Will she crack first?

LegacyUser

Heres the short version...

With my GF for a while now and if we dont see each other everyday then we always text, even just to say goodnight etc...

Well, On wednesday we had a silly fight over nothing. Now i'm pretty certain that she initiated it so i think im right.
Its now saturday and we hav'nt been in contact at all...
I thought she would crack first but she has'nt! Its really bugging me!!!
And the thing is, Whoever communicates first is going to have to be the apologetic one....
Should i swallow my pride and just call her even though i know i'm right?

insane drummer

look at it this way, what means more to you, your pride and the fact that your right this time, or your gf?

LegacyUser

call her... its simple. whats an appology, even if you dont mean it. Will take you 2 mins

Pigman II

insane drummer wrote:

look at it this way, what means more to you, your pride and the fact that your right this time, or your gf?

call her... its simple. whats an appology, even if you dont mean it. Will take you 2 mins

What sort of advice is that? So just cos he likes the girl he has to go around cow-towing to her and accepting the blame everytime the two of them have a fight?

OP if you're happy you are in the right about this argument then let her do the crawling back to you this time. I guarentee she's having the same "why hasn't he called?" thoughts you are having right now are and is probably on the verge of calling you.

If she is not thinking that and is indeed (as you say) in the wrong then ask yourself what does that really say about her as a person and where you rate in her grand scheme of things?

Stick it out and you'll be all the stronger for it.

LegacyUser

I totally agree with you Pigman, I mean, if i do call her then everytime we have a fight from now on she's gonna think "ah, he'll come crawling back"!!!
I dunno how long more i'm gonna last though especially after a few beers tonight!!!

Beruthiel

Talk about petty.

I think you should finish with her and wait till you are grown up enough to have an adult relationship.

flogen

Why does contacting her first mean you have to be apologetic?

Why not ring her and ask her what the story is and if needs be have at it over the disagreement you've had.

If it's something small and stupid, irregardless of who was right or wrong, you have to question the reaction you both had (sit back and wait for the other to move). Is it going to be like this every time you don't agree on what to have for lunch?

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

Talk about petty.

I think you should finish with her and wait till you are grown up enough to have an adult relationship.

WTF?
So, i just call her and take the blame for something i didnt start....
That would be grand, If I didnt have any Morals or Principles...
I reject your above statement!

Annie Bananie

flogen wrote:

Why does contacting her first mean you have to be apologetic?

Why not ring her and ask her what the story is and if needs be have at it over the disagreement you've had.

If it's something small and stupid, irregardless of who was right or wrong, you have to question the reaction you both had (sit back and wait for the other to move). Is it going to be like this every time you don't agree on what to have for lunch?

/Agree with all of the above!
Fighting over stupid little things are such a waste of time!
Does not matter who is right or wrong, drop the subject of the fight and talk about why u fight over stupid things instead. Wouldn't both of u rather snuggle instead or something? :rolleyes:
So be the mature one and call her

Ickle Magoo

OP,

You are playing games with each other & that is not the basis for a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Be the adult & call her. Find out why you keep arguing over silly, petty things or find someone who doesn't play games/you don't play games with.

Gurgle

crackingup wrote:

we had a silly fight over nothing. Now i'm pretty certain that she initiated it so i think im right.

It takes 2 to have a silly fight over nothing.
Maybe she initiated it, so what?
You call and apologise for being a twat, she will probably apologise for inciting you to be a twat and thats the end of that.

If you don't understand this, follow Beruthiel's advice.

ClockWorkOrange

Beruthiel wrote:

Talk about petty.

I think you should finish with her and wait till you are grown up enough to have an adult relationship.

This is a dumb unhelpful comment..

Mate, the door swings both ways... Maintain your pride and be a man, too often guys accept the responsibility and go crawling back, loosing more of their pride and dignity every time..and thus we have a society of weak faggy guys willing to do anything to please some woman who treats them like ****e.. If you feel you are right then the onus is on her to make amends..

Annie Bananie

ClockWorkOrange wrote:

This is a dumb unhelpful comment..

Mate, the door swings both ways... Maintain your pride and be a man, too often guys accept the responsibility and go crawling back, loosing more of their pride and dignity every time...

That was a dumb unhelpful comment..

As u say, the door swings both ways.. Girls have to do just as much as guys.
But that is even beside the point.
Who says he has to "go crawling back"?
This has nothing to do with pride, it has to do with being the mature one, since the g/f obviously isn't right now.

The thinking of "keeping one's pride" is exactly why stupid fights occur and why people keep doing it.. And a huge lack of communication.

biko

What Beruthiel said.

If you cannot help yourself thinking of winning and losing face in a relationship then you're probably very young and/or immature.

This time - ring her up and start "That was a stupid fight over nothing. Let's not think about it anymore. Wanna have coffee?"

Ruu_Old

Talk to her OP and then discuss your relationship (you should rethink your position regarding what you want out of it, its not a competition), does it really matter who started it? It was silly after all, so why should you both suffer?

DirkVoodoo

Yeah, it cant be good if you find you need to have a "face-off" with your gf, like everyone has said, talk to her and say sorry, pride has no place where love is involved.

_blank_

Ring her, and say it was a stupid fight. If you feel you were right, then there is no apology, she'll probably agree that it was a stupid fight, then you can go out tonight.

It's easy.

Fanny Cradock

I think you should listen to pigman's and ClockWorkOrange's advice. Instead of resolving the matter with a simple call, you should, instead, post on a forum, 'reject' any statements that don't fit in with your predetermined course of action (the stubbornness of which explains your current predicament) and continue to sweat it out to see who is the 'weaker'.

LegacyUser

DirkVoodoo wrote:

pride has no place where love is involved.

That makes sense i suppose... but then again PigmanII made a valid point too... Ill give her till 8 tonight then ill call her....

Chucky the tree

Beruthiel wrote:

Talk about petty.

I think you should finish with her and wait till you are grown up enough to have an adult relationship.

She whats his girlfriends excuse for not calling him yet? She's clearly not ready for an "adult" relationship either.



I'd ring her and ask her why she hasnt rang you and apoligised yet.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Fanny Cradock

So, instead of resolving the issue, you would post on a forum to determine opinion as to whether she'll "crack first" (read weakness)? What's the point of this post anyway? He simply rejects advice that doesn't conform to his own opinion - despite the fact his current course of action is distressing him.

metrovelvet

Beruthiel wrote:

Talk about petty.

I think you should finish with her and wait till you are grown up enough to have an adult relationship.

^ Yeah that. Except - you can use this as an opportunity to practise being an adult.

Pick up the phone and have a conversation. No ones pride has to be swollowed.

Talk about high class problems.

Talliesin

Crackingup wrote:

Beruthiel wrote:

Talk about petty.

I think you should finish with her and wait till you are grown up enough to have an adult relationship.

WTF?
So, i just call her and take the blame for something i didnt start....

See, that's your problem right there.

You think your problem is about who's going to win the argument. It isn't. Your real problem is that you think your problem is about who's going to win the argument.

There is a difference between an adult relationship and a college debating society.

In a debating society you want to win, or at the least impress others with your rhetorical skills, humour, and general performance.

In an adult relationship you want to share at least some of your life with someone in a way that makes both of you better off than you are alone.

Do you understand the difference here?

I doubt it. I'm not going to be so arrogant as to assume that even if my rhetorical skills are great that I will have managed to get this into your thick head. Since I can tell the difference between situations where rhetorical skills have value in and off themselves and situations where they don't, I realise that this isn't the important bit in this thread. So I'm going to reiterate a bit (besides, if this was a college debating society the bell wouldn't have rung on me yet).

Beruthiel said you need to grow up. You assumed that this meant she thought you should "crack" first. This is because you have two possible outcomes in your head (maybe three if you can forsee the two of you both "not cracking" and hence simply never hearing from each other again).

This is because you are being stupid. I'm not saying you are stupid, or at least not necessarily all the time. I certainly suspect that you are a grade-A moron, but it's possible that you can manage relatively complex tasks that require higher brain fuction and you're just having a bit of an issue in this particular instance.

The two options that you are weighing up - "cracking" or waiting for her to "crack" are both stupid, useless and will only make the long-term situation between you worse.

More to the point they are also weasily chicken-**** options and hence the two options that will occur most to someone who is inclined towards weasily chicken-**** behaviour.

Now, if you manage to actually grow a pair, then what you could do instead is talk to your partner about the argument, about issues that may have been behind the argument, and then see how you both feel about things after that.

Possibly this won't have a chance to work, since your developping a backbone and actually dealing with the issues in your life won't necessarily be matched with her doing the same and she'll still be playing silly "who will crack first games". Dealing with that situation will take a bit of work, courage and honesty from you which may result in her matching that with work, courage and honesty on her part, or it may not and you'll have grown out of the childish "who will crack first" mentality leaving her behind and things will have to come to an end, because you will no longer be in a place where you can happily have a relationship with such a child as you are both being right now.

Alternatively, you can keep with the weasily chicken-**** rubbish and either "crack" or wait for her to do so. Really, if you stick with that then which of those two options you go for makes very little difference.

LegacyUser

Oh wise Tallesin, I was wondering when you'd show up. Good post. Points and Advice taken. I'll call her this evening....

craichoe

Even if your in a relationship you should still stand your ground if your right... ffs .. if you were saying you were wrong all the time and apologising for everything, from my point of view i wouldnt view you as an equal.

Its all part of a relationship really.... stand strong and have angry makeup sex afterwards.

Savman

As Chris Rock said, Women are always right. Accept it.

craichoe

Hmmmmmmm was that what Heinrich said to Adolf before the end

EVA's right Adolf ... you shouldn't have allied with the Japs !

Nevyn

craichoe, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

el rabitos

see? jack nicolson hit the nail on the head in 'as good as it gets'

woman> how do you know women so well?

jack> i take away reason and accountability

if your convinced it was her that went all loopy for no valid reason then leave her, she'll contact you when she cops on

if it was a mutually stupid arguement, give her a call and tell her as much.

dont just go running back cos its saturday night and u need to get laid

Steyr

Kick her to the kerb, stand by your word because your word is your balls, lose 1 then your losing them all.

Nevyn

Oh great stupid generliations about 2/3 of the worlds popultion, there are so unhelpful.
Any more of them and people will get banned.

Well, On wednesday we had a silly fight over nothing. Now i'm pretty certain that she initiated it so i think im right.

You could be wrong, it could be not the matter of the arguement but you behaviour that she found objectionible.

But you will never find out if you do not talk to her about it.

Its now saturday and we hav'nt been in contact at all...

Well you must really care about her if you have not been in touch,
anything could have happened in the mean time from her deciding you are not worth the hassle to the death of a family memeber or her being in an accident but oh well your pride seems to be more important.

I thought she would crack first but she has'nt! Its really bugging me!!!

When did you decided this was a stupid pissing contest ?
How ever holds out the longest in these types of situations will not win,
infact you will both lose.

And the thing is, Whoever communicates first is going to have to be the apologetic one....

And where in the stars is that written ?
You don't have to have an apologetic tone at all.
Getting in touch and being polite and civil and enquring to how she is and if she is read to talk about what happened and how you two are going resolve disagreements and arguements would be the grown up mature thing to do.

Should i swallow my pride and just call her even though i know i'm right?

Which is more important to you, your pride and male macho bravado or working things out with your gf ?

Could be that you are both wrong in thinking you are right and you may have to find a comprimise and agree to disagree.

is_that_so

It all depends on whether you want to be right or together. This is not who can hold their breath longer or who can last longest without blinking?
The longer people don't talk the harder it is to talk. An argument has at least two participants. Approaching her may be painful or upset your ego but it may help teach you the value of compromise.

Nevyn

Savman, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Femelade

i just want to know did he ring her....?
where are you OP?

Jack B. Badd

Thaedydal wrote:

Oh great stupid generliations about 2/3 of the worlds popultion, there are so unhelpful.

Sometimes not so stupid. I'm female and will quite happily admit that sometimes women, including myself, do the most irrational things. When looking at these actions logically, there appears to be no good reason for them. On the other hand, I'm sure men do the same from time to time.

Anyway, both the OP and his missus sound a bit immature to be in a relationship. It is not a contest <-- this point has been made before, I think.

CathyMoran

There have been times when I was right and I gave in and talked, there have been times when he was right and he caved in and talked and there have been times when we both caved in at the same time. Sometimes nobody is wrong. In my opinion a relationship is not a match, being in a relationship where you are both in love is more important. I would say to the OP that you should ring her.

metrovelvet

Look. Its basic in conflict resolution that several things must be in place, one being that all lines of communication are left open and the other, oh so crucial one is allowing the other to save face.

OP have you done these things?

Red Alert

I think the OP should ring her too. Things get worse and bigger when they are allowed to fester.

Black Swan

crackingup wrote:

Well, On wednesday we had a silly fight over nothing. Now i'm pretty certain that she initiated it so i think im right.

You had a "silly fight over nothing" but being "right" is what's important to you? You need to look at what you have said in terms of your relationship with this girl? Then you need also to look at yourself? Remember, there are two sides to every argument? And if you plan on being "right" all the time, you will be a very lonely person in this life.

pbsuxok1znja4r

crackingup wrote:

Heres the short version...

With my GF for a while now and if we dont see each other everyday then we always text, even just to say goodnight etc...

Well, On wednesday we had a silly fight over nothing. Now i'm pretty certain that she initiated it so i think im right.
Its now saturday and we hav'nt been in contact at all...
I thought she would crack first but she has'nt! Its really bugging me!!!
And the thing is, Whoever communicates first is going to have to be the apologetic one....
Should i swallow my pride and just call her even though i know i'm right?

This is childish. Your relationship sounds like a total power struggle or something joyless like that. Just call her.

egan007

I'm guessing you are 10 and she is 11 because this is the behaviour of a 10 year old

LegacyUser

Femmy wrote:

i just want to know did he ring her....?
where are you OP?

Ya I gave in on saturday night and gave her a call and apologised for being silly, we had a long chat and everything seems to be fine now, meeting her tonight. Thanks for the help guys.

oh, and she did'nt apologise btw. stubborn women!!!!

Jack B. Badd

/me sighs

OP, did you explain to her that even though you were apologising for your part in the fight you thought she should take some responsibility too? If not then you can't really get annoyed at her not apologising when you did.