want the druggies to leave me alone!

LegacyUser

In 1999 I moved to a new town. I was 16 and very innocent, had never had sex or done drugs. I made friends with a bunch of people, we'll call them Steve, Matt, Daria and Rachel.

Steve and Daria were girlfriend and boyfriend, Matt and Rachel were girlfriend and boyfriend. They got me into drugs in a BIG way. We were getting wasted all the time. I dropped out of college and became a druggie bum. They would also nag me into taking drugs even if I said No.

I am a non smoker and hate people smoking near me because I had throat cancer when i was younger. I only took drugs orally but they would smoke weed CONSTANTLY around me even though they knew why I hated it.

I fancied steve but would NEVER do anything about it because he was taken. However, he would send me VERY dirty texts telling me what he wanted to do to me. I told him to stop texting and i did not tell his gf because i did not want to stir trouble.

4 years later Steve and Daria broke up (nothing to do with me) Steve came to my house one day (I was a 20 year old virgin at this time) and before I knew what was happening, we had had sex. I regretted it but he stayed with me, said he loved me and wanted to marry me one day.

I loved him and wanted it to work. He got me to sleep with and go out with him by telling me he was quitting the drugs. Naively I believed him. For 2 years I stayed with him. During this time he carried on making me take drugs when I didn't want to, by threatening to withdraw privelidges if I didn't (eg he would threaten to cancel holidays or ruin my birthday party)

He also always put his friends ahead of me, (eg- Rachel was always mean to me because she was stuck at home with a baby and i was out on fun holidays all the time. I told steve but he didnt care. He would always cancel our dates at the last minute if matt and rachel wanted a babysitter.) took thier sides over mine, dropped me at a second's notice to hang out with them.

He was in a band, and said if they went on tour I must stay behind and wait for him. However, when I decided to finally sort my life out and go to university, he told me I may only go to our local university as he did not wish to be without me for so long. (our local university doesn't even do my subject, and i couldn't get in because the entry requirements were too high.)

Anyway, after 2 years I saw sense and dumped him. I am so much happier without him and never want to see ANY of those people again. I am at uni far away and drug-free and having a good time.

He has a new girlfriend now and I don't are at all. The prob is, he keeps texting me to see how i am and saying "lets not lose our friendship."

At first I ignored his texts but one day he caught me when I was bored and answered. I don't want to be friends with him or even see him again. But now he knows this is still my number. I know you'll probably all say, "just tell him to go away" or just ignore him, but its not so easy when you're in this position. Also when I am home from uni I hate going out in public in case I see him. I just never want to see him or hear from him again! I am worried he will try and get in touch with me through other prople to get us to hang out again.

Shellie13

Look you really need to take resopnsibility yourself for the lifestyle you led...this "they made me" does no good for you in the long run. You seem to have moved on-fair play- now decided what you want-not what they are "forcing" you to do!

You seem to have your goals or watever clear don't let someone who you feel dosen't deserve you sidetrack you!

Beau x1

Get a new number, I know it's a bit of a hassle but then he can't contact you. Delete his number so you can't contact him, either.

Canis Lupus

Unnrrrrgisszz01 wrote:

I know you'll probably all say, "just tell him to go away" or just ignore him, but its not so easy when you're in this position.

Just tell him to go away or ignore him..................................................................................

LegacyUser

Shellie13 wrote:

Look you really need to take resopnsibility yourself for the lifestyle you led...this "they made me" does no good for you in the long run.

But thats easy to say. You have no idea how forceful he can be. One of the many things I hate him for is the fact that one time he anally raped me after I said No. I have never spoken of it before and it eats me up inside.

Catari Jaguar

call the police on him?

Nevyn

http://www.drcc.ie/

Get yourself some help,
FREEPHONE 1800 778888

FOR INFORMATION

OR TO SEEK AN APPOINTMENT

Fanny Cradock

He sounds like an awful person. Never reply to him again.

From you brief story I get the impression that you are very insecure. It sounds like he fed off that.

"they made me take drugs"
The may have pressured you into taking the drugs, but YOU chose to take them.

"you don't know how forceful he can be".
He may be forceful, but YOU need to say no. Stand up for yourself.

This guy has walked all over you and clearly has ZERO respect for you. Moreover, he will never treat you with any respect because you're such a pushover. I don't mean that as an insult, btw.

Change your number, move to a different place, do whatever it takes to get on with your life.

MojoMaker

What city in the States are you in? Are your parents nearby? Have you siblings you could call like an older brother to have a word with this guy?

RoadSweeper

tell mim your a different person now, and you've moved on from your childhood past.

Ickle Magoo

You have enough reasons to absolutely hate this guy, even in your most bored moment, I don't understand why you would want to converse with him. I don't understand the force issue either, they nagged you into becoming a druggie bum? He would ruin your birthday? So, you had a choice of taking the drugs or refusing & to hell with the birthday party (there's always next year) & you chose the party? I don't see how that's anyone elses fault but your own, where are your priorities?

So, it's just a case of deleting his number from your phone & getting a new number for yourself & you have a zillion reasons to want to do that - why do you see it as some kind of dilemma?

Beruthiel

Unnrrrrgisszz01 wrote:

During this time he carried on making me take drugs when I didn't want to, by threatening to withdraw privelidges if I didn't (eg he would threaten to cancel holidays or ruin my birthday party)

I don't accept that for once second. Nobody can 'make' you take drugs unless you allow it to happen. This is 100% your own responsibility, put the blame exactly where it lies, on yourself.

I am worried he will try and get in touch with me through other prople to get us to hang out again.

Again, this will only happen if you allow it to. Time to grow a back bone and take your life into your own hands, be responsible for yourself.
If you don't want to hang out with him, then don't. It's that simple.

BuffyBot

What Beruthiel said.

At the end of the day, you're the only one who can take control of this situation and frankly, it sounds like you are waiting for someone else to come and tell you what to do.

dr.bollocko

Yeah you are trying to make a victim out of yourself, but when you are a victim you are powerless. If you really want to grow up, you can, by accepting responsibility for your own wild years, and accepting responsibility for ending them now. Everyone has blips, or times in their life that they would rather forget. The trick is to suck it up, accept all that has happened as a product of the bad choices that you made, and try and learn from it.

mal1

i agree with bollocko. Stop making out that people made you take drugs and take totally responsibility for what you do. Make a start by telling this guy you don't wanna be friends anymore. It's that easy, so stop making excuses and grow up!

Steyr

GET A NEW NUMBER. Problem solved.

Miss Fluff

Beauty of being an adult btw is that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Tell him to stay out of your life and avoid all future contact with him. It's not that difficult if you really (and honestly) don't want to see him again.

InFront

I agree with the other posters. When I got to your last paragraph I had to read back over the post because I thought you must have had a child with this guy or something. Look, change your number and move on, you're an adult, there's nothing to be afraid on and you can't be sucked in unless you choose to be.
Is there a family member or some close (clean) friends or some religious person you could talk to to keep you on the straight and narrow?

bombidol

What type of drugs are we taking about here?

Shelli

Just ignore him, it really is that easy. I was with an abusive guy in the past, and like you I let him walk all over me and "force" me to do stuff I didn't want to, but thats the thing, I let him, just like you let that guy. People can't "make" you do things if you don't let them. These kind of people feed of your reactions and by making you a victim they feel bigger.

Ignore him, don't let him into your life again, get on with being happy. Don't reply to his text and don't hide away from him either, just get on with your life as if he doesn't exist.

If he becomes abusive or threatens you go to the police, don't let this guy get the better of you again.

LegacyUser

bombidol wrote:

What type of drugs are we taking about here?

Everything except heroin. (weed, ecstasy, mushrooms, LSD, coke and speed.)

Changing my number won't do any good, he knows my home address, my university address, my myspace and email addresses and all my friends and family. He is very persistent as well.

craichoe

Gah, this totally p*sses me off .. Why do women go out with men like this !! ... The nice guy always gets the short stick

dame

Shelli wrote:

Just ignore him, it really is that easy. I was with an abusive guy in the past, and like you I let him walk all over me and "force" me to do stuff I didn't want to, but thats the thing, I let him, just like you let that guy. People can't "make" you do things if you don't let them. These kind of people feed of your reactions and by making you a victim they feel bigger.

Ignore him, don't let him into your life again, get on with being happy. Don't reply to his text and don't hide away from him either, just get on with your life as if he doesn't exist.

If he becomes abusive or threatens you go to the police, don't let this guy get the better of you again.

I agree with this post.

OP, you say he knows all your addresses, family, friends etc. Surely your friends and family want you to succeed in life and know he's a bad influence, therefore they shouldn't help him get to you. If they do they're not your friends any more, simple.

Yes, of course you can change your number. Give your new number to your family and real friends and if necessary explain that you don't want him to get it. You should even be able to contact the phone service provider and block calls/texts from him. If your family take it seriously enough they should be able to change the home phone number and have the new one unlisted. It shouldn't be that much hassle for them to give it to people who need it, and keep their daughter safe.

He knows your myspace, big deal. Cancel it and get yourself a Bebo page instead. You can make your Bebo page private (ie only viewed by other members) so that'll make it a bit harder for him to find or view, unless he sets up his own. You can also report any abuse to Bebo. Can you do this with Myspace? Have you checked?

Your home address is your home address but your college address should be able to be changed pretty easily, if not now then at least next summer. Again, explain to friends and family that you don't want this guy turning up on your doorstep.

If he's threatening in any way or you really and truly think he's stalking you, then go to the police and at least put a complaint on record. A chat from the guards might make him cop himself on and leave you alone.

Above all, ignore him completely, but any time he does manage to make contact or hassle you, make a note of date, time, place, witnesses etc, just in case you ever need to take it further.

It's your life, take control.

mayordenis

he anally raped you??

police is who should be talking to not us.

Fanny Cradock

Unnrrrrgisszz01 wrote:

Everything except heroin. (weed, ecstasy, mushrooms, LSD, coke and speed.)

Changing my number won't do any good, he knows my home address, my university address, my myspace and email addresses and all my friends and family. He is very persistent as well.

Is this how you go through life, playing the victim? Somehow I feel a part of you wants to meet the guy. This despite the horrible things he did to you. I can't think of any other reason why you would continue to make excuses.

It seems that you have been the victim for such a deal of your life that it's a tough habit to break. I fear that you are one of these women who habitually invite the wrong type of guy into their lives and wonder what they are doing wrong.

Instead of concentrating on the reasons why it would appear to be difficult to break away from the guy, you should concentrate on why you want to make the break. Do your really want to go back to the past?

lilrayosunshine

CAll your mobile phone provider and get his number blocked so he can't call you or text you. Ignore his emails (delete before read) don't go on to myspace anymore or maybe email them and see if you can get his IP address blocked.

go to the police and report the rape (you do not have to press charges-but you should have it on the record)
make new friends who will support you to move away from that old group of friends.
There is a lot you can do yourself, you may just need someone to hold your hand while you do it!

LegacyUser

The authorities and facilities for dealing with this vary from state to state - there are a few people on this board from Illinois, Ohio, California etc - if you help us out with where you're from you might get more tailored advice for your situation. As the others said you can delete your myspace page, change your phone, and even move aparrtments to get away, but depending on whether you live in a small rural US town or a big city the level of actual help may be different.

As someone asked - what about family? Older brother, Uncle etc?

Nevyn

Chances are the person looking for help is in Ireland as this is an irish website and the majority of people who post here are irish and living in Ireland.

Botswana

I have very little sympathy for the OP.

Another "victim" unable to take responsibility for her life. I know loads of girls like this, always having one night stands, and then blaming men for using them.

FFS. Stop blaming other people for your problems. YOU are the one at fault here. Only YOU control your life.

Staying with someone who rapes you?

Get a grip, seriously...

lilrayosunshine

Botswana wrote:

I have very little sympathy for the OP.

Another "victim" unable to take responsibility for her life. I know loads of girls like this, always having one night stands, and then blaming men for using them.

FFS. Stop blaming other people for your problems. YOU are the one at fault here. Only YOU control your life.

Staying with someone who rapes you?

Get a grip, seriously...

That's a bit harsh Botswana.
It's very hard to leave an abusive relationship!

Botswana

Yeah, I am being harsh, but I really have a problem with people who blame others for their issues! The world is full of these people. You know, the let's sue McDonalds because we've no self-control brigade. Etc.

She's not even willing to change her mobile number, so she's obviously a lost cause.