boyfriend and drugs

LegacyUser

ok first let me give you a small bit of backround info.
i've been with my boyfriend for 3yrs and known him for half a year before that. we became close very quickly. he used to do drugs (exstasy mostly) every now and then. during our first summer together we became friends with some new people who liked to do them at weekends too. so every 2nd weekend or so they would go out and do them. i've never been into drugs nor have they been in my social scene before. i've no interest in trying them and had never physically seen someone take any before. i was head over heels about this guy at the time and was in the stage where you focus on the good only. but after time, i began to resent him doing drugs. i feel pretty strongly about them and don't see any good with them. we began to have arguments and i asked him to stop doing them. he refused as he has a good time and says this is how i met him and i knew he did them. we'd argue every weekend about them and sometimes all week. i hate the person he becomes. he looks like an idiot and i don't feel attracted to him at all. plus i feel i'm ignored when he does them because usually i'm the only one not doing them so i don't understand what they feel. i cant relate to him at all about this. we have such different opinions about drugs. there's been times where plans we had made were cancelled because he went doing drugs instead or was recovering the next day. we've almost broken up a few times over and i feel it will the thing that will eventually.
the past year we've stopped going out with these people a lot. he has only done pills a couple of times in the year. i know he's stopped because of me. but he's now planning on doing them this weekend and all this is coming back up again. i refuse to go out with him and i don't really trust him doing them. if he's having a good 'buzz' and some girl comes up to him how do i know he'll refuse? i get scared that he'll get a dodgy pill and that''' be it. i dont want to go through this every time he wants a good time. i feel like crap for the week before and ther week after. i love him but i dont want to feel like this and wonder would it be best if we broke up? has anyone been in this position before? and please dont say drugs are fine because i feel really stongly and it's not like they're not dangerous. i'm going crazy thinking about this weekend and want to go away so i dont see him.

Kazooie

It sounds like this is really getting you down. Don't worry you're in the majority in your feelings towards hard drugs like 'e', so stick by them. If you really feel it's getting to the stage where he needs to chose between you and the drugs then do it, make him decide, he'll more than likely make the right choice.:)
Tell him you won't be there to look after him when he's a vegetable after taking a bad pill.
At the end of the day if it's getting you down like this then make him decide. Hope thats been some help.:)

Tusky

First of all, dont worry about him getting a dodgy pill, its pretty much a myth. If he is only doing them very rarely (because of you) I dont see what the problem is. How would you feel if he asked you to stop doing something you enjoyed ?

Once he is not over doing it/abusing them I think you should give him a break. Is there a massive problem in not going out with him when he plans to do them ? If he only does them very rarely surely thats not too big of an issue ?

Kazooie wrote:

Tell him you won't be there to look after him when he's a vegetable after taking a bad pill.

Some of the worst and most uniformed advice I have read on boards.ie, ever.

PeakOutput

Tusky wrote:

First of all, dont worry about him getting a dodgy pill, its pretty much a myth. If he is only doing them very rarely (because of you) I dont see what the problem is. How would you feel if he asked you to stop doing something you enjoyed ?

Once he is not over doing it/abusing them I think you should give him a break. Is there a massive problem in not going out with him when he plans to do them ? If he only does them very rarely surely thats not too big of an issue ?



Some of the worst and most uniformed advice I have read on boards.ie, ever.

while i do think kazoie is talking crap once every two weeks is hardly rarely

you are going to have to give him an ultimatum and if i know drug people(dont wana use the word druggies coz im sure ill get flamed) which i do he will not give the drug up and while you dont wana break up with if its making you feel as **** as you say you cant go on like that either if he does give it up then you know how much he loves you too and your probably in for a great relationship

Victor

PeakOutput wrote:

while i do think kazoie is talking crap

Go wash you mouth out with soap. Banned for a week.

Kazooie

Why when the OP is clearly against it.
"i hate the person he becomes. he looks like an idiot and i don't feel attracted to him at all."
If she wanted to frighten him it would work.

yournamehere

OP I'm totally with you on this one. I went out with a guy in college who basically hid it from me cuase all his friends told him I was majorly zero tolerance on the hardcore drugs issue. One night I went out and like you the only person not on planet lala and it was horrible. needless to say i finished with him pretty quickly.

Tusky gives out about other peoles advice yet his is utter crap (in my opinion)

"Once he is not over doing it/abusing them I think you should give him a break"

why should she? she obviously loves him and doesn't want to be a pedestrian to his road to self destruction. People look and act like morons when on drugs.
I'm not saying give him an ultimatum, because you shouldn't have to. If he realises how strongly you feel surely your feelings should mean more to him than some brain dmaging chemical.


"How would you feel if he asked you to stop doing something you enjoyed ?" hardly a fair comparison - if op was doing something equally stupid /socially retarded/brain destroying Ishould hope that he would encourage her to stop.

And rarely doing them/not often would be 1/2 times a year not once a month.

Tough love is required - make him realize you don't want to be involved with a druggie....

Seraphina

i'm sorry, but you knew he was like this when you started going out with him, why are you so hell bent on trying to change him? it will only cause him to resent you for preventing him from having fun (as he sees it)
i think you'd be better off breaking up with him and cutting your losses, rather than continuing to put so much effort into trying to change how someone socialises.
i know there are dangers associated with drugs, but c'mon, turning into a vegtable after taking a bad pill? thats the kind of dumb scaremongering used on kids. it doesn't happen.
the fact is, you're just pissed off cause you dont like drugs and dont have fun when he's on them and you're not. so what do you want him to not have fun too?

rediguana

Finish with him. If you're very anti drugs and he's so pro, it'll be a constant source of grief between you.

Incidentally, some of the advice so far has been dumb. I'm looking at you, Mr. Moderator.

nodger

stuck-in-a-rut wrote:

but after time, i began to resent him doing drugs. i feel pretty strongly about them and don't see any good with them.

Nobody likes being given an ultimatum, so it's probably best not to go down the "give them up, or we're finished" route. If I were you, I'd focus on just emphasising how much you like him when he's not on pills. You should also read about the drug and its effects, so that you can have a rational discussion and avoid rehashing the old urban myths you might have heard or read.

In terms of your relationship with him, the most relevant after-effect is probably the depression associated with Ecstasy usage. This varies from person to person, but it's fair to say that most people will feel quite 'down' for a day or two after taking a pill.

LegacyUser

seraphina- i didnt have any contact with drugs before him so how was i to know i would hate them so much? i found out he did them not long after we started going out. it's hardly something u tell someone straight away. he also knows i'm very anti-drugs so why should he try change me? i'm not trying to change him, i'm trying to stop him doing something that can destroy him. if he looked at porn and i told him to stop that would be completely different. thats a 'hobby' thats not harmful and i would be trying to change him. this is something that is dangerous (pills are laced with rat poison, heroin etc, so dont say its not) and changes his character. we have good nights out when he's not doing them so it's not like he cant have a good time without them.
to everyone else - he rarely does them anymore. the 1st two years together he did them a lot but the last year has only been 2 or 3 times and i'm so greatful for that. i dont want to issue an ultimatum cuz while i know he would pick me, he might resent it after a while. i'm hoping he'll 'grow out' of this but not sure if that happens. it's just such a big deal when he does something and it means that good nights are ruined cuz we cant spend time together. paddy's day will be horrible cuz i'll be out without him but will be thinking of him doing them all night. while the chances of him getting very messed up or dying are slim i still think about it. plus there are the long term effects. he is paranoid which he admits is probably from drugs. we cant seem to have a conversation about this because we both feel strongly and usually end up with me crying and him getting really angry. i dont want it to be an issue every time but it is.

nodger

yournamehere wrote:

Tusky gives out about other peoles advice yet his is utter crap (in my opinion)

"Once he is not over doing it/abusing them I think you should give him a break"

why should she? she obviously loves him and doesn't want to be a pedestrian to his road to self destruction. People look and act like morons when on drugs.

Being so 'black and white' about the issue is not going to get the OP anywhere. People may look and act like morons when on Ecstasy, but I wouldn't agree that users of the drug are on a "road to self destruction". I think you're implying that Ecstasy users all end up making the progression to abusing heroin or crack, which is asinine. Her boyfriend will probably just stop using it of his own accord some day, as most people do.

yournamehere wrote:

"How would you feel if he asked you to stop doing something you enjoyed ?" hardly a fair comparison - if op was doing something equally stupid /socially retarded/brain destroying Ishould hope that he would encourage her to stop.

I suppose it would be pointless to highlight the fact that thousands of people do far more damage to their bodies every weekend by consuming large volumes of alcohol. Would you say that the OP should insist that her boyfriend give up beer, too? What about fast food?

If she's to try to convince him to stop using the drug, she should at least avoid approaching it from a scare-mongering, apocalyptic standpoint.

ZiabR

Kazooie wrote:

It sounds like this is really getting you down. Don't worry you're in the majority in your feelings towards hard drugs like 'e', so stick by them. If you really feel it's getting to the stage where he needs to chose between you and the drugs then do it, make him decide, he'll more than likely make the right choice.:)
Tell him you won't be there to look after him when he's a vegetable after taking a bad pill.
At the end of the day if it's getting you down like this then make him decide. Hope thats been some help.:)

I would have to agree with the majority of this. I mean if you say to him that you need space to decide what to do about all of this, then i think he might really have to make a choice and most likely will make the right one. It is not fair that you can't even relax during the week because you worry for the weekends. That is no way to live.

Give him a choice.

~Rebel~

the fairest way, for simplicity's sake, to avoid all the stigma of the drugs thing and the facts/myths arguments is to treat this as a pioneer going out with someone who drinks.

when your sober and everyone else looks like a moron fecked drunk can get very very annoying and makes the night far harder to enjoy whne your in a different mental state to everyone else. The best solution, is to agree he doesnt do anything when ye're going to be together. If it becomes too much of an issue on principal that he takes drugs, or he is going too far (like an alcoholic getting destroyed on drink) then its probably irreconcilable and you would need to issue an ultimatum to back off them or lose you.
It would be good to get him down to lower levels of usage first before trying to get him to stop altogether.

Also for your own peace of mind, ask him for your sake if he's gonna take something to maybe take it an hour or so after the others, or in halves instead of full tablets and to maybe have a limit of a max of 2pills in a night, some compromise anyway cause its really unfair to have you worrying about his safety.

cornbb

Some people do drugs and some people don't. You knew the guy was into drugs pretty much straight after ye started going out, so wishing he didn't take drugs isn't really gonna get you anywhere - you can't ask him to be a different person for your sake. I know this sucks, and I can totally relate to your position, but it would be unfair to try to change him.

On the other hand, its a really good sign that he takes them less now because you - maybe you could meet him half way and not give him a hard time if he takes them once in a blue moon? Comprimise is the only successful way out of this one I think. You are anti-drugs but thats your right, at least you are being fairly rational and tolerant over it. And don't worry about him so much, I know its not fun to see a loved one off their face but I don't think E is necessarily as dangerous as its made out to be. You are in a tough position alright, hope you can figure something out.

the_syco

stuck-in-a-rut wrote:

i'm not trying to change him, i'm trying to stop him

Erm. That line is a bit ironic. Anyhoo's, you knew he did drugs before you met him (bad-boy image), and now you want him to stop, without changing him.

Two things: he may do it when you're not looking (he's open about it now, may not be open about it in the future), and two, he may just finish the relationship, as he's already taken a large step of cutting down, and see this as the final straw that broke the camels back.

LegacyUser

'Effects of E

Brain swelling
Because you're so hot, you may drink too much water too quickly. This can cause the brain to swell, leading to unconsciousness and rapid death (within 12 hours).

Bad trip
The rush of brain chemicals can trigger nightmare hallucinations. If you ever take ecstasy again, they can come back. You may feel you've got superhuman powers and overestimate your ability to do dangerous things, such as leaping from a great height.

Brain damage
Ecstasy can interrupt blood flow to the brain and cause a stroke (yes, even in young people), resulting in paralysis, dementia (loss of memory and the ability to think clearly) and Parkinson's disease (when the body shakes and twitches uncontrollably).


Sledging: Life-threatening condition
A serious side effect, sometimes called sledging, can come on if you mix ecstasy with any other drug. It can happen the first time you take a tablet if you're susceptible. You feel freezing cold and shiver violently, you feel like you're going to die - and you might. You can't talk or move. You feel as though you're drifting into a sleep - from which you may never wake up.'

Steyr

Finally someone who doesnt do drugs and is smart enough to know right from wrong! Tell him its you or the Drugs, simple as, its obvious he is addicted, theres more way of having fun. But MODS thats just my Opionion if i was in my shoes thats what id do.

Chucky the tree

stuck-in-a-rut wrote:

(pills are laced with rat poison, heroin etc, so dont say its not)

Complete ****e. If your going to take a stance on something at least know the facts and dont just listen to the scaremongering media hype. Can you tell me why drug manufacturers would try and kill there customers by putting rat poison in them? Can you always tell me why they would lace the with heroin, thats a complete waste of money on their part.

None of that ever happens. Also, if he went out drinking ever weekend would you tell him too stop? I seriously doubt it. Yet the only difference is one is legal the other isnt.

Unless you think alochol doesnt have any long term affects.

As for Steyr - He's doing them 2 or 3 times a year, yet hes addicted? Your a smart fella.

nicolo

Im in the exact opposite position, I used to do drugs and very rarely still do and my girlfriend hates that i do . now when i met her i was on drugs when we got together i was on drugs and she knows for a fact that altough i act like a prat when im on them i never dop any harm and im just as bad if not worse when im drunk.
now the problem on my side (and we've nearly broken up over them too) is nothing to do with the pills its the fact that she has no idea what shes talking about and wants me to give up something that i know evrything about, Ive done them on and off for years, i know my limits i know where they come from (ie id never be buying them of some scobby walking down the street) and i only really do them in places where ill be safe. therefore its a kind of thing that i dont want a mother i want a friend
so thats one thing and the other is that if you start making major life style changes for someone then you start to feel less yourself if he asked you to give up something you do socializing. (are you a social person?)
would you?

nodger

Steyr wrote:

Tell him its you or the Drugs, simple as, its obvious he is addicted, theres more way of having fun.

When you say he's addicted, what are you basing that on? There is little, if any, scientific evidence to suggest that MDMA is an addictive drug. Sure - there are people who do it every week, but that doesn't mean they're chemically dependent on it.

What other ways of 'having fun' would you say are more suitable?

louisecm

stuck-in-a-rut wrote:

i dont want it to be an issue every time but it is.

I think you've kind of indicated your solution there. Its an issue, one you clearly can't get over even though it is rare, so either he packs them in or you finish with him.

I'm not anti-drugs by any stretch of the imagination but that is not really what this is about. This could be any behaviour - like, excessively playing video games - its the fact that it bothers you that much, so if he's not willing to end it then I reckon you've got to end it. Its not right for either or you.

louisecm

Steyr wrote:

Finally someone who doesnt do drugs and is smart enough to know right from wrong! Tell him its you or the Drugs, simple as, its obvious he is addicted, theres more way of having fun.

What??? How is it obvious he's addicted? I think maybe you need to do some research on MDMA and human behaviour.

riddik

I have a friend who was in the EXACT same situation, i mean every detail was identical, and if i didn't know she'd already broken up with him then i'd suspect this was her, but i will tell you how it ended so perhaps it will help. However, before i do, I must admit they didn't have that period of no drug usage that you and your boyfriend had so, it's not really the same...

Taking up from the constant arguing and growing apart, things just disintegrated further and further. the fights got more intense etc. and i dont no for sure, but i think he may have hit her at one point, she never said it to anyone, but it was implied and she wouldn't talk about it when approached. eventually he was really bad one night and they had a serious fight. She left and they never spoke to each other again. Ever! They hate each other now, i mean with a passion, and it doesn't make sense. She says she wished she'd left earlier on good terms so it wouldn't be like it is now, but at the same time the person she first new is gone, so it left her with this terribly unwholesome feeling that she couldn't even try to connect with the one she originally loved. pretty horrible situation to hav to deal with either way, sorry to hear

rediguana

louisecm wrote:

What??? How is it obvious he's addicted? I think maybe you need to do some research on MDMA and human behaviour.

The pro-drug people are being naive here. I've taken e's on a handful of occasions. There are nasty physical and psychological effects for days afterwards. At the time, they're great and the world is amazing. But your behaviour is very erratic, much of it embarrassing. The next day, I've visibly aged, so I can imagine what's happening to my organs. I can do nothing productive for at least three days after, even then I'm a bit fragile. If you're in the habit of doing them, a night out where you're NOT doing them seems pallid and pointless by comparison, so e's are definitely psychologically addictive.

I haven't taken any in a couple of years, and I was never a regular user. But I've seen many people who live from weekend to weekend just for drugs of various kinds. Some of these people seem to have an okay life, some don't.

The OP obviously has to witness first-hand the effects of drugs on the person she's closest to. She doesn't like it. I agree that she shouldn't necessarily waste half her youth trying to change him. Having made a few attempts (she loves him when he's not using), I would advise her to walk.

Drugs are fun. But they're not without risks and the OP is getting the raw deal in this relationship.

DarkJager

drugsrbadmmmkay wrote:

'Effects of E

Brain swelling
Because you're so hot, you may drink too much water too quickly. This can cause the brain to swell, leading to unconsciousness and rapid death (within 12 hours).

Bad trip
The rush of brain chemicals can trigger nightmare hallucinations. If you ever take ecstasy again, they can come back. You may feel you've got superhuman powers and overestimate your ability to do dangerous things, such as leaping from a great height.

Brain damage
Ecstasy can interrupt blood flow to the brain and cause a stroke (yes, even in young people), resulting in paralysis, dementia (loss of memory and the ability to think clearly) and Parkinson's disease (when the body shakes and twitches uncontrollably).


Sledging: Life-threatening condition
A serious side effect, sometimes called sledging, can come on if you mix ecstasy with any other drug. It can happen the first time you take a tablet if you're susceptible. You feel freezing cold and shiver violently, you feel like you're going to die - and you might. You can't talk or move. You feel as though you're drifting into a sleep - from which you may never wake up.'

Typical brainless counter arguement against drugs. If you are going to post on a subject, please make sure you do a bit of research first and not believe everything you read on the internet. Having done ecstasy many times (and clean from them now for 2 years), I can tell you that every point you posted above is scaremongering baseless crap. I'm not going to go correcting whats wrong with your points above now, but they are grossly exagerrated.

OP, you need to accept that some people take drugs like ecstasy simply for the experience of it. Your boyfriend will eventually tire of taking E every 2 weeks and his usage will drop to probably once a month/ 2months. It happens to everybody who takes them after a while, as the novelty wears off and the effects become less apparent.

He is not going to sleep with any girls while on them, because its impossible to have any sort of sexual contact while on them. You have every right to be anti-drugs, but do not try to force this stance on him. I've seen it plenty of times before where people have been forced to choose, and the drug will always win. If you really can't stand him doing this activity, then you will probably be best just to end the relationship.

louisecm

rediguana wrote:

The pro-drug people are being naive here. I've taken e's on a handful of occasions. There are nasty physical and psychological effects for days afterwards. At the time, they're great and the world is amazing. But your behaviour is very erratic, much of it embarrassing. The next day, I've visibly aged, so I can imagine what's happening to my organs. I can do nothing productive for at least three days after, even then I'm a bit fragile. If you're in the habit of doing them, a night out where you're NOT doing them seems pallid and pointless by comparison, so e's are definitely psychologically addictive.

First of all I would not consider myself "pro-drug", I make decisions for myself and don't influence anyone else's.

Secondly, I don't think your argument holds much ground. If I go out with a group of really great people and have a great night and then the following week go out with people who aren't as much fun the night might "seems pallid and pointless by comparison". If I go to an amazing club or pub and then the next week go to somewhere that isn't as good the night might seem "pallid and pointless by comparison". Its all about attitude, not addiction. Just because you might be someone who found you felt a night was "pallid and pointless by comparison" thats your issue, not everyones. I don't doubt that there are people out there like that but not everyone is, and the guy the OP is talking about uses e 2 or 3 times a year so I'm not sure your argument holds up for him either. While the physical effects you mentioned might be accurate for you they are not accurate for everyone (we all have a unique reaction to individual chemicals etc. while there is of course common ground), and they have nothing to do with the addictive properties of MDMA.

TheJoker

That fella sounds like a looser, drop him, move on.

DarkJager

TheJoker wrote:

That fella sounds like a looser, drop him, move on.

Because he likes to take Ecstasy? Get a life please....

layke

Kazooie wrote:

Tell him you won't be there to look after him when he's a vegetable after taking a bad pill.

I have never ever heard of some one becoming a vegitable from ecstasy. In fact I don't believe it's possible.

As for the dodgy pill thing, as said it is a myth. Anyone who has died over the years from drugs usually has a heart condition (known or unknown to themselves).

yournamehere wrote:

to his road to self destruction

Considering the amount of people at any party/club i've been to in the last few years powdering their noses I doubt that statement is true at all. Some of which are wealthy 30 year olds +.

yournamehere wrote:

- if op was doing something equally stupid /socially retarded/brain destroying Ishould hope that he would encourage her to stop.

Now, now. Don't be the preacher who has never had sex yet tells you it's evil and wrong.

I'd like to make the point that a lot of people i've met really bought into those 'drugs are wrong and you'll die if you take them' ads over the years. Not to mention the things school used to tell me about them.

Seraphina wrote:

The fact is, you're just pissed off cause you dont like drugs and dont have fun when he's on them and you're not. so what do you want him to not have fun too?

This, for me sums it up 100%.

drugsrbadmmmkay wrote:

'Effects of E

Brain swelling
Because you're so hot, you may drink too much water too quickly. This can cause the brain to swell, leading to unconsciousness and rapid death (within 12 hours).

I remember this happened to ONE girl in the 90's and never heard of it again myself. Tbh she was obviously paranoid about them and thought if she didn't chug water down constantly she'd die. Ecstasy does not cause an over whelming thirst she did it to herself.

Bad trip
The rush of brain chemicals can trigger nightmare hallucinations. If you ever take ecstasy again, they can come back. You may feel you've got superhuman powers and overestimate your ability to do dangerous things, such as leaping from a great height.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKDufIJLDmk

You should make ads for educating children like the quality one above. I've never ever heard of such a thing and considering the amount of friends I have that were regular users during the 90's when pills were less pure.

Oh and FYI MDMA has the potential to be psychologically addicting not physical.

Please go to http://www.erowid.org and read propper medical reports and FACTS.

My advice OP, you can either live through the few years while he grows out of them. Or you can break up and you can go find a boyfriend who doesn't do any drugs. Staving it off and doing his head in about something you have little or no knowlege about will lead to a break up, one of which neither of you will come out as friends.

He likes drugs you don't.

Don't be the Yoko here coming in and changing everything.

TheJoker

DarkJager wrote:

Because he likes to take Ecstasy? Get a life please....

So in order to "get a life" should I start taking ecstasy?

raido9

In fairness he took them before ye got together. It is part of him whether you like it or not. You can not have ideas of how people should be. Either you accept him as he is or you move on, in my opinion.

If he does give up for you, he may start to resent you for making him do so.

Look at the whole package, if his good points far outweigh the drug taking stay with him, otherwise leave.

TheJoker

At the end of the day its come down to this, opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one, no matter what you have read here only you can decide what to do.

DarkJager

Joker, I'm not saying you need to take ecstasy to "get a life"...just don't be so narrow minded about something you have probably never experienced for yourself. Another thing to note is that nobody has died just from taking an ecstasy tablet. Each death attributed to ecstasy was caused by a condition called "Water Intoxication" : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication

Jocksy

My suggestion is to take drugs with him. Not only will you have a great time but you might actually make a deeper connection with your man and have a bit more understanding of the world around you as well.

I've had friends who had girlfriends like you but who eventually 'gave in' and have had no regrets since.

Dreamer 7

First of all, dont worry about him getting a dodgy pill, its pretty much a myth.


Mmmm was it a myth when my mate had to learn how to walk, talk , feed herself over the course of 2 yrs after a bad pill. She is permanently damaged for life now so get you facts straight before you imply bad things never happen on E

Jocksy

Mmmm was it a myth when my mate had to learn how to walk, talk , feed herself over the course of 2 yrs after a bad pill. She is permanently damaged for life now so get you facts straight before you imply bad things never happen on E

haha. are you taking the piss? What kind of drug could possibly do that to you?

DarkJager

Dreamer 7, sorry to hear about your friends experience, but the chances of getting a pill that will do something like that to you are 1000000:1.

nodger

DarkJager wrote:

I've seen it plenty of times before where people have been forced to choose, and the drug will always win. If you really can't stand him doing this activity, then you will probably be best just to end the relationship.

Everything DarkJager said about E usage is correct. However, I'm not sure that drugs will always come out on top in an "It's me or the E" decision

Before this degenerates into a debate about the dangers of drugs, let's just leave it alone.

OP - best of luck with the boyfriend.

AnonoBoy

DarkJager wrote:

He is not going to sleep with any girls while on them, because its impossible to have any sort of sexual contact while on them.

Speaking from personal experience that DarkJager is untrue. It can be frustrating for guys sometimes attempting to have sex while on pills but saying it's impossible is as inaccurate as the material posted here that you're lambasting.

OP - I would say if him cutting back to only taking pills a few times a year and never when you're around isn't going to be enough then for both your sake's you should consider ending the relationship. It's not your fault and I don't think it's really his fault either. You both seem to have made an effort to understand the other's point of view - but sometimes understanding and living with can be worlds apart.

Just irreconcilible differences in the end.

DarkJager

I accept that maybe in the US, its possible to have sex while on them, but here in Ireland there isn't a hope. Anybody who tells you that he can get hard while on E is either lying...or hasn't taken them..

Jocksy

You're wrong on that Jager, take it from a veteran.

DarkJager

A veteran too but lets not start arguing about erections on E. If you can manage it, then I take my hat off to you...but I guarantee you that 9 out of 10 people can't.

TheJoker

DarkJager wrote:

Joker, I'm not saying you need to take ecstasy to "get a life"...just don't be so narrow minded about something you have probably never experienced for yourself. Another thing to note is that nobody has died just from taking an ecstasy tablet. Each death attributed to ecstasy was caused by a condition called "Water Intoxication" : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication

I am familiar with the concept. If the truth be known I couldn't give a sh1t what people decide to put into their bodies, its there own decision.

My fundamental problem with drugs is the fact that all you are really doing is feeding organised crime. Having relatives who have spent most of their lives trying to remove these people/drugs from society, I cannot simply turn around and condone them, even if it is only on a website.

Mr. Presentable

OP, if it's causing rows then he feels more for his "habit" than he does for you. I have been in two relationships with people doing drugs - the drug always took proiority over the relationship. It's just how things are.

Many of the posters above have very strong feelings on the matter, both pro and anti, and this is also typicaly of smokers/non smokers, drinkers/non drinkers etc. Anywhere there's a chemical dependancy there's a polarisation, and strong feelings, which lead to misrepresentation and selectivity. E is bad, dangerous and adictive. Just not as much so as some have said, but moreso than others claim.

Ultimately, OP, you are being forced to make the choice your partner won't. That is, will you maintain the relationship? I suggest if you do you must accept second best and for your sanity accept him as he is. If you can't you must get out.

rediguana

louisecm wrote:

First of all I would not consider myself "pro-drug", I make decisions for myself and don't influence anyone else's.

Secondly, I don't think your argument holds much ground. If I go out with a group of really great people and have a great night and then the following week go out with people who aren't as much fun the night might "seems pallid and pointless by comparison". If I go to an amazing club or pub and then the next week go to somewhere that isn't as good the night might seem "pallid and pointless by comparison". Its all about attitude, not addiction. Just because you might be someone who found you felt a night was "pallid and pointless by comparison" thats your issue, not everyones. I don't doubt that there are people out there like that but not everyone is, and the guy the OP is talking about uses e 2 or 3 times a year so I'm not sure your argument holds up for him either. While the physical effects you mentioned might be accurate for you they are not accurate for everyone (we all have a unique reaction to individual chemicals etc. while there is of course common ground), and they have nothing to do with the addictive properties of MDMA.

1. Taking drugs, as anyone who's taking them will testify to, gives you an experience that's difficult to replicate without the use of drugs again (unless you're some kind of meditation king etc). If they didn't have this effect, why would people take them? It's not the same as saying that some clubs are better than others, or that some friends are more fun than others.

2. Yeah, everyone's different and effects of substances range. But I'd love to meet the person who feels on top of the world after 12 hours of taking e's, coke and vodka.

3. I will concede that 2-3 times per year is very different from twice a month. I didn't see that first time round.

louisecm

rediguana wrote:

1. Taking drugs, as anyone who's taking them will testify to, gives you an experience that's difficult to replicate without the use of drugs again (unless you're some kind of meditation king etc). If they didn't have this effect, why would people take them? It's not the same as saying that some clubs are better than others, or that some friends are more fun than others.

2. Yeah, everyone's different and effects of substances range. But I'd love to meet the person who feels on top of the world after 12 hours of taking e's, coke and vodka.

3. I will concede that 2-3 times per year is very different from twice a month. I didn't see that first time round.

I don't want to go off on too much of a tangent here because I want to respect the OP's position, but I think you missed my point. I am well aware that the experience of drugs is difficult to replicate, my point was that there are lots of experiences that are difficult to replicate and the desire to have them again doesn't mean you are addicted. The need to have them means you are addicted. But many people are just able to say, "Jaysis that was a brilliant night" and leave it at that.

PS I'm sorry you found my post tedious, but I'm fairly certain these boards are here for people to air their opinions in a respectful atmosphere. I am respecting you, please respect me.

Beruthiel

Jocksy wrote:

My suggestion is to take drugs with him. Not only will you have a great time but you might actually make a deeper connection with your man and have a bit more understanding of the world around you as well..

Good grief.
That, has got to be, one of the worst ever, pieces of advice I've seen since I became Mod of this forum.

As far as I'm concerned, we all have the right to take whatever we wish, but to push that agenda onto someone who has no interest, is appalling.

As for the rest of you, please stick to advising the OP - take your debate on this drug to Humanities, it is of no help here.

It comes down to this OP.
You're with someone cos you want to be, not because you want to change them.
I, like a lot of people have a few little habits that some may object to, my opinion has always been, if you can't live with it, there's no gun to your head and you're free to leave whenever you wish.

You cannot insist he give up what he clearly wants to do.
You can however, tell him that you are finished with him because you have no interest in being with someone who takes this drug.

frizzefreckles

I can understand where you are coming from to a certain extent. i have begged my boyfriend to give up hash, but he has point blank refused. Like you OP i don't like him when he's been smoking he turns into a completly different person. People say how you are trying to enforce your opinions on him, but he is also enforcing his on you. You are the one who has to deal with him while he is high, you are the one that has to cope with him the next day. I completely understand your apprehension knowing that he is going to be taking E at the weekend, I have spend many weekends knowing that his friends were coming over and were all going to be sitting around getting stoned and it has driven me demented. I have found the only way i can deal with it is by leaving while this is happening. Perhaps you could do something else on Paddy's day. If you don't want to see him getting high don't be around to see it.
Again I know my situation is slightly different to yours but I hope I've been of some help to you. Best of luck

rediguana

louisecm wrote:

I don't want to go off on too much of a tangent here because I want to respect the OP's position, but I think you missed my point. I am well aware that the experience of drugs is difficult to replicate, my point was that there are lots of experiences that are difficult to replicate and the desire to have them again doesn't mean you are addicted. The need to have them means you are addicted. But many people are just able to say, "Jaysis that was a brilliant night" and leave it at that.

PS I'm sorry you found my post tedious, but I'm fairly certain these boards are here for people to air their opinions in a respectful atmosphere. I am respecting you, please respect me.

Sorry, I didn't think anyone noticed the post titles

If he's just taking them 3 times a year, I don't think he's addicted. I know I should read OP's more carefully.

Final word (from me!) - it's a problem for their relationship because it's a problem for her. If he's not willing to accommodate her (and I'm not saying he should), then that's her signal to get out of there. I would imagine that for someone who's never taken drugs, sees them as intrinsically "bad", and recognises their illegality, even doing them ONCE in a year is too often.

Sleepy

Dreamer 7 wrote:

First of all, dont worry about him getting a dodgy pill, its pretty much a myth.


Mmmm was it a myth when my mate had to learn how to walk, talk , feed herself over the course of 2 yrs after a bad pill. She is permanently damaged for life now so get you facts straight before you imply bad things never happen on E

What was in that tablet? Because it certainly wasn't mdma... Or did your friend just get hit by a bus whilst on E or something?