Generi AH Thread: Extreme Wa*king

Rb

Binomate wrote:

To be honest, you'd be better off falling back behind them and letting them think its all safe, then speed up behind them with a plank of wood and beat them to a pulp. Thats justice right there.

I'm not surprised to read that posted from you tbh, after what you did to that poor, poor old man on Grafton Street.

faceman

Im lonely, i need a walk.

bluto63

faceman wrote:

Im lonely, i need a walk.

In the rain? You won't be having any of this trouble if you do go out, you'll have the entire path to yourself

crosstownk

Man, I'm glad I drive everywhere. That walking business in downright scary..............

dSTAR

What a way with words!

Have you considered writing as a career?

iFight

haha, well written. Never let anybody pass me out walking either, treat it like a race all the time

Ruu_Old

I do in the shop but then I have the trolleh to use as a weapon. Ram the basket into the auld wans.

fifth

Yes! Brilliant, I'll stay well behind you.

Kold

Howabout..... a narrow footpath, busy road, 3 people in front of you walking slow and you have no hope of passing for a while.. Do you slow down just to have a comfortable distance between you? What about when the road gets wider? Do you speed up then?

Donald-Duck

Kold wrote:

Howabout..... a narrow footpath, busy road, 3 people in front of you walking slow and you have no hope of passing for a while.. Do you slow down just to have a comfortable distance between you? What about when the road gets wider? Do you speed up then?

Now theres a real problem

the_syco

If I'm gonna pass you out, I'll pass you out. Simple as. Ye slow walker:D

If you're too slow, I'll pass you out. Overtake you. Bypass you, or stay on you're heels till you move to the side.

r3nu4l

OP, I feel your pain, I really do, it's a sad and terrible thing to be placed in such a position by anybody...but there is help at hand, phone 0800-ragewalk and we will do our best to soothe you on your way

We call it the 12-step program, one step at a time. When walking, bring an iPod with you in future, walk to the beat of the music you are listening to, I guess for you that will be hard-techno or Trash metal. When you come to that sticky situation where you feel the competetive urge just switch that iPod to something classical like Air on a G string or the Funeral March and walk to that beat instead, breathe deep, smell the (heavily polluted) air and think happy thoughts, the red mist will dissipate from your vision, your furrowed brow will lift and a feeling of peace and contentment will fill your being.

Once the slow b*stard has crossed the road, switch back to the techno and pump those feet

Huggles

Worse again when someone walking ahead of you at the same speed slams on to light a smoke.

To smokers everywhere, why can't you walk AND light a cig at the same time?

r3nu4l

TheGooner wrote:

Worse again when someone walking ahead of you at the same speed slams on to light a smoke.

To smokers everywhere, why can't you walk AND light a cig at the same time?

Interesting that you should raise this, at the last ragewalk community meeting we had a representative from the walking smokers alliance (WSA) who gave a 120-slides slideshow presentation about this.

Apparently the reason for stopping is to do with wind and speed direction when exposing a naked flame to the air. The speaker provided a walking demonstration which was very innovative and illustrated the point perfectly.

The WSA provide special lessons for their members in how to keep walking while lighting a smoking device (cigar, cigarello, cigarette):

1. Slow pace slightly but not so much as to disturb others walking behind you.
2. Cup hand around smoking device
3. Use Zippo or similarly functioning lighter to light smoking device

Fast walkers usually have greater problems lighting smoking devices.
It should be noted that fast walkers should not stop dead but instead pull over to the side of the path and light up before moving off again.

I hope this answers your question, the etiquette for walking smokers can be confusing and apparently differs in Continental Europe

Sp@rtacus

m83 wrote:

...or as I call them, foothpats but that's a whole new thread completely...

10/10 thread m83 - I cant wait for the sequel..."Speed IV: The Footpats, and this time it's personal" (:eek:)

rb_ie wrote:

Binomate wrote:

To be honest, you'd be better off falling back behind them and letting them think its all safe, then speed up behind them with a plank of wood and beat them to a pulp. Thats justice right there.

I'm not surprised to read that posted from you tbh, after what you did to that poor, poor old man on Grafton Street.

I also just wanted to take a moment to applaud rb_ie's continuing dedication to roundly mocking Binomate's pensioner-bashing antics at every given opportunity

m83

STOP EVERYTHING!

There's been a gross misunderstanding, back at the old well, aint that right flipper!? You see my thread was never intended to be about walking but indeed ****! Some silly swine replaced the L and N keys on my keyboard causing much hilarity to ensue! Drats and double drats, if it isn't the old switcheroo! Oh, how we laughed! My thread should have actually opened like this...

"I'm a wanker. I **** everywhere. I do not drive as I do not own a car. Nor do I have a license or an inclination to drive. If I have a destination that's less than five miles away then you may just be lucky enough to see me **** there. In a sense you could say **** is my life. But that would be wrong because **** is simply what I do to get from one part of my life to the next. However there is one thing that really bothers me about ****, read on and you shall learn of my great manifesto..."

But wait, sure that makes no sense at all ya great big feckin eejit! Wait til I get a hold'a ya! If some scamp really had done such a thing then the post would have read as follows...

"I'm a wanker. I **** everywhere. I do lot drive as I do lot owl a car. Lor do I have a Nicelse or al ilcnilatiol to drive. If I have a destilatiol that's ness thal five mines away thel you may just be nucky elough to see me wankilg there. Il a selse you cound say wankilg is my nife. But that would be wrolg because wankilg is simpny what I do to get from ole part of my nife to the lext. However there is ole thilg that reanny bothers me about wankilg, read ol ald you shann nearl of my great malifesto..."

meh....

But seriously I'm not actually that much of a freak, honestly you can ask the voices in my head and they'll tell you the same thing. It was just a slice of life wrapped in a candy flavoured prose.

As for all the lovers out there, well thanks alot for the two thumbs up, I'm laughin I've never even remotely considered writing as a career. Fact is I've never even really written anything before this thread and was always fairly mediocre at English in school. I have a budding career in engineering now which suits me fine but perhaps m83 will strike again in classics life lesson threads such as..

THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF WALKING TOWARDS PEOPLE : Knowing where to point your gaze. How to meander to the side of the of the foothpat to avoid linear bumpage and more importantly how to KEEP your side. When to make eye contact and how many times (I generally following the Spidal Yekke Golden Rule in these tenuous times.) How to reciprocate a golden gaze with a beautiful wo-man. Walking past couples (Do not dare walk between them, it can lead to divorce!) When is it ok to elbow someone. How to avoid chuggers. How to make it clear to someone who is not dressed in running attire but is moving at a frightening speed until they catch sight of you and then slow down until you pass eachother out and then begin running again that you know what they're playing at. And much more!

HOW TO TIE YOUR SHOELACE IN PUBLIC WHILST RETAINING YOUR DIGNITY: You've seen you lace is open, you must act quickly, are there people around? Are you going to bend down or place your foot on the back of a nearby child? Is there someone walking behind you who will catch a rousing glimpse of your bottom? The pro's and con's of velcro. How to tuck a spare shoelace behind your ear for emergencies. How to apply the correct amount of torque to your shoe laces. Quadruple knots & double laces. Kevlar showlaces. Baggy trousers to hide your blushes. 5 Step plan to prepare for a "Lace Disgrace" (tm) - Breaking your shoelace. Using Google maps to keep track of your nearest shoelace retailer. Etc.

StAY tUnEd fOr mOrE !!!

----

Seacrest, out.

Tar.Aldarion

Poster of the year!

Seacreast!

Dooom

Roffle m83

Ruu_Old

One of the best AH threads this year (not hard and not often I say that, but all the same well done).

How would I deal with those nasty people who bash my shins with their prams (especially those double buggies, a bloody nightmare) and also stop to window shop, knowing well I am behind them? I would like to take them aside and slap them silly but would get me in a lot of bother. I tried taking a toy out, throwing it in front of the buggy and go in front to pick it up but got a belt across the head for doing that. Any advice, m83?

Sparky

OP, you give me bad ideas

Kold

Short women with umbrellas in front of you, bet that would make a fast walker **** themself.

Im a brisk walker, so I tend to try and race cars walking in.

Great when they're stuck in a traffic jam. Though the funniest is racing some old granny.