Am I sick or just a man?

Collie D

I enjoy a good auld session of wind. However, my gf thinks its a bit disgusting, especially when I do it in bed and have a good old sniff. Even more annoying to her and force her head under the blankets...is there something wrong with this? Equally enjoyable is letting one off in the lift in work and sending it back up to some poor sod who is none the wiser as to who was in the lift beforehand.

Pighead

Are you sick or just a man? Surely you're giving us more choices than that. Wheres the "You're a cnut" option?

admiralofthefleet

feck all wrong with it, if your missus is giving out about it pull her head under the duvet for a good 'oul dutch oven

Collie D

Pighead wrote:

Are you sick or just a man? Surely you're giving us more choices than that. Wheres the "You're a cnut" option?

Who let you in here? Go off and masturbate in the third person or something.

Pighead

Collie D wrote:

Who let you in here? Go off and masturbate in the third person or something.

Thats harsh! Whats with all the aggression? Pighead just wanted a few more options. Gonna let you cool down now and have a long hard think about what you just said.

Collie D

Pighead wrote:

Thats harsh! Whats with all the aggression? Pighead just wanted a few more options. Gonna let you cool down now and have a long hard think about what you just said.

Back down if you like, I'll say no more...

Pighead

Collie D wrote:

Back down if you like, I'll say no more...

Apology accepted. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. Fair play buddy. Consider it forgotten.

Collie D

Pighead wrote:

Apology accepted. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. Fair play buddy. Consider it forgotten.

God you're so full of it. I don't know why I'm bothering. I'm off to bed. You'vce outstayed your welcome. Leave the forum now, please.

crosstownk

Collie D wrote:

Leave the forum now, please.

Seconded

Unless pighead wants to make a formal application to join the brotherhood of BGRH.........................................:eek:

The Bollox

Collie D wrote:

Who let you in here? Go off and masturbate in the third person or something.

LOL! BUU-ZING!

Why the hate for Pighead? I personally like pigs. Especially in a sausage and bacon form, preferably stuffed into a roll.

Seriously though, does the 3rd person crap annoy you that much?

Be careful what you say about pighead Brothers, I hear he is looking to become a mod!

muboop1

Deleted User wrote:

Be careful what you say about pighead Brothers, I hear he is looking to become a mod!

even more reason to get all the abuse in now b4 he gains any power!

AlmightyCushion

Collie D wrote:

I enjoy a good auld session of wind. However, my gf thinks its a bit disgusting, especially when I do it in bed and have a good old sniff. Even more annoying to her and force her head under the blankets...is there something wrong with this? Equally enjoyable is letting one off in the lift in work and sending it back up to some poor sod who is none the wiser as to who was in the lift beforehand.

Letting out a fart is good and perfectly normal. The best place to do it is on a packed dart first thing in the morning and watch everyones face turn.

Collie D

Deleted User wrote:

Why the hate for Pighead? I personally like pigs. Especially in a sausage and bacon form, preferably stuffed into a roll.

Seriously though, does the 3rd person crap annoy you that much?

Wouldn't say hate. Not the third person thing either, that's just him being deluded. Just more annoyed by the way he pisses on everyone's threads and calls them cnuts. Unacceptable behaviour for the vast majority of Boardsies who would be banned yet the porcine one is tolerated (or felt sorry for) by the mods, much like the little senile elderly relative with a mild form of Tourette's.

Duggy747

I love letting off a breezer after a heavy session of Guinness the night before. The stench is something evil altogether!! I litterally cleared my pub last Saturday with one but I pretended I didn't do it, people made such a big deal out of the smell that all doors & windows were opened and everyone even went out the back for a fag and fresh air. Now, I couldn't own up to that could I?

It was a rancid fart alright, full of demons and trapped souls.

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

I love letting off a breezer after a heavy session of Guinness the night before. The stench is something evil altogether!! I litterally cleared my pub last Saturday with one but I pretended I didn't do it, people made such a big deal out of the smell that all doors & windows were opened and everyone even went out the back for a fag and fresh air. Now, I couldn't own up to that could I?

It was a rancid fart alright, full of demons and trapped souls.

Surely with all that natural gas (apologies) around that would be the last thing any one would want to do.

jester77

No harm in it at all unless she has some candles burning near by!

Duggy747

You're a man who has needs; farting! You're grand and she shouldn't mind, unless it's one of those sweaty ones that feel like they're 1000 degrees celsisus hot and you feel a strange trickle going down your leg, then you're in trouble.

The Bollox

oh god, curry farts! the smelliest, wettest, sorest farts around, only real men can make these monsters and smile afterwards

Duggy747

The Bollox wrote:

oh god, curry farts! the smelliest, wettest, sorest farts around, only real men can make these monsters and smile afterwards

They sting like a motherfúcker!! Especially when you're in public and you try to squeeze one out with minimal amount of pressure, like opening a cooling vent 1/8 of the way to let out radioactive steam. If you go all out then you're gonna be left with a white-hot brown puddle in your knickers.

Then you got your cracklers, they're my favourite ones as the noise themselves can lead to devestating effect. Usually peak first thing in the morning when you gotta release all the build-up from all that beer and kebab-like food from the night before.

AlmightyCushion

Nope the best ones have to be the really long squeaky ones. They are by far the funniest.

The Bollox

loud farts are hilarious, especially when you're on the John. if I get a burst of them before dropping the depth charges I break into fits of giggles, the sound reverberates around the bowl, classic

ladylorenzo

Duggy747 wrote:

everyone even went out the back for a fag and fresh air.

LOL..Is it just me or does anyone else find this last comment ridiculously funny - a paradox if ever i heard one!!

AlmightyCushion

ladylorenzo wrote:

LOL..Is it just me or does anyone else find this last comment ridiculously funny - a paradox if ever i heard one!!

Didn't actually notice that.

Spud83

The best farts are the ones that get a good proper reaction. The ones that make people wretch and nearly throw up. You know its a good one when they cause a wretch or two.

Blitzkrieger

TBH - if the dog doesn't leave the room in disgust you're playing in the amateur leagues....

Collie D

Blitzkrieger wrote:

TBH - if the dog doesn't leave the room in disgust you're playing in the amateur leagues....

The cat has pissed off fairly sharpish on one occassion..although I did do it right in her face

Duggy747

I can't get the dog to leave but that's probably because she's used to her own god-awful pungent dead carrot-like farts. She does notice them by waking up and smelling the air and putting on a worried face

Some of my proudest farts have cleared the back of a bus, so bad that people got off their seats to move up the aisle till it cleared. It's always fun when you don't admit and point the finger at some poor innocent shmuck!

Nowadays though if I got a serious one brewing I squat over and light it up, great party piece.

Collie D

Duggy747 wrote:

Nowadays though if I got a serious one brewing I squat over and light it up, great party piece.

You, sir, are a legend! Does that actually work? Ever got a major flame out of it?

Duggy747

Collie D wrote:

You, sir, are a legend! Does that actually work? Ever got a major flame out of it?

Yea it really does! Most of the time you'll get a middle sized flame but occassionally....*WHOOOOF!!* Big-ass yellow flames come out. I always put me legs over my head, lighter just by my ring, and then let loose!