Weddings abroad-too dear for friends and family?

NiamhB

Hi there,

just wondering what people think of the new craze for bride and groom to marry abroad. Does anyone else know couples that have asked you to join them for their holiday in Hawaii, Austrailia or the like? Do the cost factors measure up? All thoughts appreciated...

Eoin

We've been asked to go to a wedding in Austria next year. It will obviously be expensive, but we're happy to go - just means that it's our main holiday for the year. We wouldn't be able for another foreign wedding in the same year though.

"New Craze" makes it sound like a fad, which I think is a little dismissive of the problem in Ireland (I know the rules are changing soon) where if you're not keen on a Church wedding then you're left with a registry office ceremony which isn't for a lot of people.

I doubt that a reasonable couple would begrudge a guest if they said they couldn't afford it.

Tim Robbins

NiamhB wrote:

Hi there,

just wondering what people think of the new craze for bride and groom to marry abroad. Does anyone else know couples that have asked you to join them for their holiday in Hawaii, Austrailia or the like? Do the cost factors measure up? All thoughts appreciated...

Q. Weddings abroad-too dear for friends and family?
A. Yes, unless your family and friends are well off and don't mind splashing out extra cssh.

Scoobydoobydoo

I wouldn't go to Australia or anywhere else distant. I am going to a wedding in Italy next year, but only because it's my best friend, and we are basing our holiday around that.
A lot of people opt for going abroad to keep costs down, for the weather, and some feel it's more romantic or exotic.

I would have been interested in getting married in France or Scotland maybe, but my father-in-law is very frail and can't even get on a train, never mind a plane.

The cost depends on where you're going etc.

It also might be worth considering that some people are very anxious about flying - I am, which means we are driving to Tuscany!

forbairt

As was said ... it depends on your family and friends whether its too dear or not ...

You're asking them to book flights to X ...
You're asking them to organise accommodation ...

If you're asking for a present as well you're being cheeky in my opinion ...

We had our wedding in france ... but gave people plenty of warning .. as such they turned it into a holiday ... drove around france ... or hung out with us for the few days before and after the wedding ... and I hope they had a good time .. some people couldn't come ... cus of the cost but we knew that this would possibley be an issue for some before hand ...

I think asking someone to go to the other side of the planet is plain stupidity unless you don't expect them to come ... or you, your friends and family are all very well off ...

You can get to Rome for example cheaply enough ... probaly 100 quid or there abouts and taxes ... and cost of a hotel room for lets say 3 nights would probably set you back around 200 ish ... add to that meals and so on .. and you're asking people to spend 400 quid at least ... if they are making a holiday out of it well and good .. if not .. then its quite a lot of money to spend on your special day

Kintarō Hattori

I know when myself and the SO get married it'll be in Poland. It would be financially easier for my family and friends to go to Poland than it would be for her family to come to Ireland. Plus my family and friends get a cheap holiday too.

Tim Robbins

eo980 wrote:

I know when myself and the SO get married it'll be in Poland. It would be financially easier for my family and friends to go to Poland than it would be for her family to come to Ireland. Plus my family and friends get a cheap holiday too.

Sounds reasonable. The Wedding can't be in Poland and Ireland so if you are to the cheaper place that sounds very fair.

In response to other posts,
I don't think it's fair to expect your friends to organise their holidays around your wedding. They may not want to go where you are having your wedding for your holiday.
Most people only get 20 days off a year and are doing well to pay their morgage and get away from work, have a holiday and relax. So I think it is presumptuous to think your friends will just arrange their holidays around your wedding and be happy with it.

I think the issue here is usally the Bridzilla wants something incredible special. Does this then mean everyone should have to arrange their annual holidays and savings? I don't think it should, it's just excessive self indulgence.

Scoobydoobydoo

Tim Robbins wrote:

In response to other posts,
I don't think it's fair to expect your friends to organise their holidays around your wedding. They may not want to go where you are having your wedding for your holiday.
Most people only get 20 days off a year and are doing well to pay their morgage and get away from work, have a holiday and relax. So I think it is presumptuous to think your friends will just arrange their holidays around your wedding and be happy with it.

I agree with Tim, you can't expect people to organise their holidays around your wedding.
We are only doing this because this is my best friend's wedding and also we would like to see Italy because we haven't been before.

However, if she was getting married somewhere I didn't want to go to then I would have to think twice about it.

Kintarō Hattori

Yep I have to agree with Tim as well.

DO0GLE

Nice idea to have a wedding abroad but wrong to put people under such financial pressure.
Couples getting married now are loosing the plot. Its the norm now to give someone an engagement present, then go abroad for the stag/hen do, then buy new clothes for the big day, then give a wedding present, then stay the full weekend of the wedding in the hotel..... it all costs a small fortune

Tim Robbins

DO0GLE wrote:

Nice idea to have a wedding abroad but wrong to put people under such financial pressure.
Couples getting married now are loosing the plot. Its the norm now to give someone an engagement present, then go abroad for the stag/hen do, then buy new clothes for the big day, then give a wedding present, then stay the full weekend of the wedding in the hotel..... it all costs a small fortune

If it's true love, there should be no need for everyone to have to re-arrange the holidays and spend a fortune to make it special day.
I really think some people are trying to show off by having elaborate weddings.
What makes these situations even worse is that it's generally couples that get invited to the wedding. Only one member of the couple may know the bride or groom well enough to spend the extra money incured in going abroad and re-arrange holidays. The other because they don't know them or like them, may feel hard done by. The other member may simply have to go because they were invited but the bride and groom may not even know them.

This put stress in their own relationship. Some couples may think it's fine that only one goes to the wedding abroad others may think both should go because the other couples are all both going, and them going on their own sends out a single. Now becasue invariably both members of the couple have to go the cost to go goes up even higher.
We are now talking two grand instead of one grand.

Personally, I love to see other people's happiness but I would prefer to put some money aside for own my kids or for a rainy day than have to spend a grand here and grand there to go to other people's weddings.

I don't earn a lot and frankly I would prefer to put that amount of money in a saving account for a rainy day instead of some p*ss up in an Italian or Spanish village.

We can't moan about rip off Ireland and tolerate these ridiculous extortionate weddings. I mean how often do you see a German couple getting married in some quaint Irish village, bringing a 100 Germans over with them.

Irish people - please cop on.

MooseJam

my brother is getting married in Portugal next year, it's not a major expense flights are fairly cheap and board is paid for in the deal

dame

Tim Robbins wrote:

We can't moan about rip off Ireland and tolerate these ridiculous extortionate weddings. I mean how often do you see a German couple getting married in some quaint Irish village, bringing a 100 Germans over with them.

Irish people - please cop on.

That's the thing. I think most Irish people who opt for a wedding abroad do so because they want to cut out the excess, and yes, that includes the excess people. Do you really need to invite people you worked with 3 years ago and have barely been in touch with since, or the second cousins that the parents think would be mortally offended if they didn't get an invite? That's the way Irish weddings are but frankly; if you're not a parent, sibling or very long-term best friend then you shouldn't even think twice about refusing a wedding invite if you don't want to go or can't afford it.

Also, I know a friend of mine who went abroad to get married who verbally invited people (just to be polite while not expecting them to go) and was shocked when they rang her up weeks later to ask for an accommodation list!

Guy:Incognito

People are always saying its too dear to get married in Ireland then go away with 10 or 15 people and get married, saying how cheap is. Thing is your comparing a wedding for close friends and relatives to a full blown all in wedding here, too different things imo.

forbairt

Stekelly wrote:

People are always saying its too dear to get married in Ireland then go away with 10 or 15 people and get married, saying how cheap is. Thing is your comparing a wedding for close friends and relatives to a full blown all in wedding here, too different things imo.

There were 80 ish at ours .. and for what we got for the money it was truely amazing ... some of the best veggie food I've had in my life (yes as the groom I went for the veggie option... not being a veggie as such .. ) ..

Champagne for the toast was a hell of a lot cheaper and nicer ... no corkage fee ... we ended up throwing on our own little bar ... on a help yourself basis which everyone enjoyed .... brought a load of guinness (cans) from ireland as well only to find out it was cheaper to buy it in the supermarkets there The wine was so much cheaper than here as well ...

Yes people had to go over ... but ... we said we understood if they didn't want to / couldn't make it ... not too many came from ireland ut a hell of a lot of my friends who are in the rest of europe did ..

Tim Robbins

dame wrote:

That's the thing. I think most Irish people who opt for a wedding abroad do so because they want to cut out the excess, and yes, that includes the excess people. Do you really need to invite people you worked with 3 years ago and have barely been in touch with since, or the second cousins that the parents think would be mortally offended if they didn't get an invite?

That's a rubbish excuse. Just don't invite them. I have never heard anyone giving out because someone had a small Wedding.

Tim Robbins

Stekelly wrote:

People are always saying its too dear to get married in Ireland then go away with 10 or 15 people and get married, saying how cheap is. Thing is your comparing a wedding for close friends and relatives to a full blown all in wedding here, too different things imo.

I am talking about Weddings abroad where 80+ people are invited. 80+ people all spending a grand that's 80,000. Yes it's a bit of waste really isn't it.

pow wow

I think couples who get married abroad are pretty much expecting that not a whole lot of people will travel for it - and many have pseudo receptions when they get back to make up for it.

It's be extremely selfish to get annoyed at anyone for 'not coming' when they are essentially spending a small fortune to follow you and watch you marry whoever.

Friends of mine who did it overseas (Dominican Republic and Italy mainly) did it precisely because they knew it would be small and intimate....and then had huge receptions when they got back.

Tim Robbins

ellscurr wrote:

I think couples who get married abroad are pretty much expecting that not a whole lot of people will travel for it - and many have pseudo receptions when they get back to make up for it.

It's all fine if they want a very small wedding. But if that's the case they should not invite loads of people. It's a very awkard position to have to turn down a wedding invitation purely for finacial reasons. It's akin to saying:
The Bride and Groom that you were a good enough friend to get an invite, but the person(s) didn't think the Bride and Groom were a good enough friend to justify going.

If the Bride and Groom are trying to shift the burden of them not wanting a big wedding to their friends having to turn down an expensive wedding, that's not fair. They should just not invite them.
The only weddings I know off abroad are 80+ or 100+. That's hardly small.

dame

Tim Robbins wrote:

That's a rubbish excuse. Just don't invite them. I have never heard anyone giving out because someone had a small Wedding.

I know, that's what I'm saying....go abroad and that avoids the whole inviting people out of politeness or a feeling of obligation. I've never heard someone give out because someone had a small wedding either, but I have heard people give out because they weren't invited, but so-and-so was, or that couple had gone to their wedding a year or two before. I also agree that going abroad and bringing 80 people is ridiculous, might as well just do the Irish wedding thing at home.

I was pointing out to you though that you shouldn't feel that you have to go and have to fork out a grand for the privilege. You can decline you know. You don't even need to explain anything but if you want you can always blame work, holidays booked already etc.

Tim Robbins

dame wrote:

I was pointing out to you though that you shouldn't feel that you have to go and have to fork out a grand for the privilege. You can decline you know. You don't even need to explain anything but if you want you can always blame work, holidays booked already etc.

Yes I have turned down weddings both in Ireland and abroad.
I don't feel I have to go, but I have felt in a very awkard situation.

It's human nature to want to do anything you can for any mate you have and ever had. Also, if your partner gets invited to one you have no interest in going to - how do you turn that down?
You could find yourself in the war room, because everyone else's partner is going.

Also it's not a nice feeling when your peer group can afford to splash their cash while you have to worry about your pennies.
Why do social events between friend have to favour the richer ones?
Is that fair?

It's not simple and people are put in very awkard situations because the capitalist fashion is now to go completly over the top at these things.

The total amount of money spent by all people at the Irish Wedding is well over 100K no matter where it is. Enough to feed an African village for a year and enough to keep 100 Irish Celtic tiger heads entertained for a night.

Pathetic really.

Theboinkmaster

Tim Robbins wrote:

Yes I have turned down weddings both in Ireland and abroad.
I don't feel I have to go, but I have felt in a very awkard situation.

It's human nature to want to do anything you can for any mate you have and ever had. Also, if your partner gets invited to one you have no interest in going to - how do you turn that down?
You could find yourself in the war room, because everyone else's partner is going.

Also it's not a nice feeling when your peer group can afford to splash their cash while you have to worry about your pennies.
Why do social events between friend have to favour the richer ones?
Is that fair?

It's not simple and people are put in very awkard situations because the capitalist fashion is now to go completly over the top at these things.

The total amount of money spent by all people at the Irish Wedding is well over 100K no matter where it is. Enough to feed an African village for a year and enough to keep 100 Irish Celtic tiger heads entertained for a night.

Pathetic really.

Tim I think that's a bit of a sweeping statement, where'd you get €100k from?! It sounds like you have a massive chip on your shoulder.......

I'm all for spending €20k on a small intimate wedding abroud in somewhere like Italy/Spain and only invite immediate family and friends, maybe 30 guests

Wouldn't expect any presents of any kind and would hope to pay for 2 nights accomodation

Part of my reasoning for this is I hate current weddings in Ireland - people seem to easily forget what the true point is whereas if you go abroad you cut out all the politics and have just those that matter. Intimate is the key not 100 guests IMHO

Tim Robbins

Theboinkmaster wrote:

Tim I think that's a bit of a sweeping statement, where'd you get €100k from?! It sounds like you have a massive chip on your shoulder.......

I'm all for spending €20k on a small intimate wedding abroud in somewhere like Italy/Spain and only invite immediate family and friends, maybe 30 guests

Wouldn't expect any presents of any kind and would hope to pay for 2 nights accomodation

Part of my reasoning for this is I hate current weddings in Ireland - people seem to easily forget what the true point is whereas if you go abroad you cut out all the politics and have just those that matter. Intimate is the key not 100 guests IMHO

Where did I get 100K from?

Say, 100 people are invited to a wedding.
50 girls, 50 blokes.
50 girls spend an average of 500 each = 25,000
50 blokes spend an average of 400 each = 20,000
Couple spend 15K.
So total amount spent is 60K.

Say 200 are invited to a wedding.
100 girls, 100 blokes.
100 girls spend an average of 500 each = 50,000
100 bloke spend an average of 400 each = 40,000
Couple spend 25K
Total spend is 115K

Why do I have cheap on my shoulder, I just that's extortionate.
I agree intimacy is probably a better option. small, cheap and special.

Noelie

Tim,

I don't see where you're getting your figures from. I think like has been said before you've the hump about something.

I've been to four weddings this year and neither myself nor my fiancee have spent anywhere near €900 combined in attending them. Iassume you're including the cost of the gift in your numbers but they still seem off

Dodge

Getting married in the Carribean next year. At the start it was just gong to be the two of us but some family members going now. We’ve a fairly large group of friends and I wouldn’t expect anybody to pay that much money for my wedding (as I wouldn’t be prepared to pay that for theirs tbh). We’ve told everybody the dates, venue and have told them they’re more than welcome to come but there’s no pressure. We’re having a “reception” when we come home

hunnymonster

I've never been to a wedding abroad but if I was me getting married, I would assume I would be paying the costs for anyone I invited to travel. Hotel, transfer and flights at least. I wouldn't like to ask someone to an event and have it cost them more than it would at home. I do like the idea of a wedding abroad though. The big Irish thing just doesn't appeal to me anymore.

Tim Robbins

Noelie wrote:

Tim,

I don't see where you're getting your figures from. I think like has been said before you've the hump about something.

I've been to four weddings this year and neither myself nor my fiancee have spent anywhere near €900 combined in attending them. Iassume you're including the cost of the gift in your numbers but they still seem off

If anything my figures are underestimated. I did a survey in a few other threads.

Some girls, e.g. Dame buy a new Dress for every Weddng at an estimate of 300 euro, but others don't. i think Dame estimated the average Irish Wedding for her was between 600 - 700 Euro, however others wouldn't bother buying a new dress for every wedding so the average for women was 500.

The cost includes present as well as hotel room, drink etc. Everything.

I didn't include hen's / stag.

Why not debate constructively instead of personal abuse saying I've a "hump". Go p8ss off if that's how you think you can speak to me.

Tim Robbins

Dodge wrote:

Getting married in the Carribean next year. At the start it was just gong to be the two of us but some family members going now. We’ve a fairly large group of friends and I wouldn’t expect anybody to pay that much money for my wedding (as I wouldn’t be prepared to pay that for theirs tbh). We’ve told everybody the dates, venue and have told them they’re more than welcome to come but there’s no pressure. We’re having a “reception” when we come home

Nice idea. Can I just say though "no pressure" isn't something scientifically measured? They may feel under pressure and awkard to say it to you.

So you may be 100% correct there is "no pressure" but you could also be deluded. It's hard to say "no" sometimes.

dame

Tim Robbins wrote:

Some girls, e.g. Dame buy a new Dress for every Weddng at an estimate of 300 euro, but others don't.

I never said I buy a new dress for every wedding. And, once again, an outfit could cost 300, not a dress alone. Learn to comprehend and absorb what you're reading. Brushing up on your accurate recall skills might be no harm either.

Tim Robbins

dame wrote:

I never said I buy a new dress for every wedding. And, once again, an outfit could cost 300, not a dress alone. Learn to comprehend and absorb what you're reading. Brushing up on your accurate recall skills might be no harm either.

Correct, the implication was more than a dress, it was a complete outfit for each Irish Wedding.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055156219

The Jones are obviously checking out handbags and shoes as well these days.

Dodge

Tim Robbins wrote:

Nice idea. Can I just say though "no pressure" isn't something scientifically measured? They may feel under pressure and awkard to say it to you.

So you may be 100% correct there is "no pressure" but you could also be deluded. It's hard to say "no" sometimes.

Agree with that but the fact that they knew our intial intention was No friends/family helped clarify it for them (I think)