Forgot it can feel so bad

Sony

I was dumped last night-for real

gf (ex now) thinks that she has been treating me normally since we got together but she HASNT. She never answered her phone when I rang and I was lucky to get a text back when I sent one. Even when she answered her phone she was usually very abrupt also.

She was constantly messing with my head and although she declared how much she liked me on a couple of occasions she usually acted as though she didnt give a s*%t.Its supposedly my fault though for having a go at her "every night" we go out-we have had a few arguments when out but its usually down to her being bang out of order rude to me in front of people and calling me an a**hole amongst other things all night..shes a bad drunk but no excuse

So youre wondering why I put up with it and didnt ditch her? because I love her and havent felt like this about a girl since my first love a long long time ago. now to the worst part of it....I work with her,i never wanna go back to work because of all this. Even the social circle we used to associate in is completely messed up now. I cant bare the thought of seeing her again and now shes free to be with all the other fellas lining up for her in work(which is actually happening)....To put it lightly I am physically sick about this now,I feel so gutted,betrayed,used and f*%ked over.I never deserved to be treated like this-WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dinxminx

Because she sounds like a total b*tch. I know this doesn't help in the slightest but you're better off without her. Just act like it doesn't matter to you at all, that's my advice.

Best of luck!

CathyMoran

All that I can say is that I am sorry that you are going through this, normally I would say that there are two sides to every break up but from knowing you online I am sticking firmly on your side of the fence for this.

You will find a lovely girl some day soon, this time will pass, you just have to get through this, and you will...keep up the faith.

Motley Crue

Sony wrote:

gf (ex now) thinks that she has been treating me normally since we got together but she HASNT. She never answered her phone when I rang and I was lucky to get a text back when I sent one. Even when she answered her phone she was usually very abrupt also.

To put it lightly I am physically sick about this now,I feel so gutted,betrayed,used and f*%ked over.I never deserved to be treated like this-WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The girl is obviously living in clowd cookoo land, youve tried and tried but she hasnt listened, get up and wipe away the tears. Realise that you can have anyone you want and go out and get someone on the rebound (if you dont agree with me, she'll be doing the exact same). Youve obviously been with this girl one day too long and its about time you realised that any girl who does this to you is simply not worth the effort. Go into work, socialise with your friends (their not just exclusively hers are they?) and when she walks into that room just go 'Hi' in a confident tone and strut right past her out the door. Thatll show her that regardless, youve overcome this minor setback, and her relationship was nothing more then a thorn in your side.

Good Luck, think positive!

Sony

Thanks that means a lot.

I just cant believe I find myself feeling the way I do for a girl that has really treated me pretty bad.She has completely humiliated me at this stage & has actually convinced herself that what happened is my fault. I had the balls today to admit to a friend of mine what I had been putting up with the past while and he decribed what she was doing as "evil"-also because he knows me he was fairly shocked that I would put up with such dis respect.

Im so cut up about this and its the last thing I need after a very rough year for me,I am cringing at the thought of walking in the door to work tomorrow and am seriously still considering not going back at all-which is not like me at all but goes to show how much shes messed me up over this--good advice there-thanks a lot

by the way the friends in work are more hers than mine really,mainly because their mostly women-so I know im going to be cut out altogether from that side of things-jesus I explained to her at the start we shouldnt get involved cause it could lead to problems-If only she'd listened and stopped pursuing me!!

Huggles

Sony wrote:

I am cringing at the thought of walking in the door to work tomorrow and am seriously still considering not going back at all-which is not like me at all but goes to show how much shes messed me up over this--good advice there-thanks a lot

by the way the friends in work are more hers than mine really,mainly because their mostly women-so I know im going to be cut out altogether from that side of things-jesus I explained to her at the start we shouldnt get involved cause it could lead to problems-If only she'd listened and stopped pursuing me!!

Stick your chest out and hold your head up. You have nothing to be cringing about. If the friends have any cop on at all they would hve noticed how she humiliated you in the past and probably couldn't understand why you where with her!

Like someone else said, go in there like it doesnt bother you in the slightest, this will bug her more, she sounds the type that thinks the whole world revolves around her. It may not seem like it now but it sounds like a lucky escape, nobody needs that shiite lifes too short.

Just remember she is the one with the issues. What sort of a person feels better by ridiculing someone else in public?

Chin up.

Pigman II

TheGooner wrote:

You have nothing to be cringing about.

Easier said than done. 'Reality' for a woman is whatever she chooses it to be at any given time. Spread that resultant pov to a bunch of women and you've suddenly you've got an army of moody little bitches to deal with.

OP, getting involved with irrational/unreasonable women is almost an inevitability of life but at least I hope this experience will teach you never again in future to take a shít on your own doorstep.

Sony

Funnily enough I DID learn lessons on this before in previous jobs and thats why in the beginning I stopped from getting involved with the girl but my feelings for her got too strong for me to ignore anymore and i gave in to her advances:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Try not to get too hooked up on it. I can tell you from my own experience you will be able to look back on it all and think that she wasn't worth it at all.

I had a right crazy on-off girlfriend once and she really really wrecked my head, same kinda thing as with you. She would get hammered and throw out amazing abuse and try to belittle me all the time. I did like her for some reason but thankfully it all ended and I look back now and think why did I bother. You'll find another nice gf and you'll never look back.

Sorry I dont have much adise, just to say put it down to lifes experience and move on with the head up and chest out....you have come out on top with this one....

Ruu_Old

Sorry for the difficulties you are having OP. It will get better, although it might not seem that way at the moment. You will find someone who will appreciate you a hell of alot more than see did. Just do whatever you can to get by at the moment, feel free to vent about it on boards some more if you need to or send me a PM if you wish. No point in holding it all in. Best of luck.

Jocry

Sony wrote:

Funnily enough I DID learn lessons on this before in previous jobs and thats why in the beginning I stopped from getting involved with the girl but my feelings for her got too strong for me to ignore anymore and i gave in to her advances

Love is a strange strange thing, but these things happen!

You have nothing to be ashamed of man. I know its harder said than done because if I was in your situation I too would be cringing at the thought having to try and face her and your work buddies. But what she has done to you is disrespectful and bang out of order. Any girl that does this to a guy doesnt deserve him. I reckon that if her friends knew how she'd been treating you they wouldnt be too impressed!

I know this is hard to hear but I know from a previous relationship what its like to be treated like this and although you're finding it difficult, in time, you'll see that you're better off without her. You seem like a decent guy and deserve someone who will treat you with the respect you derverve!

If I were you Id confront her and tell her exactly how you feel and how miserable she's made you feel. It looks like she needs to be put straight on a few things and told that the world doesnt revolve around her. You seem to have put alot into the relationship and are entitled to a few answers.

I hope things work out for you mate

Ans as Ruu says, feel free to vent it more on the boards or PM me if you wish

Black Swan

Do you have any time off you can take? If so, maybe this would be a good time? Do something different. Something you have wanted to do, but for some reason haven't?

ClockWorkOrange

Man i know this may seem odd but you should be happy as a pig in **** that your out of there, and you will come to realize it after a while...

I have been in almost the exact situation a couple of times and i look back now and think how much of a dumbass i was to allow myself to be treated like ****e..

Ignore the bitch completely and do your own thing.. join and gym and buff up, youll feel great anout yourself and youll soon find someone better...

Dont evny the next mong she attaches herself to, pity him

Sony

Ive no time I can take off no, I know its going to get really messy in work because everyone will know that we've broken up and will see how awkward it is between us...going on lunch is prob the big one now cause theres usually 3 or 4 of us at one time together!

Im pretty strong when it comes to dealing with problems and would consider myself as a bit of a rock at times but tonight Ive been physically sick & actually have a constant "want" to cry about whats happened but I cant...Shes really turned me into a complete nervous wreck-Im so wrecked from all the crap and hurt Ive felt all weekend and while I know Ill get through this somehow,I really dont feel able for dealing with it at the moment or with what I know is to come in the next while.Love is blind and I just can't help caring for her as much as I still do despite what she's done.

Marksie

Sony wrote:

I just cant believe I find myself feeling the way I do for a girl that has really treated me pretty bad.She has completely humiliated me at this stage & has actually convinced herself that what happened is my fault. I had the balls today to admit to a friend of mine what I had been putting up with the past while and he decribed what she was doing as "evil"-also because he knows me he was fairly shocked that I would put up with such dis respect.

I think that a lt of people here have been through a similar situation, myself included. But one thing is you do get over it, try and keep an outward looking attitude and not get drawn into yourself. It will take time but eventually you will look back and think that you were lucky there and how the hell did you put up with so much... as one poster has said..love is strange. Blind deaf and dumb in most instances too.
Its all a learning experience in the end and hopefully you will be wiser for it.

Also I learned at a very early age... never, ever date someone you work with. I used to work in an organisation where a lot of couples dated each other.. and by gods was it a nightmare at times. There are plenty of people outside of work. I think you are unfortunately going to learn the hard way.

Sony

Nice one mark,I actually did learn my lesson on this before though and ended up having to leave my job over something a little similar...but as I said I really did try not to get involved with her but I couldnt help what my feelings and heart were telling me. I care far more for this girl than my job and if I knew I could up and leave and start a new job next week I would but unfortunatly its very hard to get jobs this time of year for what Im doing:mad:

ando

she sounds like a right head case, forget her. I know its hard now but for now all you can do is persist. You'll be stronger in the end and see her for what she really is

free2fly

I'm so sorry for your pain OP! It must feel like the world is crashing in on you. She doesn't deserve you! You seem like a really nice guy. I went through something very similar with someone I worked with. He treated me like crap and I let him. And when we broke up it was very awkward because we had the same group of friends. As difficult as it was, I walked into work with my head up. I had done nothing wrong. And neither have you. Keep that thought in your mind when you go back to work. You have done nothing wrong. We're here for you OP.

Sony

I know-its a pity none else knows hows shes been with me because I know she tells all the girls in work & home about this kinda thing but she makes me out to be some kind of badman ringing her up to abuse her all the time...ye see - I keep this kind of thing private and wont be telling anyone anything so theyre all more than likely going to believe whatever porkies she decides to tell them - I know she wont tell the truth cause anyone in their right mind would tell her "em actually I think you've been messing him around" if she did

LegacyUser

She's treatin U like an asshole, man.

And ... picture the scenario :
I wouldn't be at all surprised, given the drink/pub situation U have described above, when Mr. Roigh (or half-Roigh) shows up - she will 'suck face' with him right there in front of U. That will be your total humiliation.

See if I'm wrong !

Neither would I be surprised if she is running U in parallel with some
other dude or dudes. Probably doesn't have the very toime to answer
your texts - and, she got every last one of your texts too.

Time for the stiff upper lip, man ; get your self-respect back and
kick her to the kerb. Then, go out and find a proper girl.

LegacyUser

jesus this is deja vu, the entire male race seems to be getting ****ed about in the past 3 weeks! count yourself lucky it wasnt a longterm thing like mine was (or was it?).

yep i agree with everything that has been said. im finding it difficult too OP, being nearly 4years, seeing someone day in day out who you absolutely love and adore but in reterospect and this is the hardest thing to admit, I was a doormat and an emotonal rucksack for my ex. it seems that she was happy to see everyone but me. and she did the whole emotional blackmail thing too, said that i was responsible for half the things which went wrong with her life! Its funny thoiugh that she denied saying anything of he sort when confromted in a public scenario...why?! because she knows i'm not the scumbag that she tried to tell me i was. i treated her like a queen and it ended...just like that. it was a mutual thing but she wanted to control the situation.
Now shes out with her friends, posting her exploits online etc etc, and her friends will stick by her so be preparred for that. you need your friends, i would not advocate going out on the rebound, you'll just feel ****ty afterwards and it solves nothing. why not do something you wouldnt have ordinarily been able to do while you were in the relationship???? for me its going out and getting back in touch with my mates. its only now that i have seen how unhealthy my supposedly ''meant to be'' relationship was.
Im still not over her. not by a long shot...3 weeks is a drop in the ocean to 4yrs. but each day goes by and i become that little bit optimistic. you need to get your confidence up now buddy. you are a single guy. dont shy away fomr work, it'll only be harder to go back.
head up.
chest out.
walk with purpose and confidence.
be civil but not overly nice. just pleasant for work purposes.

dont give her the pleasure of seeing you weak. act undeterred no matter how hard it is. you have as much right to be there as her. people will talk so theres nothing you can do there, its just a fact of life.

find something to do and do it. the gym idea is perfect btw.

be preparred for the humiliation. im priming myself for mine, trying to get my fairly shattered confidence up. i have not faced it yet but i know its going to be there smacking me in the face one day soon. your friends and family are your biggest support now.

best of luck buddy. hope it all works out well for you.
all the best.

keep the side up.
khyf

Motley Crue

Sony wrote:

but she makes me out to be some kind of badman ringing her up to abuse her all the time...

thats not fair man, just keep your head high, and stand proud. You have no reason to be ashamed.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Kell

Sony wrote:

I never deserved to be treated like this-WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're not going to like me for this. You let her walk all over you. Your acceptance of being treated like shít gave her a free license to dish whatever cráp she wanted to all over you.

On the upside, you are rid of it. Turn the upset into anger (normal) and hate her rather than miss her. That will wear off after a few weeks, then you'll figure that you let her mess with your head. This will annoy you. The biggest upside of it is that you'll *never let anyone do this to you again. As a good friend of mine says "whats good in life isnt always pleasant".

K-

*At least I hope you wont. If you do you need to address your self esteem issues

Sony

Hi nice one for all the support...work went ok - she mailed me asking to talk for lunch or after work so i said i was busy at lunch and am just back home now from meeting her after work--things seemed to be going ok , she admitted blame for everything I had to say which i was shocked about to say the least---we're both sick of arguing but we even went through each argument individually and she saw how wrong she was in each case.....

at the end I did something stupid and said i was willing to give it one last shot but if i got annoyed once more that was it-over! ....she couldnt say yes to this & asked could we not just break "for a while"(her way of avoiding saying she wants to break up),I said no it wasnt fair and if we break there was no going back on my part.... after leaving me hanging for about an hour she eveeeeeeentually mumbled the words that we should break up,she cried through a lot of it but funnily enough im not in the slightest ashamed that my words hurt cause it was only the truth that hurt her and i was very sensitive with everything i said.besides thats nothing in comparison to the hurt she has caused me-it was ME that was dumped!

Im still unexplainably GUTTED , I just hope now that she feels completely ashamed of herself for messing me about so much and that somehow I come out on top of this sh%*y situation

WellyJ

You definitely shouldnt have offered her the one last chance,

You need to cut contact from her,

Even if you do want to try things with her again you need to let her come crawling to you.

ClockWorkOrange

Sony wrote:

I just hope now that she feels completely ashamed of herself for messing me about so much and that somehow I come out on top of this sh%*y situation

She wont man, i know the type.. this girl thinks the world revolves around her.. and you really wont come out on top either.. Just leave her be and don't get sucked back in... be cold and formal towards her..

Do your own thing man, be independent...Any thing you could be doing to improve yourself...gym. hobbles, new language, learn to drive...etc.. do them now.. Take time for your self, you cant afford to live your life by her terms anymore...

Sony

WellyJ wrote:

You definitely shouldnt have offered her the one last chance,

You need to cut contact from her,

Even if you do want to try things with her again you need to let her come crawling to you.

Yeah I know that only too well,I suppose I was sitting in front of a girl who Id fallen for bigtime and it just came out-I didnt wanna let go and my emotions took over altogether...I know it was wrong and i feel a little better now theres some closure on it,so lucky for me she didnt wanna give it another try

upthere

Sony wrote:

I was dumped last night-for real

gf (ex now) thinks that she has been treating me normally since we got together but she HASNT. She never answered her phone when I rang and I was lucky to get a text back when I sent one. Even when she answered her phone she was usually very abrupt also.

She was constantly messing with my head and although she declared how much she liked me on a couple of occasions she usually acted as though she didnt give a s*%t.Its supposedly my fault though for having a go at her "every night" we go out-we have had a few arguments when out but its usually down to her being bang out of order rude to me in front of people and calling me an a**hole amongst other things all night..shes a bad drunk but no excuse

So youre wondering why I put up with it and didnt ditch her? because I love her and havent felt like this about a girl since my first love a long long time ago. now to the worst part of it....I work with her,i never wanna go back to work because of all this. Even the social circle we used to associate in is completely messed up now. I cant bare the thought of seeing her again and now shes free to be with all the other fellas lining up for her in work(which is actually happening)....To put it lightly I am physically sick about this now,I feel so gutted,betrayed,used and f*%ked over.I never deserved to be treated like this-WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You tell her to get lost. Move on. Very simple and black and white but the only way to uncomplicate this matter.

bubblicious

so this is what you meant when you told Jocry that you were in a similar situation!!

dude, im really sorry this has happened to ya - by the sounds of things, she was a complete beotch!!

i know exactly how u felt when you met up with her - all the feelings of anger towards her sort of melted away, and all you could think about was how much you wanted to be with her?? it's crap, but it's life, and you'll be much better off without her!!

it's really difficult when you've got the same group of friends (i still go to my ex's house, even though we only broke up 2 weeks ago, cos im friends with his housemates..im not gonna lose contact with them just cos he broke up with me!! and if it makes him feel awkward, all the better!!)

but you WILL get through it!! my friends have been great, just keeping me occupied..suppose the fact that i have sooooo much college work to do too is sort of beneficial (whoever thought a business course would actually involve doing work?!!!) like i said to jocry, just get out there, get locked, embarrass the crap outta yourself by doing some "breakdancing" (or fall flat on your face like i normally do!), make new friends, meet up with old ones....and try to have fun!!

goes without sayin dude, if ya ever need to chat, everyone on boards is gonna be here for ya!! gimme a PM if you want- we've all been through this, and somehow we've all managed to come out of it relatively ok....

she aint worth the heartbreak, the hurt nor the tears (and the sick!)..

take care hun! x.x

Sony

she was drunk on thursday night and was allllll over me all night trying to kiss me and put her arms around me,I was having none of it-eventually I asked what she was playing at and shed just keep tryna kiss me(not knowing what to say obviously)...I asked was it cause she wanted to get back with me? and she said yeah but I said it wasnt good enough Im not gonna just kiss her like that after all the **** that happened....we shared home togather and when I got out of the taxi I pecked her on the lips(honestly it was just a peck)....friday she didnt show for work and we havent talked about it since

I dont know whether she was subconciously tryna prove to herself that she could get me back or not or whether or not she meant what she said-she wants to get back with me

LegacyUser

'okay okay okay....\r\n\r\nif you want your head sorted-\r\nif you want a half decent life-\r\nif you want to enjoy a half decent life-\r\n\r\nTHIS GIRL IS MOST DEFINATELY NOT FOR YOU.\r\n\r\nLook, i know it can be hard, the breakup is still fresh etc etc. it is for mee too man ok? but you have to stay the **** away from her. be busy. very busy.\r\n\r\nyou are stuck in an addictive manipulative relationship.\r\nthis will only end in tears. \r\n\r\nyou have come on to this board to vent your frustration and seek advice on your relationship and how you should approach things...\r\n\r\nwe are all supporting you but you have to suport yourself or you will crumble.\r\n\r\nyou know what you have to do. its been said by plenty of other people incl. myself who have experience in this. you yourself even have previous experience of a bad relationship. \r\n\r\nDo the right thing.\r\ncut yourself off from her. it does not matter if you hang in the same circles. let her be somebody elses problems.\r\n\r\ncome on buddy its time to reassert yourself and take the finger out. \r\nthis is over. let go of it. you will not change her....\r\n\r\nyou will not change her.\r\nyou will not change her.\r\nyou will not change her.\r\n\r\nAND SHE WILL NOT CHANGE.\r\n\r\nyou have described over the past weeks the very anthesis of what love is.\r\n\r\nthis is a control situation. not love. nothing more nothing less. she is reasserting herself at your expense while you sit here and ponder about her.\r\n\r\nfind your friends. someone who you may have not spoken to in a long time perhaps and confide in someone outside of that circle ok? \r\n\r\nas for her wanting to get back with you....\r\n\r\nRUN. KEEP RUNNING. \r\nYou sound like a smart guy who\'s just in a bad situation. get out of it. \r\nstop trying to salvage a sinking ship.\r\n\r\nread all the other posts. you have a bible of advice and support here. trust me. after nearly 4 years of a relationship, i know what im on about. \r\nyour life will not end if you dont end up with her. and look, if its meant to be, it will happen. just not now. you need to back off. or you will get a nervous breakdown.\r\n\r\nyou know what you\'ve got to do.\r\ntake the finger out.\r\n\r\nim pulling no punches here. im just saying what needs to be said. it sounds mean but its not. its hard to accept but you just have to. there\'s not much point posting, asking for advice and undoing all of everything good that you\'ve done.\r\n\r\nthis is over. you will look back on this day with a smile.\r\nits the start of your freedom if you choose to take it.\r\n\r\nmake a stand NOT to allow yourself to be ****ed around. she has no respect for you and she knows exactly how to make you weep. \r\n\r\ndo this now. agree with her. end it and get on with your life.\r\nyou will know love when it comes around but sorry mate, this is not it.\r\n\r\nacceptance is a bitch.\r\njust accept it.\r\npeace out.\r\nkhyf'

Annie Bananie

Sony wrote:

I dont know whether she was subconciously tryna prove to herself that she could get me back or not or whether or not she meant what she said-she wants to get back with me

She was drunk and I'm convinced it was the prove-to-herself-she-can-still-have-you.. unfortunately. That incident just prooved how wrong she is for you. Easy to say hard to do - forget about her and find yourself a girl that wants to be with you treats you nice

bubblicious

agree with annie bananie.......if se's the beotch she seems to be re: your previous posts, then she was jus tryin to prove she could have you regardless of how bad she has treated you...you really have to forget about her and move on...it's hard but you will be soooo much better off without her in the long run....

people like her don't deserve your love nor your time...