Funny Holiday horror stories

Floppybits

I thought I would start this thread about holiday horror stories, seeing as it is the holiday season. Everyone must have one.

Floppy's holiday horror story is probably a common one. Floppy was off on holidays with his mates for some sea, sun and other stuff. Anyway Floppy was tucked up in bed alone one night, when the guy he was sharing comes back with some lady that he pulled. As you can guess they started getting frisky and one thing led to another and they started going at it. The only problem being that poor floppy was in the other bed and there was nowhere to go, it was 3 or 4 in the morning and pitch dark, except to roll over and stare at the wall thinking happy thoughts while pretending to be asleep. Anyway they finished and finally floppy fell asleep.

The next morning floppy was woken up to them getting go at it again, this time floppy heard the lady say that she was putting her knickers under the pillow so she wouldn't loose them (her words). All floppy could do was stare at the wall again.

If this wasn't bad enough Floppy hadn't seen what the lady looked like but he was soon to find out, as not long after they had finished romping , the lady thought it would be funny if she jumped on poor floppy and woke him up. However the said lady weighted about 18 stone and poor floppy was nearly crushed.

Anyway thats my holiday horror story. Even now when floppy thinks about it he cant believe she jumped on him, to this day he still feel all the air being crushed out of him.

Degsy

Wtf?

there's only one Pighead

AlmightyCushion

Floppybits wrote:

I thought I would start this thread about holiday horror stories, seeing as it is the holiday season. Everyone must have one.

Floppy's holiday horror story is probably a common one. Floppy was off on holidays with his mates for some sea, sun and other stuff. Anyway Floppy was tucked up in bed alone one night, when the guy he was sharing comes back with some lady that he pulled. As you can guess they started getting frisky and one thing led to another and they started going at it. The only problem being that poor floppy was in the other bed and there was nowhere to go, it was 3 or 4 in the morning and pitch dark, except to roll over and stare at the wall thinking happy thoughts while pretending to be asleep. Anyway they finished and finally floppy fell asleep.

The next morning floppy was woken up to them getting go at it again, this time floppy heard the lady say that she was putting her knickers under the pillow so she wouldn't loose them (her words). All floppy could do was stare at the wall again.

If this wasn't bad enough Floppy hadn't seen what the lady looked like but he was soon to find out, as not long after they had finished romping , the lady thought it would be funny if she jumped on poor floppy and woke him up. However the said lady weighted about 18 stone and poor floppy was nearly crushed.

Anyway thats my holiday horror story. Even now when floppy thinks about it he cant believe she jumped on him, to this day he still feel all the air being crushed out of him.

Eeeewwwww She was probably all hot and sweaty after all that sex.

monkeyfudge

I recounted the tale of my trip to Istanbul in one of the boards.ie podcasts.

http://podcasts.boards.ie/index.php?id=18

It's right at the beginning.

keltoms

must have been the sex panther aftershave u had on floppybits (anchorman:D)

AlmightyCushion

keltoms wrote:

must have been the sex panther aftershave u had on floppybits (anchorman:D)

Just watched that last night. "60% of the time it works all of the time"

godtabh

keltoms wrote:

must have been the sex panther aftershave u had on floppybits (anchorman:D)

guaranteed to work 60% of the time all the time

Floppybits

keltoms wrote:

must have been the sex panther aftershave u had on floppybits (anchorman:D)

Think it might have been the leopard skin thong.

Floppybits

AlmightyCushion wrote:

Eeeewwwww She was probably all hot and sweaty after all that sex.

Floppy is going back to therapy now.

AlmightyCushion

Floppybits wrote:

Floppy is going back to therapy now.

Just got a visual image :eek: . I think I might have to join ya.

Duggy747

Here's a visual image of her jumping on Floppy for ya!!

http://img297.imageshack.us/img297/936/dave2aa4.jpg

Floppybits

Duggy747 wrote:

Here's a visual image of her jumping on Floppy for ya!!

http://img297.imageshack.us/img297/936/dave2aa4.jpg

Duggy were you the perv looking in the window?:D

Duggy747

*Hangs head in shame*...............................yes.

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

*Hangs head in shame*...............................yes.

Why doesn't this surprise me

Mossy Monk

Floppybits wrote:

The only problem being that poor floppy was in the other bed and there was nowhere to go

Yes there was. You could have left the room. Who cares if they saw you?

Duggy747

Cuz I have a restraining order on your mother!

I believe the word is..........ZING!

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

Cuz I have a restraining order on your mother!

I believe the word is..........ZING!

I have a restraining order on your face.

Floppybits

Mossy Monk wrote:

Yes there was. You could have left the room. Who cares if they saw you?

If only there was. This was in Turkey and if you have ever been there everything closes at 4am and all the lights go off. Floppy didnt fancy walking around on his todd and probably becoming some turkish wrestlers plaything for the night.

Duggy747

AlmightyCushion wrote:

I have a restraining order on your face.

I'll restrain your mother's face with my fat ****!

Gator

I think the only person that can refer to themselves in the 3rd person and get away with it witout being annoying is pighead, leave it out

Floppybits

Gator wrote:

I think the only person that can refer to themselves in the 3rd person and get away with it witout being annoying is pighead, leave it out

Is that a rule on here? I dont see it anywhere. I will ask a moderator just to confirm that.

Miguel_Sanchez

Let floppy refer to himself in whatever person he wants - he's had a hard auld time of it by the sounds of things.

I'm waiting eagerly for Boards first 2nd person poster.


Although that might get a bit confusing.

keltoms

Floppybits wrote:

I thought I would start this thread about holiday horror stories, seeing as it is the holiday season. Everyone must have one.

Floppy's holiday horror story is probably a common one. Floppy was off on holidays with his mates for some sea, sun and other stuff. Anyway Floppy was tucked up in bed alone one night, when the guy he was sharing comes back with some lady that he pulled. As you can guess they started getting frisky and one thing led to another and they started going at it. The only problem being that poor floppy was in the other bed and there was nowhere to go, it was 3 or 4 in the morning and pitch dark, except to roll over and stare at the wall thinking happy thoughts while pretending to be asleep. Anyway they finished and finally floppy fell asleep.

The next morning floppy was woken up to them getting go at it again, this time floppy heard the lady say that she was putting her knickers under the pillow so she wouldn't loose them (her words). All floppy could do was stare at the wall again.

If this wasn't bad enough Floppy hadn't seen what the lady looked like but he was soon to find out, as not long after they had finished romping , the lady thought it would be funny if she jumped on poor floppy and woke him up. However the said lady weighted about 18 stone and poor floppy was nearly crushed.

Anyway thats my holiday horror story. Even now when floppy thinks about it he cant believe she jumped on him, to this day he still feel all the air being crushed out of him.

At least she didnt eat ya

Floppybits

Jeff_Lebowski wrote:

Let floppy refer to himself in whatever person he wants - he's had a hard auld time of it by the sounds of things.

I'm waiting eagerly for Boards first 2nd person poster.


Although that might get a bit confusing.

Thank you Jeff. I am guessing that no one has any funny holiday horror stories then.

Floppybits

keltoms wrote:

At least she didnt eat ya

Id say it she wasn't far off.

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

I'll restrain your mother's face with my fat ****!

I'll c0ck your mother with my face.

Gator

Floppybits wrote:

Thank you Jeff. I am guessing that no one has any funny holiday horror stories then.

Na, none as quite hilarious as yours, do you like making up stories

Floppybits

AlmightyCushion wrote:

I'll c0ck your mother with my face.

I sorted out both your mothers with my floppybits.:D

AlmightyCushion

Floppybits wrote:

I sorted out both your mothers with my floppybits.:D

You should have sorted that fat one with a gun to the face

Floppybits

Gator wrote:

Na, none as quite hilarious as yours, do you like making up stories

Jaysus Gator did I do something on you in a past life or are you always like this?

Floppybits

AlmightyCushion wrote:

You should have sorted that fat one with a gun to the face

Almighty, I was too busy trying to breathe and hoping that nothing had been crushed.

Duggy747

Floppybits wrote:

Thank you Jeff. I am guessing that no one has any funny holiday horror stories then.

Eh...can't think of any to be honest. Many years ago when I was a kid I went to Butlins in Wales (Mosney, except gone right) I was in the arcades on those coin-op machines that slide in and out, pushing money out if you drop your 2p in at the right time. Anywho, I hit jackpot and scored loads of 2p coins in one go when next thing a kid my age comes up, points behind me and says: "What's that!!" Like a fruit I looked and then hear some coins clink. I turn around and see the dirty fecker legging it so I chase after him (Leaving my winnings stiil in the machine) and drag him to the ground and give him a bitch-slap. I pryed open his hand and all he took was about 8p.....needless to say I still took it off him and went back to me winnings......eh, which made up about 50p.

Moral of the story: Don't steal from me!

Floppybits

Duggy747 wrote:

Eh...can't think of any to be honest. Many years ago when I was a kid I went to Butlins in Wales (Mosney, except gone right) I was in the arcades on those coin-op machines that slide in and out, pushing money out if you drop your 2p in at the right time. Anywho, I hit jackpot and scored loads of 2p coins in one go when next thing a kid my age comes up, points behind me and says: "What's that!!" Like a fruit I looked and then hear some coins clink. I turn around and see the dirty fecker legging it so I chase after him (Leaving my winnings stiil in the machine) and drag him to the ground and give him a bitch-slap. I pryed open his hand and all he took was about 8p.....needless to say I still took it off him and went back to me winnings......eh, which made up about 50p.

Moral of the story: Don't steal from me!

I wont be doing that again.:D

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

Eh...can't think of any to be honest. Many years ago when I was a kid I went to Butlins in Wales (Mosney, except gone right) I was in the arcades on those coin-op machines that slide in and out, pushing money out if you drop your 2p in at the right time. Anywho, I hit jackpot and scored loads of 2p coins in one go when next thing a kid my age comes up, points behind me and says: "What's that!!" Like a fruit I looked and then hear some coins clink. I turn around and see the dirty fecker legging it so I chase after him (Leaving my winnings stiil in the machine) and drag him to the ground and give him a bitch-slap. I pryed open his hand and all he took was about 8p.....needless to say I still took it off him and went back to me winnings......eh, which made up about 50p.

Moral of the story: Don't steal from me!

With 8p the Duggy I know could go into Tesco and leave with enough food to last him a month and still have money left over for fags .

NZdubstar

when I was in Portugal, aged 16, some local girl I met in a nightclub brought me back to her flat. Having got our freak on, I went for a piss. When I came back out of the jacks, I went into the wrong room and lay on the bed beside her startled flatmate, who was lying on her bed reading a book, with the LAMP ON! I was naked. I had to apologise and find the right room. I will never know how I made it to the bed without realising I was in the wrong room. I was drunk of course. First time getting laid too.

On my last visit to Portugal, last September, I ended up in Lisbon for a night on my own, and drank cocktails to excess. I woke up in the morning on the ground down by the docks covered in blood with a huge cut on my left eyebrow. Never found out what happened but I had to go to hospital.

So trips to Portugal can be eventful.

keltoms

Duggy747 wrote:

Eh...can't think of any to be honest. Many years ago when I was a kid I went to Butlins in Wales (Mosney, except gone right) I was in the arcades on those coin-op machines that slide in and out, pushing money out if you drop your 2p in at the right time. Anywho, I hit jackpot and scored loads of 2p coins in one go when next thing a kid my age comes up, points behind me and says: "What's that!!" Like a fruit I looked and then hear some coins clink. I turn around and see the dirty fecker legging it so I chase after him (Leaving my winnings stiil in the machine) and drag him to the ground and give him a bitch-slap. I pryed open his hand and all he took was about 8p.....needless to say I still took it off him and went back to me winnings......eh, which made up about 50p.

Moral of the story: Don't steal from me!

and thats a holiday horror story? :rolleyes:

Duggy747

Eh.......yea.........traumatised me!

Crowhill

Many moons ago I went on a canoing trip with a couple of lads, we where supposed to navigate about 250k of river to get back home. Third or fourth day in we were all having a wash in the river (communal bar of soap) so we were up to our necks in the water and standing around having a chat. One of the lads started messing around below the water and we all thought he was washing his crack or something, many comments were made about not wanting the soap back. After a couple of seconds the expression on his face changed to a grimace, and just after the bubbles surfaced in the middle of our little group so did the first turd....followed by its compadres. The exodus from the river couldn't have been faster had somebody said there were piranhas in the water.

keltoms

i think this thread should be called either 'funny holiday stories' or 'holiday horror stories', very hard to think of a horror story which was actually funny