Generi AH Thread: Extreme Wa*king

m83

I'm a walker. I walk everywhere. I do not drive as I do not own a car. Nor do I have a license or an inclination to drive. If I have a destination that's less than five miles away then you may just be lucky enough to see me walking there. In a sense you could say walking is my life. But that would be wrong because walking is simply what I do to get from one part of my life to the next. However there is one thing that really bothers me about walking, read on and you shall learn of my great manifesto.

Imagine this scenario if you dare: You're walking along a slightly narrower than normal footpath (or as I call them, foothpats but that's a whole new thread completely) and you turn around to see someone briskly walking in your direction about twenty yards behind you. Now already in your sick little twisted mind you're wondering if they are going to overtake you. Two minutes later and you feel a presence behind you. Looking to the ground you see the cold elongated shadow cast by the dying orange sun as you are about to get your comupance. Five seconds later and you can see them out of the corner of your eye then WHAMMO they're right beside you! Now this is the part that really grates on my nerves and keeps me awake at night. What do you do now my friend, why you slow down! WTF!? Why the f*ck are you slowing down?! Can two strangers not walk alongside eachother at the same pace? Why must one slow down, it's so humiliating and downright degrading! But wait, there's more. What does our overtaker do now in this tormented dance? He speeds up! WTF again??! Now you're at it too, are you for real?! You think you can just walk by me and expect me to slow down. Well what if I'm a faster walker than you? What if I speed up now, how d'ya like that buddy? Are you going to slow down now?! God no, the shame! Ok you bastard now I'm really gonna f*ck with your head. I'll let you pass me out you crazy lunatic with the quick walking and all that. I'll let you think everything is ok. I'll fall back a few steps, out of sight out of mind, right mister? WRONG! What's that behind you? Why it's me again! Ya ****face I'm gonna pass you out now! I own this foothpat and now tis you who'll be doing the slowing down! But after I pass you out, what am I gonna do? Well I'm gonna knock it back to granny pace and FORCE you to pass me out again! Ya beeatch, I'm a kerrrrrazy mudda****a! Hey, why are you crossing the road, come back! Please!?

cough cough, ahem... walking ftw.

poobum

all i can say is wow...

Thrill

So what your asking is, does anyone know the number of a good psychiatrist?:)

It doesn't bother me. I just move to the side and let them power on.

Ah I thought this thread was going to be about masturbation!:(

Feral Mutant

Deleted User wrote:

Ah I thought this thread was going to be about masturbation!:(

Really? I didn't think it was going that way. You must just have a filthy mind, shame on you.

Mossy Monk

quite a rant (i think)

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

On a scale of 1 to 10 ranting, I would give it a ranking of 7.

Kur4mA

I thought it was gonna be about masturbation too tbh. This is AH after all . But umm, if you knew someone was catching up on you then why didn't you speed up earlier? I'm confused. When is the sequel out?

Thrill

My rantometer clocked him going at 8.

Rb

The Scientist wrote:

Do you move seats?
I dunno man, its a crazy world out there.

T.Sc.

And if you do, what do you do if that person follows you?!

OP: You have issues buddy.

m83

Twas thee Buckfast talking, not I.

Tar.Aldarion

This thread is my favourite one in quite a while, bravo sir.

Gordon

OP please don't ever drive.

Donald-Duck

Definitly move if its on the bus,I hate when the bus empties and I'm in the inside and the person just stays there.

Rb

m83 wrote:

Twas thee Buckfast talking, not I.

At 2pm on a Sunday afternoon?!You really do have issues so...alcoholic issues...

I mean, if you were at the game I'd understand but getting drunk and browsing Boards...

abelard

I'm a notoriously fast walker. It's JUST as awkward for the passer-outer, trust me.

Black Swan

OP: You are a creative writer. Perhaps a budding Edger Allen Poe? Consider writing more but posting it to the Creative Writing forum under Arts?

Wertz

I'm sorry...for a moment there I thought I wandered into TCN by way of some kind of malfunctioning link...carry on.

Nehpets

best thread ever

senordingdong

Ok, so it wasn't about masturbation, but it's still quality AH.

Faith

I actually get what the OP is talking about, and yeah, it's annoying! I hate people overtaking me and then I'm almost tripping up on their feet because they came back onto the footpath too close in front of me.

bluto63

The Scientist wrote:

How about when your on a crowded bus sitting beside a randomer and slowly it empties until you figure out that you and the randomer are the only 2 on the bus and are getting off at the very last stop.
Do you move seats?
I dunno man, its a crazy world out there.

T.Sc.

Definetly move. I want my own seat.

Rb

Nehpets wrote:

best thread ever

Or since June anyway...

Pigman II

I'm quite competitive in this regard. I rarely see people overtake me and I certainly don't slow down when they are trying it. They better have a quick pair of heels and get a clear lead on me or they'll soon be back in 2nd place again!

thehomeofDob

I hate that 10-20 seconds it takes to overtake someone, especially if they're strange... walking beside a strange person like you're with them is annoying. Once I pass someone, I quicken my pace for about a minute to put enough distance between us an then I resume my usual pace (which is usually quite random whenever I have the ipod on shuffle).

Thrill

As if road rage isn't bad enough, now we have Path Rage.

Sparky

http://wordpress.com/signup/

kjt

Weirdo tbh

Nehpets

rb_ie wrote:

Or since June anyway...

Why bother? Just.. why?

And since you really seem to care, I've been here from before June :rolleyes:

Binomate

To be honest, you'd be better off falling back behind them and letting them think its all safe, then speed up behind them with a plank of wood and beat them to a pulp. Thats justice right there.