Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/.
If we do not hit our goal we will be forced to close the site.

Current status: https://keepboardsalive.com/

Annual subs are best for most impact. If you are still undecided on going Ad Free - you can also donate using the Paypal Donate option. All contribution helps. Thank you.
https://www.boards.ie/group/1878-subscribers-forum

Private Group for paid up members of Boards.ie. Join the club.

boyfriend and drugs

2

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 409 ✭✭raido9


    In fairness he took them before ye got together. It is part of him whether you like it or not. You can not have ideas of how people should be. Either you accept him as he is or you move on, in my opinion.

    If he does give up for you, he may start to resent you for making him do so.

    Look at the whole package, if his good points far outweigh the drug taking stay with him, otherwise leave.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 105 ✭✭TheJoker


    At the end of the day its come down to this, opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one, no matter what you have read here only you can decide what to do.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    Joker, I'm not saying you need to take ecstasy to "get a life"...just don't be so narrow minded about something you have probably never experienced for yourself. Another thing to note is that nobody has died just from taking an ecstasy tablet. Each death attributed to ecstasy was caused by a condition called "Water Intoxication" : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭Jocksy


    My suggestion is to take drugs with him. Not only will you have a great time but you might actually make a deeper connection with your man and have a bit more understanding of the world around you as well.

    I've had friends who had girlfriends like you but who eventually 'gave in' and have had no regrets since.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 344 ✭✭Dreamer 7


    First of all, dont worry about him getting a dodgy pill, its pretty much a myth.


    Mmmm was it a myth when my mate had to learn how to walk, talk , feed herself over the course of 2 yrs after a bad pill. She is permanently damaged for life now so get you facts straight before you imply bad things never happen on E


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭Jocksy


    Mmmm was it a myth when my mate had to learn how to walk, talk , feed herself over the course of 2 yrs after a bad pill. She is permanently damaged for life now so get you facts straight before you imply bad things never happen on E

    haha. are you taking the piss? What kind of drug could possibly do that to you?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    Dreamer 7, sorry to hear about your friends experience, but the chances of getting a pill that will do something like that to you are 1000000:1.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 143 ✭✭nodger


    DarkJager wrote:
    I've seen it plenty of times before where people have been forced to choose, and the drug will always win. If you really can't stand him doing this activity, then you will probably be best just to end the relationship.

    Everything DarkJager said about E usage is correct. However, I'm not sure that drugs will always come out on top in an "It's me or the E" decision :)

    Before this degenerates into a debate about the dangers of drugs, let's just leave it alone.

    OP - best of luck with the boyfriend.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    DarkJager wrote:
    He is not going to sleep with any girls while on them, because its impossible to have any sort of sexual contact while on them.

    Speaking from personal experience that DarkJager is untrue. It can be frustrating for guys sometimes attempting to have sex while on pills but saying it's impossible is as inaccurate as the material posted here that you're lambasting.

    OP - I would say if him cutting back to only taking pills a few times a year and never when you're around isn't going to be enough then for both your sake's you should consider ending the relationship. It's not your fault and I don't think it's really his fault either. You both seem to have made an effort to understand the other's point of view - but sometimes understanding and living with can be worlds apart.

    Just irreconcilible differences in the end.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    I accept that maybe in the US, its possible to have sex while on them, but here in Ireland there isn't a hope. Anybody who tells you that he can get hard while on E is either lying...or hasn't taken them..


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭Jocksy


    You're wrong on that Jager, take it from a veteran.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    A veteran too but lets not start arguing about erections on E. If you can manage it, then I take my hat off to you...but I guarantee you that 9 out of 10 people can't.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 105 ✭✭TheJoker


    DarkJager wrote:
    Joker, I'm not saying you need to take ecstasy to "get a life"...just don't be so narrow minded about something you have probably never experienced for yourself. Another thing to note is that nobody has died just from taking an ecstasy tablet. Each death attributed to ecstasy was caused by a condition called "Water Intoxication" : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication


    I am familiar with the concept. If the truth be known I couldn't give a sh1t what people decide to put into their bodies, its there own decision.

    My fundamental problem with drugs is the fact that all you are really doing is feeding organised crime. Having relatives who have spent most of their lives trying to remove these people/drugs from society, I cannot simply turn around and condone them, even if it is only on a website.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,495 ✭✭✭Mr. Presentable


    OP, if it's causing rows then he feels more for his "habit" than he does for you. I have been in two relationships with people doing drugs - the drug always took proiority over the relationship. It's just how things are.

    Many of the posters above have very strong feelings on the matter, both pro and anti, and this is also typicaly of smokers/non smokers, drinkers/non drinkers etc. Anywhere there's a chemical dependancy there's a polarisation, and strong feelings, which lead to misrepresentation and selectivity. E is bad, dangerous and adictive. Just not as much so as some have said, but moreso than others claim.

    Ultimately, OP, you are being forced to make the choice your partner won't. That is, will you maintain the relationship? I suggest if you do you must accept second best and for your sanity accept him as he is. If you can't you must get out.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,312 ✭✭✭rediguana


    louisecm wrote:
    First of all I would not consider myself "pro-drug", I make decisions for myself and don't influence anyone else's.

    Secondly, I don't think your argument holds much ground. If I go out with a group of really great people and have a great night and then the following week go out with people who aren't as much fun the night might "seems pallid and pointless by comparison". If I go to an amazing club or pub and then the next week go to somewhere that isn't as good the night might seem "pallid and pointless by comparison". Its all about attitude, not addiction. Just because you might be someone who found you felt a night was "pallid and pointless by comparison" thats your issue, not everyones. I don't doubt that there are people out there like that but not everyone is, and the guy the OP is talking about uses e 2 or 3 times a year so I'm not sure your argument holds up for him either. While the physical effects you mentioned might be accurate for you they are not accurate for everyone (we all have a unique reaction to individual chemicals etc. while there is of course common ground), and they have nothing to do with the addictive properties of MDMA.

    1. Taking drugs, as anyone who's taking them will testify to, gives you an experience that's difficult to replicate without the use of drugs again (unless you're some kind of meditation king etc). If they didn't have this effect, why would people take them? It's not the same as saying that some clubs are better than others, or that some friends are more fun than others.

    2. Yeah, everyone's different and effects of substances range. But I'd love to meet the person who feels on top of the world after 12 hours of taking e's, coke and vodka.

    3. I will concede that 2-3 times per year is very different from twice a month. I didn't see that first time round.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 289 ✭✭louisecm


    rediguana wrote:
    1. Taking drugs, as anyone who's taking them will testify to, gives you an experience that's difficult to replicate without the use of drugs again (unless you're some kind of meditation king etc). If they didn't have this effect, why would people take them? It's not the same as saying that some clubs are better than others, or that some friends are more fun than others.

    2. Yeah, everyone's different and effects of substances range. But I'd love to meet the person who feels on top of the world after 12 hours of taking e's, coke and vodka.

    3. I will concede that 2-3 times per year is very different from twice a month. I didn't see that first time round.
    I don't want to go off on too much of a tangent here because I want to respect the OP's position, but I think you missed my point. I am well aware that the experience of drugs is difficult to replicate, my point was that there are lots of experiences that are difficult to replicate and the desire to have them again doesn't mean you are addicted. The need to have them means you are addicted. But many people are just able to say, "Jaysis that was a brilliant night" and leave it at that.

    PS I'm sorry you found my post tedious, but I'm fairly certain these boards are here for people to air their opinions in a respectful atmosphere. I am respecting you, please respect me.


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Jocksy wrote:
    My suggestion is to take drugs with him. Not only will you have a great time but you might actually make a deeper connection with your man and have a bit more understanding of the world around you as well..

    Good grief.
    That, has got to be, one of the worst ever, pieces of advice I've seen since I became Mod of this forum.

    As far as I'm concerned, we all have the right to take whatever we wish, but to push that agenda onto someone who has no interest, is appalling.

    As for the rest of you, please stick to advising the OP - take your debate on this drug to Humanities, it is of no help here.

    It comes down to this OP.
    You're with someone cos you want to be, not because you want to change them.
    I, like a lot of people have a few little habits that some may object to, my opinion has always been, if you can't live with it, there's no gun to your head and you're free to leave whenever you wish.

    You cannot insist he give up what he clearly wants to do.
    You can however, tell him that you are finished with him because you have no interest in being with someone who takes this drug.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 152 ✭✭frizzefreckles


    I can understand where you are coming from to a certain extent. i have begged my boyfriend to give up hash, but he has point blank refused. Like you OP i don't like him when he's been smoking he turns into a completly different person. People say how you are trying to enforce your opinions on him, but he is also enforcing his on you. You are the one who has to deal with him while he is high, you are the one that has to cope with him the next day. I completely understand your apprehension knowing that he is going to be taking E at the weekend, I have spend many weekends knowing that his friends were coming over and were all going to be sitting around getting stoned and it has driven me demented. I have found the only way i can deal with it is by leaving while this is happening. Perhaps you could do something else on Paddy's day. If you don't want to see him getting high don't be around to see it.
    Again I know my situation is slightly different to yours but I hope I've been of some help to you. Best of luck


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,312 ✭✭✭rediguana


    louisecm wrote:
    I don't want to go off on too much of a tangent here because I want to respect the OP's position, but I think you missed my point. I am well aware that the experience of drugs is difficult to replicate, my point was that there are lots of experiences that are difficult to replicate and the desire to have them again doesn't mean you are addicted. The need to have them means you are addicted. But many people are just able to say, "Jaysis that was a brilliant night" and leave it at that.

    PS I'm sorry you found my post tedious, but I'm fairly certain these boards are here for people to air their opinions in a respectful atmosphere. I am respecting you, please respect me.


    Sorry, I didn't think anyone noticed the post titles ;)

    If he's just taking them 3 times a year, I don't think he's addicted. I know I should read OP's more carefully.

    Final word (from me!) - it's a problem for their relationship because it's a problem for her. If he's not willing to accommodate her (and I'm not saying he should), then that's her signal to get out of there. I would imagine that for someone who's never taken drugs, sees them as intrinsically "bad", and recognises their illegality, even doing them ONCE in a year is too often.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,631 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Dreamer 7 wrote:
    First of all, dont worry about him getting a dodgy pill, its pretty much a myth.


    Mmmm was it a myth when my mate had to learn how to walk, talk , feed herself over the course of 2 yrs after a bad pill. She is permanently damaged for life now so get you facts straight before you imply bad things never happen on E
    What was in that tablet? Because it certainly wasn't mdma... Or did your friend just get hit by a bus whilst on E or something?


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 409 ✭✭raido9


    nodger wrote:
    Everything DarkJager said about E usage is correct. However, I'm not sure that drugs will always come out on top in an "It's me or the E" decision :)

    Before this degenerates into a debate about the dangers of drugs, let's just leave it alone.

    OP - best of luck with the boyfriend.
    Nobody responds well to ultimatums. If he doesn't stop if you ask him to, he's hardly going to give up when threatened


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 409 ✭✭raido9


    People say how you are trying to enforce your opinions on him, but he is also enforcing his on you. You are the one who has to deal with him while he is high, you are the one that has to cope with him the next day.
    He's not enforcing his opinions on you, unless he's forcing you to get stoned!

    Seriously, have a bit of respect for personal choice, if he wants to get stoned whats wrong with that. You dont have to be around him when he is stoned.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 152 ✭✭frizzefreckles


    I do respect his choice, I have respected it for the last three years, I have stood by him when he was arrested because of it.
    I don't hang around when he's stoned i clear out of our home and come back the next day and clear up the mess that he and his friends have left.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,048 ✭✭✭BobTheBeat


    OP, there isnt a whole lot you can do without sounding unreasonable to your boyfriend. As you stated, you chose to ignore the habit when you started out with him and over time developed a problem with it.

    Sure feelings for each other will change as your relationship deepens, but the fundamentals upon which it was started always remain true. This was a part of your boyf life when you started out together and you are trying to change it. For anyone else, the equivalent could be one partner begging/threatening the other to stop smoking,driving fast etc. You should have expected the "i did it when you met me, whats changed?" argument.

    It is often detrimental to try and change someone in a partnership because you have a problem with something they do. Even when one succeeds, the other can remain embittered by the whole experience. As alot of the other posters commented,its clearly not that dangerous a drug. If it were, the death toll from its usage in Ireland would be huge.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 344 ✭✭Dreamer 7


    Jocksy wrote:
    haha. are you taking the piss? What kind of drug could possibly do that to you?


    E you cabbage head, learn the facts before you start spouting useless crap at people that are looking for genuine advice.

    You sound like an asbo waiting to happen:eek:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 344 ✭✭Dreamer 7


    Sleepy wrote:
    What was in that tablet? Because it certainly wasn't mdma... Or did your friend just get hit by a bus whilst on E or something?

    Nope just one tablet ruined her life forever :(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    Please elaborate...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭Jocksy


    Dreamer7 is a troll I'm sure of it. THe amount of bad advice given on personal issues is quite shocking. People are looking for help advice and that seems to be the last thing they get.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 344 ✭✭Dreamer 7


    Its a long story that i try to forget .... 1st yr in college Freshers Ball..bag of tablets we all took one. That was all she had no drink or anything and after about 20mins she just collapsed. Nightmare situation .. still raw which is the reason I'm so defensive and angry at people who think they know what they are talking about and really have not a clue


  • Advertisement
  • Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    OK there are far far faaaarrrr too many uninformed opinions spouted on this thread for me to even begin commenting. And thats just a fact.
    And Dreamer 7, I really really hope that thats just a misguided troll or something, because there is no way in hell that any amount of MDMA in one pill is ever gonna have that effect on someone. Why do you think that pills are branded? Its so that people who take them can recognise the type and know that it's ok. Nobody who wants to make money from selling is ever gonna put rat poison, heroin or any such thing in pills if they actually want people to buy them again. Dead people dont buy drugs again.

    You walked into this relationship with your eyes open OP. Your boyfriend has never changed his stance on drug use, whereas you have. What was fine in the start when you were just happy to be with him is no longer fine now, and thats not his fault, is it?
    I can understand that you dont like him when he's on it. But I can guarantee that he loves you, wishes you were around with him and has some of the best and closest nights with his close friends when he is taking them. I know a lot of pills people, and none of them turn into raving frothing at the mouth idiots when they take them. For the effects that you get from not taking too much there really is a huge amount of bull**** and propaganda out there about what will happen to you.
    If you are in a relationship and a partner doesnt take drugs, lord help that relationship if you do take drugs regularly. If you smoke, he better smoke, if you like to stay out all night and get pissed, he better too. Otherwise the arguing, the claiming of the moral highground, the making the other feel bad and trying to change them, it just causes resentment, anger, promotes a lack of understanding and will eventually cause the relationship to end.
    If you were out for a wild night with your friends, and your boyfriend wanted to go home, clean up and head to bed, you'd think "What a boring dry bastard."
    And this is how his pills evenings are going for him. Its just something you cant explain to the uninitiated.
    I think that you can badger him and badger him until he is lying to you about his usage of drugs, or until the relationship ends, but he is never gonna stop taking them forever just because someone sticks on a lemon face and leaves every time he takes one.
    It just is not a big deal for someone to occasionally take an ecstasy and have a brilliant night. I think you either have to re-evaluate your strong anti drugs stance with the evidence in front of you, of people actually on them that you can see are ok and having a good time, as opposed to using biased online resources, and listening to some of the crap spouted on here.
    Either that or you have to re-evaluate your relationship. If he doesnt stop, do you still want to be with him? If no, then leave him, if yes, then leave him be.


Advertisement