Purposely not included

Faith

My advice is to ring him (texts can be ignored) and be all casual and say something like, "Hey, how's it going? So I hear you got married." and leave it hanging. He'll have to explain himself them.

DaDa

I think you've mentioned on a few occasions that you hang out with a group of people associated with this newly married couple... but i haven't noticed that you've asked any of their opinion on why?

Sometimes it's good to go fishing for answers close to where you'll get the real answer... tests the waters.. then you can decide if you want to tackle the groom?

Drift

Faith wrote:

texts can be ignored

I think if he ignores a text like that then he's probably the type of person who would lie about the reason if you asked him straight out.

cordelia

Here's how I would view this:
1) If this were a good, close friend I would have sorted it out long before the wedding with a general "what's going on?" conversation. It would be only right and appropriate.
2) If this was someone that wasn't part of my general life I might be hurt, but I would probably not say anything. Your friends know what happened and it's going to come back to the happy couple eventually. I would take the high road and leave it alone. Maintain my dignity. It would make no difference at this point as the wedding is over and I would just be causing myself more angst. This would mean, however, that they would remain only casual, run-into-them-at-the-pub-and-say-hello types. Nothing more. No more invites, conversations, pop in for tea visits.
3) If you do decide to take this to your friend and require an explanation be prepared for a lot of sputtering and excuses. You'll probably get little more satisfaction than you would have by saying nothing. Just mind that you stay calm and don't fall into the whiny, nagging category. Give no excuse to allow him to justify his choices.
4) I think most of the posters are right when they say that his wife was the motivation behind it. In most cases the bride tends to call the shots on the invites and all that. Most brides wield this power wisely and don't become draconian. However, some use it to recall every imagined slight that has ever come their way. Petty, but true.
Good luck.

oulu

Shelli, just to make them feel bad I would send them a small wedding gift, I mean small not spending more than 5 Euro,

brillo

Thaedydal wrote:

brillo hte personal issue forum is not an online soap opera for your amusement.
I suggest you read the charter for this forum before you get banned.

Sorry - hadn't meant to be smart or funny. Hope no offence taken Shelli.

Anyway was thinking about this afterwards again and there may be another possible answer. Two very good friends of mine got married a couple of years ago. One very good college friend of theirs was going with a guy at the time who both of them detested. He had insulted them on numerous occasions etc (without his girlfriend's knowledge). After a lot of talk about it they decided not to ask her to the wedding. So I don't know if you are going with anyone but that may be a possible answer.

Shelli

No offence taken at all Brillo, it bugged me all weekend, had to leave the pub early on Friday because all the talk was about the wedding the day before. In fairness, they were all very careful not to mention it in front of me until they had a few pints in them, and of course with a few pints in me I started to get upset, so I made my excuses and left.

So I texted my friend there a few minutes ago. All I can do now is wait to see if he replies.

Shelli

Reply:"Sorry, it wasn't deliberate. Bwtween trying to organise the wedding and the honeymoon we forgot to invite some people. I even forgot to invite my step brother in London"


My reply:"No bother, was just wondering if you were pissed at me. Glad you had a good day, all the best with married life. XXX"


To be honest I think thats a load of bull****, not bothered gettin into it though. I know he didn't just forget, he invited my best friend, and we're inseperable, we even have the same name, and if one is out and the other isn't people ask questions, we sort of come as a package deal LOL.

Anyway, it's obvious he just didn't want me there. At least I know where I stand now. Just pissed off I spent time and energy in the past being friends with such two faced people.

Ickle Magoo

Sorry Shelli, that's got to be the worse piece of clap-trap I think I've ever heard...unless they put the wedding together over a weekend, you do not forget to invite people - you certainly don't forget to invite people you wanted to be there. The fact he can be so blasé about it speaks volumes. Hope you have better luck finding more genuine friends.

Faith

I agree, that's a load of shíte. I watched my brother and sister-in-law organising their wedding. They had a guest list drawn up about a year beforehand and kept editting it to make sure everyone they wanted was included.

Go find yourself better friends. That really sucks for you, sorry. If I were you, I'd send back a super abusive message, but that's probably not the most mature thing to do.

brillo

It is pure rubbish indeed. If they were organised enough to chase up people for RSVPs, they would have been organised enough to invite you . It was deliberate for whatever reason. You will never know now as he will just cover it up. Surely one of your other friends must know the real reason behind it?

Shelli

I'm sure on of them do, and I'm sure it will come out eventually, I dont want to ask any of them though, it's not fair to put them in that position, especially when they still consider them friends. I have talked about it with one or two of my closer friends, they agree that it was a really ****ty thing to do, but they too have no idea why I wasn't invited.

Drift

Sorry to hear about the ****ty answer Shelli. I don't know anything about the situation but if I had to guess I would say its one of the following:

a.) His wife thinks you're into him and feels insecure because of it.

b.) He's into you and has to avoid you.

py2006

Drift wrote:

Sorry to hear about the ****ty answer Shelli. I don't know anything about the situation but if I had to guess I would say its one of the following:

a.) His wife thinks you're into him and feels insecure because of it.

b.) He's into you and has to avoid you.

That wouldn't surprise me! I would say the wife is the reason behind it!

It could be something silly like your better looking than her and would have looked better than her on the day! Probably not but I have heard similar stories before. Jealousy basically!

I would cut off all ties with these people. At the very least keep your distance but remain polite.

LegacyUser

'SO ...

Was I roigh then or what (see page 1) ?

U just wasted your time contacting him (huggy,
huggy and let's talk it over) !!!

U don't have a friend anymore.
So, go Find a New Friend.'

Shelli

unreggie wrote:

'SO ...

Was I roigh then or what (see page 1) ?

U just wasted your time contacting him (huggy,
huggy and let's talk it over) !!!

U don't have a friend anymore.
So, go Find a New Friend.'

Eh I dont think it was a waste of time, i had to know one way or anther, at least now I know for certain what i'm dealing with (or not dealing with anymore).

And just because you lose a friends doesn't mean you have to go and make new a new friend to fill that 'hole', I have plenty of very good, close, trustworthy reliable friends that I love alot, thank you very much. Your advice or lack of it was useless. :mad:

Thanks to everyone else who did offer some decent advice though.

iguana

You have my sympathy, I have a pretty similar situation with a girl I was friends with for 12 years. She not only didn't invite me to her wedding, but she didn't so much as text me on my wedding day which was shortly before hers.

Not quite sure what to do about it, I sort of feel our friendship is over but I'm also reluctant to let go of 12 years of friendship.

Shelli

It is very hurtful isn't it, it's a once in a lifetime event that they have deemed you 'not worthy' of sharing with.

I too was/am reluctant to give up a friendship altogether, especially one that was so close at one time. But if someone doesn't want to be your friend then there's not much you can do.

Chin up, i fell your pain,

r3nu4l

Shelli wrote:

Eh I dont think it was a waste of time, i had to know one way or anther, at least now I know for certain what i'm dealing with (or not dealing with anymore).

And just because you lose a friends doesn't mean you have to go and make new a new friend to fill that 'hole', I have plenty of very good, close, trustworthy reliable friends that I love alot, thank you very much. Your advice or lack of it was useless. :mad:

Thanks to everyone else who did offer some decent advice though.

Shelli, I'm surprised you even responded to that obvious troll who is obviously attempting to avoid a ban by not logging in! Anyway, from what you said it looks like you are well able to move on. It's a pity that this situation has arisen at all and that your 'friend' couldn't have at least had the decency to tell you that you weren't going to be invited rather than just leave you guessing. I guess that just shows exactly what he thinks of your feelings.

Still, it just gives you more time to devote to your real friends, you won't have to spread yourself so thin anymore and your real friends will benefit from seeing more of you Every cloud, silver lining and all that

brillo

To be honest the most hurtful aspect of it is how public the whole thing is - the fact that you know people are talking about it and wondering why you were not invited, not to mention the text messages you received on the day of the wedding wondering where you are.

Anyway as you said yourself, chin up and focus on the good friends that you know you have.

Khannie

Sorry to hear that Shelli. At least you know now though. I was going to suggest the post thing too until I read your post.

Shelli

brillo wrote:

To be honest the most hurtful aspect of it is how public the whole thing is - the fact that you know people are talking about it and wondering why you were not invited, not to mention the text messages you received on the day of the wedding wondering where you are.

Anyway as you said yourself, chin up and focus on the good friends that you know you have.

Totally, it's a public humiliation of sorts, worst part about it is not knowing what I did to deserve such treatment (nothing as far as I'm aware?)

Ah well, onwards and upwards as they say!

Dalfiatach

Shelli wrote:

Totally, it's a public humiliation of sorts, worst part about it is not knowing what I did to deserve such treatment (nothing as far as I'm aware?)

Ah well, onwards and upwards as they say!

It's only a "humiliation" for you if you allow it to be. In the long run, if you take the high ground, it'll be far more damaging to them than to you. People know now they can be two-faced/untrustworthy, and that yer man is a coward. Trust me, karma will bite the two of them in the end if they are as shallow as this. Next time they do something, people will remember this incident, and will start to disassociate themselves from the two of them. And it's all their own fault. Just don't gloat when the inevitable happens

Concentrate on your real friends and ignore those two muppets.

Winnie001

I have to say that I have been on the other side of this. Hung around with a group of friends at school, still very close friends with a few of them & not so much with others - one of whom had been my 'best' friend for years......but I hadnt seen here in over a year. So I invited the people that I still see regularly & didnt invite her ...........she got all upset about it (have only heard this from my other friends - she never confronted me about it)..........but from my position it was perfectly reasonable not to invite her. I invited her to the afters.
I don't like the response you got from you 'friend' - if this girl had asked me I would have told her the truth - that I don't see her as much, the others have been around for the bad times (went to funerals etc - I don't see her giving out that I didnt invite her to family funerals!) as well as the good.

Could it be that you arent as close to your friend as you think & that he actually does keep in contact with the others more? Just a suggestion.

turbot

I'd say you should ask him about it, in person, when he's by himself - and be totally straight about how you feel.

When you do, be your most perceptive.

If you burst into tears based upon the answer, maybe his guilt trip is deserved.

Or, it may be that his girlfriend is controlling / jealous.

Or it could be for any manner of reasons, such as the wrong information getting back to him, or who knows.

You're better off knowing.