Ways in which men are superior..

Degsy

okay so women change nappies and make sure bills get paid on time..but,i ask you,how many women can do these simple tasks..?
Parallel Park
Opening Jars
Putting Up shelves (next week allright..stop bloody nagging)
Sit for hours in a shed
Push start a car
Remove a spider from the bathtub
Start a lawnmower
etc
If the brethern can think of any other gender-specific tasks i'd be pleased to hear of them!

Jesus Wept

Fix things using bits from an old meccano set

a speciality of my Dad

brianthebard

Its an obvious one, but we can pee standing up without dribbling on our kacks. Most of the time.

Icequeen

brianthebard wrote:

Its an obvious one, but we can pee standing up without dribbling on our kacks. Most of the time.

We can get it in the bowl!

Mr. Presentable

Left from Right.

There, I said it. We will now all pay........

Mr. Presentable

Connect a USB device other than in the ethernet socket

youcancallmeal

nipplenuts wrote:

Connect a USB device other than in the ethernet socket

So true

smashey

Shave, sh1t, shower, dry, get dressed and out the door in twenty minutes.

The Hill Billy

smashey wrote:

Shave, sh1t, shower, dry, get dressed and out the door in twenty minutes.

Hark at you Brother Smashey! Going all lah-dee-dah with your so-called "shaving" & "showering"!

Whatever happened to the days when men got out of bed, stretched, yawned, scratched their balls & then walked straight out the door, pausing only to pee on the neighbours roses?

John Mason

smashey wrote:

Shave, sh1t, shower, dry, get dressed and out the door in twenty minutes.

i can do it in 10 mins.

Karl Hungus

irishbird wrote:

i can do it in 10 mins.

If you can, video tape it, and youtube it. Untill I see that, I call thee liar!

Karl Hungus

Oh, and more on the topic of Men > Women...

How many of these people are women? Eh? Not very many I can say with some sense of great certainty. Miniscule infact!

Gentlemen... I rest on your face.

John Mason

Karl Hungus wrote:

Oh, and more on the topic of Men > Women...

How many of these people are women? Eh? Not very many I can say with some sense of great certainty. Miniscule infact!

Gentlemen... I rest on your face.

thats cos we are too busy changing nappies, paying bills, putting up shelves, fixing the showers, taking the bins out, we havent got time to be sitting pondering about inventions:rolleyes:

The Hill Billy

irishbird wrote:

we havent got time to be sitting pondering about inventions:rolleyes:

Exactly - You have no balls to scratch during contemplation of the wonders of the universe. Hence, the only meaningful tasks available to you are:

irishbird wrote:

changing nappies, paying bills, putting up shelves, fixing the showers, taking the bins out

Not forgetting, cooking, trips to beer fridge, etc.


* pats ar$e condescendingly & winks *

matt-dublin

low and behold,
women may be able to multitask...

but we can piss standing up!

smashey

Hill Billy wrote:

Hark at you Brother Smashey! Going all lah-dee-dah with your so-called "shaving" & "showering"!

Whatever happened to the days when men got out of bed, stretched, yawned, scratched their balls & then walked straight out the door, pausing only to pee on the neighbours roses?

It was my wedding day.

Sleepy

The abilities to:

make friends with someone who wears the same suit/clothes to a wedding/party as we do.

understand that what a man says is usually exactly what he means and not some roundabout way of telling us we're fat.

order pints without fear of being 'unladylike' or it being fattening.

get by in life with one pair of shoes and one pair of trainers (and possibly a pair of slippers).

pack for a fortnight's holiday using a single hold-all that's under our carry-on weight allowance.

drink without feeling the need to cry about our pet canary that died twenty years ago.

live with the fact we're Irish and naturally have pale skin.

duckmusic

Marge: Did you know a woman invented the window wipers ?

Homer: Yeah, that sure does go well with mans invention, THE CAR

petes

smashey wrote:

Shave, sh1t, shower, dry, get dressed and out the door in twenty minutes.

Ah yes the three s's.

Celticfire

smashey wrote:

Shave, sh1t, shower, dry, get dressed and out the door in twenty minutes.

You could squeeze in a quick "pedal and crank " as well.

petes

Sleepy wrote:

The abilities to:

make friends with someone who wears the same suit/clothes to a wedding/party as we do.

I was at a party and some bloke had the same jumper as me. We though it was great craic. If that was a woman she would have left.

Degsy

Men can also get away with sporting the same haircut for years,or in some cases,decades.

Slow Motion

Not to mention we can read a map and have a telephone conversation that lasts under ten seconds E.G.
Me "Beer ?"
Mate "Cool see you in ten"
Hang up

OLDYELLAR

Dipping of teh captain fantastic in a big bowl of yoghurt.


Rubbing of teh captain fantastic against folks on an Imp bus.

Dipping of teh captain fantastic in a pot of rolo yoghurt......this differs to normal yoghurt as us women love to be given the last rolo.

Degsy

OLDYELLAR wrote:

Dipping of teh captain fantastic in a big bowl of yoghurt.


Rubbing of teh captain fantastic against folks on an Imp bus.

Dipping of teh captain fantastic in a pot of rolo yoghurt......this differs to normal yoghurt as us women love to be given the last rolo.

What?:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

petes

Degsy wrote:

What?:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

My sentiments exactly

CerebralCortex

irishbird wrote:

thats cos we are too busy changing nappies, paying bills, putting up shelves, fixing the showers, taking the bins out, we havent got time to be sitting pondering about inventions:rolleyes:

Thats actually it. I read in the Irish Independant a month ago about an article a few months ago that men do 15% of the house work in a relationship and thats why women don't/can't get on with their careers - gender inequality in the home. Shame on us!

Degsy

CerebralCortex wrote:

Thats actually it. I read in the Irish Independant a month ago about an article a few months ago that men do 15% of the house work in a relationship and thats why women don't/can't get on with their careers - gender inequality in the home. Shame on us!

Or that old chesnut that women get paid on average 15% less than men..looks terrible doesnt it..untill you see that on average women spend 15% less time in work than we do..having babies,PMT,days at the beauticians,arriving late because they drove the car into the central reservation putting make up on in the rear view mirror etc etc

Icequeen

And for all these "superiorities" we can still make you grovel like dogs just by dressing as a schoolgirl

The Hill Billy

Icequeen wrote:

And for all these "superiorities" we can still make you grovel like dogs just by dressing as a schoolgirl

Especially if you are a schoolgirl.


* Pats Icequeen condesceningly on ar$e & winks *

dr.bollocko

We have the ability to occasionally, just ****ing occasionally actually answer our goddamn mobile motherbleeping phone.

dr.bollocko

Oh yeah, and we earn more money, are stronger, have bigger brains, bigger balls, fight all the wars, run the world, invent all the stuff, worry about all the science stuff, put people on the moon and into space, write all the best books, make all the best movies, understand that shoes are devices designed to be comfortable, not foot-prisons preventing walking, and have the ability to pee without sitting on a toilet with the seat up, getting your arse all wet like a total fecking eejit, and then yelling at someone because you are too dumb to put down a toilet seat.

jester77

We can drink more and not fall over.
We are proud of our beer bellies and don't go round asking our friends "does my belly look big in this shirt?"
We fart out loud and are not ashamed of it.
We don't cry when we are drunk.

Degsy

Icequeen wrote:

And for all these "superiorities" we can still make you grovel like dogs just by dressing as a schoolgirl

I'm sure the payoff isnt all one way..at least with a uniform you dont have to dither for hours over two identical ourtfits.

Icequeen

dr.bollocko wrote:

Oh yeah, and we earn more money, are stronger, have bigger brains, bigger balls, fight all the wars, run the world, invent all the stuff, worry about all the science stuff, put people on the moon and into space, write all the best books, make all the best movies, understand that shoes are devices designed to be comfortable, not foot-prisons preventing walking, and have the ability to pee without sitting on a toilet with the seat up, getting your arse all wet like a total fecking eejit, and then yelling at someone because you are too dumb to put down a toilet seat.

And yet still the minute yous get the slightest flu it's blown out of all proportion, you'd swear you's have the ebola virus and Anthrax mixed and you're dying and we're expected to spend all night babying yous and rubbing your toochies. It's a slight case of the sniffles boys, grow up!!

dr.bollocko

When men get sick its a real illness. Something women wouldnt know anything about. Once a woman accidentally caught a common cold off some poor bloke, I think it was in Bangladesh. She was dead within the hour.
We dont moan about hangnails and headaches and broken nails and sore feet and period pain and why nobody is listening to our moaning and why the cushions dont smell as nice as they used to. And we dont go making a big deal out of nonsense like child birth either. So dont give me no crap about men moaning about being ill.
We do that to give ye something to do cos everyone knows that women cant talk and do basic household tasks at the sametime. Not with the muzzle on anyway.

Icequeen

Degsy wrote:

I'm sure the payoff isnt all one way..at least with a uniform you dont have to dither for hours over two identical ourtfits.

What if we have two uniforms? and then theres white or black sockens, high heels or leather boots, pigtails or ponytail....the list goes on

matt-dublin

im going to be the anarchist here wemon are the greater sex, because they give birth to man

dr.bollocko

Get Out!!!!!!!

Degsy

matt-dublin wrote:

im going to be the anarchist here wemon are the greater sex, because they give birth to man

*Banned*

matt-dublin

ha ha ha if you read it properly you'd understand

biko

Men are greater than women because when faced with a task we know that if we put enough effort into it we can most likely fix it.

On the other foot, lots of guys I know are useless without their mammys or girlfriends to pick up after them and general ground support.

Icequeen

We don't blubber like little girls over sporting events.

We look good in your clothes.

We can pratice kissing at on our best friends at 15 and not spend the rest of our lives worrying if we are gay.

Two words: Multiple Orgasms

Although probably not from any of yous

daiixi

Karl Hungus wrote:

How many of these people are women? Eh? Not very many I can say with some sense of great certainty. Miniscule infact!

Why would I bother inventing something when I can get a man to do it? I have much better things to do with my time like get my hair/nails done, shop, drink wine, gossip with the girls... Silly boy.

dr.bollocko

Oh god. Where did these people come from? It must be the magnetic sexual energy of our forum. Drawing em in like flies.

Icequeen

daiixi wrote:

I have much better things to do with my time like get my hair/nails done, shop, drink wine, gossip with the girls... Silly boy.

AND get yous to pay for it all

jester77

dr.bollocko wrote:

Oh god. Where did these people come from? It must be the magnetic sexual energy of our forum. Drawing em in like flies.

It's the belly brothers, they give off sex pheromones that draws the women in.

Icequeen

dr.bollocko wrote:

Oh god. Where did these people come from? It must be the magnetic sexual energy of our forum. Drawing em in like flies.

No there was just an awful smell of bull**** so we thought one of yous had soiled yourselves while pissed again and of course we'd have to clean it and then never mention it again because god knows we'd hate to shatter that fragile illusion you all have of how macho you actually are

dr.bollocko

Yeah good luck with that.
You really dont understand the type of people that post in this particular forum at all.
Swift round of temporary bannings for attempted arguing?
Anyone?
MO-hod? Where are you?

dr.bollocko

Sure, she'll clean up a load of ****e, but just ask her once for anal and she will never shut up, or sit down, for a week.

jester77

Icequeen wrote:

No there was just an awful smell of bull**** so we thought one of yous had soiled yourselves while pissed again and of course we'd have to clean it and then never mention it again because god knows we'd hate to shatter that fragile illusion you all have of how macho you actually are

Macho We are but manly men but we never mentioned macho! But fair play for cleaning up the mess again. Now grab us a beer from the fridge