I regret my behaviour

StormWarrior

I always believed sleeping around would just lead to problems, so I saved myself for the bloke I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I lost my virginity to him when I was 20. Needless to say, it didn't work out and we broke up 2 years later (which was this February just gone)
Well, it was far from the best relationship in the world and after 2 years with him I felt like I had missed out on alot. So, after breaking up, this year I have gone a bit crazy. I met some bloke at a festival in June and slept with him. Then I went on holiday to Germany and made friends with 2 blokes and slept with them too. (not on the same occassion.)

Well one of the blokes, we'll call him Hans, I became friends with and he said I could go and stay at his house any time I was in Germany. I went and stayed with him twice more and slept with him both times.

Now I severely regret my behaviour and I don't want to act like that any more. I am really sorry for behaving like such a slut and I feel terrible about it. The thing is, I had long ago organised, booked and paid for another holiday to Germany which is happenning in 2 weeks. I have to stay with Hans again because I now my money has run out and I can't afford a hotel or even a youth hostel, plus I will have no one to hang out with there. I know its my own fault but Hans will be expecting me to sleep with him and I really don't want to. He can get in really p*ssed off moods when he doesn't get his own way. I don't know what to tell him so that he doesn't expect sex.

My other problem is, what if I meet a really nice bloke and want to settle down. Will he hold my sleeping around against me?

I am just so full of regret!

DawnMc

Hi,
I understand your situation. I had a couple of one night stands after my first proper relationship. I don't think you should feel bad about it, it's done. Try to look at the positive aspects (i.e you've done the sleeping around thing and it doesn't suit you, so you'll move on)
In regards to Hans, is there any way you can stay elsewhere? If not, just make it clear to Hans that nothing is going to happen because if you do end up sleeping with him because you're afraid of him getting moody, then believe me, you will feel horrible after.

StormWarrior

I HAVE to stay with him because the girlfriend who was going to come with me can't now, and I have no one else to hang out with there plus there is NO WAY on earth I can afford to stay somewhere else now. What can I tell Hans so he accepts my decision without getting annoyed?

DawnMc

Just set down the ground rules as soon as possible. Say 'Looks Hans, I know you might be expecting me to have sex with you but it's not going to happen so please can we just hang out and be mates and I hope you'll repect my decision'

NADA

Will he hold my sleeping around against me?

I am just so full of regret!

.

The honest answer is that yes some guys will but other guys won't. I myself won't. It's nothing personal I just would rather be with a more innocent girl.

Skellington

I am really sorry for behaving like such a slut and I feel terrible about it.

you've only slept with 4 people, one of whom you where in a long term relationship. thats not being a slut. and anyone you meet in the future who holds that against you isn't worth your time. and if you feel this strongly about your behaviour why not just not go to see hans especially if he's gonna get pissy with ya for not sleeping with him.

StormWarrior

PunK05 wrote:

why not just not go to see hans especially if he's gonna get pissy with ya for not sleeping with him.

what do you mean?

Catari Jaguar

The Irish national average is 7. Slutty would be having sex with random lads/ girls in nightclubs every saturday night. Like several girls I know. You were safe yes? and Well over the legal age so don't feel guilty. Tell Hans to stick it if he wants it n u don't.

StormWarrior

Punk, I misread what you said just then.
I can't not go because i have spent alot of money on this holiday and i will miss the concert i will see there which i don't want to miss.

Rb

Just tell him nein and make sure he understands that nothings happening.

With regards to will other guys hold it against you, like has been said above you've only slept with 4 people and you regret it. It's not as if you're known as a slut or anything so I wouldn't worry about it.
Personally, if I found out a girl I was interested had slept around an awful lot and/or had a reputation for being a bit of a slut, it'd kill the interest and I wouldn't go near her. But I'm just one of those guys I suppose, some guys are happy to be with sluts though.
Anyway, you know the error of your ways and regret it so theres nothing you can do but move on and forget about it, and keep your reputation clean

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

StupidLikeAFox

^^ Thought that would be an obvious one, jus mention you started goin out with someone! That should make him keep his Hans to himself

Skellington

what do you mean?

i meant dont bother going to germany at all. i was under the impression you were going just to see hans. appologies if thats not the case. but if you go and stay with him, and he thinks sex is in the picture when its not, that'll get him in a ****ty mood with you, as you said he gets in when he doesn't get his own way, which would only ruin your holiday.

j4vier

sorry but i disagree with most of you here,
dont get me wrong i understand that you could be honest when u say u try to change and im not here to cause more troubles then what u already have..
but the point is not how many u slept with , the point is that it took u no time to do it and the feelings behind it are close to none.
just because when u say i had missed a lot, i think that lot meant 1 thing for u.

as for the german bloke, if u are trying to change , dont go. he is a guy and i already pictured him like they guy who only wants 1 thing . he didnt invite you to his house for charity u know


quote "Slutty would be having sex with random lads/ girls in nightclubs every saturday night."

i think we are kinda losing prospective here.
those are even more slutty but that doesnt make her an angel either

Procrastinator

StormWarrior wrote:

I always believed sleeping around would just lead to problems, so I saved myself for the bloke I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I lost my virginity to him when I was 20. Needless to say, it didn't work out and we broke up 2 years later (which was this February just gone)
Well, it was far from the best relationship in the world and after 2 years with him I felt like I had missed out on alot. So, after breaking up, this year I have gone a bit crazy. I met some bloke at a festival in June and slept with him. Then I went on holiday to Germany and made friends with 2 blokes and slept with them too. (not on the same occassion.)

Well one of the blokes, we'll call him Hans, I became friends with and he said I could go and stay at his house any time I was in Germany. I went and stayed with him twice more and slept with him both times.

Now I severely regret my behaviour and I don't want to act like that any more. I am really sorry for behaving like such a slut and I feel terrible about it. The thing is, I had long ago organised, booked and paid for another holiday to Germany which is happenning in 2 weeks. I have to stay with Hans again because I now my money has run out and I can't afford a hotel or even a youth hostel, plus I will have no one to hang out with there. I know its my own fault but Hans will be expecting me to sleep with him and I really don't want to. He can get in really p*ssed off moods when he doesn't get his own way. I don't know what to tell him so that he doesn't expect sex.

My other problem is, what if I meet a really nice bloke and want to settle down. Will he hold my sleeping around against me?

I am just so full of regret!

For God's sake,
You're only 22!!
Those guys you 'slept around' with...you should forget all about them. Stop beating yourself up over this. If you were careful and protected yourself, then you shouldn't give this guilt a second thought.

The problem, as i see it, is not how many guys you've slept with, its that you didn't think, 'what's in this for me?' before you did.

Think about it...because of what's happened, you now know that you don't like almost-anonymous or un-intimate sex, without a relationship. That's a good thing to know.

So if someone wants to have a one-night-stand with you, you can figure out if they're worth it or not...you are in control.

If they're not worth the weeks of guilt, and by the way this kind of useless guilt will lessen with life experience, then you don't do it. If you really fancy them and want to be with them, then do it. The choice is yours. In other words its not really about if they 'respect' you or not...do YOU respect you? Meaning do you take note of and respect how you feel about the things in your life and how they are affecting you. That’s the angle you should be coming from.

Honestly, stop worrying and put the whole thing down to a learning experience. You have lots more tribulations in store, believe me!
Best of luck!

MojoMaker

Tell Hans you're suddenly straight again, and let him know you've been with a few girls over the last few months and he might back off. If he's gonna get pissy at you he ain't worth being with. It doesn't need to be this complicated, and is not necessarily part of the 'scene'.

spinandscribble

you are not a slut..

you would be a slut if you slept with hans for the sake of him not getting pissy.

so what if he gets in a bad mood? what are you? did you promise him sex? no of course not. best plan is just tell him before you arrive you have started a serious enough relationship with a guy a while before you leave.

that way he has time to adjust to your new friends without benefits status. if he's still in a pissy mood then tbh dont waste your time trying to apease him. he'd be a child to be like that and doesnt deserve your attention.

take the higher ground even if it does mean one little lie that in the long run wont hurt anyone.

iguana

Problem 1: Before you go to Germany tell him you have a new boyfriend, that way he will know not to expect anything. That may not stop him hoping, or even trying, but at least he won't be too surprised when nothing happens.

Problem 2: I can't believe it is 2006 and you are still feeling like this. Can I ask that if you met the man of your dreams and he had previously slept with 4, 10 or 20 people would you hold it against him? I don't mean get an occasional jealous or insecure moment, I mean actually hold it against him to the point where it made you doubt your willingness to continue a relationship with him? People have sex-drives, we rarely settle down young anymore and this means that we tend to have a number of sexual partners.

2, 10, 100 anyone worth being with will not judge you on your past sexual experiences. In fact many men prefer women with a bit of experience.

LegacyUser

'The OP is almost certainly male from his posts here and elsewhere. The 'rules' - for what they're worth - might be slightly different in that company so I'd advise not seeing hans if you can avoid it, sounds like a creepy 'arrangement' tbh.'

King of Kings

the king states (and since I am the king it's the law): You are not a slut so remove that word from your describition of self asap.

if you feel confortable with sleeping with a guy (any guy) that's cool.
BTW hans seems like a friend so what are you ashamed of????

just chill out and remember the notches on bedposts don't matter it's your heart that does...as a guy (29 years old) ...notchs doesn't bother me...genuine ,nice,friendly and attractive people do!!! - they bother me good.

seriously chill out have fun and be genuine...do not worry about numbers or events...

Zombrex

StormWarrior wrote:

I know its my own fault but Hans will be expecting me to sleep with him and I really don't want to.

So? Tell him that. You don't have to have sex just because he wants to, where the hell did you get that idea?

StormWarrior wrote:

He can get in really p*ssed off moods when he doesn't get his own way.

Sounds like a wonderful guy :rolleyes: Are you sure you want to go visit him in the first place

StormWarrior wrote:

My other problem is, what if I meet a really nice bloke and want to settle down. Will he hold my sleeping around against me?

You slept with like 4 guys. That hardly makes you the whore of Babylon

Chucky the tree

Any fella that thinks your a slut for sleeping with 4 fellas and wouldnt go out with you is twat. And a werido aswell.

Thrill

It sounds to me like Hans uses his moods to get what he wants and he may try to pressure you into having sex with him.
If you dont think your strong and confident enough to handle Hans then i would give the whole Germany thing a skip.

BreadBoard

Hi StormWarrior, this may sound a bit weird but it depends on the way you look at it;

This concert your going too, would it be possible other Irish ppl would be going to it? If so I'm sure there would be ppl on boards.ie who are going to this concert. Why not ask them can you stay the night with them? Maybe there's a bunch of ladies from boards going to this concert too ? I'm sure they'd offer to help you out of this situation. I would.

My 2 cents anyway. Best of luck

Carrigart Exile

StormWarrior wrote:

I HAVE to stay with him because the girlfriend who was going to come with me can't now, and I have no one else to hang out with there plus there is NO WAY on earth I can afford to stay somewhere else now. What can I tell Hans so he accepts my decision without getting annoyed?

Sounds like you want to use him and he wants to use you, you both deserve each other

Drift

I think you should avoid staying with him this time.

Hostels around europe are reasonably cheap and there's certain to be people from the hostel attending the concert so that would mean you solve the two problems. Where to stay cheap and who to hang out with.

As for the number of people you slept with affecting future relationships, I know in my case it would probably cause a bit of insecurity on my behalf if I had a gf with a LOT more experience than me, but if she was worth it I'd get over it.

Kell

StormWarrior wrote:

I am really sorry for behaving like such a slut and I feel terrible about it.

Why do you feel like you behaved like a slut? Who programmed you to think like this?

StormWarrior wrote:

My other problem is, what if I meet a really nice bloke and want to settle down. Will he hold my sleeping around against me?

Erm, at 22 you have at least another 12 years to go before you really begin worrying about this. Thats more than half you age left to go. Stop stressing.

StormWarrior wrote:

I am just so full of regret!

What on earth for? For having fun. Please explain who you got your ideas from so I can shake my fist at the them in a threatening fashion.

K-

Talliesin

StormWarrior wrote:

I can't not go because i have spent alot of money on this holiday and i will miss the concert i will see there which i don't want to miss.

And this will kill you how?

Yeah, it'd be a shame to have wasted the money, but maybe you should just think of it as already wasted - it's gone so there's no point worrying about it and if going to Germany is going to not be fun then it's an even bigger waste of money than if you don't go.

If Hans won't get (really get) that you don't want to sleep with him, don't go. At best it's just going to make things awkward and ruin what benefits a holiday can bring.

As for the more general matter of your sexual lifestyle you need to work out in your own mind what's right for you in both general terms (what you think is right and wrong) and specific terms (how you deal with a particular man you fancy).

There's no point in worrying too much about what other people think about your decisions here. A lot of the posts so far have been about whether or not your behaviour counts as being promiscuous. Frankly I don't think any viewpoint here is going to help you - you can probably work out for yourself without anyone saying anything that some people are going to think "4 people, is that all? you need to get out and experience more" and other people are going to think you were wrong to sleep with the first guy since you weren't married to him, and there's a whole bunch of opinions in between.

The important thing is that you weren't happy with how you behaved. If you have a good idea of why you weren't happy then that will help things. Whether its a matter of sexual morality (and in turn whether that's informed by religion, social observation, philosophising or whatever) or of how you felt about the encounters or both, the better an idea you have about what you really want to do with this part of your life the better chance you have of being happy with your decisions.

Which is not to say that things won't come out of left field and surprise the hell out of you, but it's a damn sight better than moving through your sex life under a kind of Brownian motion as you react first one way and then another.

Don't worry about whether what some hypothetical man will think about it. When you're actually with a real man that you're think about settling down with he may wish you'd had less such encounters, he may wish you'd a bit more experience and he may well not give a damn, but there's really no point worrying about that now.

Kell

Talliesin wrote:

a kind of Brownian motion

Does that leave a mess on the sheets afterward?

K-

LegacyUser

'First, U ain't no shlut !
Shure, welcome to de New Oireland.
Ain't everyone 'at it' like rabbits now.

As for Hans. Tell him U have picked up an STD and
you're on medication to get rid of the itch.
I'm shure he'll understand.'

vorbis

this person is trolling right. FOUR partners and she's a slut??? Personally, it doesn't bother me how many guys a girl has slept with (if she'd slept with say over 200 guys then I'd be feeling a little uncomfortable), finding someone you find attractive and get on with is far more important.

Black Swan

StormWarrior wrote:

Well, it was far from the best relationship in the world and after 2 years with him I felt like I had missed out on alot. So, after breaking up, this year I have gone a bit crazy.

After you crashed and burned, you were on the rebound. People can do things out of character, cause it's painful breaking up and being disillusioned. I wouldn't beat myself up about it. Chill out and learn from it.

StormWarrior wrote:

Hans will be expecting me to sleep with him and I really don't want to. He can get in really p*ssed off moods when he doesn't get his own way. I don't know what to tell him so that he doesn't expect sex.

You can count on it! He expects it and will not be pleased, to say the least! I would contact him before my holiday, tell him how you now feel, and if he blows up, I would cancel my trip (and chalk it up to learning). Maybe you can get some of the cost refunded, if you are flying, depending upon the terms and conditions of the ticket? After all, it would not be a pleasant trip for you (or him), if he is mad or pouting or trying to pressure you?

StormWarrior wrote:

My other problem is, what if I meet a really nice bloke and want to settle down. Will he hold my sleeping around against me?

I believe in honesty in a relationship, but I also believe that it's sometimes best to spare The One the blow-by-blow details? Or a body count like the military does in news reports?

StormWarrior wrote:

I am just so full of regret!

Stop beating yourself up! What you are experiencing is called "life." Chill out, learn, and move on.

StormWarrior

thanks for your replies everyone. Just to get a couple of things straight:
1. I'm female
2. I'm not trolling!

dublin12

This is all pretty simple, you want to go to a concert and are feeling guilty about staying with Hans cos basically you just want B&B and are hoping he'll be ok with that. He invited you to stay most likely on the basis of a romantic/physical interlude during your visit and you know that. If you arrive over there and decide then to exercise your right to say no, you're just being sneaky in that you've done so in order to get the accommodation for the concert. Be honest with yourself, you're just trying to find a way to go and not feel guilty about it...

Contact Hans before you go, tell him you've met someone and you would still like to go over but only on a platonic basis and ask him if he is happy with that. At least then you've behaved decently and you'll feel better about yourself. The lost money will have to be chalked up to a learning experience as someone else already said...

As far as 'sleeping around', I agree with the general consensus here, stop beating yourself up, you're blowing it out of proportion and are self aware enough to know you dont want to do it so you've stopped, good on you. Everyone has different attitudes to this sort of thing, live and let live and just do what feels comfortable for you. My guy had only one serious rel before me while I had a few so my magic number was almost twice his..he married me...bottom line is it shouldnt matter, the person you are at present should be whats important to a romantic partner

good luck

dr.bollocko

Where is this guilt coming from? Big deal, you slept with some blokes on holidays. You waited with your virginity until age 20 to sleep with the right guy. It didnt work out, and learning from your mistake, and feeling regret for lost time, you went to another extreme, and slept with people you barely know. But why would you call yourself a slut because of that? Its this guilt at your actions that is making you feel this way.
No man worth having would hold your sexual past against you, and particularly when I wouldnt consider your sexual past to be a particularly active one, I cannot see where the problem is. Other posters have already stated this to death.
I think the underlying issue here is that you are the kind of person that can be controlled by guilt. You need to begin to see yourself as a nice, decent person worth being around and not worry so much about unimportant things like this.
Everything in life is an experience and there is no time to carry guilt with you everywhere you go.

All of the language you use while posting is negative, self abasing, and confounded by guilt. This Hans thing, with the concert, thats not a problem once you know how to assert what you want, and learn not to feel guilty when you get it.

aidan24326

1. 4 people does NOT make you a slut or anywhere near it. Most guys will not be all that concerned about how many you've had. Personally I'd prefer if a girl had a little experience but that's just me. Doesn't really matter with the right person though, it's a non-issue.

2.Go with Dublin12's advice. Tell Hans before you go that there will be no hanky panky this time. And be fairly clear about it. There are a couple of different excuses you could use. New boyfriend is a good one. You could tell him nothing but then say you have your period if he suggests getting jiggy(risky if he's into that sort of thing, never know with them germans )
Or you could just go with the whole 'want to be just friends' thing. But above all do be honest, otherwise you're just using him for his accomodation.

3.You could skip the whole thing. You say you are pretty broke, can't afford somewhere to stay, may have to stay with some moody guy who just wants you for a couple of quickies, how much fun is this trip going to be?

craichoe

Christ ..

Stay in a hostel you cheap b*astard .... Its around 15- 20 euros per night .. problem solved .. mother of god ...

Sleepy

4 sexual partners in your life? That's pretty innocent imho.

Rb

iguana wrote:

Problem 2: I can't believe it is 2006 and you are still feeling like this. Can I ask that if you met the man of your dreams and he had previously slept with 4, 10 or 20 people would you hold it against him? I don't mean get an occasional jealous or insecure moment, I mean actually hold it against him to the point where it made you doubt your willingness to continue a relationship with him? People have sex-drives, we rarely settle down young anymore and this means that we tend to have a number of sexual partners.

2, 10, 100 anyone worth being with will not judge you on your past sexual experiences. In fact many men prefer women with a bit of experience.

100?Are you serious?I wouldn't touch a girl who had 100 previous sexual partners with a 30 foot barge pole, let alone even think of having a relationship with her.

I, for one, certainly see a problem with the OPs behaviour. It's not a huge number of people obviously, but considering the time space in which it happened it is considerable. It doesn't make her a slut really, but if continued it certainly would(imo). How people can stand by and almost encourage dropping your knickers to almost any guy you meet is beyond me.

Just because its 2006 (almost 07), doesn't mean our morals have to be so loose as to accept the behaviour of women (or men) who want to go dropping their pants at any given opportunity.
If someone wants to do it, by all means go ahead but don't be surprised if you're judged by everyone around you for doing it or claim their "not worth it".

At least the OP is going to quit this behaviour and put it down as a learning experience before her reputation goes down the drain and people are laughing at her behind her back.

Sleepy

lol rb_ie, catholic priest by any chance?

No kind of consentual sexual behaviour makes someone a bad or 'immoral' (a complete nonsense of a term given the subjectivity of morals) person.

In fact, I would go so far as to say the person who holds another's sexual history against them is at fault. Unless one has some serious issues with their own sexuality (such as those the Catholic church famously promotes), I can't even begin to fathom why they would feel the right to condemn another human being for the sexual acts they've performed or their 'promiscuity'.

What exactly is immoral about taking part in a consensual act which brings pleasure to yourself and another person? :rolleyes:

Saint_Mel

I have to agree with craichoe.
Not trying to be smart/harsh or anything but I'm a firm believer in paying
my way.

Hostels are cheap as chips and if you cant afford one I really don't know
how you can afford to go to the concert at all. Even if theres no hostel
near did you look into budget hotels or B&B's

I assume you had planned to spend some money at the actual event so how
about leaving the concert t shirt down and pay for accommodation instead.
T shirt is probably the same cost as a night in a hostel!

I'm sure a bank/credit union or even your mate who was supposed to go
with you would lend you €100 and you'd be laughing.

Seems to me you just are looking for a free ride (no pun intended )

Rb

Sleepy wrote:

lol rb_ie, catholic priest by any chance?

Hah, the Church wouldn't let me in for some of the stuff I've done in my life

Sleepy wrote:

No kind of consentual sexual behaviour makes someone a bad or 'immoral' (a complete nonsense of a term given the subjectivity of morals) person.

Well, morals in terms of ethics. Depending on the ethics surrounding an environment, consentual sexual behaviour could indeed make someone a bad or 'immoral' person. A highly catholic environment for instance, would make it immoral to have sex before marriage, as would masturbation etc.

That said, I'm not a strict catholic, I'm not even catholic. I believe people should be able to have sex before marriage and not feel guilty for it, and masturbate should they want to (amongst other things) but I do condemn people who go out dropping their knickers to random strangers at every chance they get.
These people are sluts, they're frowned upon for a reason like. I suppose it wouldn't bother you if your little sister was going out sleeping with different people once a week? Given your apparent liberal stance on the matter anyway.

Sure, some more liberal people may see absolutely no problem with girls (or men) who go out every single weekend and sleep with some randomer they've met in a club/pub. They simply have different ethical beliefs/morals to me.

Sleepy wrote:

In fact, I would go so far as to say the person who holds another's sexual history against them is at fault. Unless one has some serious issues with their own sexuality (such as those the Catholic church famously promotes), I can't even begin to fathom why they would feel the right to condemn another human being for the sexual acts they've performed or their 'promiscuity'.

I've absolutely no problem with my own sexuality and have had no influences in my upbringing that would have an influence on it (i.e a highly catholic family/strict christian parents etc). Perhaps I just have higher standards. I find having a vast number of sexual partners (i.e a slut) a very unattractive attribute to a person.

If someone introduced me to a girl who was nice, I got along with well, was physically attracted to etc., and then after the meeting told me that she'd had , for example, on average 3 sexual partners per month for the last few years, it would instantly put me off the girl. I'm just not attracted to whores and I believe their behaviour to be wrong.

Again, some may see absolutely no problem whatsoever with a girl going around and dropping her knickers to (more or less) strangers whenever she wants. I suppose it comes down to the person, their environment and the ethics/morals surrounding that environment. Some people are happy having girlfriends that slept with scores of guys, I wouldn't be.

Lol, maybe I do come off as a strict catholic or something. I'm not though, I just have ethical/moral standards, as well as standards when it comes to partners, that may differ from some more...liberal...people. I do however know quite a few people who share these standards and frown upon sluts, but thats the great thing about life I suppose, the diversity

aidan24326

rb_ie wrote:

Hah, the Church wouldn't let me in for some of the stuff I've done in my life

You sound like a wild one alright.

What time machine did you use to get here from 1932? Can I have a go in it?

Sure, some more liberal people may see absolutely no problem with girls (or men) who go out every single weekend and sleep with some randomer they've met in a club/pub. They simply have different ethical beliefs/morals to me

Each to their own. I don't know why you think someone immoral just because they enjoy having sex regularly.

I've absolutely no problem with my own sexuality and have had no influences in my upbringing that would have an influence on it (i.e a highly catholic family/strict christian parents etc). Perhaps I just have higher standards. I find having a vast number of sexual partners (i.e a slut) a very unattractive attribute to a person

I think you have more issues than you think. To say you would dump an otherwise great girl just because she's had a fair few sexual partners in the past is prrof of this. What if she had now changed her attitude and was ready to settle down with someone she really liked? (i.e you)

If someone introduced me to a girl who was nice, I got along with well, was physically attracted to etc., and then after the meeting told me that she'd had , for example, on average 3 sexual partners per month for the last few years, it would instantly put me off the girl. I'm just not attracted to whores and I believe their behaviour to be wrong

In fairness I think there are very few girls around who'd be going through that many sexual partners. And calling them whores is a bit harsh. Like I said, each to their own.

Rb

aidan24326 wrote:

You sound like a wild one alright.

What time machine did you use to get here from 1932? Can I have a go in it?

I could tell a comment like this was coming. Hi-Larious.

Call me old fashioned because I have ethical standards that are not met by sluts. I'm not alone in this either, most of the guys I know wouldn't have a relationship with a girl that they know to have slept around quite a lot. And before you even have the chance to make another absolutely brilliant joke, no, I'm not referring to fellow priests/the clergy/the choir etc etc.

Its funny though, these girls who go around dropping their knickers every chance they get are usually the same who complain that men treat them like pieces of meat, when they only have themselves to blame, or the ones who somehow never manage to keep a guy and develop a relationship.

aidan24326 wrote:

Each to their own. I don't know why you think someone immoral just because they enjoy having sex regularly.

Oh, I've no problem with people who enjoy having sex regularly...once they're in a relationship. Girls who go out and have sex with someone they've met earlier that night because they enjoy it or are purely seeking the pleasure on a regular occasion...well...why don't they just go legit and stick a price onto it? At least they'd have something to show for it at the end of the day, rather than just a reputation (which some guys will then take advantage of).

Let me ask you, what do you think of prostitutes?If you met one who'd retired but you knew she had been a protitute, would that affect your perception of this person?Would you have a relationship with someone who you knew had sold their body to men regularly (but got pleasure out of it !!!11) and be able to just forget about it?

I know I wouldn't. I've a very condescending view of prostitutes and imo, sluts aren't much better than them.

aidan24326 wrote:

I think you have more issues than you think. To say you would dump an otherwise great girl just because she's had a fair few sexual partners in the past is prrof of this. What if she had now changed her attitude and was ready to settle down with someone she really liked? (i.e you)

Issues? No. I'm just picky, especially when it comes to relationships. I have standards.
I don't even socialise with known sluts, I don't condone their behaviour so why would I. I treat women with the respect they deserve, same as guys, but but I'm not going to respect someone who has so little respect for themselves as to go spreading their legs to any guy who managed to chat her up in a club that night. They don't deserve respect. Part of relationships is respect for one another, and if theres none there to begin with it can only lead to problems.

aidan24326 wrote:

In fairness I think there are very few girls around who'd be going through that many sexual partners. And calling them whores is a bit harsh. Like I said, each to their own.

Well, it was a fairly extreme example and I find calling such a person a whore in no way harsh.

Each to their own indeed. If someone sees nothing wrong with slutish behaviour and condones it, thats their opinion and I fully respect that.

Anyway, back on topic I suppose.

OP: Like was said above, just go to a youth hostel. Its dirt cheap and you can avoid Hans by doing so.
Or just don't go on it, sure you may have invested a significant sum into it but if you can forsee it being a bad holiday/loads of arguing with Hans etc then you'll just regret spending the money on it in the first place. You don't have to go and deal with Hans, it is your choice remember.

Sleepy

rb_ie wrote:

Hah, the Church wouldn't let me in for some of the stuff I've done in my life

Well, morals in terms of ethics. Depending on the ethics surrounding an environment, consentual sexual behaviour could indeed make someone a bad or 'immoral' person. A highly catholic environment for instance, would make it immoral to have sex before marriage, as would masturbation etc.

That said, I'm not a strict catholic, I'm not even catholic. I believe people should be able to have sex before marriage and not feel guilty for it, and masturbate should they want to (amongst other things) but I do condemn people who go out dropping their knickers to random strangers at every chance they get.
These people are sluts, they're frowned upon for a reason like. I suppose it wouldn't bother you if your little sister was going out sleeping with different people once a week? Given your apparent liberal stance on the matter anyway.

Sure, some more liberal people may see absolutely no problem with girls (or men) who go out every single weekend and sleep with some randomer they've met in a club/pub. They simply have different ethical beliefs/morals to me.


I've absolutely no problem with my own sexuality and have had no influences in my upbringing that would have an influence on it (i.e a highly catholic family/strict christian parents etc). Perhaps I just have higher standards. I find having a vast number of sexual partners (i.e a slut) a very unattractive attribute to a person.

If someone introduced me to a girl who was nice, I got along with well, was physically attracted to etc., and then after the meeting told me that she'd had , for example, on average 3 sexual partners per month for the last few years, it would instantly put me off the girl. I'm just not attracted to whores and I believe their behaviour to be wrong.

Again, some may see absolutely no problem whatsoever with a girl going around and dropping her knickers to (more or less) strangers whenever she wants. I suppose it comes down to the person, their environment and the ethics/morals surrounding that environment. Some people are happy having girlfriends that slept with scores of guys, I wouldn't be.

Lol, maybe I do come off as a strict catholic or something. I'm not though, I just have ethical/moral standards, as well as standards when it comes to partners, that may differ from some more...liberal...people. I do however know quite a few people who share these standards and frown upon sluts, but thats the great thing about life I suppose, the diversity

Let me ask you something: why do you feel the need to brand or degrade someone who's more free with their sexuality than yourself? What's bad about sleeping with someone who you're not in love with? What about the sexual act is bad?

Now, I'm expecting you to counter with "some people just believe you shouldn't engage in sexual activities with someone unless you're in a meaningful relationship" or some variation of the same thing. What I'm asking you to do (and OP, you should do this too) is ask yourself: what's bad about it? Why is it something only to be done within the boundaries of a serious relationship? Why is it that I look down on others who don't agree with me on this?

(maybe we should take this to humanities but I think it'd probably do the OP good to realise that not everyone has the same archaic notions about sex)

Sleepy

rb_ie wrote:

I'm not going to respect someone who has so little respect for themselves as to go spreading their legs to any guy who managed to chat her up in a club that night. They don't deserve respect.

Why not?

What has she done to deserve your scorn?

Carrigart Exile

Sleepy wrote:

Why not?

What has she done to deserve your scorn?

exactly, as a better man than any of us said 'let he who has not sinned cast the first stone'

StormWarrior

dublin12 wrote:

This is all pretty simple, you want to go to a concert and are feeling guilty about staying with Hans cos basically you just want B&B and are hoping he'll be ok with that. He invited you to stay most likely on the basis of a romantic/physical interlude during your visit and you know that. If you arrive over there and decide then to exercise your right to say no, you're just being sneaky in that you've done so in order to get the accommodation for the concert. Be honest with yourself, you're just trying to find a way to go and not feel guilty about it...

No, Hans has a bit of an open house, all his mates stay there all the time. The first time i stayed there we didnt sleep together and he still said i could go back. I have several friends all over europe, we have a thing where we take it in turns to visit each other as a way of having cheap holidays.

Rb

Sleepy wrote:

Let me ask you something: why do you feel the need to brand or degrade someone who's more free with their sexuality than yourself?

I didn't brand anyone, these people branded themselves. Theres various definitions in the dictionary that they fall under when they engage in certain behaviour or activities. 'Slut' covers the women who go out spreading their legs to different men on a regular occasion.
I just haven't given it enough consideration to come up with my own, original name for them.

I don't consider a girl who goes and lies flat with her legs open to any guy that manages to fill her head in a night club to be respecting herself. How would she be? She's lying there, part-taking in an intimate activity with an almost complete stranger whilst he uses a part of her body for his jollies. Then when hes done, he generally won't bother calling or getting in contact and she goes off and the next time she meets a guy, she does it again!
Letting guys use and abuse them, how self respectful.
Oh wait though, she did get some form of pleasure from the stranger on top of her, so I guess that makes everything ok!lol...

Sleepy wrote:

What's bad about sleeping with someone who you're not in love with? What about the sexual act is bad?

Now, I'm expecting you to counter with "some people just believe you shouldn't engage in sexual activities with someone unless you're in a meaningful relationship" or some variation of the same thing. What I'm asking you to do (and OP, you should do this too) is ask yourself: what's bad about it? Why is it something only to be done within the boundaries of a serious relationship? Why is it that I look down on others who don't agree with me on this?

You're right to an extent, that would be part of my response to such a question. I do put some value in sex, for it to have a meaning, to show your respect/love/care for your partner, it can be a milestone in some relationships, a special moment shared between two people who care, respect eachother (but may not yet love eachother, though it can bring on feelings of). An intimate moment.
I wouldn't sleep with a prostitute, so I wouldn't with someone who was known to be a bit of a slut either (though she didn't charge).

I don't look down on those who condone this behaviour, but I do on those who practise it. They (imo) are displaying absolutely no self-respect, and sure if you can't respect yourself how can you expect others to?

Sleepy wrote:

(maybe we should take this to humanities)

Indeed, was thinking that myself.

Sleepy wrote:

Why not?

What has she done to deserve your scorn?

I think I've explained it above. If a girl displays such little self respect for herself, I'm hardly going to respect her, sure she can't even respect herself!

I don't even have friendships with these types of people, let alone relationships. I never have and I never will. Why? Because they're below my standards. Yes, I believe sluts to be below my standards and I'm sure as hell not alone in that.

Its not scorn Sleepy, its most likely a combination of disgust and lack of respect for.

Hopefully thats answered whatever questions you've posed.

StormWarrior

rb ie, I used to think the same way as you. Maybe when you are a little older and have some more life experience you will see that situations are not always so black and white.

Rb

StormWarrior wrote:

rb ie, I used to think the same way as you. Maybe when you are a little older and have some more life experience you will see that situations are not always so black and white.

Hold on, are you not the one going "Omgz am I a slut for sleeping with 4 people?!!?!?!?" ?

Life experience? Oh ffs. Don't even try and play the age card on this one. I've enough life experience to quantify what I've said.

Your "life experience" seems to have done f*ck all for you seeing as you posted this thread.

I'm in no way attacking you, but I find it highly amusing that you can come out with such a statement but not have the "life experience" to solve what is a very, very, very basic problem.