Weddings abroad-too dear for friends and family?

Tim Robbins

Dodge wrote:

Agree with that but the fact that they knew our intial intention was No friends/family helped clarify it for them (I think)

I like the (I think) shows at least you think and question.

iguana

Please try and calm it down everyone, I don't want to lock another thread.

Tim, while your figures may be accurate for some weddings they aren't for all. I got married in London last year. Basically because we live here and as our friends and family are in Limerick, Dublin and London no matter where we got married 2/3's of our friends would be traveling so we chose the best place for us. We spent £500 on the ceremony, about £150 on our outfits, £650 on food and drink and had the reception in our house. Our biggest cost was about £650 on the rings which we bought from a jewelery recycling company as we wanted platinum and that is harshly mined.

While our non-London guests had to fly here and stay in a hotel that cost roughly £150 per couple but there was no cost at the wedding as we bought all the drink. And we asked for no presents from friends asking for a donation to Oxfam's south Asian earthquake appeal instead. I'm sure plenty of them bought new outfits, but that was their choice not mine. I specifically told people to wear whatever they wanted, and if that was their old tracksuit then fine. We also chose to get married the weekend of the Nottinghill Carnival as we new some of our friends would like to go so they could make double use of the trip. I'd say the total cost to everyone including ourselves was under £6500/€10,000. Which is still terrifying when you think about it.

However I don't think Tim has a chip on his shoulder in anyway. He has said he can not afford extravagant weddings. (And let's be honest with the level of consumer debt in our country, neither can most people.) Big weddings do put people under pressure to go, nobody wants to miss their friends wedding, nobody wants to be talked about as being a miserable old miser. But some people can actually not afford €300 on a gift and €200 on a hotel. It might be the couples day, but they also have to think about other people. I've seen threads on here where people do expect large money gifts in order to pay for their wedding costs and I don't think that is right at all.

Dodge

Tim Robbins wrote:

I like the (I think) shows at least you think and question.

Yep and I also talk to most about it. I'm fairly confident I know how they feel on the issue. But only an idiot would assume they're correct all the time

dame

Tim Robbins wrote:

Correct, the implication was more than a dress, it was a complete outfit for each Irish Wedding.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055156219

The Jones are obviously checking out handbags and shoes as well these days.

Nope, there was no each wedding about it. Once again, Timothy, back to english comprehension with you.

dame

I agree with iguana, people expecting (and even asking for) cash gifts with the idea that it will pay for their wedding is ridiculous, and I've said so in this forum many times. Eddie Hobbs almost made it acceptable for couples to ask more people to the wedding (purely to make up numbers) and then expect and ask for cash gifts only.

However, we've seen from other threads that attending a wedding in Ireland is expensive also, in some cases it can be more expensive than attending a wedding abroad (obviously depending on where the wedding is etc.). If people want to have a small wedding abroad and invite only close family then what's the problem? Especially if the bride and groom pay for 2 nights accommodation for the guests or else pay for flights? Also, with ours "Your presence is our present" and only immediate relatives and a couple of our closest friends. Who else do you need there? Personally, I think couples getting married in the Carribean might as well just invite the guests on their honeymoon altogether as it really is too far away for people to pop out for a weekend. (And think of the carbon footprint! :eek: ). It's fine for just themselves and immediate family, but expecting or even asking anyone else to go that far away is a bit much (but that's just my personal opinion).

Finally, yes, Irealand (and most of the developed world) is quite consumerist. However, it is up to the individual to choose how to spend their money. They can spend more on attending weddings and less on a car or they can spend more on their mostgage and less on attending weddings if they like. Whatever. That's up to them. Talk of feeling "pressured" to attend a wedding somewhere foreign (or in Ireland) is a cop out. Big boys and girls can make up their own minds about it. After all, if the wedding is of somebody really close to you, then you'll know about it so far in advance that you should be quite well able to save up and go, assuming you do want to go, and most couples will pay at least part of the cost for people flying out. Trying to put the guilts on any couple who don't want the typical Irish wedding by saying "it's too dear for friends and family" is just sour grapes.

Some people like the big Irish wedding with 300 or so acquaintances admiring their wedding frock for the day, other people would rather have a small intimate wedding where they have much more choice in location, food, music, etc. Live and let live people.

miju

personally I think its a bit bloody selfish and unless your family is well off your effectively choosing peoples holiday for the year for them.

my other half is a bridesmaid for her friends wedding in Lanzarote next year, thats gonna cost us at least 1k and we've been there twice before so have no reason to return anytime soon. course the bride isn't even offering anything towards her bridesmaid costs and is effectively foisting they're wedding costs on to other people which is complete balls as far as im concerned

Dodge

miju wrote:

personally I think its a bit bloody selfish and unless your family is well off your effectively choosing peoples holiday for the year for them.

my other half is a bridesmaid for her friends wedding in Lanzarote next year, thats gonna cost us at least 1k and we've been there twice before so have no reason to return anytime soon...

And you're not being the slightest bit selfish with that type of comment? WOuld you think the same if the wedding was in Galway or Kerry? You only have to be in Lanzarote for a couple of days

miju

miju wrote:

personally I think its a bit bloody selfish and unless your family is well off your effectively choosing peoples holiday for the year for them.

my other half is a bridesmaid for her friends wedding in Lanzarote next year, thats gonna cost us at least 1k and we've been there twice before so have no reason to return anytime soon. course the bride isn't even offering anything towards her bridesmaid costs and is effectively foisting they're wedding costs on to other people which is complete balls as far as im concerned

Does she have to be a bridesmaid? Not trying to be smart but she can say thanks but no thanks.

I've declined wedding invitations in the past. I can't understand why people get the hump over having to fork out for someone else's wedding when they can always make their excuses and not attend.
There's a million good excuses for not attending a wedding abroad in particular.

miju

Dodge wrote:

And you're not being the slightest bit selfish with that type of comment? WOuld you think the same if the wedding was in Galway or Kerry? You only have to be in Lanzarote for a couple of days

how on earth is it being selfish? you go and price Lanzarote for a couple of days and you'll still see it's quite a large cost for two people. as for declining the invitation , the mere suggestion to the other half that we / I not attend resulted in a nice big row as "she can't turn down her friend and can't go on her own etc , etc"

Also, Galway / Kerry is not the same as Lanzarote theres a massive difference between driving somewhere & paying for a room for a night in Ireland and flying to a foreign country. To give you an example a hotel room here for two nights would cost you in the region of at most €300 for a weekend. Now compare that with €1,200 for a week in Lanzarote (if you only go for 3 days or so the costs actually go up on the flights & accomation) before spending money etc , theres a big bloody difference and I think calling me selfish is so wide of the mark it's not even funny

Tim Robbins

dame wrote:

Nope, there was no each wedding about it. Once again, Timothy, back to english comprehension with you.

Title of thread was:
"Average Wedding cost in Ireland".
You detailed your "average" cost. You understand the word "average" yeah?

Furthermore, post number 3 from your good self included:

"Clothes tend to be more formal and more expensive for women attending weddings in Ireland. You can get away with a nice summer dress (that you'll wear again) when you're going to a wedding abroad."

The implication is you only "wear a dress again" if the Wedding is abroad.

Tim Robbins

miju wrote:

how on earth is it being selfish? you go and price Lanzarote for a couple of days and you'll still see it's quite a large cost for two people. as for declining the invitation , the mere suggestion to the other half that we / I not attend resulted in a nice big row as "she can't turn down her friend and can't go on her own etc , etc"

Also, Galway / Kerry is not the same as Lanzarote theres a massive difference between driving somewhere & paying for a room for a night in Ireland and flying to a foreign country. To give you an example a hotel room here for two nights would cost you in the region of at most €300 for a weekend. Now compare that with €1,200 for a week in Lanzarote (if you only go for 3 days or so the costs actually go up on the flights & accomation) before spending money etc , theres a big bloody difference and I think calling me selfish is so wide of the mark it's not even funny

I am with Miju on this one. Here Miju is in situation which is very difficult to say no too. Take note Dame, it's not always easy to get out of these situations.

Miju, I hear your pain. It is ridiculoius that you have to organise your savings and your holidays around someone else's extortionate ideas about themselves. The part that really annoys me is they make it very difficult for you to say no too.

dame

Tim Robbins wrote:

Title of thread was:
"Average Wedding cost in Ireland".
You detailed your "average" cost. You understand the word "average" yeah?

Furthermore, post number 3 from your good self included:

"Clothes tend to be more formal and more expensive for women attending weddings in Ireland. You can get away with a nice summer dress (that you'll wear again) when you're going to a wedding abroad."

The implication is you only "wear a dress again" if the Wedding is abroad.

"That you will wear again" on any summer day, not "that you will wear again" at a wedding. More formal clothes are not suitable for everyday wear. You do understand that surely, or are you the type who wears a suit to the beach and for a bbq in the back garden? :rolleyes: Don't bother answering. Most people grew fed up with you and your whingeing long ago.


Miju is an different position to most people with regard to attending this wedding. Most brides will pay for their bridesmaid's dress, makeup, hair, shoes, flowers, etc. Whatever's needed really. Not many brides are quite that stingey with their bridesmaid's (at least none I've ever come across).

iguana

Tim and Dame. If ye want to keep on arguing take it to pm. I'm leaving the thread open as other people may still want to discuss the issue.

DO0GLE

Think there are a few Bridezillas here who have been offended!!

Tim Robbins

iguana wrote:

Tim and Dame. If ye want to keep on arguing take it to pm. I'm leaving the thread open as other people may still want to discuss the issue.

Hi Iguana,
I think there is a very valid debate / discussion on how much is too much w.r.t. all aspects of weddings.
I think that debate should be allowed to take place. We should be allowed question and discuss these issues. But it should be a debate not personal insults. I am trying to get Dame to stick to the issues who seems to prefer firing personal insult when corned on any point.
Did someone else say: "Bridezilla"?
Regards

dame

Dear iguana,

There is a poster called Tim Robbins who likes to complain about people insulting him, when actually they are only returning the compliments. Perhaps a gentle suggestion to not give what you can't take might be in order? By the way, if the Bridezillas are offended then maybe they will learn something from this "debate". :rolleyes: However, there is no "debating" with people who cannot understand what they are reading :rolleyes: and who deliberately misinterpret information (the little bits that they do manage to read) for their own ends. Perhaps certain posters should be asked to depart from this particular forum and move over to the political forum instead? Their particular "skills" would be very well suited to a small-time crooked politician!

miju

FFS lads what part of take it to PM didn't you understand?

dame

Tim Robbins wrote:

Hi Iguana,
I think there is a very valid debate / discussion on how much is too much w.r.t. all aspects of weddings.
I think that debate should be allowed to take place. We should be allowed question and discuss these issues. But it should be a debate not personal insults. I am trying to get Dame to stick to the issues who seems to prefer firing personal insult when corned on any point.
Did someone else say: "Bridezilla"?
Regards

?? I don't believe I've ever been corned on a point yet!

dame

miju wrote:

FFS lads what part of take it to PM didn't you understand?

If someone keeps posting "about me" then I will reply. You should address the not understanding issue to someone else.....;)

iguana

I have no problem with reasonable debate on the costs of weddings, and the problems this may incur on guests. But this is the second thread in a week which has turned into a slanging match, forcing me to lock the thread and that means that nobody else gets to discuss the issue.

If it happens again, on any thread I am going to start handing out bans.