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  • 28-07-2007 12:36am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 9,945 ✭✭✭


    Brothers and Sisters, gather ye round and a tale I will thee tell.

    I came home from work on Monday night. On opening the door, I was greeted by the sweet, sweet smell of Mrs trout's green curry. Ahhhh ... all is well with the world sez I ... and down I sit.

    "Hello, Hello" I say to the assembled family, and hear how all their days went ... lovely. The small talk that is so important. All is well ... all is well.

    When the meal was presented, I suddenly sensed something was amiss, but I couldn't tell what it was until several forkfuls had passed my lips, with no meat :eek:

    Honestly, even now, days later, I can scarcely believe it ... what happens next is even worse. "Tell me Blossom, most gentle and fair ... what is this lovely meal ?" I enquire gently .... "Green Vegetable curry. Get used to it. I've decided you are having Vegetarian food twice a week, and fish twice a week from now on"... she had her "determined" face on, so I know she is serious.

    I know there must be a way to deal with this ... but so far, all I've been able to do is make her tea and 'forget' the sugar each time ... subtly trying to say that a meal without meat is like tea without sugar ... something, without being much.

    Brothers, please help a fat old baldy man deal with this major lifestyle change. :(


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,178 ✭✭✭Irish Wolf


    D-I-V-O-R-C-E!

    Seem's you've already succumbed to her evil brain washing - Mr.Trout making tea for Mrs.Trout?!?

    If this has happened surely there's no hope for the rest of us... even as an act of rebellion..


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,945 ✭✭✭trout


    Irish Wolf wrote:
    D-I-V-O-R-C-E!

    Seem's you've already succumbed to her evil brain washing - Mr.Trout making tea for Mrs.Trout?!?

    If this has happened surely there's no hope for the rest of us... even as an act of rebellion..
    It's really an act of rebellion ... I stir the tea with me mickey!


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,178 ✭✭✭Irish Wolf


    trout wrote:
    It's really an act of rebellion ... I stir the tea with me mickey!

    I'm sure the milk is fresh as well...

    If Mrs.Trout is denying you meat - then you must do the same...


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    trout wrote:
    It's really an act of rebellion ... I stir the tea with me mickey!

    Ouch that must hurt.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭Ruu_Old


    Put salt in her tea with some stale biccies on the side as to say 'put that in yer pipe and smoke it!'.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 9,945 ✭✭✭trout


    Irish Wolf wrote:
    I'm sure the milk is fresh as well...

    If Mrs.Trout is denying you meat - then you must do the same...
    Ahh ... sage advice indeed ... but you must realise the withholding the conjugals impacts on me as well.

    Still ... such is the price of steak!

    Mrs trout has to learn ... no meat, means no meat. That'll learn her.

    I mean, I'm all for vegetables ... they are very decorative on the side of the plate, beside your pork chops, or chicken fillet. One could argue that chips are a form of vegetable, so I suppose they have their place ... but that place is firmly to the side of my bloody steak!


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Sneak off to restuarants or the chipper for some steak or burgers. Or be a man and put your foot down and tell her to stop this nonsense:D
    Good luck Brother.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Murder ftw. Not a judge on this earth would convict you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,945 ✭✭✭trout


    Here's my plan ... I simply stock up on burgers and chips on the way home each night, so that I can say "no thanks, I'll wait for me dinner!" if I see a veggy curry on the table.

    If by chance she has relented and presents me with a juicy steak, or even spare ribs (drool) ... then I'll just chow down and say "thank you blossom, that was lovely ... would you like a cuppa ?" ... it would be a real cuppa, with sugar. It's called positive reinforcement, you praise the good behaviour and ignore them for the bad behaviour. It's headology of some sort, favoured by clever people.

    That way, I will always have at the very least, a daily cheese burger, chicken burger, and kebab to keep body and soul together.

    Eventually, my natural meaty stench is bound to make her realise the error of her ways. :cool:


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Pfft Clever people what do they know. Sounds like a good idea though but she should still be making the tea. I suggest you get some crappy tea maker and use that to make the tea. She gets sick of the sh!tey tea and starts making it herself.


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  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Pfft Clever people what do they know.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,178 ✭✭✭Irish Wolf


    I suggest you get some crappy tea maker and use that to make the tea.

    I believe the word you're looking for is mistress Brother Cushion..


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Irish Wolf wrote:
    I believe the word you're looking for is mistress Brother Cushion..

    Well tea maker is just another name for the wimmen. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 880 ✭✭✭HAPPYGIRL


    Well tea maker is just another name for the wimmen. :D

    but mr trout makes the tea in his house! :p
    If you want a happy life what you have to do is give in and accept mrs trout is the boss of you :D


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    HAPPYGIRL wrote:
    but mr trout makes the tea in his house! :p
    If you want a happy life what you have to do is give in and accept mrs trout is the boss of you :D

    That's why I gave him a good way to get out of it. You could also just start making the tea crapily yourself until she makes it one day and then compliment her on the wonderful job she did.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    HAPPYGIRL wrote:
    give in and accept mrs trout is the boss of you :D

    And before long pigs will fly.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    And before long pigs will fly.

    If pighead ever rears his ugly head in here again, I'm sure the strike team will make him fly out the door. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,945 ✭✭✭trout


    HAPPYGIRL wrote:
    but mr trout makes the tea in his house! :p
    If you want a happy life what you have to do is give in and accept mrs trout is the boss of you :D
    I have a weakness for the tea, and mrs trout is sadly lacking in that regard.
    Up until last Monday, that was her sole flaw ... so I choose to scorn not her tea-deficiency, but rather to love her all the more.

    Also ... I make the best tea. :D

    Mrs trout is the boss of many things ... but she's not the boss of me now.
    No more than I am the boss of her ... we live together in self governing freedom and Brotherhood (and Sisterhood). It's all good.

    Anyway ... I have GREAT NEWS to relate.

    Mrs trout this morning made me a truly magnificent fry, by way of letting me know she cares. It's going to be a great day. :D


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    trout wrote:
    I have a weakness for the tea, and mrs trout is sadly lacking in that regard.
    Up until last Monday, that was her sole flaw ... so I choose to scorn not her tea-deficiency, but rather to love her all the more.

    Also ... I make the best tea. :D

    Mrs trout is the boss of many things ... but she's not the boss of me now.
    No more than I am the boss of her ... we live together in self governing freedom and Brotherhood (and Sisterhood). It's all good.

    Anyway ... I have GREAT NEWS to relate.

    Mrs trout this morning made me a truly magnificent fry, by way of letting me know she cares. It's going to be a great day. :D

    I'm a sucker for happy endings. You've got me hankering for a fry now. :)


  • Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,305 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    This thread was making Baby Jesus cry, but the happy ending has turned them into tears of joy.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 9,945 ✭✭✭trout


    zaph wrote:
    This thread was making Baby Jesus cry, but the happy ending has turned them into tears of joy.
    It gets better ... we went out to lunch, steak & chips, mrs trout pushes half her lunch onto my plate "I'll never eat all that, you dig in".:D

    I think I'll brush me teeth tonight ;)


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Alls well that ends well as they say


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,178 ✭✭✭Irish Wolf


    trout wrote:
    It gets better ... we went out to lunch, steak & chips, mrs trout pushes half her lunch onto my plate "I'll never eat all that, you dig in".:D

    I think I'll brush me teeth tonight ;)

    Be on your guard Brother Trout - this is a very sudden turn around, even for one of the wimmens.. be careful.. she may ask you to finish off some diy while your tucking into your roast dinner tomorrow.. and if you don't stay alert you'll be up a ladder sooner than you can say, "What's for dessert?"...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    i think you need to upgrade to a newer model brother trout, an octavia or 300c maybe


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    i think you need to upgrade to a newer model brother trout, an octavia or 300c maybe


    Very nice admiral.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    how the f*ck does one make a curry without meat? I mean it's like having a lads night in without beer. it just doesn't happen


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    The Bollox wrote:
    how the f*ck does one make a curry without meat? I mean it's like having a lads night in without beer. it just doesn't happen

    It's wimmen. To them the illogical is logical.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,945 ✭✭✭trout


    Irish Wolf wrote:
    Be on your guard Brother Trout - this is a very sudden turn around, even for one of the wimmens.. be careful.. she may ask you to finish off some diy while your tucking into your roast dinner tomorrow.. and if you don't stay alert you'll be up a ladder sooner than you can say, "What's for dessert?"...
    Thanks for the wise words Brother Wolf ... sage indeed. Lunch has passed without incident, though I noted slightly more vegetables than usual. Nothing has been said yet about DIY and I don't detect any tremors in The Force.

    Still ... it never pays to assume ... as a wise brother once noted ... "the price of freedom is eternal vigilance".


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    Carry around a vial of meat sauce, and when her back is turned, pour it in to your curry. That'll show her.


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Despite the happy ending, we all know how even the most beautiful wimmenz can be conniving little Jezebels. I'm of the opinion that a back up plan may be needed "just in case" the Trout-ette is trying to soften the deal by easing you into it.

    First off, the fish. On the face of things, it's not the most ideal situation. However, given the alternative, it may be your best angle.
    Meat-Fish-Veggies-Pot noodles. The food chain is in that order for a reason.

    Fish is actually pretty damned tasty. Wouldn't eat it all the time mind you, but it has it's plaice. ( ;) ). You must put in a bit of effort though, and insist that you pick when and what type of fish. Fresh cod and chips ("Potatoes are veg, love") works a treat, and only requires a quick trip to the chipper. You can even have a sly battered sausage/burger on the way home. Some chippers even deliver. Failing that, Aldi do these frozen tuna steak things that come, unfortunately, in a pink box. Just leave them out to defrost when you leave for work in the morning, and fry them in butter, garlic and herbs when you come home. They are honestly the closest thing to real meat i've ever had. I'd steak ;) my reputation on them, honestly. Donegal catch are probably the best of the rest.

    Now, the veggie meals are a different story, i'll grant you. In truth, i don't really count it as a dinner unless there's some form of dead animal on my plate. The missus swears by that Quorn stuff, but i'm convinced it causes cancer or some other such ailment. Might i suggest, if it really HAS to be veggies only, that you insist on meals which are as tasty and greasy as a meat-and-spuds stalwart? Things like omellettes(sp?), Pizza and stir-fries are probably the best alternatives.

    I would suggest that you make mizz Trout give up something that means as much to her as meat does to you. Think, is there one thing that she really might not give up? You can use this as a wedge o swing her 'round to your way of thinking.

    Alas, it could be worse. Whatever happens, please don't turn into the guy from HR in my building. His beautiful, but ultimately scheming little wench of a wife, started witholding carnal pleasures from him unless he gave up the meat altogether!!!:eek:

    When her old-school country-born parents come round for din-dins, they're allowed a normal bit of grub, while he has to eat the quiche and roast broccoli that she insists on eating. Worse still, he has to cook both dinners!!:mad: :mad: :mad:

    He told us all this last year, when scuttered drunkin the pub. He has to sneak off and gobble a few big macs every now and again. He came home locked one night and she found traces of kebab on his shoes the next morning. No nookie for 2 months.

    Remember lads, no matter how good looking she is....... somebody,somewhere, is tired of putting up with her sh!t.


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