted their house without telling them, and they had to write it into the storyline.

Also, some British couple paid something like five times the market price value for a house in that part of Melbourne, just so they could say they live in Ramsay Street.

fascinating.


kdjac

macfran

In Fairly S..hitty, the writers somehow consider it relevant to periodically concoct stories of murder and crime around characters who are completely new with no connections to the existing stories

I agree with you but I think the present Pierce and Cleo storyline is very good with great acting by the two young players.

I wish Leo would go missing to find Lana and send her back alone.


]

Agamemnon

When a male character becomes an alcoholic/gets divorced/suffers a bereavement, he will lose the ability to shave until he gets over it, 10 days later.

Mint Sauce

dr carl kennady is the only doctor in neighbours, even in the hospital, he seems to be the only one

biko

People die weirdly, like Dr Drake Ramore in Days of our Lives fell down a elevator shaft.

Unearthly

In Eastenders, no-one has their own washing machine

Red Hand

I often get in such a lather over soaps, like the op.

_feedback_

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

I often get in such a lather over soaps, like the op.

**badum*tish !!

all disasterish things happen at night.

GhostInTheRuins

Children tend to grow up at about 5X the usual rate untill they turn 9 or 10

im_invisible

..and pregnancies only last 5 months, if that

r3nu4l

Tha Gopher wrote: »

Workplaces allow staff to go drinking at breaktime (if only)

Actually, most places over here do allow you go drinking at lunch-time, usually only for one, mind, or if it's a Friday and there's some sort of celebration, maybe two.

That was one of the first things I noticed when I started working in England. At first I thought it was a London thing only, then I started working in Cambridge and it's the same here.

Other unrealistic things you notice? Anyone can start a business without any problems whatsoever or any kind of startup cash. Apparently you just say that you're going to do it and it happens!

Cocaine and heroin addiction is easily sorted once the problem becomes apparent. A quick stint in rehab allows you to quit without any future cravings.

In soapland Newsagents don't have porn mags on the top shelf!

tbh

every house will have at least one person who is not part of the family living there.

Long lost relations will never announce themselves, they will always be integrated into the community via a series of conincidences and assumptions, meaning that when they finally reveal their true identity, it's kerfuffle city.

Everyone will have at LEAST one long long relation, usually sibling or child, that they never thought to mention.

Whenever Character A has to break bad news to Character B, Character B will usually start the conversation by saying something along the lines of "I've never been so happy, and you know why? it's because <insert what the bad news is> hasn't happened. It's great. Was there something you wanted to tell me?"

dade

DesF wrote: »

Actually.



The people who live there have to ask permission from the TV company if they want to do anything to the outside of their premises.

.

and there's a waiting list years long to buy there IIRC

Latchy

Eastenders , how could any group of people live so much clustered lives is byond me ? people die and are quickly forgotten ? ...also in the aussie soaps and dawsons creek , everybody lives such clean domesticated lives , as if they have all being doused with a botle of disenfectant before each shoot ......probley have as well , but they babes in all these soaps are cute

indough

All those awful, long, deep and meaningful speeches that people make in conversation, even though noone talks that way in real life situations

People shout the odds and air all of their private matters in front of all their neighbours, usually in the pub

Everyone in soaps are alcoholics, they all seem to gather down the pub at least once a day

Apparently now in the east end of london people look down their nose at criminals even though its the most notorious area in london for organized crime, and despite the fact that half of the characters in the show have been banged up in the past

Fighting Irish

ruskin wrote: »

The barmaid at the bar will automatically know what beer a stranger wants when they order a pint.

Likewise, people only drink cans of generic brand 'beer' or 'cola'

Everyone works in the same street in which they live

You can only go out with someone if they are from the same street/ area as you.

If a person conceals something from their partner etc. it will always be exposed.

You cannot see through the windows in your house.

In coronation street, when a character wants their car, it is outside their house, when they dont want it, it is not there. Magic.

any more?

Looks like you watch too much of these stupidly unrealistic soaps

watna

When somebody really important to you dies, you'll be sad for about two weeks and then you'll miraculously get over it and be fine, never mentioning the person again. I don't watch soaps now but back in the day I watched neighbours. Toadie got married to some blonde chick, just after their wedding drove off a cliff into the sea, he ecaped but they never found her. He was angry and then sad for about 4 weeks tops and then he got over it, magically moved on and completely forgot about her. If that had happened in real life, you'd never get over it, especially not in 4 weeks!

ruskin

People say "I slept with her/him" instead of "I xxxxed her up the ass"

People often discuss their 'feelings' and what their 'heart tells them"

Xavi6

Characters can return from the dead. Remember Harold Bishop falling to his 'death' from a cliff? Turned up a few years later, alive and well, with just a touch of amnesia which quickly disappeared and he shacked up with Madge again as if nothing ever happened. Magic.

How many actors also just generally leave but then return when the better career they were seeking goes tits up?

Also in Aussie soapland it is ok to fancy underagers because they were put onscreen for that purpose.

phasers

streets are always empty when a dramatic event is unfolding, then immdiately fills up with neighbours



Streets are NEVER empty


and for some reason Talking through gritted teeth = instant anger

jos28

People in soapland can put an offer on a house/ business/pub, and 2 days later they've moved in. Not a solicitor/ surveyor/mortgage broker in sight. Just hand over the keys and that's it.

3greenrizla's

3greenrizla's wrote:

I always find it funny though when you never have a funeral without someone dying

Well that is the point...

nlgbbbblth

Some soaps are set in ficticious areas of real cities i.e.
Weatherfield [Manchester]
Walford [London]
Carrigstown [Dublin]

So they're f*cked from the start.

Other annoyances
Stag parties held the night before the wedding. Nobody does that anymore.

Tinytony

If you live in Summerbay you will not have the luxury of having both your parents around. Ever.

AlmightyCushion

Nobody ever watches the news.

unreggd

If someone gets married, everyone from the town/area is there, but no other relatives [aunts, uncles, cousins, friends etc]

Someone dies at Christmas almost every year, yet everyone is still surprised

Theres always a bar, cafe and some workplace

gamer

AN average looking bloke who,s married has affairs with 5 women from a half mile area ,and his friends ,neighbours still respect him and treat him as they did when he was first married.A 50 YEAR old man can have an affair with a beautiful 20 year old woman.Thats not very realistic.

aidan24326

Tinytony wrote: »

If you live in Summerbay you will not have the luxury of having both your parents around. Ever.

It was the same in Heartbreak High, hardly a parent to be seen. What is it about Australia and nobody having any parents?

Also does anyone else find it remarkable that Phil Mitchell always seems to have rolls of money even when he's not doing a whole lot workwise? (which in fairness is most of the time) Needs a few grand in a hurry, no bother, just pulls the bundle of cash out of his pocket like a rabbit out of a fcukin hat.

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AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Nobody ever watches the news.

No, but they listen to it on the radio if something like a missing boat or plane crash has happened involving the characters.

Latchy

Considering the amount of time spent in the pubs nobodys an alcohloic (except phil mitchel )

Muff_Daddy

World current events are never spoken about.

Nobody on eastenders says "Did you catch Corrie last night" or visa versa.

If Spandu Ballet played on the Vic jukebox around 1998-2000, nobody would cop that the person singing the song was actually there!

Nala

Pets are only tended to every few weeks if ever. Girls' makeup never fades (even after surfing in Summer Bay) and their hair is always perfect.

hiscan

thers always a song playing on the radio or jukebox that has something to do with the storyline at that very moment

aidan_walsh

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Nobody ever watches the news.

Ah now, I seem to recall Brian Dobson or whoever it was at the time having a few appearances on Glenroe...

As for generic drinks, good bar staff always know what their regulars drink.

And the rest, its just television lads... [harry_enfield]Calm down, calm down[/harry_enfield]