Desperate!

LegacyUser

Im a female in my late twenties and im desperate! Im intelliegnt,fun and good looking but I cant seem to find a boyfriend. I realise I ooze desperation and this turns lads off but I just cant help it cos I AM desperate!Im so sick of being single when all my friends are coupled up. I try and go out and not act desperate but somehow I know they can sense it off me. I havent been on a date in the last two years and I know Im a nice person,with lots of friends etcetc and so I know its probably my desperation scaring guys off.
How can guys sense this?and how do I stop myself from appearing so desperate?

LegacyUser

well i know how ya feel. thought itd be best not to start a new thread on this and just write in on this one.

The thing is I'm like the OP except i am 99% certain that I don't come off desperate. That's not the thing putting guys off...I don't know what it is. I have lots of friends - good social life and I have a lot of male friends (but none that I have or ever will fancy) but I just never get the guys. I think I'm a fun enough person but I'm not good looking - even still I think I would be able to attract the odd guy. All my friends can get guys - some just have flings and others have serious relationships but I've had neither of those things! It sucks. Men suck. :P

Red Alert

I've been on the receiving-end of a desperate girl.

I met her when a friend brought her along for coffee. She seemed very nice, interesting and could hold an interesting conversation. So I rang my friend later that night for a chat and the girl's name came up in conversation. I said she was nice enough and the friend said she was interested in me too.

I was quite stressed at the time as I was studying for my finals, and given my record of dossing all year I was really pulling all the stops out to do a good job. To be honest I couldn't even have been bothered with random scores on nights out at that stage.

Meanwhile, she had obtained my phone number and texted me one night. So we were texting back and forth. However, I was pretty upfront at the time that the exams were no 1 and it just wasn't a great time for a relationship.

I think she thought she could just ignore this interesting fact, and I suppose I didn't just give her the brick wall reply. However it got to the stage that she was texting me continuously all the time. If I didn't reply instantly (which i often don't as i leave my phone around the place), i'd get the same text 3 times in the space of an hour.

Things never really happenned between us for a variety of reasons. I think if she hadn't been so needy, and had just played it a bit cooler i might be going out with her now. As a guy I used to be like that, and it's only in the past few years I've calmed down a bit and as a result I find it much easier to get on with women. (I notice you've got a lot of male friends, I have at least as many female as male friends - sometimes I think it's a good thing, other times i don't).

I'm friends with her now, and it turns out she never went out with anyone for more than 30 minutes (her words, not mine). I do feel sorry for being a bit harsh with her, because she is a really nice person.

I think the old saying that you won't find what you're looking for comes into play here. Hope that helps, post any more questions and i'll try to go through them as best I can. Good luck

LegacyUser

girls im totally with you. i'm in my mid twenties and although i've been on a date or two in the last couple of months - even desperation would not allow me to go out with any of them all i seem to attract are obnoxious arrogant ass****s. even last week a male friend who i'd know chat to but not good friends with - i'd arranged to meet for dinner and he rang me when he was 10 mins late to inform me 'something important had come up' and he'd call wed to reschedule - never did. what am i doing wrong? on the one hand sick of being single and yet unwilling to put up what i can only describe as bull****. I'm more or less the only single girl in my group, turning into a long running joke amongst everyone. i just don't know what im doing wrong or what to do???

SueL

I think guys think a girl is "desperate" for a relationship when they try too hard to get with them. Maybe hold back a little, and let them do the chasing, they seem to like it.. Guys are always attracted to a confident girl who seems self-sufficient and happy in herself. Its a hard one really, cos you'll want to seem keen, so the thing is not to be aloof either when you're coming across all cool, or "breezy" as Monica Geller would say! Hope this makes some sense, men are funny creatures!!

Ava

i don't think op is actually desperate - more confused about why a funny intelligent good looking girl can't get a date. i've had a bad run datewise recently - ugh is all i can say! men are weird think they just decide oh i'll settle down at x yrs and any girl on their radar will do at that random point - or maybe that's cynicism.
one point op if you're out in a big group largely couples boys may find it harder as unsure if you're with one of the boys. try a girlie night of cocktails, dancing and cheekiness to draw in the boys. woo woo!

BigCityBanker

Relax. seriously just relax. there is nothin worse than having a desperate girl after you - im serious it is sooooo annoying (just deleted 100+ txt msgs). If ur putting out the desperate vibe ul av little joy. Being a guy I shouldnt promote the "treat em mean and keep em keen" approach but perhaps you should try it.

Also - there are very few men out there who will refuse a girl if she walks up to him, talks to him and then asks him for a dance and kisses him in a nice relaxed manner. try it... failing that try the blind date approach with some guy you meet on the internet like the other thread which is currently on this forum.

good luck,

BCB.

LegacyUser

I'm a male in my twenties and from a guys point of view I think these are two very good points, especially BCBs.

BigCityBanker wrote:

Also - there are very few men out there who will refuse a girl if she walks up to him, talks to him and then asks him for a dance and kisses him in a nice relaxed manner. try it...

Ava wrote:

one point op if you're out in a big group largely couples boys may find it harder as unsure if you're with one of the boys. try a girlie night of cocktails, dancing and cheekiness to draw in the boys. woo woo!

The key thing is to remember that there are plenty of guys out there (ie. me!!) looking just as hard for a nice girl as you are for a nice guy . So chat to lots of guys, flirt a bit ...... if a guy's not your type then move on and if he seems nice then you do some of the running but not it all, relax from time to time just to make sure he feels the same way. You can't make someone want you afterall.

LegacyUser

Im a guy in my early thirties and Im in almost exactly the same boat.

Its been a year since i got out of my last relationship and boy have things changed. Whereas in my twenties i would literally be beating off girls with a stick, Women just dont seem interested anymore. I can only assume its me being more down on myself in the last year and that being obvious.

If you find an answer let me know

Steyr

OP ( Desperado ) where you from? I know how ya feel im Male,23,Galway City.

dellas1979

Look ammmmmmmm.

I dont think that coming across as desperate is your problem.

You seem too self-conscious. I think you might be a bit paranoid.

A few tips on meeting men (I would like to point out, these are only my tips and opinions - coming from a female):

1. Dont be scared to smile at a man. Men can need encouragement. There is nothing worse than spotting a woman/man, and he/she looks at you with a big scowl on her face. On the other hand, no big joker smiles either (looks a bit crazy). You need to subtley give the hint of a smile. More of a "come here, I am approachable" smile. You will need to practice this. Practice on any fella you can. DONT BE SHY. You can only win if you try.

2. The older you get, the less chance of meeting men in a pub, club etc. Keep a wide-eye out for guys you work with, friends of a friend etc.

3. Be broadminded. The guy you think is horrible and would never talk to could be the love of your life. You need to give everyone a chance.

4. Please, for the love of god, when pulling men, dont wear small tiny, boob showing tops. The reason they want to get near you is to see down your top. I am not joking. Cover-up. Use wit, smiles and charm to woo them. Once caught, then dress how you like.

5. Dress sense again. The more pruned and preened us girls are, the more unapproachable we look. Im sorry but we do. Maybe go out in jeans and a t-shirt instead of a skirt and a high pair of boots.

6. Being over confident. I see this all the time with ladies. Marching (no, not walking) to the toilet/bar in a "get out of my way IM coming". Very intimidating. And not very attractive.

the Guru

Girls PM me I have a friend in Dublin that would love to go on a date - Serious, I will send you his number and you can take it from their. He finds it really hard to meet nice women. and he is a great, funny, intelligent guy I would date him if I liked boys :-)

tbh

desperado2 wrote:

Im a female in my late twenties and im desperate! Im intelliegnt,fun and good looking but I cant seem to find a boyfriend. I realise I ooze desperation and this turns lads off but I just cant help it cos I AM desperate!Im so sick of being single when all my friends are coupled up. I try and go out and not act desperate but somehow I know they can sense it off me. I havent been on a date in the last two years and I know Im a nice person,with lots of friends etcetc and so I know its probably my desperation scaring guys off.
How can guys sense this?and how do I stop myself from appearing so desperate?

Why are you so desperate to meet someone? Why do you think you'll be happier in a relationship than you are as a single person? What do you think you are currently lacking that you will only get in a relationship?

work on that side of things, and don't rely on anyone else to complete you. Once you have that sussed, you'll be beating them off with a stick.

miamee

the Guru wrote:

Girls PM me I have a friend in Dublin that would love to go on a date - Serious, I will send you his number and you can take it from their. He finds it really hard to meet nice women. and he is a great, funny, intelligent guy I would date him if I liked boys :-)

Ooh look it's Cilla in the house

Motley Crue

desperado2 wrote:

Im a female in my late twenties and im desperate! Im intelliegnt,fun and good looking but I cant seem to find a boyfriend. I realise I ooze desperation and this turns lads off but I just cant help it cos I AM desperate!Im so sick of being single when all my friends are coupled up. I try and go out and not act desperate but somehow I know they can sense it off me. I havent been on a date in the last two years and I know Im a nice person,with lots of friends etcetc and so I know its probably my desperation scaring guys off.
How can guys sense this?and how do I stop myself from appearing so desperate?

imdesperate2 wrote:

well i know how ya feel. thought itd be best not to start a new thread on this and just write in on this one.

The thing is I'm like the OP except i am 99% certain that I don't come off desperate. That's not the thing putting guys off...I don't know what it is. I have lots of friends - good social life and I have a lot of male friends (but none that I have or ever will fancy) but I just never get the guys. I think I'm a fun enough person but I'm not good looking - even still I think I would be able to attract the odd guy. All my friends can get guys - some just have flings and others have serious relationships but I've had neither of those things! It sucks. Men suck. :P

I read both of these posts and feel so sorry for these girls because me and (some) of my friends who are single would prob gladly go out with them or talk to them in a bar no problem. the fact is that girls in ireland, in my opinion, seem very uninterested in Irish guys in general and thats why me and my mates have such a hard time. its a pity, because you say men suck but i say that women suck because its very rare u can find one to approach who wont bite ur head off lol

CathyMoran

Unfortunatly it is true that you only find someone when you are happy being with yourself. For me all my relationships happened when I was actively avoiding relationships, some happened at the worst possible time. There was one time when I met my first love and then the man that I am going to marry within 3 weeks of one another.

BigCityBanker

OP - Any joy?

LegacyUser

'BCB,\r\n\r\nyou seem to give a good male perspective. so how about some advice on this.\r\nguy i know - won\'t go into how for obvious reasons. basically been a bit of texting and calls of late. anyway was meant to have dinner with him sat but something came up (his end) and he said he\'d give me a call sunday to reschedule. he never did - now if i havent heard from him by this weekend. could i give him a call or should i just leave it? don\'t want to appear \'desperate\'. i realise he could be too busy to call, but if interested i\'m sure he\'d make the time. argh any advice?'

the_syco

Meh. Used to be desperate, but I gave up giving a sh|t. I think its better this way, as your entire weekend isn't spent trying to score. Sure, a gf would be nice, but screw it, if it happens, it happens, but life goes on.

=-=

Oh, and someone recommended jeans and a t-shirt, its pretty much spot on advice. Nothing too trashy, but a pair of figure hugging jeans, and a matching colour-wise t-shirt would be more approachable than some girl dressed up to the nine's, as such.

=-=

Off-Topic, but I'm surprised someone hasn't asked the A/S/L question, only to get a banning from Beruthiel.

Motley Crue

Motley Crue wrote:

its very rare u can find one to approach who wont bite ur head off lol

ha ha yeah i only turned my head away laughing from my group of friends on a night out the other night and happened to do it right as a girl was passing by and she looked and scowled at me as if to say in your dreams pal. I wasnt even looking at her and wouldnt give her a 2nd look at that. Some of the irish women are unreal for attitude and its genuinely nice girls who suffer

To the op just try the pull/push technique where you are encouraging flirtation yet leaving the man in a bit of uncertainty.

Black Swan

Stop looking! Try a different track. What do you really like to do? Join a group that has this same interest as you (and has plenty of lads as members) and enjoy doing it with them. Become one of the most enthusiastic members, and you will attract them to you without trying.

turbot

desperado2 wrote:

Im a female in my late twenties and im desperate! Im intelliegnt,fun and good looking but I cant seem to find a boyfriend. I realise I ooze desperation and this turns lads off but I just cant help it cos I AM desperate!Im so sick of being single when all my friends are coupled up. I try and go out and not act desperate but somehow I know they can sense it off me. I havent been on a date in the last two years and I know Im a nice person,with lots of friends etcetc and so I know its probably my desperation scaring guys off.
How can guys sense this?and how do I stop myself from appearing so desperate?

OP - you need to cop-on.

Maybe you should replace "desperate" with "person behaving as selfish, depressive, clingy, vampyric victim" and you'll have a more apt description.

Please answer the following questions:

In the last week, how many guys have you set out to make feel good about themselves? How did you achieve this?

What have you actually done to get a date in the last two years?

Do you think you're capable of making it so a guy who spends some time with you can have a really good time? If so, how?

LegacyUser

'

turbot wrote:

OP - you need to cop-on. \r\n\r\nMaybe you should replace \"desperate\" with \"person behaving as selfish, depressive, clingy, vampyric victim\" and you\'ll have a more apt description.

\r\n \r\nBut Im not a clingy person at all in relationships. Its just trying to get a boyfriend that I am desperate! And Im not a selfish person at all. I am a total doormat and I think guys percieve this as easy and desperate.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n

turbot wrote:

In the last week, how many guys have you set out to make feel good about themselves? How did you achieve this?

\r\n\r\nI am generally always really nice to guys. Im always pleasent to guys and I always give nice compliments. But I think guys percieve this as trying a bit too hard,even though I am genunily trying to me nice. If a guy chats me up in a club I always chat back to him and have a laugh but then he always walks off or doent ask for my number.\r\n\r\n

turbot wrote:

[What have you actually done to get a date in the last two years?

\r\n\r\nWhat havent I tried. Ive joined clubs,gone on blind dates,u name it Ive done it.I have never once been asked out by a guy on a nite out or in any of the clubs Im in. As for in pubs guys never ask for my number and Im sick of suggesting giving me mine cos then they just think Im desperate and dont reply to my text.Then my self esteem just plummets,so I dont bother giving guys my number unless they ask for it.\r\n\r\n

turbot wrote:

[Do you think you\'re capable of making it so a guy who spends some time with you can have a really good time? If so, how?

\r\nI am a fun person to be with. I have had great relationships in the past and all the guys have been mad about me cos I am generally nice ,caring etc. This isnt a thread to big myself up though. Also I know its not my looks cos I am considered very good looking,but I dont have a big head about the way I look.'

ferdi

look, some of us are fated to be sad depressed and lonely forever, the sooner we accept this the quicker we can get on and acheive our ultimate destiny of dying alone.

who? bitter? me?

CerebralCortex

It's strange how I find it next to impossible to meet girls, yet there are loads of women out there desperately looking for me.
I am totally confused Ted.

humanji

OP, maybe you should just give up looking. I've been single and desperate for quite some time and basically the more you work yourself up, the less chance you'll have of meeting someone. Try to remember that guys are people too. Just try to be friendly with people. If it goes somewhere then ok, if it doesn't, then so what. Just relax. Or else become as bitter and twisted as Ferdi and me!

A Primal Nut

imdesperate2 wrote:

I have a lot of male friends (but none that I have or ever will fancy) but I just never get the guys.

Pickiness? Standards too high?

LegacyUser

'

A Primal Nut wrote:

Pickiness? Standards too high?

\r\n\r\nStandards too low more like it I remember when I was younger I used to meet the most horrible-looking, pervy guys in discos because no decent guy would ever approach me. \r\n\r\nMy God, does that make me sound like a depresso! haha\r\n\r\nNo but, I have a lot of male friends but even if I was interessed in them I know they\'re not interessed in me! And they\'re not exactly the ones who get the girls either. They\'re sweet, really really nice but just friends is all. '

mefifi

I started going out with a guy a few months ago - first boyfriend in years! I think this is because but until then I had been pinning for my ex and not feeling too good about myself in general. It was the first time for ages I was happy with my self and in my own skin and happy being on my own and thats when he came along - on a night I least expected it and was certainly not LOOKING for a man.

Unfortunately its all off now. Bit broken hearted so looks like I'll be single for sometime again!

finnpark

imdesperate2 wrote:

none that I have or ever will fancy

Thats your problem. You have standards!!!! Your just too fussy:p

Gillo

BigCityBanker wrote:

failing that try the blind date approach with some guy you meet on the internet like the other thread which is currently on this forum.

How come I never saw that thread??

On a slightly more serious note; OP, one thing I've noticed over the years is that if you much at all you can sometimes come across as desperate, from my experience I've found that I've met more women when I'm not really "looking".

Why not just try just chatting to guys for a chat not so you can meet then again, you may well be surprised?

Just my two cents...


Having read this and other similiar threads, I'm starting to wonder why there isn't a singles forum or hell why not push the boat out and have a single's beers..

BigCityBanker

calicintre wrote:

'BCB,\r\n\r\nyou seem to give a good male perspective. so how about some advice on this.\r\nguy i know - won\'t go into how for obvious reasons. basically been a bit of texting and calls of late. anyway was meant to have dinner with him sat but something came up (his end) and he said he\'d give me a call sunday to reschedule. he never did - now if i havent heard from him by this weekend. could i give him a call or should i just leave it? don\'t want to appear \'desperate\'. i realise he could be too busy to call, but if interested i\'m sure he\'d make the time. argh any advice?'

mnah, sounds like you should be forgetting about it tbh. Firstly if I had plans to meet with a girl I wouldnt cancel at short notice (even if I didnt like her), secondly if I told a girl id call her on a certain day - well I would still call her (even if I didnt like her).. sounds like bad news on this front for you - if a chap hasnt the decency to honour commitments or make a phone call well then im not sure this is the sort of character anybody would want to hooked up with.

OP - chin up - im sure if you fish in the right pools ul pick something up. I always find that picking women up is like waiting on a bus - u wait for ages and then 3 or 4 come along at the same time. All u need is one score/date to restore your confidence and ul be right as rain. (yn)

Esel

Think there is a Personals section on www.adverts.ie now? Or try the next Boards Beer.

turbot

Right so.

If you are genuinely decent and very good looking, then your issue might be that guys are actually intimidated by you and dont think they have a chance with you so don't bother.

They may read your desperation as false friendliness.... thus you need to learn to become a big tease. Aim to be the sexual fantasy of each guy you meet for the rest of his day, without letting him be aware this is what you are doing.

If you PM me a picture, I'll give you a blokes opinion if the so pretty you're intimidating thing is likely to be the case. If you're really fantastically gorgeous and not a psycho, I might even meet you for coffee.

Do you work out?

Can you dance?

Do you consider yourself to be good in bed?

I know several women who are very pretty who have said their issue is not that they are unattractive, but basically guys assume they don't have a chance, and consequently they are lonely.

Also; what are you looking for in a guy? There are 3 billion men in the World. It's technically very difficult to put such a large number of guys off....

Doodee

having spent 5 nights + working behind a busy city center bar and watching the social interactions of people both looking and not, I can tell you from experience that its not that you can't find the right guys but that yu dont seek the right guys. tis fairly easy to be subtle in your approach to men aswell as picking out the one you want.

if you like do it in 3 steps,
Start with a smile, wink or eyelocking followed if you will by a whisper to a mate and a pointing out in his direction (attracting your friend to his attention) this requires him to be watrching, also never approach a group by yourself, always bring a friend.

After your initial step either repeat once or twice (not a million times) before beconning (if he is still looking over) or else placing yourself in a position to fhat with him.

If you havent received a number after some chatting, drop him yours. so long as you dont sleep with him that night you can be as seductive as you want without being a slut.

now it wont work all the time but for the majority of women i've seen do this to both punters and my fellow workers it has been successful, at the end of the day though, if they aint looking for a woman then your not gonna snag em so dont stalk.

alternatively check out
http://www.adverts.ie/showcat.php?cat=7

or

http://www.adverts.ie/showcat.php?cat=6


good luck.

LegacyUser

thanks for that bcb,
actually he sent flowers yest and called mid morning, so possibly give him a second chance. i do certainly see your point though thanks or the input.

LegacyUser

'

humanji wrote:

the more you work yourself up, the less chance you\'ll have of meeting someone.

\r\n\r\nWhy is this tough?Can guys really sense this desperation?'

Dragan

imagirl wrote:

'\r\n\r\nStandards too low more like it I remember when I was younger I used to meet the most horrible-looking, pervy guys in discos because no decent guy would ever approach me. \r\n\r\nMy God, does that make me sound like a depresso! haha\r\n\r\nNo but, I have a lot of male friends but even if I was interessed in them I know they\'re not interessed in me! And they\'re not exactly the ones who get the girls either. They\'re sweet, really really nice but just friends is all. '

To be honest I see a lot of self image problems going on here. You describe yourself as fun, intelligent and good looking but you also assume that you are desperate, that there is something wrong with you simply because you do not have a boyfriend.

First of all, let me say the dating game is rubbish, complete and utter. Two strangers meet up and one is worrying about if he/she has choosen the right resturaunt and the other is worrying about is he/she appears to be funny. The reason a lot of people hook up in clubs is that lack of "requirment" your attracted or your not. A lot of people meet partners through friends, working the referal system " Your mate Angie is hot….hook me up!" etc.

Dates are garbage, plain and simple because people always do them wrong! They sit there trying to advertise themselves and hope the viewer wants to buy. That really is desperate.

From your post is seems to me like your more trying to convince yourself of the good aspects that I am sure you do possess, rather than being confident of them. Any girl who is fun, intelligent and goodlooking ( pretty much the top three for any guy to be attacted to ) will be doing well, once she can believe that she is those things. I have said many times on this board that confidence really does stand for a lot, so be confident in yourself.

You really don't need a boyfriend to complete you, I hate that whole idea. A partner should compliment you, you should be good together, but to say that you NEED them is a diservice to yourself.

Forget the dating game, forget the whole idea that you really need a boyfriend to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I have been single 8 months after a 2.5 year relationship and sometimes I miss the whole relationship thing….but that does not mean I walk around wearing a t-shirt saying "I need you to love me".

Blackpitts

desperado2 wrote:

Im a female in my late twenties and im desperate! Im intelliegnt,fun and good looking but I cant seem to find a boyfriend. I realise I ooze desperation and this turns lads off but I just cant help it cos I AM desperate!Im so sick of being single when all my friends are coupled up. I try and go out and not act desperate but somehow I know they can sense it off me. I havent been on a date in the last two years and I know Im a nice person,with lots of friends etcetc and so I know its probably my desperation scaring guys off.
How can guys sense this?and how do I stop myself from appearing so desperate?

I had a chat with few irish girls in the office and some of them are single and older then 27.they are all scared to not find a boy as men around are just looking for a one night stand.
I didn't think it was a real issue for them, some are really good looking but they still struggle to find a proper boyfriend. So i reckon you are not the only one feeling to have this problem.
I can just tell what I told them...
there are boys like me outside just looking for a proper relationship, fed up to have a "slapper" to snog, tired to go to a club or a pub only to have a good chance to meet a nice girl. I did what I wanted to do, I had fun, I had my stories but I'm looking for something else now. But I just find difficult to approach a girl as the most thinks that I just want to "bang" them.
Maybe that's the problem, we all should try harder to match each other, but there is a "wall" between us, many girls thinks we want just to sleep with them, many boys just are rejected too often or just don't have serious feelings.
I'd love to find an intelligent, funny, pretty girl like you and see how the things can go. so I wish you all the best OP! you will find someone very soon and you will be very happy.
I wish the same to me.
ciao

Mighty_Mouse

As a 25 yr old single bloke, just a quick note on some of the daftness posted below. i.e.

Aim to be the sexual fantasy of each guy you meet for the rest of his day

:eek:

Pulling in a pub/club:
I would def think good advice on flirtation techniques were Doodee.

Guys/Girls/everyone needs a little invitation to talk or introduce yerself.
Not many girls that you'll just walk up to without any attempt at : a) small talk at the bar. b) eye contact etc etc etc

It doesn't matter what clubs you join, etc etc you need to be able to give a guy the right signals.

Dating:
I've been single for a year and probably only open to maybe another relationship in the last month or so. Before that it was a case of 1 night and see ya later. A few things from experience though:

1/ If you want to get into a relationship "Do not sleep with a bloke on the 1st night". Personally speaking these girls usually turn into "booty calls" for as long as possible before "relationship" or "no relationship" decisions are made. Its messy and an awkward route to romance!

2/ If you meet someone thats genuinely interested then whats the rush e.g.
1st dates aren't an advertisement for all your strong points. They're a opportunity for covering the basics. A little conversation, seeing what she looks like without booze! etc etc

1st dates aren't the place to make arrangements for 2nd dates. And most certainly aren't the place for "letting it be known" that you are willing to travel the length and breath of the country to meet up next weekend.
Relax girls!Wait until an appropriate amount of time before sending ONE message saying how you had a nice time

In fact the biggest problem I've had: #NB# Being afraid to get anyways serious with a girl due to the fact that I know she will be fierce upset after a few weeks if I want to end it.
Not because Im such a catch; but because she's fallen so hard so feckin quickly!!
If you want a guy, take it slow.

3/Realise your standards.
Honestly, a lot of long-term single girls I know are waiting for Brad Pitt to ask em out. Not gonna happen girls. Ye may focus a bit more on personality or alternatively find a dude that you know you could coach into a snappy dresser with trained social conversational sense!

4/I love nothing more than completely blanking cocky, up-her-own-ar*se, you-may-buy-me-a-drink type girls. The type that actually pukes at the thought of being left in the company of blokes less than male model. Has an inability to converse outside the topic of big-brother. Breaks out in a rash if the conversation wanders into politics, or general knowledge etc etc . In fact just a general inability to converse and relax for fear she break her pose!!
The type that ask's what designer your jeans or your runners are!!!!! ((And yes they exist outside southside girls))

Very few girls are like that during the day. Just something comes over them when the mini-skirt is on.! I cant quite understand it. But stop!!! Either be confident enough in your own personality to be yourself or get a personality transplant quick!

LegacyUser

'Sorry OP. This is not an attack. Im just trying to be realistic.\r\n\r\nBut people are giving you advice here and all you are trying to do is justify looking desperate. \"Why do I seem desperate?\"\r\n \r\nId take the advice on board and use it and stop complaining.\r\n\r\nWho knows why you are single or coming across as desperate. But you do come across as a little annoying in persistently asking \"Why am I single, why am I coming across as desperate, why doesnt he call, why this why that\".\r\n\r\nWe certainly dont know how you conduct yourself.\r\n\r\nMaybe get a bit proactive. Work on other things in your life that are good and other things will fall into place.'

fifly

I agree with Mighty Mouse about not sleeping with a guy on the first night. Never have and never will! But a very close friend of mine did this a few months back. She was very drunk at the time and it was totally out of character for her. She told the guy this a couple of weeks later and he seemed to understand.

He was very keen on her for the first month - lots of dates, confided in her alot - seemed to be the start of a proper relationship. The next two months they meet less often but things still seemed to be going strong. It finally ended when she was annoyed with him because he was too hungover to go out with her one night but suggested she call over later in the night!!!

Am I being a prude to think 3 months is too early to suggest something like that? Some of our other friends think this was ok. Maybe he just ended it because it was obvious she wanted a proper relationship and he didn't.

How long should you wait before sleeping with a new guy?

WhizzGDK

Well i wont try to give you any advise, because i dont know you at all, and pulling techniques only work for those they suit.

But i can give you my end of the stick (no pun intended)

Im 29 male and single. I am selective about those i date and not so selective about my onenight stands. i think this goes for most men.
But what i mostly look for in a prospective partner is that they like thier own life, They must be happy on thier own and look to share thier life with someone.
Personally, at the first sign of emotional dependance i run a mile.
the woman must want me, if she needs me in anyway to begin with then i wont be a crutch to anyone.
I took me a long time to figure out that it was this that was turning me away.

just food for thought

BigCityBanker

calicintre wrote:

thanks for that bcb,
actually he sent flowers yest and called mid morning, so possibly give him a second chance. i do certainly see your point though thanks or the input.

It aint all bad so!!

OP if you are sending out photos to canvass people to bring you for coffee well then dont forget to include me

Gillo

BigCityBanker wrote:

OP if you are sending out photos to canvass people to bring you for coffee well then dont forget to include me

Maybe I missed something here, but I didn't think the OP was canvassing here for a date

On the other hand if I missed something, OP surely you'd be better trying to find someone whose personnality you like rather that what a picture here looks like. If you like what you see people posting here why not pm than, chat for a bit and then take it from there.

Drift

*posts artificial bank balance*


Back on topic: I think boards would be a nice place to meet people. Has anyone here ever "dated" someone they met on the boards?

OP might do worse off than consider pming BCB?

Gillo

Drift wrote:

*posts artificial bank balance*


Back on topic: I think boards would be a nice place to meet people. Has anyone here ever "dated" someone they met on the boards?

OP might do worse off than consider pming BCB?

I met someone a a beer's and meet the twice afterwards, but they didn't seem that interested so I didnt't bother "chasing" them, maybe they were playing hard to get but I don't like games:eek:

Drift's advice is right, although I would see pm a few people, chances are you will find someone you find interesting.

LegacyUser

ok this is for the guys.
what are your opinions on girls texting first? i'm not talking needy girls, more strong willed confident girls who know what they want and take action rather than sitting around moping when the phone doesn't ring? and also after texting girls ringing and asking out boys? forward to the point of being offputting or to be admired for taking the initiative?

BigCityBanker

gillo wrote:

Maybe I missed something here, but I didn't think the OP was canvassing here for a date

Easy now!! May I refer you to a post made by Turbot @ 05.07.

matt-dublin

off topic: where are these girls from?
only kidding!

on topic:
im on the recieving end of this right now, continius text, phone calls every night, almost pushy about trying to get me to meet with her.

I think one of the things that guys actually do like is the chase, some say they don't but they do. And i also think it may be possible that girls who seem over keen attract the asshole type loves himself person(not that i am, i just seem to have been landed with an over keen girl)

Also i don't see girls like yourself as being desperate, its not desperation, its more loneliness (bad spelling sorry) than anything. When i sat that i don't mean in the terms of having no friends etc etc, its more a lonliness for companionship or even just wanting to have someone to cuddle up to infront of the telly on a cold night.

Also there's the rule of thumb, if you're looking for a relationship you're not going to find one, the second you stop looking your prospects begin to pile up. And its very true!

I think as well you need to make whoever your chasing feel like they want you more than you want them, push pull technique is generally very good, and deangelo describes it to a very good point.

Pull someone mentally close enough to think they are doing well, then push them away gently and make them work to get close again.

If you seem over keen, interest will be lost. But don't play too hard to get either!

Gillo

BigCityBanker wrote:

Easy now!! May I refer you to a post made by Turbot @ 05.07.

Appologies, it's been a long day.
Where do I sign up for coffee???

OP, I'd say go for it, there's nothing wrong with been confident, although try not to be too forceful or pushy. TBH honest there is no easy answer, I remember a few months ago a girl from work was trying to ask me out on a date, I don't know what I was doing but I kept missing the most obvious hit's until she asked me (in a joking way) what she had to do to get a date.
(do I look like a pleb now??)

There is nothing wrong with taking the initative, afterall if you don't take a chance you won't get anywhere.

Want to chat futher pm me....