Am i crazy? Or Shallow?

LegacyUser

OK I'm driving myself crazy.

I met this girl a while back, beautiful girl, nicest girl i've ever met (personality wise) and she is very beautiful facialy aswell. Theres a tonne of guys who think she is amazing. I do too but she has a little bit of a behind on her if you know what i mean. No-body i know seems to notice it but i do.

Anyway, she's crazy about me. And has told me lots, i've been trying to reason with myself that she is gorgeous because she is but i just can't shake the whole backside thing.

Am i shallow or whats up with me???

Sorry, and i hope this doesn't offend anyone, it's a genuine issue for me.

Beruthiel

doneone wrote:

but she has a little bit of a behind on her if you know what i mean. No-body i know seems to notice it but i do..

If this is your one and only issue with her and you are attracted to her in every other way, then yes, I would say you are shallow.

chamlis

Short Answer: Yes. You're crazy and shallow.

6th

Personally I would see it as a bonus.

You are asking if you choosing not to have a relationship with someone based on a single physical attribute is shallow? ... you already know the answer.

LegacyUser

'

doneone wrote:

i've been trying to reason with myself that she is gorgeous because she is but i just can't shake the whole backside thing

Large backside = more cushion for the pushin'!!:-)'

hallelujah

tell her to get rid of it and if she gets upset and refuses shout 'its all you, you you isnt it!'

Maccattack

Youre not shallow. Youre hollow.








You are in for some trouble in the future. Youll chase physical perfection. Might even get it. But what happens when she starts to sag or her bum gets big after kids? You going to leave?

Maybe nobody else notices her caboose because she has so much else going for her. Give yerself a wedgie and get on with it.

LegacyUser

'

Maccattack wrote:

Youre not shallow. Youre hollow.

You are in for some trouble in the future. Youll chase physical perfection. Might even get it. But what happens when she starts to sag or her bum gets big after kids? You going to leave?

Maybe nobody else notices her caboose because she has so much else going for her. Give yerself a wedgie and get on with it.

Tell me about it.

She already has a young kid. But thats not an issue for me. She is fantastic is this girl. I'd like to say she has her head screwed on but she is crazy about me... so i can't really. I'm unstable, lazy, and a host of other things.

How do i get over this silly thing?'

Beetlebum

I suppose you've got a six-pack and a 10 inch dick have you? Hmmmm.....

veXual

I doubt your the model of perfection yourself boss. So get over it and get on with it if shes a great girl then I don't see any cause for reluctance.

LegacyUser

'Nicest girl you have ever met you say, and also beautiful, but you're less than keen? Your problem is simple, pure unbridled arrogance. If she's as nice as you say, it wouldn't work anyway because your opinion of yourself is too high to share your life with someone like that.'

The Hill Billy

OP - I don't think that you are shallow. I think that you may have some sort of hang-up about the shape or size of this girl's behind. It's no big deal - we all have our likes/dislikes when it comes to physical attractiveness. (I find thick ankles a complete turn-off myself. Each to our own.)

It seems like you are letting your hang-up get in the way of what could be a great relationship with a cracking girl who likes you for who you are.

John Mason

you obviously dont fancy her at all and are just with her because everyone else wants her ...........i say dump her and move on .........if you fancied her you wont even notice

LegacyUser

'Shallow.

Are U a perfect creature or something.

Maybe she not like the length of your John Thomas.
Then, you'll be back on here whinging about how
your JT is only 9.5 inches and why can't it be
11 !'

Kell

Personally I dont see why everyone is having a go at the OP. Some people like BMW's or Audi's and will drive nothing less. No one calls them shallow, so if a large áss turns him off, why point the finger and say shallow?

Everyone has a right to wanting perfection in a partner and to seek it out. Fair play to the ones who set the bar really high as opposed to the ones who settle on second best is what I say.

To look on it another way, if the OP's GF was on here telling us her BF had a tiny cóck that just didnt do it for her, no-one would think she was shallow.

K-

Yea, Id have to agree with kell..

CerebralCortex

You are lucky that a girl is into you enough to say she is crazy about you. Look at it this way most women have great bodies they just might not have the most perfect diets or exercise regime or whatever. Maybe you could help her shift that asss!

dellas1979

Who in the name of god are you to say that for physical perfection this girl has to have a small butt?

I cant believe how stupid people come accross sometimes. I dont think you are shallow OP. If she is not your cup of tea, then she will be someone elses. If you dont fancy her, there is nothing wrong with that. But for the love of god and for women, dont you sit in your chair and preach that having a small butt for you is nicer than having a big butt.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Think you should get over yourself and act like any normal man would i.e with a bit of cop on.

aidan24326

You say this girl is beautiful, amazing, great personality etc. well if she is all of those things you are a lucky lad to have her and I would think having a slightly large behind would be something you'd see past. If you can't then yes, you are shallow. If it's a bodily perfect model-type you're after then fair enough, but surely there are qualities to consider in a person? you have found a girl who's beautiful and a really nice person and still not good enough for you? Keep thinking like that and you'll find yourself alone and very single. If she's that nice and good looking I'm sure there will be plenty of lads only too willing to take her off your hands.

Sleepy

You just sound young to me OP.

Kell

aidan24326 wrote:

If it's a bodily perfect model-type you're after then fair enough, but surely there are qualities to consider in a person?

So are you suggesting that ALL body perfect model types have no personality? Hmmn...

aidan24326 wrote:

Keep thinking like that and you'll find yourself alone and very single.

What happens if he finds the most physically gorgeous person he has ever seen that has a great personality to boot? Are you saying thats not possible? And again, are you saying that really gorgeous women have no personality or good character? Hmmn....

K-

LegacyUser

Half of the replies are not advice (which the OP asked for) but people calling him shallow and flaming him. In other words, worthless posts.

@ OP: Can you see yourself looking past her 'flaw' and having a loving relationship with her? If you can't then there is no point in leading her on, however think twice about your decision as it would mean seeing her with other guys and this may upset you and make you wonder the age old question: "what if?"

I say, give a go with her for a while and try your best to overlook that part of her, at least this way if it doesn't work out you will have no regrets as you gave it your all and gave her a chance.

Best of luck

Faith

Kell wrote:

Personally I dont see why everyone is having a go at the OP. Some people like BMW's or Audi's and will drive nothing less. No one calls them shallow, so if a large áss turns him off, why point the finger and say shallow?

Everyone has a right to wanting perfection in a partner and to seek it out. Fair play to the ones who set the bar really high as opposed to the ones who settle on second best is what I say.

To look on it another way, if the OP's GF was on here telling us her BF had a tiny cóck that just didnt do it for her, no-one would think she was shallow.

K-

Gotta disagree with you here, Kell. First of all, your analogy is flawed because the people you describe don't like the whole package of other cars, they don't just have a problem with the steering wheel or whatnot.

You can want perfection all you like, but you'll never find it. If the OPs only problem with this girl is that she has a large ass, then he's one lucky man.

If the GF was in here complaining about her BFs penis size, people would think she was shallow. If it was affecting their sex life, then that's a genuine problem.

The OP needs to look at women like Jennifer Lopez and Beyoncé. They have large behinds and that's considered their best and most attractive feature!

pepper

doneone wrote:

OK I'm driving myself crazy.

I met this girl a while back, beautiful girl, nicest girl i've ever met (personality wise) and she is very beautiful facialy aswell. Theres a tonne of guys who think she is amazing. I do too but she has a little bit of a behind on her if you know what i mean. No-body i know seems to notice it but i do.

Anyway, she's crazy about me. And has told me lots, i've been trying to reason with myself that she is gorgeous because she is but i just can't shake the whole backside thing.

Am i shallow or whats up with me???

Sorry, and i hope this doesn't offend anyone, it's a genuine issue for me.

Yes you are shallow-Heaven forbid she had big ears or was fat or something!No ones perfect i hate men like you!

Victor

No taunting please.

spinandscribble

maybe the ops has a fetish for small bottoms. maybe if she had a big nose he wouldnt care. op, is it simply because she has a big bum or is it because her whole body isnt perfectly ideal? this should tell you if your shallow or not. i think everyone has a pet hate that most ppl couldnt get but if its impossible for you to get past then it.

Black Swan

No pillow needed! Oh, this is PI and not TCN? Oops! *Runs to mirror and practices a serious face. Returns to laptop*

So, she is the total package, but has a little too much in a part of her package? Does this make you shallow? Probably.

OK, why not do something together that can improve upon the situation? Without hurting her feelings by mentioning her surplus, why don't you two starting dancing your buns off? Dancing is grand exercise. Or join a hiking, biking, swimming, or whatever club that's into exercise. Just think, not only will her health (and yours, perhaps) improve, but both of you will be doing something together which is a real plus in relationships!

fifly

At first I though you are shallow but perhaps there just isn't any chemistry (or whatever you want to call it) and you are looking for an excuse to end it with out realising it.

CathyMoran

I think that you do not love her, if you loved her it would not be an issue for you. My first love looked quite similar to someone who I had not even considered based on looks but to me he was the most handsome man in the world, I am no longer with him (though we are still friends) but I still blush and go all gooey when I see photos of him.

jammie

why is it everytime someone comes on here for advice the majority of people absolutely pelt the insults into the OP, Ive noticed this in the last while and it really bugs me...

Anyway OP I seriously think you are just considering being with this girl because "shes crazy about you" it seems to me you dont really care that much or else the size of her ass wouldnt matter...Leave her be to be with someone who'll appreciate her ass....:D

and I dont think you're crazy or shallow, whatever floats your boat

Chucky the tree

Your neither. IF she has a fat ass and it bothers you, you cant really help it. Not much you can do about it, you either learn to deal with it, or move on.

Is it a weight issue? Maybe go walking with her or something to help lose some weight.

LegacyUser

'Id second the notion you see her slightly big booty as a reason for her unattractivness when really its a matter of chemistry- or lack thereof.

Your predicament doesn't make you shallow, it shows that you are into different body types.

Me, my preference varies with the person. I reckon it is all to do with how the girl carries herself. My current lust object is a short bouncey blond, before her it was a atraight shouldered chinese, before her a tall stick insect.

Different strokes, different folks; this mantra doesn't just apply to yourself, but to the people you interact with...'

Kell

Faith wrote:

You can want perfection all you like, but you'll never find it.

Why? On what basis do you offer your thoughts??Why is it flawed rationale to wait until you find someone with the complete package (not just physically) before you have a relationship with them??

You wouldnt accept lots of things unless they fit your idea of perfect, so why the fúck would you accept a person who is sharing your life unless they were perfect. Your logic is more flawed than mine if you think that settling (as the majority of people do) is a good idea. What happens if three, four, five years down the road it eventually dawns on you that well, hey, you know, the irritation you thought you could get your head around (personality or physical) you cant get your head around anymore. What then? A few years is a large waste of time when you can just listen to your gut and say "hey, this really aint for me".

You dismissed my comment about the OP's GF if she was moaning about his cóck. Well you know, her áss might be a problem in his sex life, but you slate him yet would support her. If he was on moaning about a small cóck we'd all be saying "hey, dont fret. There are women out there that go for that sort of thing". You, Faith, wouldnt point a finger at him and say "your small cóck is causing a problem with your sex life" now would you?

Shallow? I wag a finger at thee!

K-

Maccattack

Kell wrote:

What happens if he finds the most physically gorgeous person he has ever seen that has a great personality to boot? Are you saying thats not possible? K-

K. Of course thats possible. But physical perfection is only temporary is it not?

People age. Peoples lifestyles change along with eating habits and excercise regimes. People have accidents that sometimes change the way they look.

How many old people do you know? Ever looked at photos of them in their youth? Some of them where absolutely gorgeous but you wouldnt know it now.

As a mate of mine often says 'They all look the same when their 60'


The truth of the matter is that if looks are paramount to you you will ultimately be dissapointed and the relationship will fail.

CerebralCortex

Faith wrote:

Gotta disagree with you here, Kell. First of all, your analogy is flawed because the people you describe don't like the whole package of other cars, they don't just have a problem with the steering wheel or whatnot.

You can want perfection all you like, but you'll never find it. If the OPs only problem with this girl is that she has a large ass, then he's one lucky man.

If the GF was in here complaining about her BFs penis size, people would think she was shallow. If it was affecting their sex life, then that's a genuine problem.

The OP needs to look at women like Jennifer Lopez and Beyoncé. They have large behinds and that's considered their best and most attractive feature!

Large shapely asses. This girl could have (more than likely) a fat ass and if so the OP could see it as a reflection of her sedentry leanings and maybe its that he finds unattractive about her. It's kindof like how ppl a long time ago found fat ppl attractive because it meant they were well off.

Faith

Kell wrote:

Why? On what basis do you offer your thoughts??Why is it flawed rationale to wait until you find someone with the complete package (not just physically) before you have a relationship with them??

There's nothing wrong with waiting for perfection. You can wait as long as you like, but you will never find it. People are not perfect. There will always be just one little thing that you don't like about someone. You might not notice it at the start, maybe not even 20 years down the line, but there'll be something.

You wouldnt accept lots of things unless they fit your idea of perfect, so why the fúck would you accept a person who is sharing your life unless they were perfect.

I wouldn't accept flawed products if they were capable of being perfect, no. But like I said, people aren't. Can you honestly think of a couple who find each other absolutely perfect, in every single way?

Your logic is more flawed than mine if you think that settling (as the majority of people do) is a good idea. What happens if three, four, five years down the road it eventually dawns on you that well, hey, you know, the irritation you thought you could get your head around (personality or physical) you cant get your head around anymore. What then? A few years is a large waste of time when you can just listen to your gut and say "hey, this really aint for me".

I'm not suggesting that anybody "settles", nor would I. But I think the OP needs to put things into perspective. If 99.99% of this girl is perfect for him, then I think he needs to get his priorities straight. If he can't stay with her because her ass is too large, then I think that, yes, that makes him shallow. Like others have said, there's ways to encourage her gently to sort it out, if he really cares. Although he's probably just wanting to wash his hands of it, rather than put some work in.

You dismissed my comment about the OP's GF if she was moaning about his cóck. Well you know, her áss might be a problem in his sex life, but you slate him yet would support her. If he was on moaning about a small cóck we'd all be saying "hey, dont fret. There are women out there that go for that sort of thing". You, Faith, wouldnt point a finger at him and say "your small cóck is causing a problem with your sex life" now would you?

I fail to see how a big ass could interfere with their sex life, apart from being maybe unasthetically pleasing to him. It shouldn't interfere with their enjoyment. However, a very small cóck can interfere with enjoyment. I accept your point about us comforting him if he was complaining about a small cóck, but they're different types of problem that I don't think can be compared.

Shallow? I wag a finger at thee!

K-

Don't you dare wag your finger at me, mister!

/wags back

Tar.Aldarion

I agree with Kell here, and sometimes imperfections are perfections.
*Wags finger*


Well, everybody is doing it.

Gholimoli

dellas1979 wrote:

Who in the name of god are you to say that for physical perfection this girl has to have a small butt?

I cant believe how stupid people come accross sometimes. I dont think you are shallow OP. If she is not your cup of tea, then she will be someone elses. If you dont fancy her, there is nothing wrong with that. But for the love of god and for women, dont you sit in your chair and preach that having a small butt for you is nicer than having a big butt.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Think you should get over yourself and act like any normal man would i.e with a bit of cop on.

This is really funny.
By reading this I would have to assume that you must have a huge ass or something.
The OP never said anything about how some1 should look, he never tried defining beauty or what some one should look like to be called beautiful.
All he said was that HE DOESN’T LIKE HER ASS and he is perfectly entitled to that.
And here you are giving it lots of crap that has nothing to do at all with what OP said.
I think you should listen to your own advice and act like any one would with a bit of cop on that is.

LegacyUser

'OK thanks for all the responses!

To clear some stuff up tho.

Firstly
A) She's not my girlfriend. Thats what she wants, but i said not at the moment, i have a lot on my mind. She's fine with this and wants me to take my time.

She thinks she is genuinly in love with me, as im this and that. I feel so sorry for her. She deserves better.

C) She is stunning. Absolutely. She is basically a carbon copy from the neck to the waste of the girl from that movie A beautiful mind. I'm not messing. Long straight black hair, perfect pale skin, gorgeous piercing blue eyes.

Her backside is not fat or huge, she's just a bit shapely around the hips, and she's quite concious of it. She has no other signs of weoght problems, nothing under the chin or arms etc. Stomach is flat and muscular etc.

I'm just worried about the old "Once it goes... theres no going back"..

i feel shallow beyond belief. I'm gonna be kicking if i don't sort this.

And i'm not young really, im 24.. is that young?'

stack

Why are you all writing this ****e?

Look, its nothing about her or her ass or her face or her anything... its about you, you are building a barrier in your own mind about 'what is wrong with her' cause you are afraid, that is all. But you know this already. What are you afraid of? tons of things...from 'what if she says 'no'', to 'but I don't want a girlfriend anyway', to 'what if I do go out with her and someone says she has a big ass' ( I bet one of your friends has already commented on this and thats why you are afraid also)... and more.

What should you do? you should do what everyone who posts here should do, stop trying to get the idiots on the internet to fix your life and fix it yourself.

Kell

Faith wrote:

You can wait as long as you like, but you will never find it. People are not perfect.

Agree to disagree. There is someone out there that is PERFECT for someone else. People are not perfect, but peoples perceptions can find perfection in someone.

Faith wrote:

Can you honestly think of a couple who find each other absolutely perfect, in every single way?

No-because people settle. I found that in 100% of cases (I have come across) where someone has a problem with someone else its because they didnt look hard enough nor long enough for a "perfect" partner. Doesnt mean they dont exist.

Faith wrote:

I'm not suggesting that anybody "settles", nor would I.

Have to argue with you on this. The MAJORITY of people I know settle because they havent the patience to wait it out for that someone that ticks ALL their boxes.

Faith wrote:

Although he's probably just wanting to wash his hands of it, rather than put some work in.

Then perhaps he should. I still dont see how he is shallow though.

Faith wrote:

However, a very small cóck can interfere with enjoyment.

And her áss is interfering with his enjoyment and the comparison (on that basis) is valid. Enjoyment is subjective. As I said, some women could be into small dícks, but not all. This guy isnt into her áss (yet) so I again dont see the slating of him on the basis that he is being shallow.

Faith wrote:

Don't you dare wag your finger at me, mister!

I shall wag as I wish. Tis not the only thing I'll wag at you d'ya caen eh? :eek:

K-

Ghost Rider

Ask yourself this: if she started going out with someone else, someone who loved her ass, would you feel jealous of him? Would you start to be able to overlook her ass (so to speak)? Grow to like it, even? If so, the problem is on your side and you probably have some maturing to do.

If not, and someone else's going out with her wouldn't make any difference, then you just don't like her ass and that's that. Relax the cax. Don't let anyone try to tell you you're being irrational because what we find attractive in others is usually irrational (or non-rational) in the first place. And for God's sake don't waste your time feeling guilty.

Victor

Kell wrote:

I shall wag as I wish. Tis not the only thing I'll wag at you d'ya caen eh? :eek:

Get a room. By yourself.

greenkittie

I am a big assed girl. Thin but ass is always going to be large, its a body type not something you can excercise off. TBH most guys love it but thats beside the point, i am not outraged by this thread nor do i think the OP is purely shallow

I think the OP either dosn't really like the girl and THE ASS is just a way of putting up a barrier to this happening or its just a pet hate of his which is fair enough. If i was a pet hate he probably would be able to get over it if he loved her. So either way this is a doomed relationship, let her down now so she can move on quicker.