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Am I right?

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    #32
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    He isn't going to be able to deal with his issues unless he acknowledges that he has them.

    I wouldn't wait around for that to happen, tbh.


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    #33
    Froot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 546 ✭✭✭Froot


    What I see is that he is concerned with physique, or more importantly maintaining an above average one.
    You do not appear to be the same and so there is a conflict of interest.

    For the both of you its better, you can be with someone who is comfortable with you and that means you dont have to think about how you look all the time for fear of being judged or whatever. For him he can find someone who has similar wants and needs.

    No harm done in what you did.


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    #34
    greenkittie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 463 ✭✭greenkittie


    Definatly right, you're lucky you stopped it now as opposed to later.

    The way my ex acted over my weight has really affected me, i have lots of eating issues now becuase of the constant tormenting over the 2 years we were together.
    I'm the same height as you and back when i was with him i was a small size 10 :/ he constantly either jokingly or seriously went on about my weight every day, about how fat i was and my huge ass.
    Before me he went out with the girl who was last year Miss UK, i think thats where his preocupation with weight came from, heres a picture of her...
    http://www.alisoncampbellmodels.com/newpic.php?TWO=1577&x=35&y=85
    shes skinny, but i know for a fact its not natural and she starved herself to be that way.


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    #35
    Jumpy
    Registered Users Posts: 7,606 ✭✭✭Jumpy


    Usually I am supportive of the OP on posts in here... but this time... *shakes head*

    I think both of you are better off here. He needs someone who can take criticism in a relationship and you need someone who will make sure that they NEVER offend you in the slightest.
    If he says you are gaining weight and he doesnt like it, then he has the right to, if you dont like it, then say it straight out that its your body and you will keep it how you like, its not worth a fight and it isnt worth a breakup AND if you plan to continue any relationship you are going to go through a lot worse than just a comment on weight.
    If that is all the breakup is about then he is far better off outside it if you go nuts everytime he breaks one of the eggshells he is walking on.
    This is sort of personal to me too as I have had the type of relationship where the other half turned into an immature child whenever any criticism is brought into a relationship.
    No communication = Doomed to failure.


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    #36
    secret_squirrel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,357 ✭✭✭secret_squirrel


    Jumpy wrote:
    No communication = Doomed to failure.

    He had already had the fact that she was sensitive explained to him at length.
    And he did it again in an incredibly hurtful manner. It suggests that he isnt capable of comprehending any communication on the subject.

    Therefore she made the right decision, because she was never going to be what he wanted.


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    #37
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'I don\'t think this matter is quite as simple as most people are making it out to be. Sure, the boyfriend in this matter was really insensitive, and whatever about the first time he said it the second time was totally out of order. BUT, it wasn\'t like he was being really mean or nasty about it, as the OP said he tried to say it in a way that he hoped wouldn\'t be offensive, but didn\'t realise that saying something like this is always going to be offensive.\r\n\r\n He\'s obviously quite concerned about weight and how people look because of his family background, and probably thinks it\'s OK to comment on people\'s weight as a result. This is a bad thing, for sure, but the OP said that he\'s been great to her in every other respect and that she still really likes him. \r\n\r\nI think the best thing to do is sit down and have a really long talk about it, find out exactly what it is he wants to say, and reassess things then. He has to understand that the OP isn\'t and shouldn\'t be concerned about her weight, and nor should he. I think that if he can\'t understand this after a big long conversation then it is right to end it, but I personally think that he should be given one last chance to redeem himself. I think it\'s important to discuss it in person and not over the phone either. Also getting your friend involved in the first instance was a bad idea. It sounds like he just hasn\'t fully understood your position on the situation, because the first time you got your friend to explain it and the second time you just hung up on him. \r\n\r\nI\'d give him one last chance in person and if it doesn\'t work out then and he still fails to understand then I\'d finish it.'


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