Fool's errands...

Wertz

Ah the bane of the newbie on the job, I'm sure there's a fair few of you who've been caught out by these in your day or been the instigator of one on some poor unsuspecting fellow employee.

Being sent for a non-existant item or service or asked to deliver a cleverly worded message to someone, is a rite of passage in almost any job.

I've only ever been caught out once; as a waiter in a bar I was sent to the bar across the street for a bottle of blue smoke....I was told to back and tell them that they only had a bottle of black smoke and to ask would that do...back over to cheers and applause from other staff and customers
I've been wary ever since and always on the look out to catch others out...but it's a very rare thing that someone ever falls for one.

So ever been caught out?

Ruu_Old

I was saved from it because I used to work where my Dad was the manager but can think of many. This was in a furniture factory so listed below is a few of the many errands;

The long weight(wait), a poor chap came in working for the summer asking for the 'long weight'. He waited for it alright...3 hours just standing there before one of the lads told him. "Look g'wan back and tell Bernard (whatever his name was) that you have been waiting long enough!" Then sending the school crowd who came in for summer for the bucket of stripey paint, glass hammer or kick start for a racing pigeon.

Thrill

Got sent in to a shop once when i was a kid by some older boys to buy a packet of spunk drops. Shopkeeper didnt think it was funny and no one would tell me what i had done wrong. Just gave out.

Fajitas!

Asked to get a loan of sky-hooks from a butchers. I was 14.

Bastards.

Splinter

caught out while being sent to find the pudding bender...

Lust4Life

I've never been the victim, but I used to love trying it at my former job.
I'd send the new office guy to the basement for a new printer ribbon.
There was no basement.

They'd come back and say "Um. Where's the door for that?"
"Well it's just outside the shop door! You can't miss it!"
They'd go back and return a bit later cussing at me. Heh! Good times!

AdMMM

Working in a hotel for the past few years, so with the high turnover, I have had ample opportunity to send people looking for:

sky hooks for the optics, the keys to the dancefloor, the long stand.

My favourite has to have been the bucket of steam to help polish the glasses. The guy was reluctant to get it and was weary of these pranks and pointed out that surely the steam would just rise out of it. Then I told him that he just had to put a lid on it! He came back around 20 minutes later saying that he couldn't find the "steam machine". Oh how I laughed

We had this extremely slow porter at one stage who was just a complete disaster. So one day the managers sent him out to the traffic lights outside with a bunch of keys and told him to turn them off for the wedding car that was about to arrive soon. He must've been out there for an hour trying all the keys!

Owen

Where to even start ... I work in a Motor Dealers, so each time we'd get a new apprentice, I'd send the young lad into the Parts Departments for :

Glass Hammer
Sky Hook
Fallopian Tubes (My favourite)
Sheet of Broken Glass
Bucket of Welding Sparks
Can of Black and White Stripey Paint
Non Stick Glue
And the obligatory Long Stand.

Kevin Bloody Wilson has a song dedicated to it "The Apprentice" ... great fun, and well worth a listen. I did remember reading a few years back about a rite of passage at a garage, where they shoved an compressed airhose in a lads anus for fun ... he's still messed up inside apparently.

Thrill

Got told to get a glass hammer and rubber nails once (probably been tried on just about everyone) I was about half way to the toolbox before it registered.

I was also just after finishing painting a door when two smartass's told me i had put the paint on back to front.I remember putting my hand to my head wondering "how the f**k did i make that mistake"
I must have been really tired that day to have fallen for that.

fish-head

As a young lad, my dad sent me and my friend down to the petrol station one April Fools day for a bottle of 'Elbow Grease®'.

Boy was my face red.

tony 2 tone

The best one I heard of was from a friend working in a fancy restaurant, sending the new kids to look for the lobster gun. So he could shoot the lobsters before he cooked 'em. "It's just under the tank, yeah, a little gun, yeah, little bullets, they won't feel a thing, yeah, double tap" Priceless.:D

Thrill

ned78 wrote:

Where to even start ... I work in a Motor Dealers, so each time we'd get a new apprentice, I'd send the young lad into the Parts Departments for :

Glass Hammer
Sky Hook
Fallopian Tubes (My favourite)
Sheet of Broken Glass
Bucket of Welding Sparks
Can of Black and White Stripey Paint
Non Stick Glue
And the obligatory Long Stand.

Kevin Bloody Wilson has a song dedicated to it "The Apprentice" ... great fun, and well worth a listen. I did remember reading a few years back about a rite of passage at a garage, where they shoved an compressed airhose in a lads anus for fun ... he's still messed up inside apparently.

I remember reading about that happining to someone a couple of years ago only this guy ended up dying.

Fallopian Tubes :brilliant:D:D must use that one myself.

A restaurant I worked in was awfully bad for things like this. Their favourite was the lobster gun and the bucket of steam.

Some poor guy was sent to the local shop to collect a bucket of steam. The shop gave him a bucket with some hot water in it and told him to run as fast as he could 'least it'll go. So the lad had to sprint from the shop to the restaurant carrying this bucket of water.

Hah.

redzerdrog

for any new carpenters sending them for a skirting ladder always works...

Only one to add to the list is one I heard while working at a tesco deli counter before. Wasn't caught out myself, but some guy was sent to the freezers looking for some salmon legs...

_blank_

Banana Juice.

Fooking Banana Juice I was asked to get one time, from the pub next door to the one I worked in. They told me it had just arrived on the boat from Africa, and the two pubs just put in the one order because it wasn't that popular.



I do love sending people for the Long Stand though, it is especially good when the victim looks at you as if to say 'Yeah right bud, you won't catch me with that one' - then you go to on to explain that there is actually a device called the Long Stand in use in this particular company.

Drummerboy2

Have to admit as a young apprentice I was sent to the chemist for a bottle of Maiden's Water. I can still see the look on the woman face behind the counter.

_blank_

WTF is Maiden's Water?

Drummerboy2

a PISS take

wyndham

Bag of fresh ice, not the frozen stuff.

Wertz

"Keys to the dancefloor" lmao

There's loads in the construction industry, most of em already listed here...the long weight or stand is a classic, sky hooks too.

Talking to a fella the other week that was tellling me about some new girl in a bar being sent for a bottle of hot whiskey....she was gone for over an hour...the guy who sent her got into trouble for it with the management...take a joke FFS...

peasant

One poor apprentice was sent two miles across town to a welder/fabricator to bring back the "gradient plane" that he was supposed to have borrowed.

The welder took the heaviest, most awkwardly shaped piece of scrap that he could find and sent your man on his way home with it.

It was later weighed in at 30 kg :eek:


Another favourite was to send an apprentice to the local outlet of the department of weights and measures (again about two miles across town) with a fistfull of yardsticks to get them "calibrated".

Trinity

Was never sent on an errand but when i first started working in offices i was given peices of paper with phone numbers to call and ask for particular people (it was a long long time ago so these are very old now !)

Hi can a speak to Mr C Lyon. - the number they gave me turned out to be Dublin Zoo

and my personal favourite - Hi can i speak to Annette Curtain - the number was hickeys fabric store

Attol

I never got it too badly. Once I was handed a fiver (sterling) note when it was scrunched up and told by a supervisor to buy a fivers worth of sweets because it was Christmas time. As I got to the checkout I pulled it out of my pocket and put the mountain of stuff on the counter when I realised only half of it was there. Felt a bit silly. Worse things happened though like people being locked under the stairs for hours at a time.

rugbug86

a sieve full of sand

inflatable dartboards

clear tippex

there's loads of them! i love getting people with them.

sent someone to look for a tin of sweat soup once. said it was a new thing, they asked at the counter in tesco. good times.

Heyes

just started a new job, im glad i didnt start with any of you lot

Collie D

wyndham wrote:

Bag of fresh ice, not the frozen stuff.

Hehe, very good, never heard that one before

scop

Like an earlier poster I was sent for the pudding bender, the worst part is I knew it was a joke, but the manager kept at me for ages so I pretended to do it so as far as they knew I did but secretly I had outwitted them. On sites I've been sent for the glass hammer too, but that was an easy one to spot.

sunnyjim

When I started part-time work in the wholesalers down on the Richmond Rd, I was given a few orders to get together. On some of the orders, free stuff is given 'free of charge', or as it appears on the orders... "FOC".

So I appoached a guy called Willy, and I asked him what it was...

"Hmmm...Oh a foc" He looked behind him, to an empty shelf. "None left down here, go up and ask Gillian for one".

"Are you Gillian? Yeah? Well, I'm looking for a foc". As it left my tongue... I realised...:eek:

It never occured to me it was a joke, ffs it was on the order!

Steyr

I work in Dunnes in Galway and the best i have heard was on the PA System when it was a really busy Saturday one of the guys got on the PA and said in a very professional manner "Telephone call for Mike Hunt on Extension 25 thats Mike Hunt Extension 25" Needless to say he never copped it but the Customers and staff did.

Calibos

I'm almost too embarressed to admit this, but keep in mind I was an innocent, naive, not very worldly wise 14 year old floorboy in a pub many many moons ago. I was sent to the bar on the upper floor of the pub for a bottle of hot whiskey. A few minute late I was handed a pint glass full of a warm yellow liquid and told, "No bottles of Hot whiskey left, heres a pint"

I think we can all guess what that warm liquid turned out to be.

Still not sure whether the joke by the upstairs staff was on me or the lads downstairs who sent me on the fools errand. I do remember being a bit clumbsy handing it over to the downstairs barman. Got a bit on his hand. Not on purpose mind because I still wasn't aware I was being 'taken the piss of' pardon the pun. When I did eventually find out I was rather glad I had spilt some on his hand because I wouldn't have had the balls to do it had I known.

Civilian_Target

I used to buy buns in our office as a student - and was sent to buy "2 Glenswilly Tarts" from the bakery we used to use - I found it hard to belive so they gave me a description that they had lots of cream with a spot of jam on the top!

The two Glenswilly girls behind the counter went quite red when I asked for them, especially before I realised my mistake and said "I should be able to get them for less than a pound"

Wishbone Ash

ned78 wrote:

Fallopian Tubes (My favourite)

Yes - at a tender age I got sent to a plumbing shop for that and couldn't understand what all the burly tradesmen were laughing at. To compound matters, the shop said they were just out of them and sent me to another premises.

I also worked in a restaurant at a young age and on my first day we ran out of ice. They told me that if a customer asked for ice, I was to tell them that the ice factory was on strike.

L31mr0d

when I was around 13 doing summer work in SuperQuinns we used to do loads of these, most of which have been mentioned and some others I can't remember. I remember I got stung on my first day, it was my first job so I wasn't about to start asking questions when given orders. One of the guys around 21 comes up to me and says "there is a woman over there who wants to find out the price of this orange, the sticker has been taken off the basket so you'll have to get it checked at the checkout" he handed me the orange and off I went to the checkout. I was in the queue, when the manager taps me on the shoulder saying "what the bloody hell do you think you are doing" It was only as the words "getting a price check on an orange" left my mouth that I realised i'd been duped.

The only other one I can thing of is asking someone to fetch a leg of salmon

rugbug86

when i was in the scouts i was sent to tell the campsite owner that we lost the keys to the field.

i fell for it.

mad m

Worked in Superquinn and I was asked to go get the Keys for Carpark gate,when in fact there wasnt one.I asked a butcher for keys and he said the manager has them and asked him for a long stand!!! I was like a tomato when it dawned on me after a while.

I got an apprentice on site,I sent him to the foreman for a skirting ladder...Haha he went of merrily and came back with a sour puss on him.....:D

Wishbone Ash

rugbug86 wrote:

the keys to the field

Logical enough if it had a gate. Many landowners in my area padlock field gates.

rugbug86

Wishbone Ash wrote:

Logical enough if it had a gate. Many landowners in my area padlock field gates.

oh no, this had no gate!

the_syco

Send someone looking for things that exist, then send them for a "glass hammer". Everyone will know the joke, and send them around the camp.

Mushy

Hi can i speak to Annette Curtain

I was introduced to someone who was called annette Curtain before, and it was her actual name. It was only after I realised what her name was.

No errands for me, Iv only been in one job and am 18 so give it a few years. Some classics her just incase though

Nevyn

I know someone who was sent to the engineering labs to get a vulva guage.
The guys asked did he want a dept or a width one and when he said width the sent him to the main workshop in the engineering dept and they sent him back asking did he want one that measured in inches or cms.

Apprenlty it was a metric width vulva guage and when they didnt' have one he was told to ring about the suppliers and ask.

He spent serveral hours on this errand before someone pointed it out to him.

tallus

I got caught out being sent for the skirting ladder years back. I was 15 at the time
Oh the embarassment of it all !

Takeshi_Kovacs

Not really a fools errand, but more of a fools frak up.. friend of mine was working on a site few months back where this new fella stated, and the site foreman asked could he drive. So yer man says he could and was told to drive down the dumper to the local filling station and fill her up with diesel as she was fairly low. So that was grand, off set the new fella down with the dumper.
Half hour passed and now sign of yer man, so the foreman was wondering where is the new fella, as it shouldn't take this long to fill her. So he went off to see what was wrong, only to see the dumper conked out halfways back to the site. wondering what was wrong, he went up to the dumper to see what the problem was. He smelled the problem before he ever got near the dumper though.Turned out that yer man had filled up the front bucket with diesel and not the fuel tank

angeldelight

This wasn't in work, it was my parents doing this to me! I was around 8 years old, maybe 9 and it was pancake Tuesday. I was looking forward to the pancakes and kept bugging my mam to make them so she sent me across the road to my babysitter for the "pancake sieve". Apparently that was a fairly well known one so she presumed that I would just be sent on to another neighbour etc etc.

So over I go but my babysitter was at work, her husband and 16/17 year old son were there. They started searching through drawers, looking in cupboards, muttering and griping that "she never puts things in the same place twice, you'd never know where she keeps things etc. etc." Eventually her son started ringing the school where she was at work to ask her where to find it.

Meanwhile my dad had been keeping an eye out at the window to watch me being sent from one place to another, didn't see me so after about 20 minutes he came to look for me. Told the two lads what was going on and they were mortified! It was hilarious Turned out I wasn't the one looking stupid after all!

Car Mad

angeldelight wrote:

This wasn't in work, it was my parents doing this to me! I was around 8 years old, maybe 9 and it was pancake Tuesday. I was looking forward to the pancakes and kept bugging my mam to make them so she sent me across the road to my babysitter for the "pancake sieve". Apparently that was a fairly well known one so she presumed that I would just be sent on to another neighbour etc etc.

So over I go but my babysitter was at work, her husband and 16/17 year old son were there. They started searching through drawers, looking in cupboards, muttering and griping that "she never puts things in the same place twice, you'd never know where she keeps things etc. etc." Eventually her son started ringing the school where she was at work to ask her where to find it.

Meanwhile my dad had been keeping an eye out at the window to watch me being sent from one place to another, didn't see me so after about 20 minutes he came to look for me. Told the two lads what was going on and they were mortified! It was hilarious Turned out I wasn't the one looking stupid after all!

now thats a good one.:D i once told a fella on work expirence to go and get me some striped paint didnt see him for the rest of the day:eek: he came in the morning after at about 11 o clock and said to me theres no such thing as striped paint i was about to burst my sides laughing when he said he knew he was been taken for a mug so he went home to watch tv:mad:

Firewalkwithme

Somewhere I once worked had an office junior who was useless for anything except taking the piss out of. The best one was when he got sent around the office looking for a spare bubble for the spirit level. Poor fool got sent around to almost everyone in the office before someone gave him a mysterious looking object he found at the bottom of his drawer before warning him not to open it or the bubble will escape. He tried to open it....

There's a guy I work with at the moment who was being trained to use Autotrack - a computer program for desinging roads, carparks etc. It lets you virtually drive a truck or other vehicle to see if it will have room to turn and what have you. Anyway, he was asked did he have a full driving licence to which he said no. He was then told that if anyone ever asks to make sure to say that he did because he shouldn't be using the software without one. He believed it and for months after we would ask him if he had got his licence yet before someone eventually cracked and told him it was a joke.

xzanti

Trinity1 wrote:

Was never sent on an errand but when i first started working in offices i was given peices of paper with phone numbers to call and ask for particular people (it was a long long time ago so these are very old now !)

Hi can a speak to Mr C Lyon. - the number they gave me turned out to be Dublin Zoo

and my personal favourite - Hi can i speak to Annette Curtain - the number was hickeys fabric store

Friend of mine was given a number ring and ask for Myra Mains (funeral home)

Wertz

Cartoon_Head wrote:

There's a guy I work with at the moment who was being trained to use Autotrack - a computer program for desinging roads, carparks etc.

Am I the only that's kind of disturbed that someone who would fall for that is potentially designing the next new road in the country?

shane86

McDonalds was the best for pranks on newbies. Anyone who worked there will know that in the kitchen the ketchup used to be put into the dispenser out of a large bag kept down the back. Former employees will also know that a classic prank was to get the newbie to fill up the sauce dispenser by ripping open a few dozen ketchup sachets one at a time and pouring the ketchup in Some poor young fella opening the 14th sachet in 12 minutes, teeth strained off him and the manager comes out and roars "what the **** are you doing ya dope!"

One lad we got him to individually count the pickles in the pickle container. I survived my indoctrination when I told one of the lads to **** off when he asked me to run over to Dunnes and ask for the keys to the coal bunker, as we apparently needed to throw coal underneath the hotplate grills to heat them up :rolleyes:

Mackers was great, awful pay, no managerial respect but you meet some sound ****ers there.

dabbler2004

I had a young lad (on his first day in another local shop) arrive into the shop where I work and ask could he have their banana ripener back....I managed to keep a straight face and told him that we had loaned it out to another supermarket, about 2 miles away!
I reckon he had blisters on his feet after all the trekking he did that day