Process for finding birth parents???

okshea

Hey People,would appreciate if any one in the know could answer a few q's!!.I was adopted by my wonderful parents when I was 8 months from cork + dont have much info more than dat,just know where that institution is in Cork a convent or something!!If I contact them do I have a legal right to get any info they have on my history, birth family etc or does it depend on what the birth mother stipulated.Would this be a long process or does it vary depending on your situation. Finally for people who have went through this process would you feel informing your adoptive family is a good/bad idea??.My family always said theyed help me but one cant help thinkin what they dont know cant hurt them!!.Anyway thats it.Thanks

martinf

Hello,

I suspect that the place you're talking about in Cork may be Bessboro but i'm open to correction on that. Unfortunately as an adoptee we have very few rights in terms of our family history. You can ask for and are usually given non identifying information such as the first name you were given when you were born (you might be Tom or Mary now but may have been christened Jack or Jill originally), your birth mothers approx age, any medical history that is on file. The amount of information and the speed that you get it is very much dependent on the agency involved and what info is actually on the file.

As regards telling your adoptive family you will probably have the best sense of whether you should or not. Different adoptive parents have reacted in different ways. In my case they had always told me that if I wanted to search they would support me. When I did start to search I actually didn't tell them for a while until I had something to tell them. They have been true to their word and have been fully behind me. However not everyone has this experience and some adoptive parents can react negatively. Perhaps you could bring up the topic in a roundabout way so that you can guage how they might react. having said that if searching is important to you don't let other people's reactions stop you.

Finally, be prepared for some surprises. It may turn out to be very straight forward but there can be twists and turns, ups and downs. In my case I went looking for my birth mother and ended up finding out I had 7 brothers and sisters 3 of whom I've met.

The very best of luck in your search.

Best wishes

Martin

The_Conductor

Hi okshea-

What Martin says is correct.
Unfortunately we have very very few rights in Ireland as adopted people, to information of any nature.

It most probably was Bessboro on the Blackrock road in Cork that you were adopted from. Its run by a nun called Sr. Sarto. She is not well known for being generous in dispensing information- but if you write her a brief note requesting non-identifying information, she may forward you some information as Martin detailed. Her address is:

Sr. Sarto
Bessboro Care Centre
Blackrock Road
Cork

It is quite possible that she may suggest that you organise to meet with her- there is nothing to say that this will ensure information.

Another thing to consider is Bessboro also supplied children for a few other adoption organisations both here and in the UK, and sent children further abroad too (such as Cunamh, in Dublin). It might be a good idea to send a letter to the adoption authority seeking the name of the agency who handled your adoption before approaching Sr. Sarto.

Regarding the length of time it may take to contact your birthmum- there really is no way to say. It could well be that the contact details on file for her may be years out of date and it may take some time to track her down- alternatively she may be very easy for the agency to contact.

What I would suggest you do is first of all find any non-identifying information that may be available to you (via both the agency who handled your adoption, and also via Bessboro (if they are not the same))- and think about the possibility of doing the search yourself? There is an excellent document on how to trace your birthmum available on the main adoptionireland website (link here). Have a read through it.

The very best of good luck to you whatever you decide to do,

Best wishes,

Shane

okshea

Hi Shane and Martin,I really appreciate ye taking the time to write the replys and the info contained is very helpfull.Its a daunting prospect beginning the search!! but again your replys are appreciated.

King Regards

The_Conductor

Don't worry- we've both been in exactly the same position as you, so we know what its like. Martin has organised a meeting next week in Lucan if you'd like to come along and ask any questions you may have.

Have a good weekend,

Shane

okshea wrote:

Hi Shane and Martin,I really appreciate ye taking the time to write the replys and the info contained is very helpfull.Its a daunting prospect beginning the search!! but again your replys are appreciated.

King Regards

okshea

Hi tanx for the invite,but not my part of the country!!,I have to say 2ye fair play to ye to have such an outlook in terms of giving advice and help to others.Its something that I prob wont undertake now bt in the medium term definetly.Suppose its inate in all of us to want to know where we come from etc.Its great to have found this forum and im sure ill have q's in the future and hopefully some day some news!!.

Cheers lads

jonniepster

Hi guys.
I stumbled upon your posts searching the net for a way to kick start a search I began 5 years ago. I'm 34, living in Dublin and hadnt really thought to look for my birth mother really until I had my own son, and although I didnt always have a burning desire to seek, I suppose there was always a curiosity lurking somewhere.
Basically I went down the route of contacting the adoption agency and waited nearly 5 years before I met someone from there who was going to help in the search. She was a social worker and was really nice and helpful, but I couldnt help but notice that the building and her office were like something from the 50's. There wasnt even a pc on the desk. I guess I was expecting her to have access to certain files and databases and that would obviously be easier if you started with a computer.
I got a phonecall around 3 months ago to say that she had located a woman she believed to be my mother. I was filled with a sense of fear, but was also pretty excited at the prospect of actually laying eyes on this woman.
Around a month ago, I missed a call from the social worker and when I saw her number later that day, I was nervous, but really anxious to find out her news.
I got on the phone and was told that they called the woman, but she was definitely too old to be my mother. That was it. Over. Finished.
The social worker was apologetic, but said there was no more she could do.
Surely, that cant be it. In 2008, there has to be a way to find out who this woman is..........
The reason I am explaining all of this is because I need a few suggestions as to how to proceed with this. Mentally, I was ready to deal with something, good or bad, and to have it end like it did seems unfair.

can anyone offer some advice out there??

kathy finn

hi,
the way you have been treated by the agency is awful, take no crap and contact them again tell them you wish to continue with your search.
put your name on the national contact register if you have,nt already
done so, you can download the forms from the adoption board website.
if you want then you can start to do your own search, if you have your non id info your first step is to look for your orignal birthcert
good luck and don,t give up it took me 20 years to find my birthfamily.
don,t take no for an answer.......kathy

The_Conductor

I'd echo what Kathy said.
I'd also suggest you have a look at the file detailing how to do your own search here

If you have any questions at all- feel free to ask here- I'm sure you'll find a lot of very helpful people!

S.

sonx

You can sign up now to an adoption record done out by the government.
You should be able to get basic info without contacting your birth parents at all and if you do I'd say do it one at a time and carefully, you dunno what your getting yourself into, other brothers or sisters etc...

kathy finn

sonx wrote: »

You can sign up now to an adoption record done out by the government.
You should be able to get basic info without contacting your birth parents at all and if you do I'd say do it one at a time and carefully, you dunno what your getting yourself into, other brothers or sisters etc...

hi i,ve never heard of that before, what is an adoption record done out by the goverment, if you mean the adoption board they will not have as much info as the agency which placed you for adoption, their information is more to do with the legal side of the adoption.
and whats wrong with getting to know your siblings, i found a brother and it,s great......kathy

jonniepster

Thanks Kathy.

I took your advice straight away and am starting to get somewhere already. The adoption board are sending me forms to apply for my original birth cert.

The agency have also said they will look into this one again for me. Not really that confident on them finding anything new, but I suppose I'll soon find out.

And to you Sonx.

I appreciate your concerns, but having gone this far mentally, I think I have to do some more to find out where I'm from. Who knows if it will turn out good or bad, but I am prepared for both. It is not an option to sit back and do nothing.

Cheers for your comments though.

kathy finn

hi
you don,t have to wait for the adoption board to get your orignal birthcert, if you have your date of birth and what county you where born in, also the first name you where called at birth you can get it yourself its much quicker.
i think the birth, deaths and marriges records office is still located in the irish life mall in dublin, somebody tell me if it,s moved back to joyce house.
all you do is look up the births for your year of birth, because you don,t have a second name you will have to go through the whole book very carefullly, it would be quicker than waiting for the adoption board, they can be very slow....kathy;);)

jonniepster

Thanks to you Kathy I decided to go into the research room in the Irish life mall and find out what my Mothers surname was.
All I had was my original Christian name and dob to search for. It was a bit daunting at first seeing all of those records and was surprised that no computer search was available. Welcome to Ireland!
I asked for the adopted persons book which had around 1000 pages for the year I was looking for, and the guy said that it wasnt certain that all of the names were in the right book. This meant that even after searching through all of those names, it might not have been in that book to begin with!
Anyway, it wasnt in the adopted persons register, so a bit let down, I asked for the book of all births for the year previous to my dob, and the year itself. This had around 2500 pages, so i was freaked out and not hopeful that it would be there. But, around page 700 I found my name and dob!!!
I had to look at it around 10 times just to check I wasnt hallucinating after trawling through so much print.
I am happy at least that I found that and I know a bit more about my background. It isnt much, but its a start.
Thanks again.
And I hope these posts help someone else.

luckat

Why isn't this computerised?

luckat

By the way, I googled "finding your birth mother in Ireland" (without quotes) and got this:

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/adoption-and-fostering/tracing_your_birth_family/?searchterm=Tracing%20your%20birth%20family

or

http://tinyurl.com/4exhlh

from the Citizens' Information Board. I hope it's useful to all here.

kathy finn

hi ,
im glad i could help i remember finding my orignal birthcert for the first time , i could,nt stop looking at it and repeating my name to myself.
if you want your next step is to go back and look for a marraige cert for your birthmother now that you have her full name and if you know her approx age.
good luck and if you need any help just shout......kathy

ariesgirly

Hi Everyone,

I spotted this thread just when I googled tracing birth parents. I'm adopted and started looking at tracing my parents about 4 years ago. At the time I was in college and sent in my details to the national contact register. I received an acknowledgement but never heard anything else from them. Then last year I decided to pursue it again a bit further so I contacted the relevant HSE area office. I then met with a social worked who cross examined me for about 2 hrs about my reasons for the search etc. They didn't give me any additional information as my mum had already given me a page with non identifying information on it. I do however have my birth mothers date of birth and the name of the social worker who was involved in my case. The social worker I met last year did say tho that some of the information may be false as women often lied about the circumstances of their pregnancy, so I'm not quite sure what to believe. She then sent me away to fill out a form with all the questions she had spent 2 hrs asking me. She said to expect to not to hear from anyone for about 2 years as that is the waiting time.

I'm curious about the other posts in the thread about obtaining your original birth cert - I would like to do this but didn't think it was allowed as we don't legally have any rights. Can anyone help - I'm not really interested in waiting 2 years for a beaucratic system to waste my time.

tyview

Hi Ariesgirly, finding your original birth cert is actually quite straight forward. I was waiting years too and then found this forum and followed the trace guides. low and behold i found my entry in the indexs in the irish life mall. There were four books for my year and ofcourse i had to be in the last one. It takes a while and i got quite blurry eyed doing it but like one of the previous posters said you just sit there staring at it. You can then use that info to get a copy of your cert there and then. you would have to go over to joyce house to get an original but the copy has the exact same info on it. not sure how to post a link to the trace guides but you can find them on the main adoption page here theres nothing to lose! just use you DOB, your birth christian name and where you were born when looking in the books.

I'm a relative newbee at this but there are some really great people on here that regularly post and are very helpful and supportive

The_Conductor

Hi Ariesgirly-

You can download a guide detailing how to go about finding your original birth certificate here.

A lot of adopted people opt out of the official system for searching- totally understandably when the waiting time is somewhere between 2 and 5 years- and take matters into their own hands and do their own search.

If any of us here can help at all- or indeed if you'd just like to bounce ideas, ask questions or vent in general- feel free to do so.

Best wishes,

Shane

ariesgirly

Thanks everyone. I'm actually going to go in tomorrow. Have images of the 'birth cert police' coming up and telling me I shouldn't be there!! Lol. Will let you know how it goes!

tyview

haha, i know exactly what you mean. i was looking over my shoulder the whole time on my first visit thinking everyone knew why i was there but theres really no need. good look!:D

The_Conductor

Take snacks and a drink or two with you.
I'd also emphasise- that even after you find a match- keep going. Its very possible there may be several matches on your birthday- make sure you go to the end of the book, and also look at the few handwritten entries that you find there too.

Thinking of you tomorrow- best of good luck!

Shane

ariesgirly

Hi Everyone,

So I only managed to get in for about a little while yesterday afternoon. Was so surprised by how nice the place actually is! So i started just looking for my date of birth but it was taking far too long so I switched to flicking for my birth name. As I was getting closer and closer to the end I was beginning to think that maybe the information I have isn't true. I even started questioning if my birthday is actually my birthday.... just to calm my paranoia - I'm guessing they don't lie about that? About a 1/3 of the way through the last book I found myself I think. I wasn't able to finish the rest of the book because they were closing and I couldn't get a photocopy either coz I was too late so I asked them to post it to me and they will. Have to go away with work today and all I can think is about this name I used to have and this whole other life I could have had. It's kinda of crazy how one decision has determined so much for me, for all of us here.

Now that I've started looking I'm getting impatient. I always thought it didnt matter to me if I ever met my birth parents or not. Even when I initiated the search through the HSE I wasn't that bothered. It was more to find an answer to a question I could never quite figure out than actually wanting anything off them. But yesterday I was knocked for 6 with all these feelings of wanting to put a face to the name and to find out about their lives etc etc.

This forum is great as well! Its so hard to explain what you're thinking and going through to someone who isn't adopted. Like I know who I am, I know what I stand for and I don't have any of that identity crisis stuff that the soaps always portray but now I'm thinking ... wow I was this whole other person ... even if it was only for a few hours.

On a complete side note - how absolutely ridiculous is it that you can just walk in and get anyones birth cert?????

Kornelia

Hi, first of all fair play to everyone for being so honest about their individual situation.

It is very interesting to read all the different threads.

Everyone here is very helpful.

A special thanks to you Shane. You seem an expert in that area.

Just wondering how did okshea get on? Did he find the information he was looking for?

Thanks for sharing all that info jonniepster. I am sure your helping others with that.

You are right luckat. Why isn't that computerised?
I wonder is there anything we can do about that?

Also thanks to ariesgirly for sharing the story. I had tears in my eyes when I read about finding out your real name and the other life you could have had... 'wow I was this whole other person...even if it was only for a few hours.'

I am not adopted but have a 2 year old son myself.
I am German and we were never under Catholic rule. It was perfectly normal for a marriage to break up, children outside marriages, determination of pregnancies... No-one asked questions and mothers were able to work and support their children as there were creches...
I'm finding it very difficult to understand that part of Irish history.
Kornelia

dorybyrne

hi i was in the same boat but i did it had some help found my birth mother 8 years ago if i can help would be happy to dorothy

dorybyrne

just wondering did you ever find out email me mrsdbyrne@hotmaol.com if there is anything i could help you with

Ms Happy

Hi guys, I have a quick question regarding the Birth Certs in the Irish Life mall. will the full details be on it? ie: birth mothers full name etc?

Thanks

myIdea

Ms Happy wrote: »

Hi guys, I have a quick question regarding the Birth Certs in the Irish Life mall. will the full details be on it? ie: birth mothers full name etc?

Thanks

First and Last name yes, not sure if it was required for mothers to give anything more.

The_Conductor

Hi Everyone-

Just to clarify- the reading room in the Irish Life mall on Talbot street, closed in June of last year. A temporary home was found for it- and it reopened in the old dole office on Werburgh Street last July- and unfortunately, there it remains.

So- its on Werburgh Street - click here for a map of how to get to it.

Kind regards,

The_Conductor

mimo79

Hi guys
just came about this thread by accident and blown away by info...i was adopted from cork 34 years ago and have been always curious about my past . Unfortunately although my adopted parents are wonderful I have been met with nothing but excuses about furnishing any info to me which has been at times heartbreaking...i recently visited cork with my husband and kids and the desire was so strong again...looking outmy hotel windows all i could think of was this is where I was born and my mother is prob out there so close and yet so far...i ventured to ask my parents again to yet again be told sure what for and if I get a chance soon iI'll look for the documents in the attic....seeing as I only have my adopted birthcert and just my date of birth....where do I even start from...????
I'd really appreciate anything at this point.x