Men-are they really only after one thing?

LegacyUser

I'm really depressed about this at the moment. Was out the other night with a few friends. One of these friends was a lad I'd got it on with a few weeks ago. He seemed really into me, was always chatting to me and seemed really nice until I went home with him one night. he took my number the next morning.
Because i'd known him a while i thought that meant he wanted to see me again, i mean its not like a stranger asking for your number just to be polite. Then he wiped his sim card by accident the next day.
When i saw him a few days later he explained that was why he didn't text me but he never asked for my number again. We didn't even have full sex that night but he hasn't been the same since.
He rarely tries to initiate any kind of conversation, basically he used me. I had to get one of my friends to tell him not to be so rude to me and to even look at me. I found out recently he'd been seeing another girl and that he'd asked her out for a drink etc. Then we were all out the other night and he kept going on in front of me about all the girls he wants to score (i think he said the girl he was seeing had stopped calling him but he didn't care). The other lads all joined in about how they just want to score girls and aren't that fussed about relationships. Are all men just after one thing? Does nobody want proper relationships anymore?

WindSock

He just sounds a bit immature. Boys always go on about who they like, especially to each other. Wishful thinking. To be saying that in front of you though is a bit childish.
By the sounds of things he probably was just in it for a bit of fun. I wouldn't waste my time persuing him to be honest. And no, not all men are like that.

AnonoBoy

Some men are only after one thing, sometimes.

Of course there are people that are after serious relationships but I really don't think any men go out looking for a serious relationship. When they meet someone they really like that's when they go for it.

If you're giving off the vibe of actively 'looking for a boyfriend' then I think you'll probably scare most men off.

The guy sounds a bit immature - going on and on about other girls was obviously his oh so subtle way of letting you know he wasn't interested in you anymore.

Marksie

Men are not, immature boys are. Unfortunately, some don't ever get beyond the boy stage.

scojones

I wouldn't worry about it OP. You're better off without a wanker like that. Not all men are like that, but there are some immature muppets around.

Jack B. Badd

You could just as easily ask "Women, are they just after one thing (a relationaship leading eventually to marriage)?". From the sounds of it he didn't exactly force you to spend the night with him and as for the comment that he used you, well if you really wanted more than just a one night thing with him why didn't you get his number and let him know this? I'm a bit sick of the attitude that women have to be tricked into sexual situations and men are only looking for a ride and once they've got what they want they'll callously toss aside the helpless female in question. Maybe he was only looking for some fun, and maybe he thought that was what you wanted too but it sounds like you you didn't tell him otherwise and just assumed that he knew what you wanted.
By the way, this is not the ranting of a pissed off male of the species either. It's the ranting of a young woman who's more than a little annoyed at the stupidity exhibited by a large number of her own sex!

Ickle Magoo

Yes, some guys are indeed only after one thing. Some see how it goes on the night, some would like to be in a relationship - pretty much the same as women actually.

If you haven't discussed future dates & you indulge in any sexual activities then you have to accept the possibility that he may not be interested in a relationship but is quite happy to get physical. I think most relationships start with that "We snogged - but are we/aren't we?" dilemma. It all adds to the excitement! In future maybe just assume that it is just a snog/whatever until you are sure it is more. hth

LegacyUser

Jack B. Badd wrote:

if you really wanted more than just a one night thing with him why didn't you get his number and let him know this?

he took my number the next day but then managed to wipe his sim card and he explained this to me the next time he saw me but didnt ask for my number again

Jack B. Badd

whatmenwant wrote:

he took my number the next day but then managed to wipe his sim card and he explained this to me the next time he saw me but didnt ask for my number again

That doesn't explain why you didn't ask for his number...

Edit: You can't really justify getting odd with someone who doesn't make the effort to contact you if you're guilty of the same thing, can you?

Nevyn

Why didn't you get his number ?
why did you ask him for his number when you saw him the next time ?
Maybe he thinks that you are not intrested.
Why don't you get his number off a friend amd ask him out on a proper date ?

Ickle Magoo

whatmenwant wrote:

he took my number the next day but then managed to wipe his sim card and he explained this to me the next time he saw me but didnt ask for my number again

Why don't you take things into your own hands & ask for his number & then ask him out on a date. I think expecting him to do all the running could be putting him off tbh...

Little-Devil

You will always find some lads who just want to score cause its the macho thing to do and brag about it the next day. I can guarantee for evey fool like him are 10 more genuine blokes out there who would treat you right. It sounds like you really like him. Why dont you confront him and tell him how you feel? otherwise find someone who its no just after one thing.

MojoMaker

At 18 blokes want to score, what is the problem here?? At 28 he will still want to score, but might be prepared to offer some concessions in return. Don't bother placing unreasonable demands (politeness, recognition, gentility) on a lad that's just discovered the function of his c*ck less than 5 years ago.

Chucky the tree

Little-Devil wrote:

You will always find some lads who just want to score cause its the macho thing to do and brag about it the next day. I can guarantee for evey fool like him are 10 more genuine blokes out there who would treat you right. It sounds like you really like him. Why dont you confront him and tell him how you feel? otherwise find someone who its no just after one thing.

why is he a fool? If anyone is a fool its the OP.


Since when is it compulsory for fellas(or even women) to go out with someone just because they had a bit of fun one night?

Maybe after spending then night with the OP he thought she was a bit of a tool and didnt want to go out with her? Or maybe at this moment in his life he isnt interested in getting in a relationship? There are plenty of women like that too.

Little-Devil

Chucky the tree wrote:

why is he a fool? If anyone is a fool its the OP.


QUOTE] Because he was bragging on how many women he wanted to score to the OP who is clearly interested. Not the smartest thing do if your not interested, but maybe that was his way of telling her he wasn't interested?

Chucky the tree

Little-Devil wrote:

Because he was bragging on how many women he wanted to score to the OP who is clearly interested. Not the smartest thing do if your not interested, but maybe that was his way of telling her he wasn't interested?

I think thats a very smart thing too do if your not interested. The op should of taken the hint when he claimed that he accidentlly eraed his sim card, then after the second hint of not asking for her number again he felt he had to really hammer the point home.

3rd time lucky for him hopefully.

Ickle Magoo

It's not a really smart thing to do - it's a really childish & cowardly thing to do. The really smart thing to do is to tell the girl when she asked why he hadn't called that he wasn't interested in going on a date - rather than resorting to blustering infront of her or downright lies in the vague hope she'll catch on that he isn't interested without ever having to have the balls to say so.

BeardyGit

I'm sorry to write this really, but if you put out on the first night you, you run the HUGE risk of getting brushed off the next morning.

That's what you got - And you probably had all the signs you needed to know that's how it would go if you'd been paying attention.

LegacyUser

I didn't put out, i told him i wasn't having sex with him cos i don't sleep around. we went no further than "heavy petting".

LegacyUser

I thought that by asking for my number the next morning that that meant he wanted to see me again. He told me about wiping his sim card and didnt ask for my number again so I would have felt like an idiot offering it to him. Some days he makes minimal effort to talk to me or look at me and some days if he sees me he'll come over and say hi. if he's quiet one day he'll be friendly the next. he blows hot and cold like that. he was going out to watch a match in the pub recently and asked me was i going but i wasnt well. i dont know if he was just making innocent chat there.

humanji

Wait, you said you were out with friends, yet you didn't even know his number? Isn't it pretty standard these days to have all your friends numbers?

Anyway, I'm curious as to how old you all are. He and his mates sound to be about 15. If they're older, then count yourself lucky that you dodged that bullet. Just chalk it up to experience and move on. These things happen.

LegacyUser

we're all early twenties

scoey

I haven't read the responses, but it seems to me that you're making the age old female mistake of being attracted to/hooking up with an asshole and then bitching about "men" and making blanket generalisations after you inevitably get mistreated.

In response to the question, no, men are not always just after one thing. You can trust me on that, I'm a heterosexual male, and when I really fall for a girl, often that "one thing" isn't even on my mind. Men have pretty strong emotions, and aren't really the emotionless, one track mind apes that a lot of media aimed at women would like us all to believe.

That said, just as there are female assholes who don't care about toying around with mens emotions, using them for validation/gifts etc, there are also male assholes who don't think of other peoples emotions and will gladly hook up with a woman who is interested in them and then blank her later. It sounds like the guy you're talking about falls into this category. Most men worth your time don't. Men with moral fibre are not as hard to find as some people would like you to believe. I suggest you employ a better screening mechanism in future.

whatmenwant

whatmenwant wrote:

he took my number the next day but then managed to wipe his sim card and he explained this to me the next time he saw me but didnt ask for my number again

I'll decode that for you.
Ok he spent the night with you and decided you weren't for him.
Thats bluntly what happened.

Where it got awkward for both of you was his inability to communicate that to you.
He took the easier option of avoidance and humming and hawing instead.
Ultimately he started talking in front of you about other girls to further give you the hint that he's not interested.

And yes all that is selfish and immature but its a fact of life that blokes go through a stage of searching,some find and stop-others never stop looking.

With more experience,you will learn to read these situations a bit better.

mogsy

it seems like your wasting your time even discussing this matter, its obvious he was only after a bit of action. your not the first girl this has happened to and certainly wont be the last. just because a guy is friendly with you does not mean he is interested in you. men can promise women the world in pursuit of what they want, my suggestion build a bridge get over it. you wouldnt have found yourself in this position had you not gone back with him for "heavy petting".going back somewhere with any man you barely know does not seem to be the actions of someone who does not want to get a bad rep.

axer

scoey wrote:

I haven't read the responses, but it seems to me that you're making the age old female mistake of being attracted to/hooking up with an asshole and then bitching about "men" and making blanket generalisations after you inevitably get mistreated.

In response to the question, no, men are not always just after one thing. You can trust me on that, I'm a heterosexual male, and when I really fall for a girl, often that "one thing" isn't even on my mind. Men have pretty strong emotions, and aren't really the emotionless, one track mind apes that a lot of media aimed at women would like us all to believe.

That said, just as there are female assholes who don't care about toying around with mens emotions, using them for validation/gifts etc, there are also male assholes who don't think of other peoples emotions and will gladly hook up with a woman who is interested in them and then blank her later. It sounds like the guy you're talking about falls into this category. Most men worth your time don't. Men with moral fibre are not as hard to find as some people would like you to believe. I suggest you employ a better screening mechanism in future.

Well Said.

scoey

scoey wrote:

Men with moral fibre are not as hard to find as some people would like you to believe. I suggest you employ a better screening mechanism in future.

It's not "men with moral fibre" she should be looking for,it's men that want to go out with her.
It's a human right to decide that you are not interested in someone.
Just because these two people had a consentual one night stand with one another doesn't mean either of them have ownership of one another.
It's entirely understandable that the injured party here the OP feels the way she does as she did not get what she wanted out of this.
As I said earlier the guy handled it the easy way as many do.He could do that as he didn't care a hoot about the op's feelings only his own.
Someday he will find someone probably that he won't want to do this to and who he will stay with-so will the OP probably.

Nobody should be forced to stick with someone because of the other persons one way feelings-"moral fibre" doesn't come into it in that respect.
Where "moral fibre" comes into it would be where the boy in this case brings the girl for coffee on saturday after noon and does the whole "it's not you it's me " speech.
But then he's probably of that class of people that would dump someone over a text message...

Doodee

whatmenwant wrote:

I'm really depressed about this at the moment. Was out the other night with a few friends. One of these friends was a lad I'd got it on with a few weeks ago. He seemed really into me, was always chatting to me and seemed really nice until I went home with him one night. he took my number the next morning.
Because i'd known him a while i thought that meant he wanted to see me again, i mean its not like a stranger asking for your number just to be polite. Then he wiped his sim card by accident the next day.
When i saw him a few days later he explained that was why he didn't text me but he never asked for my number again. We didn't even have full sex that night but he hasn't been the same since.
He rarely tries to initiate any kind of conversation, basically he used me. I had to get one of my friends to tell him not to be so rude to me and to even look at me. I found out recently he'd been seeing another girl and that he'd asked her out for a drink etc. Then we were all out the other night and he kept going on in front of me about all the girls he wants to score (i think he said the girl he was seeing had stopped calling him but he didn't care). The other lads all joined in about how they just want to score girls and aren't that fussed about relationships. Are all men just after one thing? Does nobody want proper relationships anymore?

Horses for courses.

Not all women dream of relationships either you know. A general rule of thumb when it comes to binging someone home with sexual intent is that you treat it as that, just sex.
If your looking for the relationship type then you have to have patience get to know them preferably, by txt or on dates or whatever.

Personally, I like to be honest and tell them its not gonna lead to anything serious, seems to work, but then again sometimes people just find it hard not to fall for me

Victor

Different people want different things.

whatmenwant wrote:

Men-are they really only after one thing?

Cooking and cleaning are two separate things.

Sir Oxman

scoey wrote:

I haven't read the responses, but it seems to me that you're making the age old female mistake of being attracted to/hooking up with an asshole and then bitching about "men" and making blanket generalisations after you inevitably get mistreated.

In response to the question, no, men are not always just after one thing. You can trust me on that, I'm a heterosexual male, and when I really fall for a girl, often that "one thing" isn't even on my mind. Men have pretty strong emotions, and aren't really the emotionless, one track mind apes that a lot of media aimed at women would like us all to believe.

That said, just as there are female assholes who don't care about toying around with mens emotions, using them for validation/gifts etc, there are also male assholes who don't think of other peoples emotions and will gladly hook up with a woman who is interested in them and then blank her later. It sounds like the guy you're talking about falls into this category. Most men worth your time don't. Men with moral fibre are not as hard to find as some people would like you to believe. I suggest you employ a better screening mechanism in future.

Well said.
Key words there - 'worth your time'
what occured is life- simple as. You (OP)don't know ever what someone is like, even years being with someone never mind a few hours.
Best of luck .

biko

scoey wrote:

I haven't read the responses, but it seems to me that you're making the age old female mistake of being attracted to/hooking up with an asshole and then bitching about "men" and making blanket generalisations after you inevitably get mistreated.

QFT Tbh, I wasn't much for relationships until my early 20s but some guys may take longer to mature.

LegacyUser

'He is not interested. He gave it a go, you didnt put out so he moved on. Wiping his sim card is an excuse backed up by the fact that he didnt ask for your number.

Dont waste any more time on him. There are honest guys out there....'

Jack B. Badd

Victor wrote:

Cooking and cleaning are two separate things.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

hallelujah

whatmenwant wrote:

I'm really depressed about this at the moment. Was out the other night with a few friends. One of these friends was a lad I'd got it on with a few weeks ago. He seemed really into me, was always chatting to me and seemed really nice until I went home with him one night. he took my number the next morning.
Because i'd known him a while i thought that meant he wanted to see me again, i mean its not like a stranger asking for your number just to be polite. Then he wiped his sim card by accident the next day.
When i saw him a few days later he explained that was why he didn't text me but he never asked for my number again. We didn't even have full sex that night but he hasn't been the same since.
He rarely tries to initiate any kind of conversation, basically he used me. I had to get one of my friends to tell him not to be so rude to me and to even look at me. I found out recently he'd been seeing another girl and that he'd asked her out for a drink etc. Then we were all out the other night and he kept going on in front of me about all the girls he wants to score (i think he said the girl he was seeing had stopped calling him but he didn't care). The other lads all joined in about how they just want to score girls and aren't that fussed about relationships. Are all men just after one thing? Does nobody want proper relationships anymore?

You shouldn't do anything you dont want to OP. Stick to your standards. You seem like a nice girl. PM me!

Chucky the tree

^


here loser, this isnt the dating forum.

j0e

Lol

oleras

Chucky the tree wrote:

^


here loser, this isnt the dating forum.

Linky ? ?

Laslo

The Scientist wrote:

Everything a man says you when chatting you up is masked behind the words "I eventually want to have sex with you".
my 2 cents.

Mystic Meg strikes again.

dudara

Stick to the original topic. If you have nothing worthwhile to contribute, then don't post.

dudara

LegacyUser

'similar scenario to original poster.

was out last week got talking to a guy i vaguely know through friends. kissed, ended up going home with him. absolutely nothing happened at all. NOTHING. (my choice)

now he gave me his number but never took mine. bit unorthodox? or is it? is that just laziness on his part? do guys give out numbers working on odds of one girl bound to call them?'

extra-ordinary_

He tried it on, didn't get anywhere, so he's moved on. Maybe you can learn from this.
Next time take your time with whoever it is to find out if they want the same things as you.

Chucky the tree

whatdotheywant? wrote:

'similar scenario to original poster.

was out last week got talking to a guy i vaguely know through friends. kissed, ended up going home with him. absolutely nothing happened at all. NOTHING. (my choice)

now he gave me his number but never took mine. bit unorthodox? or is it? is that just laziness on his part? do guys give out numbers working on odds of one girl bound to call them?'

oh ffs.

whats the difference between him asking for your number over him giving you his? Dont like it because it puts the ball in your court and you prefer the man too do the chasing?

Guys give out numbers hoping the girl will ring them sometime. Excact same reason women give guys there number. :rolleyes:

Jack B. Badd

whatdotheywant? wrote:

'similar scenario to original poster.

was out last week got talking to a guy i vaguely know through friends. kissed, ended up going home with him. absolutely nothing happened at all. NOTHING. (my choice)

now he gave me his number but never took mine. bit unorthodox? or is it? is that just laziness on his part? do guys give out numbers working on odds of one girl bound to call them?'

Did you offer him your number? Personally, I'd be more inclined to give someone my number than ask for theirs as I find asking outright for someone's number to be a bit more intrusive. And so what if he's landed the ball in your court? These days women are "liberated" apparently...

joeybloggs

To answer your question. No were not all like that.

Kell

OP- I only read your posts. One thing sticks out like a sore thumb. Why the fúck havent you asked him what the lie of the land is? Put him on the spot and let him tell you a) he is interested or b) it was a one nighter and he doesnt really give a flying fúck about going any further.

It seems to me that you are not prepared for b) so you wander around trying to figure out his motives as opposed to taking a deep breath and finding out one way or the other. Then you come on here and ask us to figure out his motives for you.

Why not just ask him and figure them out yourself? Is it that hard? Pfft.

But to answer your original question, no we are not just after one thing, but all roads lead to Rome you know.

K-

little lady

Depending on the age some guys can be after one thing. The younger the guy the more likely is that he is only after one thing but the older and more mature they become the more likely they are to realise that there are more important things to a relationship and to life than sex. Saying that physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship.

If you want to know if this guy is interested in you ask him, but ask him to his face while you are both on your own. Unfortunately from what you have said in your post I would say that he is not interested; but the only way you will know for definite and probably the only think that will put your mind to rest is to ask him directly.

rediguana

Many, if not all, men really ARE after only one thing.

Zulu

...and what's that? Please do enlighten us, oh lord of the sweeping comments :rolleyes:

Mr. Incognito

Oh ffs.

If a guy likes a girl he'll ask her out. And taking her home and making out is opportunity enough. The only time I didn't ask a girl out I liked was when I thought she was out of my league.

In my opinion he blew you off.

John Mason

love, all men are after what they can get.....thats why you dont give it to them on the first night