Friends GF's odd behaviour towards me.

Chinafoot

odd.behaviour wrote:

Yes but i didnt do anything, though i should have brought a tape recorder

Your friend's girlfriend was coming onto you while your friend and gf were close by, she showed you pictures of her stockings and suspenders and then asked you to meet her alone after the pub.... and you agreed. That just seems like a very, very silly thing to do if you have no intention of pursuing anything with this girl. You say you didn't do anything and that's great. But what happens if, when the **** inevitably hits the fan, this Grainne girl decides to tell your girlfriend about this little meeting? What happens if she decides to tell your girlfriend that something did happen between you? I mean, she made you well aware what she was after and you still agreed to meet her, and I notice there was no mention in your OP about meeting her to tell her to back off. If I was your girlfriend I'd be very interested to know what it was you were playing at.

You need to tell your mate and your girlfriend about this as soon as possible, not just for your friend's sake but for yours as well.

LegacyUser

Ok told my girlfriend last night she was a bit miffed that i met grainne after the pub but believed me and showed her the txts.

Drove to my friends house and went in, he knew something was up so i said we need to talk. Theres a football pitch near enough to his house.

Pretty much straightaway he asked me "is this to do with grainne?" I said yeah.

Then he said this "has she cheated on me... again?" i said what do you mean again. Apparently she has cheated on him twice before and it was just a kiss with a randomer they have been 2 mini affairs with her off shagging other lads.

So just told him what she said and showed him the txts did tell him that i met up with her after the pub and she tried it on with me. He said he always knew she had a bit of a thing for me but knew that i wouldnt go near here.

So basically myself my GF and steve are fine.

He seems to think that he cant do any better (as i said she is very good looking and i dont think he thinks he can get anyone as good looking as her) but i just said its time to get rid of her, god knows if shes been shagging anyone else.
He was going up to her last night so im not sure of the outcome of that.

jubi lee

good on ya odd! you are a decent bloke. hope it works out and you get shot of grainne.

have you heard anything from her? i'd say expect the text onslaught! she's not going to be happy about being rumbled!

Marksie

odd.behaviour wrote:

Ok told my girlfriend last night she was a bit miffed that i met grainne after the pub but believed me and showed her the txts..

I thought she might be a little put out about it. I assume when you got back to your g/friend, you told her the rest of the story you have told us

odd.behaviour wrote:

Drove to my friends house and went in, he knew something was up so i said we need to talk. Theres a football pitch near enough to his house.

Pretty much straightaway he asked me "is this to do with grainne?" I said yeah

Then he said this "has she cheated on me... again?" i said what do you mean again. Apparently she has cheated on him twice before and it was just a kiss with a randomer they have been 2 mini affairs with her off shagging other lads...

Guess he knew or suspected already, the situations are always different to what you think really.

odd.behaviour wrote:

So basically myself my GF and steve are fine...

Great, wasnt as bad as you feared.

odd.behaviour wrote:

He seems to think that he cant do any better (as i said she is very good looking and i dont think he thinks he can get anyone as good looking as her) but i just said its time to get rid of her, god knows if shes been shagging anyone else.
He was going up to her last night so im not sure of the outcome of that.

That is steves issue I am afraid. Just be there now for him, whatever he decides, don't pass judgment.

Glad you resolved it effectively

LegacyUser

jubi lee wrote:

good on ya odd! you are a decent bloke. hope it works out and you get shot of grainne.

have you heard anything from her? i'd say expect the text onslaught! she's not going to be happy about being rumbled!

Havent heard from her and not sure if i will or not, just waiting on an email back from steve

Evil Phil

odd.behaviour wrote:

He seems to think that he cant do any better

It doesn't come as a big suprise that his self confidence is shattered. Just keep being the good mate you've been so far and he'll come around.

Wibbs

odd.behaviour wrote:

Ok told my girlfriend last night she was a bit miffed that i met grainne after the pub but believed me and showed her the txts.

Thought she would believe you. You handled this very well.

Pretty much straightaway he asked me "is this to do with grainne?" I said yeah.

Ouch.

Then he said this "has she cheated on me... again?" i said what do you mean again. Apparently she has cheated on him twice before and it was just a kiss with a randomer they have been 2 mini affairs with her off shagging other lads.

I feel for him. I really do, but in a weird way he's letting her do this. This may seem strange, to say, but her behaviour is his fault. Now don't get me wrong, she's an idiot. Full stop. That said, if he's still with her after the 1st time, he's being equally stupid. He's basically saying to her, "I'm weak, I need you, I can't do better than you and I'll take all the **** you throw because of that". And he's surprised this keeps happening? I'm not. He is being weak. He's in a subservient relationship with her. He's effectively trained her to act in that manner with him. If he had, at the first sign of trouble, told her calmly and directly to leave, she would have respected him far more and indeed may have stopped this behaviour. Even if she didn't he wouldn't have had to deal with her madness and found someone better. The fact that he didn't drop her after the second time makes it so much worse. He's rewarding her bad behaviour with his continued support.

Because of this, basically she doesn't respect him. If she doesn't respect him, she'll never love him. Fact. If he dumped her, I mean really dumped her in the morning, she will coming running back. No doubt. He can't take her back though as the second he does she will lose respect for him again. Catch 22 really.

Now I'm not saying I wouldn't give someone I loved and who loved me(important bit) a second chance over a cheating incident. I would. No problem. The reason? Basically if someone who loved me went off and snogged someone else, I was doing something wrong or they're idiots. The former is more likely. So I would have to really examine my part in it and if that was fixable then onwards with the relationship. Anything beyond that second chance? No way.

He said he always knew she had a bit of a thing for me but knew that i wouldnt go near here.

Fair enough. he has one big advantage in this. He knows he has a friend.

He seems to think that he cant do any better (as i said she is very good looking and i dont think he thinks he can get anyone as good looking as her)

I've said this in another thread a while back; next time you're out and about with this mate of yours, try to find the most gorgeous woman you can. Get him to look at her, admire her, go wow, etc. Now ask him to think on this. That woman I guarantee, has had a man in her life that's tired of her. That's tired of listening to her, that's tired of sleeping with her. That wants out. He may even be her current boyfriend. I was that soldier. I went out with one woman who got a lot of attention. I got tired of her childish, selfish behaviour. I got tired of dealing with her. I got tired of listening to her incessant moaning. I even got tired of the mind numbingly boring sex with her. I left her and some people I knew thought me mad. I found someone better for me. I hope she did the same. It's all about perception.

It's the same with your friend. I'm sure your mate is tired of this grainne. She may be good looking to him, but she's trying to get the leg over his friend(and others). She may be good looking to him, I might think her average. He needs to realise, that just because he sees her as good looking that's no reason to take shít. He can get better.

He was going up to her last night so im not sure of the outcome of that.

I would be surprised if he does dump her. He'll probably either come over all hurt and pleading or angry. Neither good, but latter better. She has him hooked and until he admits that and tries to get unhooked and kick her arse out of his life this will continue.

Magic Pips

Anyone else think this would be a good time to convince OPs g/f to give up smoking... i mean look what happens when you're away!

But seriously, fair play OP major pat on the the back you did the right thing throughout

tbh

Wibbs wrote:

I've said this in another thread a while back; next time you're out and about with this mate of yours, try to find the most gorgeous woman you can. Get him to look at her, admire her, go wow, etc. Now ask him to think on this. That woman I guarantee, has had a man in her life that's tired of her. That's tired of listening to her, that's tired of sleeping with her. That wants out. He may even be her current boyfriend. I was that soldier. I went out with one woman who got a lot of attention. I got tired of her childish, selfish behaviour. I got tired of dealing with her. I got tired of listening to her incessant moaning. I even got tired of the mind numbingly boring sex with her. I left her and some people I knew thought me mad. I found someone better for me. I hope she did the same. It's all about perception.
.

aka - "no matter how good she looks, somebody, somewhere is sick of her ****".

Don't judge all women by that - the best looking woman I know is going out with a total loser. If she ever figures that out, I'm in trouble. Not all beautiful women are shallow and self-absorbed, thankfully

Wibbs

tbh wrote:

aka - "no matter how good she looks, somebody, somewhere is sick of her ****".

Yep

Don't judge all women by that

Oh I don't.

the best looking woman I know is going out with a total loser.

Why is she going out with a total loser? That's the question I'd be asking. It reflects bad on her if this has been going on for a while. Also ask why is he a total loser in your eyes. He's got something or she would be with you or someone else. If he's with "the best looking woman" you know, he's not really a loser in at least one very important way.

Not all beautiful women are shallow and self-absorbed, thankfully

True, but it's far more likely with very desirable women in my experience. They may have been put on so many pedestals they've got light headed. Not all though, not by a long shot.

tbh

True, but it's far more likely with very desirable women in my experience. They may have been put on so many pedestals they've got light headed. Not all though, not by a long shot.

yeah - i was being a bit factitious in my reply, but I take your point - I think really really good looking girls have been used to a level of attention all their lives, some become dependant on it. Same goes for guys, of course

Why is she going out with a total loser? That's the question I'd be asking.

the only reason I can come up with is that she likes my sense of humour

Wibbs

DOH!!!! I'll just walk away now..... Look into my eyes...... you are getting sleeeeeepy. forget forget.......

Ah it's sweet all the same.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, have been emailing steve back and forth for most of the day and i am off home shortly.
He went over to her last night as they had a night in planned. He said i had told him about the txts etc and that he was devastated when she cheated on him but to have these feelings for his friend and then try to act on it was inexcusable.

He dumped her and said he didnt want to her from her again. A few of our friends me included are going to Riga in 2 weeks he is now gonna come on that!
Grainne on the other hand has not left him alone and her txts basically go like this "im sorry for cheating i was young and immature... i dont know what i had til i lost it... i dont want anyone else i was just lonely (not sure how as they see a lot of each other!) I'll never speak to another man again.

He seems pretty adamant he doesnt want her but that could be the anger.

Now approx 12:30 i received a call from her.... she was not happy to put it mildly. She said i was prick for telling him and getting her dumped! The cheek. She also said shes gonna get steve back and make sure he never talks to me again, i didnt really react i just said.. you made your bed now you have to lie in it.

Steve though seems upset but more angry but he has told me he was happy that she tried it on with me as a couple of other lads in out group probably wouldnt beeen off shagging her. TBH i know if the situation was reversed i know i could trust him with my GF, heres to Riga in 2 weeks!

Seraphina

odd.behaviour wrote:

He seems to think that he cant do any better (as i said she is very good looking and i dont think he thinks he can get anyone as good looking as her) but i just said its time to get rid of her, god knows if shes been shagging anyone else.
He was going up to her last night so im not sure of the outcome of that.

this kind of ****e pisses me off to no end. how can he not do better, from his standpoint, he cant do worse in any way? typical idiotic male judging the girls merits on her looks alone, and what happens? he ends up being treated like dirt.

there are plenty of wonderful, fun, smart, and caring girls out there who are single because so many men put up with this kind of ****e so they can have a really good looking bitch on their arm.
as others have said, its his own ****ing fault. he didn't dump her after the first time, he made his bed and he's gonna lie in it.

seahorse

Seraphina wrote:

there are plenty of wonderful, fun, smart, and caring girls out there who are single because so many men put up with this kind of ****e so they can have a really good looking bitch on their arm.

Well, while I agree we should all insist we are treated properly in our relationships; people can’t help the type of physicality that turns them on. Yes there are a lot of wonderful, fun, smart and caring females in the world who are single, but I believe there's more than one reason for their single status; it can hardly be put down to the fact that the men are all too busy off being treated badly elsewhere!

My bf, for example, had a short on/off fling-type relationship with a woman before we met. He listed her attributes as humour, kindness, decency etc. In fact he said he liked her a lot, cared for her, and admired who she was in many ways. There was just one thing that put him off, and that was her physicality. He said she was too heavy for his liking (I saw her in a group photo once; she'd have been around a size fourteen) and that there was no prettiness in her facial features, she had short dry badly bleached hair, short stumpy legs etc. All these aspects of her physicality turned him off sexually, simple as that.

Most men I know wouldn’t even give a woman they didn’t fancy a chance, but he did because he saw a lot else to like. Of course it came crashing down because they hadn’t one of the essential building blocks for a relationship - mutual sexual attraction. My motto on the subject is; if there's no spark there's no point trying to light a fire!

LegacyUser

Im going unreg for this one

My ex boyfriend and I broke up after I found out he cheated on me a few times but I was lonely and weak and I got back with him. Please make sure your friend is rid of this poisenous brat. When you hit Riga, make sure you send plenty of ladies his way.

He will get lonely and wonder, and subcumb maybe to some texts and calls of a needy woman needing her man, etc but make sure you keep a watchful eye and keep him on the right track.

God what a horrible woman! To say it was your fault he broke up with her.

I would like to congratulate you for being honest with your buddy. I hope you guys look back on it in years to come and smile.

PeakOutput

seems to have turned out as well as it can.

all you have to do is advise him against getting back with her under any circumstances if he ever mentions thinking about it and helping him out when he feels lonely(he defo will after being with someone for so long even though he wont say it).

if they never get back together her threat can never come to fruition and he sounds like a down to earth type of guy to not listen to hear say and jump to conclusions about his mates so i wouldnt be too worried

Seraphina

odd.behaviour wrote:

Now approx 12:30 i received a call from her.... she was not happy to put it mildly. She said i was prick for telling him and getting her dumped! The cheek. She also said shes gonna get steve back and make sure he never talks to me again, i didnt really react i just said.. you made your bed now you have to lie in it.

warn him of her plans, repeat what she said to you about making sure he never talks to you again. make sure he knows what will happen if he ever gets back with her. they were going out a long time and he will find it very hard to be alone, the temptation to get back with her will prob be very strong.

Wibbs

odd.behaviour wrote:

He dumped her and said he didnt want to her from her again.

Good for him. make bloody sure he grows a pair and sticks to it.

Grainne on the other hand has not left him alone and her txts basically go like this "im sorry for cheating i was young and immature... i dont know what i had til i lost it... i dont want anyone else i was just lonely (not sure how as they see a lot of each other!) I'll never speak to another man again.

As I predicted. He's got her attention now. She respects him now, because he did what any grown up bloke with good self esteem and respect for himself would and should have done a long while ago. Now she's interested. Thing is if he goes back she'll do the same to him again.

He seems pretty adamant he doesnt want her but that could be the anger.

Possibly. Hopefully not. Then again she knows him for a long time. She knows the buttons to push. She may float in to view a couple of weeks down the line, flirt, apologise, open the legs and Bang! he's back under her spell again. You can do little but warn him though.

Seraphina wrote:

this kind of ****e pisses me off to no end. how can he not do better, from his standpoint, he cant do worse in any way?

Agreed.

typical idiotic male judging the girls merits on her looks alone, and what happens? he ends up being treated like dirt.

Looks are a biggy. Why settle for less than you find attractive and deserve? Never could see it.

Anyway he ended up being treated like dirt because he acted passively and didn't train her right the first time she pulled this crap. He let her do it to him. Indeed he actively encouraged it.

there are plenty of wonderful, fun, smart, and caring girls out there who are single because so many men put up with this kind of ****e so they can have a really good looking bitch on their arm.

There are plenty of wonderful, fun, smart and caring girls out there that aren't mutts* either. The two are not mutually exclusive, you know. Anyway why aren't the plenty of wonderful, fun, smart and caring girls not sidling up to the wonderful, fun, smart and caring blokes that are on here every other day going on about how they can't get a woman? Hmmmm. Maybe it's because they don't find the tubby nerd in the corner attractive? Same rules different angle TBH. I'll be honest looks/attractiveness are a big deal for me and this is after a fair few years on the relationship scene. We all have standards in our heads for what we find attractive. The fact is a healthy better looking woman will pull more men than a porker, the same way a richer better looking man will pull more women than a fat poor one. Thems the breaks.

as others have said, its his own ****ing fault. he didn't dump her after the first time, he made his bed and he's gonna lie in it.

Go back to agreeing with you there.

*eye of the beholder notwithstanding.

Seraphina

Wibbs wrote:

Agreed. Looks are a biggy. Why settle for less than you find attractive and deserve? Never could see it.

Anyway he ended up being treated like dirt because he acted passively and didn't train her right the first time she pulled this crap. He let her do it to him. Indeed he actively encouraged it.

i never said looks aren't a biggy, i'd be the first to agree there. however it annoys me the way some men seem to think looks are the ONLY thing, and will put up with an amazing amount of ****e, when there are plenty of perfectly sound normal and very attractive (is that better :P) women around.

all he's doing is validating to her that she's allowed to treat people like this cause she's so good looking that she can get away with anything.

its like men expect good looking women to act like that, as if its something they know they have to put up with to get an attractive girlfriend, so they dont do anything. its ridiculous!

Wibbs

Seraphina wrote:

all he's doing is validating to her that she's allowed to treat people like this cause she's so good looking that she can get away with anything.

Nail on the head.

its like men expect good looking women to act like that, as if its something they know they have to put up with to get an attractive girlfriend, so they dont do anything. its ridiculous!

It is and it perpetuates the childish behaviour in some such women. I blame the men for most of it.

koneko

odd.behaviour wrote:

Now approx 12:30 i received a call from her.... she was not happy to put it mildly. She said i was prick for telling him and getting her dumped! The cheek. She also said shes gonna get steve back and make sure he never talks to me again, i didnt really react i just said.. you made your bed now you have to lie in it.

Wow, this bitch is nuts. I'd tell Steve about this, just to cement it for him, and on the off chance he'll get suckered in by her puppy eyes this will make sure he doesn't go for it.

Anyway, good on ya OP, you did the right thing and helped your friend, and it sounds like everything is going to work out well, he'll learn from this.

yellowellie

Edit: Didn't see last page of thread with update so my post was pointless

LegacyUser

Well done, sounds like you handled a horrible situation really well. Do tell your friend about that nasty cow's last phone call though as from what you've said it sounds like she may actually do her best to make it happen. Lots and lots and lots of women on holidays for him, so he can't even remember her name when he gets back!