Funny Quotes From All Poker Games

BIG-SLICK-POKER

BLAZING ACES CARD CLUB WATERFORD


Player comes in the door and says wats score in the match ...Arsenal playing at the time

Player A at the Table "1-0 arsenal "

Player in the door - "Who scored"

Player A - Reyes

Player B at table in play - "Re Raise "

Priceless

BIG-SLICK-POKER

TEAM EVENT - IRISH CUP

Looking at Padraig parkinson playing in his usual manner with a few bottles ...

Player - "Padraig u do know we are playing for points here "

Padraig - "Thats Grand ive had 10 pints already"

Priceless:D

BIG-SLICK-POKER

PADRAIG PARKINSON - CARDPLAYER EUROPE THIS MONTH


Overheard at table at a recent poker events game

Player 1 " I made 39 final tables last year".
Player 2 " I did'nt know you were a carpenter"

DITTag

EOIN OLIN - GJP MONTHLY

A table breaks up and he comes over to my table(I was dealing) with a tub of peanuts and states " Nobody reraise me because I always have the nuts"

Cheesy but very funny:D:D:D

BIG-SLICK-POKER

TEAM EVENT WATERFORD


Dave Masters is in his usual form at the Table Stirrin up players or Donkeys as he would like to call them ...


Player says to Dave -" Id say if u were a Cake u would eat yourself "

LuckyLloyd

This post has been deleted.

Tar.Aldarion

I just remember somebody shouting "what a flop" over and over, and jamming it in, in the four aces. He got a caller and then lost. His reactions were priceless, laughed for so long.

BigCityBanker

Masters as he rebukes some young upstart at the student poker championships

"What you gonna do when you go bust? Go outside, ring your mammy and cry down the phone to her and tell her about how youv just lost all your money? Mammy, mammy - Ive just lost €70! What am I to do?"

Me when I first started playing Holdem in the merrion a few years back trying to justify a suckout in the Tuesday night £100 game by saying it was a value call (to be fair I knew no better).

"Value is like beauty, its in the eyes of the cardholder!"

ianmc38

Mick the Lip reraises you all-in preflop. You tell him you've aces - "I know you've aces but oive two loive kards". Always gives me a chuckle.

Or Mick the Lip - "Thank God for Murat - he's putting my kids through college". Comic genius.

aodea

Pub game in the 108 everyone limps the button states ther is only one advantage to having postion you got to go all in. "im all in" 6 callers he wins with kk.

Old lady I can never let a queen go with queen 2
the button. You are unlucky there if i dont have postion i just call with my kings. :eek:

final table Jeff or Ditpoker asks what is the pay out the girl running the tournment says oh dont worry its a suprise. Look of pure disgust on jeffs face will last forever. Well i need to know. No you dont. But it effects how i play. Ok you can look at the envelopes but dont tell anybody else!!!! lol

Aodea. Ok i have seen and heard enough im leaving!!!!!! if i dont get these theories i will never make it my chess game is biging to improve.

Bandana boy

TUNICA, MS - Floor managers, dealers and players present in the Grand's poker room last Thursday all confirm that a severely intoxicated holdem player experienced great difficulty separating the similar yet distinct realities of online and physical poker.

The drunk, identified by casino staff as Michigan tourist Evelio Alderdice, first drew attention to himself by asking players to stop "hiding their numbers". When pressed, Alderdice explained "I should be able to see their numbers, their chip numbers. They're hiding them, that's cheating. Waitress!"

Other players were at first confused, and allowed the comment to pass as Alderdice sunk back into inebriated silence. After the next outburst however, player Justin Lowry put two and two together. "He started going off, very loudly and like, out of ****ing nowhere, about how he had 'clicked post' before he went to the bathroom and so he should've be dealt in," recalled Lowry. "It didn't really hit me until he said something about having a time bank and how he could totally piss in under 2 minutes. Then I was like ****, this guy thinks he's playing online."

As the evening progressed, Alderdice displayed even clearer signs of his inability to distinguish between the online and physical versions of the game, including yelling 'raise any', 'call any', and 'fold to any bet' before action was anywhere near him; becoming frustrated when his chips did not move themselves to the center; not tipping the dealer and constantly wandering over to the cage to see how much money he had left in his 'account'.

"On one hand, I felt kind of bad for the guy," said player Mike Hutton, "but on the other hand, it was pretty ****ing funny. I mean, here's this guy who just keeps poking the rail like there are buttons there, who keeps talking out loud to himself and gets shocked when other people can hear him ... man."

" I've been pretty drunk before at a poker table," Hutton continued, "and like sometimes I'll forget what game I'm playing, like I'll confuse limit with no limit or forget I'm in a tournament. But I've never been so drunk that I tried to intentionally disconnect to activate all in protection in a live game

LABLHEAD

original quotes of the year thread
http://pokerevents.ie/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=455
GREAT IDEA THOUGH......

BIG-SLICK-POKER

LABLHEAD wrote:

original quotes of the year thread
http://pokerevents.ie/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=455
GREAT IDEA THOUGH......

Put some on this , Great Thread .... Signed your petition too


Neill

LABLHEAD

thanks

Duff Man Jr.

"I might be on tilt but calling that would just be retarded"

Solksjaer

MY BALLSY TALE!
I was playing in one of my rare forays into the pub scene...(actually they are quite fun I think) t'was a country pub last year.It's a 20/25 (can't remember exactly) Euro rebuy
I was sitting at the table with some of Irelands biggest goons, now I'm not saying that because they played badly at poker, (sure that would make me a semi goon), it was more the talk coming out of them.....hysterical.


What made me fall into deeper hysterics....I'm on BB with 33 (something sht like that) 8 handed. Limp, Limp,Limp,Limp,Limp,Limp, RAISE ALL IN ( big eyebrow, BIG eyebrows). I FOLD.....CALL, CALL, CALL, CALL ...4 callers to an all in after an 8 way limp. (LEGENDS every one)
Then the guy holding AA says, anyone dogs me here and I will cut off the blx and feed it to me pigs and I'll make the fkr watch. His hand astonishingly holds up, (my 3 would have hit) He then laughs at the guys who FOLDED calling them Cowards who shouldn't play cards if they're not prepared to put their cards in the middle. I then gave out a little piggie grunt, he looks over and says I'M GLAD YOU FOLDED, YOUR BLLS WOULDN'T EVEN FEED ONE HEN....I fell off my chair laughing....as did half the place. Oh how I loooove this country.

The SWINE!

Jaden

Final Table, Pokerevents weekly Freezeout in the Westwood.

Player1 (Button) raises 3rd time in a row on my BB.
Me: "You're not big enough to be pushing me around".
Player1: "What are you on about? I'm 6'4", you're only 5'8" - I'm much bigger than you".
Me: "You only think that because you're very close to yourself, and I'm far away. Besides, you look like Shrek, and cartoon characters don't scare me, I'm all in"
Player1: "****** ****** *** of a *****!!! *** you, CALL! I have AK! I DARE YOU TO OUTDRAW ME!!!!!"
Me: I won't. /flips over AA.

I actually leaked a bit of pee, I laughed that much.

LuckyLloyd

This post has been deleted.

bohsman

"you can only use 2 from your hand" is still the best sentence ever heard at a poker table.

DITTag

DAVE MASTERS - POKEREVENTS RED COW

Just after he doggs someone... " You,ve just been Masterbated"

Classic

LuckyLloyd

This post has been deleted.

BigCityBanker

The victim was Hawkeye from boards methinks

smurph

Old story from Sporting Emporium, but still brilliant,
The Chief raises on a board of A 5 2 rainbow,
Bad Beat Joe, goes all in
Chief calls like a hot snot
Chief turns over A 6 off suit
Bad Beat Joe turns over A 5 for 2 pair

Turn blank river is a 6 to give Chief top 2 pair,
Chief shrugs and goes "that's Pokah"
Joe Screams back "THAT'S NOT POKAH THATS BOLLI**X"
and runs from Table,

The end of story is the organiser of the event went over to see if "Bad Beat Joe" is okay and spots him shaking his hands in the air announcing
"That Man is the ANTICHRIST"

ianmc38

smurph wrote:

Old story from Sporting Emporium, but still brilliant,
The Chief raises on a board of A 5 2 rainbow,
Bad Beat Joe, goes all in
Chief calls like a hot snot
Chief turns over A 6 off suit
Bad Beat Joe turns over A 5 for 2 pair

Turn blank river is a 6 to give Chief top 2 pair,
Chief shrugs and goes "that's Pokah"
Joe Screams back "THAT'S NOT POKAH THATS BOLLI**X"
and runs from Table,

The end of story is the organiser of the event went over to see if "Bad Beat Joe" is okay and spots him shaking his hands in the air announcing
"That Man is the ANTICHRIST"

Lol. That was genius alright.

Solksjaer

LuckyLloyd wrote:

Dave Masters at the NSPC. Some dude with more chips than God raises into him pre - flop, Dave calls. Flop comes King high. They get some money in, Dave being the aggressor. Turn is an Ace. Sequence is something like Dave checks, dude bets and Dave moves in - to be greeted by an insta - call.

Other dude quickly flips over KK - Masters has AA!! Dave's hand holds up as it should. Dave stands up and triumphantly high - fives some loud and boozed up randomer watching the action (:o ) before turning to his victim with a smile and noting...

..."thats how we play Aces". :eek:

So what you are saying is he hit on the turn and then reacted like some American dude at the WSOP....
Hmmmm I blame TV for this...maybe I missed the part where the KK guy was winding him up beforehand etc....

I bet he goes to dwarf conventions going around saying, I'm a BIG fkr ain't I?

ianmc38

Dwarf conventions - lol!

eoghan104

LuckyLloyd wrote:

Dave Masters at the NSPC. Some dude with more chips than God raises into him pre - flop, Dave calls. Flop comes King high. They get some money in, Dave being the aggressor. Turn is an Ace. Sequence is something like Dave checks, dude bets and Dave moves in - to be greeted by an insta - call.

Other dude quickly flips over KK - Masters has AA!! Dave's hand holds up as it should. Dave stands up and triumphantly high - fives some loud and boozed up randomer watching the action (:o ) before turning to his victim with a smile and noting...

..."thats how we play Aces". :eek:

This is a joke. Anyone else doing this **** is called an arogant prick and thats what they are. Yet when its someone in the Boards little "clique" its hilarious!

Too much arse licking and double standards going on here IMO

LuckyLloyd

This post has been deleted.

RasTa

Yeah it's pretty poor form, if he knew the dude then no complaints but to some stranger then it's poor.

kebabfest

Situation:
Mr X had put a chunky bet in on the turn.
Big fat lad was debating whether to call.
Same Mr X calmy says "If you call that you'll be drawing a bit thin "
Table cracks up laughing.

Solksjaer

LuckyLloyd wrote:

Meh, whatever. I could explain the concept of irony to you - but I won't.

No need lloyd, the attached explains it all to me. Don't you think?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT1TVSTkAXg

hotspur

Actually to be fair the Dave Masters examples given here have about as much wit as the average Tony G rant. Not that that's necessarily Masters's fault that his fanboys can't recall his more debonair Wildean quips!

Glowingmind

Have ya Aces?
Me: No,
Well i'm probably ahead so (turning over kings)

Bandana boy

In Vegas way back chunky looking dealer arrives

Player 1 Ah here you are my angel
Player 2 if your refering to a paunchy John Travolta circa that movie Michael i agree

BobSloane

This happened me about 2 weeks ago. Very shallow stacks near end of tournament organised at work.

I had raised from the button with Q 10. BB called.
Flop A K 5 rainbow
BB checks - I bet half pot. BB calls
Turn 9 completing the rainbow. BB checks. I move all-in. He has me barely covered.
"You're bluffing you c*nt - I can read you like the f*cking paper"(fair enough, good read) - He calls.
River - 6. He turns over 3c6c and congratulates himself on his genius call.

BobSloane

I was just watching this hand in a pub tournament in ennis a while back

c/o rasies pre flop. folded to BB who calls. cant remember the flop. BB bets out on it. c/o goes into tv poker mode staring bb down etc and eventually asks "How much have you got left?".

"At least twice as much as you" replies the BB.

c/o immediately folds

5starpool

Funniest thing I have ever heard happened at the Fitz scalps a few months back.

Red (Charlie McCreevy soundalike and head wrecker) is talking shíte as usual, and we are winding him up. He then comes out with some grand quote and asks do we know who said it? We told him we didn't particularly care, and he tells us it was Bismark, at which point Big Stuey who had been quiet in the exchange pipes up with...

"I thought he was a boat".

Classic. Maybe you had to be there, or at least know the characters involved. I píssed myself for at least 10 mins and chuckled at plenty of other points throughout the night.

5starpool

eoghan104 wrote:

This is a joke. Anyone else doing this **** is called an arogant prick and thats what they are. Yet when its someone in the Boards little "clique" its hilarious!

Too much arse licking and double standards going on here IMO

Eoghan, please leave it out. Point taken by all.

nicnicnic

in the city west last june having a smoke outside with Colm Fardy when big slick Kelly comes out and starts telling us about a hand as the story was developing he said "i was in position so i" now we both must of been thinking the same thing(kelly was a novice at the time and we both knew position wouldn't of been at the forefront of his mind;) ) so at the exact same time we both asked him the same question " what position were you in" he answered "I was in raising position"

Captain Tom

drunk but will try to recall correctly.my frined playing online one day watching a hand.guy raises to 6.other guy makes it 19.origional raiser goes all in for 130 odd.reraiser calls with 75 off.sucks out.friend asks wtf he was doing.guy with 75:"i was mixing up my play".classic.

johnnysmurfman

Captain Tom wrote:

drunk but will try to recall correctly.my frined playing online one day watching a hand.guy raises to 6.other guy makes it 19.origional raiser goes all in for 130 odd.reraiser calls with 75 off.sucks out.friend asks wtf he was doing.guy with 75:"i was mixing up my play".classic.

?

BIG-SLICK-POKER

nicnicnic wrote:

in the city west last june having a smoke outside with Colm Fardy when big slick Kelly comes out and starts telling us about a hand as the story was developing he said "i was in position so i" now we both must of been thinking the same thing(kelly was a novice at the time and we both knew position wouldn't of been at the forefront of his mind;) ) so at the exact same time we both asked him the same question " what position were you in" he answered "I was in raising position"

Being in The presence of The Gods it put me off -- Lol -- I still dont know wat Position is .. Fck position Im all In Kelly Classic

razorblunt

at a college tournament some new young fella was there, poor enough player but fairly chatty, anyway 2 lads go all in one has AA the other QQ, yer man pipes up "flip a coin there for it lads"...the table replied...."why?"

was at another pub tournament before, some women (tipsy) started crying because I got aces twice against her, it wasnt "fair that someone like me should be getting them". I knocked her out later on with KK

Lazare

LuckyLloyd

This post has been deleted.

MrPillowTalk

Watching Roundtower at the wsop, he has more chips than God and is raising allmost every pot and looking like a white stevie wonder on acid.

Someone bets RT raises in the cuttoff, the button goes all in, folded back to RT who calls and flips 10 10 (a veritable monster for him) the all in guy says nothing and doesnt turn his cards for a good minute or so whilst the dealer is sorting the pot from RT's mountain of chips, eventually the dealer asks to see the guys cards and he flips AA.

The dealer obviously disagrees with slowrolling as much as I do and duly obliges with a 10 on the board and the AA guy loses his rag a bit.

Dave chuckles turns around to the railers and says "well you have to win your coin flips, what does he expect when he slowrolls"

Sangre

All these posts of Dave Masters 'funny moments' aren't painting him in the best of light.

cardshark202

Live 2/5NL at the crown:

Couple of players limp, guy raises, all limpers call. Flop J9x with 2 spades, raiser bets about pot, one of the limpers agonizes for ages and ages before folding and saying: "Man this is a good hand I hate folding this hand". Other limpers fold. Raiser wins pot. Guy asks limper: "You had a draw or something?"
Limper: "Statistically no".

Goodluck2me

cardshark202 wrote:

"Statistically no".

i once slowrolled Richie lawlor in a pot in a ROE game in Clonmel, but tbf it was very funny.

bops

goodluck2me wrote:

i once slowrolled Richie lawlor in a pot in a ROE game in Clonmel, but tbf it was very funny.

i know slowrollin in bad etc etc, but if you ever get the chance to slowroll someone - richie lawlor is your man!!

it's worth it for the comedy aftermath and watchin him tilt away everything he has left in the next 3 hands!!

Board: K K Jd Xd Xd

Bet/raise/call

Lady :eek: "i haven't got the diamonds..."

Richie "Well i've got a King"

Lady: "Sure what use is that to you?" and shows JJ

you probably had to be there

Goodluck2me

bops wrote:

i know slowrollin in bad etc etc, but if you ever get the chance to slowroll someone - richie lawlor is your man!!

it's worth it for the comedy aftermath and watchin him tilt away everything he has left in the next 3 hands!!

Board: K K Jd Xd Xd

Bet/raise/call

Lady :eek: "i haven't got the diamonds..."

Richie "Well i've got a King"

Lady: "Sure what use is that to you?" and shows JJ

you probably had to be there

lol, tbf mine was for a 25e pot after a river €1 bet, board was AxTxA, and i said king high, he said he had jacks. i said "only joking i was slowrollign you", everyone including him thought it was funny though, i wouldnt do it for a pot of any reasonable size, it was a one off. its like the world series every poker player should have slow rolled him at least once!:D