Yore Ma needs a man. Apply within.

Tom Dunne

Seeing as Viktor will no longer be working at our newly christened bar, Yore Ma, I have to find a replacement. I might even consider also hiring a female member of staff, keeping within employment legislation, of course. We are an equal opportunities employer, you see. We are especially equal if you are at least 36DD.

So, the purpose of this thread is to interview potential employees of the bar. I have assembled a crack team of seasoned regulars in the bar - Brothers zaph, Almighty Cushion, Hagar and myself. We will be asking the questions and reviewing the CVs.

So, what qualities or unique talents would you bring to Yore Ma?

SligoBrewer

well, ive been called a sexist **** by a girl.. then two weeks later she wanted to go out with me..but she couldnt iron so i declined.

so.. i can control the laydeez if they come in to the bar..

Zaph

Not bad, not bad...

If someone came into the bar and asked for a coffee what would you give them?

Jesus Wept

I've already suggested two

Jesus Wept

zaph wrote:

Not bad, not bad...

If someone came into the bar and asked for a coffee what would you give them?

a slap of a barstool, and an escort to the door.

Ruu_Old

zaph wrote:

Not bad, not bad...

If someone came into the bar and asked for a coffee what would you give them?

A punch in the face/stomach?

admiralofthefleet

if the birds frequenting the bar have fannies like clowns pockets i would be game

Zaph

Brothers, please, let the man answer, although all are valid options.

Tom Dunne

zaph wrote:

If someone came into the bar and asked for a coffee what would you give them?

YORE MA!

Oh wait, I'm not applying for the job....

SligoBrewer wrote:

so.. i can control the laydeez if they come in to the bar..

Ok, the only problem is, we don't generally allow women into the bar, so we tend not to have to much hassle with them.

SligoBrewer

i prepared this video..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlVPHu7k7jw

Zaph

The-Rigger wrote:

I've already suggested two

While both are excellent suggestions Brother Rigger, the bar and the nightclub are both under different management so I'm not sure if they could double job.

Zaph

SligoBrewer wrote:

i prepared this video..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlVPHu7k7jw

I see you know your bartending, I'm impressed.


OK, a Brother comes into the bar having had a bad day, how do you cheer him up?

SligoBrewer

hmmm.. thats a toughie.

we reassure him that it could always be worse..
he could be a size 32 waist and a pioneer..

Tom Dunne

SligoBrewer wrote:

we reassure him that it could always be worse..
he could be a size 32 waist and a pioneer..

Excellent answer.

Ok, here's one for you. A brother comes in looking for some namby-pamby cocktail, like Secks on the Beach, or Fuzzy Navel. How do you address this?

Zaph

SligoBrewer wrote:

hmmm.. thats a toughie.

we reassure him that it could always be worse..
he could be a size 32 waist and a pioneer..

Well I was thinking more on the lines of something like this (cute blonde girl optional)



but extra marks for lateral thinking

SligoBrewer

quietly escort him to door.
he's clearly not the desired clientele a pub like ours needs

Tom Dunne

zaph wrote:

but extra marks for lateral thinking

Outside the box, Brother zaph, he's thinking outside the box.

Which reminds me, I must get the roof put on the ladies toilet.

Zaph

SligoBrewer wrote:

quietly escort him to door.
he's clearly not the desired clientele a pub like ours needs

Is the correct answer. You may also wish to throw in some disparaging metrosexual remarks while you're showing him the door.

Zaph

tom dunne wrote:

Outside the box, Brother zaph, he's thinking outside the box.

The only box I'm interested in is the one that my bottles of booze come in. Well it's not quite the only box I'm interested in...

SligoBrewer

zaph wrote:

Is the correct answer. You may also wish to throw in some disparaging metrosexual remarks while you're showing him the door.

am i in?

Tom Dunne

zaph wrote:

Well it's not quite the only box I'm interested in...

Amen to that, Brother zaph.

Now, let us concentrate on the interview.

So, Brother SligoBrewer, judging by your name, and using my superior powers of deduction, I have reason to suspect you have an interest in alcoholic beverages.

Would you care to tell us what you know about beer?

Zaph

Well as bar proprietor it's ultimately Brother Tom's call, but I'll put in a good word for you.

SligoBrewer

tom dunne wrote:

Amen to that, Brother zaph.

Now, let us concentrate on the interview.

So, Brother SligoBrewer, judging by your name, and using my superior powers of deduction, I have reason to suspect you have an interest in alcoholic beverages.

Would you care to tell us what you know about beer?

well my name refers to my love of burton albion football club..also known as the brewers. they get that name as burton upon trent is the brewing capital of the world..:)

shall i go on or..

Tom Dunne

SligoBrewer wrote:

well my name refers to my love of burton albion football club..also known as the brewers. they get that name as burton upon trent is the brewing capital of the world..:)

shall i go on or..

Ooooooh, and it was going so well.

SligoBrewer

h

tom dunne wrote:

Ooooooh, and it was going so well.

hmmm?

i watch them on the telebox.. i dont play sport myself as its exercise and depletes my everexpanding gut.

whats wrong with watching sport on the telebox..
following a team from the brewing capital of the world?

Zaph

I think it may be the description of Burton as the "brewing capital of the world" that may be the problem Brother SB. The bar has a large number of Guinness drinkers and that sort of talk might upset them.

SligoBrewer

i meant quantity .. not quality

Tom Dunne

SligoBrewer wrote:

whats wrong with watching sport on the telebox..

Absolutely nothing. As long as you don't get any ideas about playing the sport or anything.

SligoBrewer wrote:

following a team from the brewing capital of the world?

I din't know there was a brewery in Sligo, let alone that it's the brewing capital of the world. You learn something new every day.

Next thing, you'll be telling me I am not really a mild-mannered database developer, I am in fact a well known radio personality.

SligoBrewer

brother tom...
my 2nd team are from burton-upon-trent in england

i prefer not to watch those namby pambys in the premiership with their zero percent alcohol beverage in the boxes.. i like to watch manly football.. with manly injuries..

Zaph

What do you reckon Brother Tom? <whispers conspiritorially> good name for a barman...whisper, whisper...knows how to serve coffee...whisper, whisper...got a good head on him...whisper, whisper...no other candidates </whispers conspiritorially>

Tom Dunne

SligoBrewer wrote:

brother tom...
my 2nd team are from burton-upon-trent in england

Ah, gotcha.

So you are like Glazer or Abramovich, except you have two teams. Yet a man of your means wants to work in my humble bar?

I'm touched.

Note to self: He knows f**k all about beer, but could have good management potential.