Serious help needed!

Jesus Wept

Deleted User wrote:

Despite the happy ending, we all know how even the most beautiful wimmenz can be conniving little Jezebels. I'm of the opinion that a back up plan may be needed "just in case" the Trout-ette is trying to soften the deal by easing you into it.

First off, the fish. On the face of things, it's not the most ideal situation. However, given the alternative, it may be your best angle.
Meat-Fish-Veggies-Pot noodles. The food chain is in that order for a reason.

Fish is actually pretty damned tasty. Wouldn't eat it all the time mind you, but it has it's plaice. ( ). You must put in a bit of effort though, and insist that you pick when and what type of fish. Fresh cod and chips ("Potatoes are veg, love") works a treat, and only requires a quick trip to the chipper. You can even have a sly battered sausage/burger on the way home. Some chippers even deliver. Failing that, Aldi do these frozen tuna steak things that come, unfortunately, in a pink box. Just leave them out to defrost when you leave for work in the morning, and fry them in butter, garlic and herbs when you come home. They are honestly the closest thing to real meat i've ever had. I'd steak my reputation on them, honestly. Donegal catch are probably the best of the rest.

Now, the veggie meals are a different story, i'll grant you. In truth, i don't really count it as a dinner unless there's some form of dead animal on my plate. The missus swears by that Quorn stuff, but i'm convinced it causes cancer or some other such ailment. Might i suggest, if it really HAS to be veggies only, that you insist on meals which are as tasty and greasy as a meat-and-spuds stalwart? Things like omellettes(sp?), Pizza and stir-fries are probably the best alternatives.

I would suggest that you make mizz Trout give up something that means as much to her as meat does to you. Think, is there one thing that she really might not give up? You can use this as a wedge o swing her 'round to your way of thinking.

Alas, it could be worse. Whatever happens, please don't turn into the guy from HR in my building. His beautiful, but ultimately scheming little wench of a wife, started witholding carnal pleasures from him unless he gave up the meat altogether!!!:eek:

When her old-school country-born parents come round for din-dins, they're allowed a normal bit of grub, while he has to eat the quiche and roast broccoli that she insists on eating. Worse still, he has to cook both dinners!!:mad: :mad: :mad:

He told us all this last year, when scuttered drunkin the pub. He has to sneak off and gobble a few big macs every now and again. He came home locked one night and she found traces of kebab on his shoes the next morning. No nookie for 2 months.

Remember lads, no matter how good looking she is....... somebody,somewhere, is tired of putting up with her sh!t.

puntastic, nice work brother

trout

Brothers ... perhaps the talk of happy endings was premature.

I came back from work early this evening, to find a most ... unusual meal in preparation. I use the word meal advisedly.

It had pasta, peppers, onions,green things that I believe are called courgettes, tomatoes (I always recognise those) and cheese.... that's all :eek:

So, I fried up some rashers and made a sambo instead.

Later this evening, just before Prison Break, I happened to glance at Mrs trout's laptop ... she's on eBay looking at diamond rings :eek:

The meal is still sitting there on the table ... no one has acknowledged it yet.

trout

trout wrote:

Brothers ... perhaps the talk of happy endings was premature.

A mere 1hr and 5 mins after my warning. She's quick, i'll give her that. Does she read Boards?

Edit:

@ The Rigger........I do try. Richard Whiteley RIP

AlmightyCushion

trout wrote:

Brothers ... perhaps the talk of happy endings was premature.

I came back from work early this evening, to find a most ... unusual meal in preparation. I use the word meal advisedly.

It had pasta, peppers, onions,green things that I believe are called courgettes, tomatoes (I always recognise those) and cheese.... that's all :eek:

So, I fried up some rashers and made a sambo instead.

Later this evening, just before Prison Break, I happened to glance at Mrs trout's laptop ... she's on eBay looking at diamond rings :eek:

The meal is still sitting there on the table ... no one has acknowledged it yet.

Trout I'm sure you love the woman but she's getting ideas above her station and needs to be put in her place quickly.

trout

OK ... some answers found... and still life goes on.

Turns out Mrs trout has a new recipe book, which she is working through in random order, trying out new meals for her recently retired father. This man si rebelling against decades of "meat & two veg" meals.

Most days, the father in law, and he is a lovely man, calls round for lunch ... and on the days when he doesn't call round ... I get to have the recipe of the day. :rolleyes:

The courgettes & peppers concoction mentioned previously was moved into the fridge, and doled up to the kids next day. No biggie.

On a positive note ... not a word was said about the emergency rasher sambo I made ... just to keep body and soul together you understand.

The interest in diamond rings is generated by talk among the ladies of "eternity rings", which are making a comeback apparently. Mrs trout, who is both lovely AND thrifty, is looking at eBay and other auction sites hunting for a bargain, in the same way that a Brother hunts out a kebab after a feed of beer.

I can have no problem with this ... we all must seek out happiness where we can.

Today's meal was lovely ... consisting of a choice of chicken curry, or frankfurters left over from lunch. I had both.

Fratton Fred

Brothers, is it not possible to introduce a swear filter into this forum. One that replaces the word Vegetables with their correct name. Garnish.

Thank you.

AlmightyCushion

Fratton Fred wrote:

Brothers, is it not possible to introduce a swear filter into this forum. One that replaces the word Vegetables with their correct name. Garnish.

Thank you.

Or sh!t

Fratton Fred

AlmightyCushion wrote:

Or sh!t

that will do.

As long as we relect their true worthlessness.