Confused - am I a slut?

The Corinthian

regretful wrote:

Well, I flatly refused to have anal sex with him, so he grabbed me, forcibly turned me over and did it anyway. Thats what I call rape.

Fair enough, as I said I did not doubt that this may well have been the case.

But why on Earth were you with him for two years then?

LegacyUser

The Corinthian wrote:

Fair enough, as I said I did not doubt that this may well have been the case.

But why on Earth were you with him for two years then?

Well, we had been together a year when he raped me. But that time I was so metally worn down by him that it took me another year to escape.

Maple

The Corinthian wrote:

Fair enough, as I said I did not doubt that this may well have been the case.

But why on Earth were you with him for two years then?

abusive relationships are not that cut and dried. in an ideal world it would be but unfortunately that is not always the case. whats important is that she is free of him now and trying to rebuild her life.

Marksie

regretful: Feel free to answer any post you want to in this regard.
But do be aware that you do not have to, if it makes you uncomfortable.

Kind regards
mark

rubyred

No you're not a slut. I'm 25 - going out with someone for 4 years. I lost my virginity at 18 so between 18 and 21 I chalked up well over 15 (some being short term bfs, some one night stands etc). My bf of 4 years doesn't mind at all cos it was all before our relationship started.

PeakOutput

sorry i should of said at least 21/22

as regards what guys think about alot of partners..............

my ex had slept with 15/20 people most one night stands before i was with her and she wouldnt tell me that for ages but when she did i was just asked why and far from thinking she was a slut i just felt a bit sorry for her as she said that after a night out with a guy sometimes she just felt she had to as it was expected and other times it was cause she wanted sex simple as that.

it didnt bother me really i just made her promise she would not do it because she felt she had to again.

as long as your having sex cause you enjoy it and safely then who cares

Oryx

Someone who would deserve the name 'friend' would never have said such hurtful things. Disregard your friend who has a very uneducated and narrow lifeview. I reckon you have slept with very few people, four is not many. Anyway it is not the number that makes you a slut, its your behaviour towards other people and the 'why' behind it. If you are just rampantly and carelessly working your way through the male population of your town well yeah, thats slutty, but having normal partners that you happened to sleep with does not. Nor does exorcising your hurt and feelings temporarily in the way you did. That was purely a learning experience you went through and does not change the type of person you are. Dont feel guilty, you have no need to.

Storm_rages

Not a slut at all. (very far from being a slut!!) Your friend has her views but i think she might need to get out more in the world. Don't let her get to you!!
By the way, i'm really sorry to hear what he did to you. If you can maybe talk to someone about it..
Best of luck
Storm

Caliden

You friend sounds like a proper bible basher. I bet you she isnt as innocent as she makes out. Chances are she will think that doing anal/oral still makes you a virgin.

Ignore what she says because chances are she's jealous you're actually enjoying life while she has to wait till marraige to have sex.
Ask her what she thinks about masturbation, she will probably say it is a sin worse than murder....

axer

Sangre wrote:

Well your friend also believes in Arks, talking snakes, wine becoming blood and people being resurrected so I'd take what ever she 'believes' in with a pinch of salt.

Lol - couldn't have said it better myself.

Your "friend" is actually what I would consider a brain washed catholic so I wouldn't worry what she says - maybe you could help her to think for herself instead of worrying about what she has said.

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

1. You are not a slut.
2. Your friend needs to get laid

PeakOutput

Caliden wrote:

Chances are she will think that doing anal/oral still makes you a virgin.

well technically.................

Dragan

regretful wrote:

Now I'm worried that if I meet the one, he will be put off and won't want to know me. And maybe sex will never be special. I feel physically sick thinking of the people I've slept with. So, a question for the blokes here: Would you hold that past behaviour against a girl you were considering dating?

Of course not, surely if i hold past behaviour against you then you have the right to do so against me? This is not the basis of a good relationship.

Basically, 4 people is not that many at all.

Finally, a note on your friend. You need to understand that she firmly believes and wants to live her life that way she does. If she feels that waiting until she is married is what she wants then thats cool for her, but she can't expect everyone to be like that. It's just foolish.

Caliden

PeakOutput wrote:

well technically.................

Go on, finish that sentence so you can see who silly it sounds when you read it aloud to yourself.

Sleepy

No you're not a slut. Not nearly one. You could multiply the number of people you've slept with by 10 and you'd still be nowhere close.

You do, however, seem to have very poor taste in the people you keep around you: a rapist for a boyfriend and a fvcktard of a 'best friend' who's piety is more important to her than her concern for you. Ditch her and find some friends that care for you more than being seen to be a 'perfect little Christian' (while acting in a completely unchristian manner).

meglome

The Corinthian wrote:

Firstly, what do you mean by ‘rape’? I do not doubt that this may well have been the case, but I’ve also heard some very dubious interpretations of rape in the past too. For example, a very, very long time ago, I knew a girl in college who confessed to me that a mutual acquaintance had ‘raped’ her. Much later I discovered from her, female, flatmate that the ‘rape’ had occurred after they had both gotten quite drunk and she’d invited him back to her place – which could well have been rape. However, she then subsequently invited him back and had sex on a number of other occasions – which she also considered ‘rape’.

I have a friend who was raped and she did get into bed with the guy which turned out to be pretty stupid move but she still didn't ask for what happened. Although she certainly didn't go back for more.


There's almost nothing I hate more than people expressing a view based not on logical thought but on religious belief. During my adult life I've nearly always had girlfriends so I have never really 'slept around' and I've slept with a lot more people than that. Your friend is talking out of her arse. How dare she tell you how to live YOUR life, christ it's only sex. Seriously I think in this day and age you’re crazy if you don't live with and have sexual relations with anyone you intend on spending your whole life with before you get married. Sex is a healthy and important part of most relationships so it’s really good to know you’re compatible beforehand.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong in all this so stay positive. Any bloke who has a problem with the fact that some scumbag forced himself on you is not worth the air he's breathing. I sadly know enough people who've been raped to know the lasting damage it can do so stay strong too.

PeakOutput

Caliden wrote:

Go on, finish that sentence so you can see who silly it sounds when you read it aloud to yourself.

i was being sarcastic should of used a smilie

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote:

No you're not a slut. Not nearly one. You could multiply the number of people you've slept with by 10 and you'd still be nowhere close.

You do, however, seem to have very poor taste in the people you keep around you: a rapist for a boyfriend and a fvcktard of a 'best friend' who's piety is more important to her than her concern for you. Ditch her and find some friends that care for you more than being seen to be a 'perfect little Christian' (while acting in a completely unchristian manner).

She's not my best friend, I only met her 6 months ago. Tbh, I see where she's coming from as I used to think a similar way before I lost my virginity.

seamus

The only thing that makes sex "more special" is doing it with someone you love.

The first few times you have sex it's awkward, we all know this. By waiting until you're married, all you do is postpone this awkwardness, you're not somehow making it mystical, magical or special. This girl will get married, have sex, and then wonder what in God's name she was fussing about so much. Then she'll realise that she should have had more fun in her twenties. Sex is sex, not some magical sacred gift from God that we should only use on special occasions and with special people. We should use it as often and as best we can

Ignore her, enjoy yourself.

aye

regretful wrote:

She's not my best friend, I only met her 6 months ago. Tbh, I see where she's coming from as I used to think a similar way before I lost my virginity.

the problem with ireland is written there.
parent teachers priest whatever tell gilrs no sex before marriage.

then a girl loses her virginity, has sex with 4 (which is nothing by the way) people and she thinks she is a slut, and feels down on herself.

look you're not a slut.

your friend is a moron. her and her boyfriend will get married as virgins, great. so they wont know how to satisfy each other sexually and maybe will find that they arent sexually compatible.


its only sex OP, you did nothing wrong.

i would advise talking to someone professional about your ex tho.

Caliden

PeakOutput wrote:

i was being sarcastic should of used a smilie

Sarcasm doesn't work on the internet or didnt you get the memo?

spinandscribble

oral sex isnt losing your virginity (it isnt snow white either but meh). the penis has to enter the vagina or the ass. thats what intercourse is.

anyway you're not a slut. end of.

txt_mess

Their her opinions not yours , personally I would say you've done nothing wrong. But it is ok to regret your past decisions everyone has something they wish they hadn't done.

Whether a girl I want to date has slept with other people really doesn't come into question for me. The only way I can see it being a big issue is if the guy you meet shares a similar view to your friend. For my 2 cents I wouldn't worry your find your match.

Maccattack

Who's to say a girl being a 'slut' is a bad thing anyway? In the right context with the right people who cares. its the term thats dirty. not the person.

Sleepy

regretful wrote:

She's not my best friend, I only met her 6 months ago. Tbh, I see where she's coming from as I used to think a similar way before I lost my virginity.

So, you got some first hand experience and know better than someone with no experience of the subject. Who's opinion is more valid in these circumstances?

Now, it obviously hurts when someone you consider a friend believes something 'bad' about you (I'd agree with Macattack, it's the term 'slut' that's offensive - there's absolutely nothing wrong with any woman sleeping with someone she wants to, whether he/she be her first or her hundreth that year imho), you just need to remember that she doesn't know what she's talking about and choose to disregard her hurtful comments.

tbh

you're not a slut, you're amazing. If you were my sister, I'd be so proud of you for fighting on through what happened to you.

milkerman

You are DEFINITELY not a slut.
A slut would behave entirely differently to you. Your friend sounds like a total twat and has no right to judge you.
You have been a victim of a terrible invasion of one of the most basic of all human rights.
Wish I could wave a wand and make it all go away for you. But I'm no Harry Potter.

Sangre

Just remind the 'blessed one' of one little phrase;

'Judge not lest ye be Judged'.

That should sort her out.

muppetkiller

Firstly you should be so proud of yourself for getting out of the abusive relationship. That took guts beyond your years ,you should feel like a success and a survivor everytime you look in the mirror.

As for thinking you're a slut . It couldn't be further from the truth.
Your friend is a freak in this day and age and really should keep her small minded ideals to herself. Ditch her quick as she'll only cause you pain in the future too.

Jazz Maverick

i think you should sleep with your friend. its the only way to sort this mess out.